Chapter 17: Love Remains the Same

She dropped Rose and Hugo off at the Weasley's for her time in India since Ron would be gone during the week as well. She hated leaving them, but she knew that she needed to deal with what happened in Russia before she started relapsing into nightmares and delusions. This time on the train, Hermione and Snape transfigured their bunks into one, making it easier to spend the ride in comfortable closeness. Hermione propped her head with a small pillow and read while Severus pretended to rest, obviously reading over her shoulder, sometimes making a noise if she turned the page too quickly. Her parents had been in India for two weeks before they arrived and she looked forward to seeing them, even if they were always so busy while they were working,making it so they spent little time together.

The first day at the ashram, Hermione did not see her guru. Instead, she was instructed to attend yoga twice and to continue with her regular chores, praying and meditating before bed. It felt odd to sleep alone as she'd grown used to her grumpy man, who pushed and pulled her away all night. Her dreams were vivid while in India, they always were, but they weren't terrifying, instead they were pleasant, so hyper-realistic that she felt like they'd happened when she awoke.

Following her washing on the fourth day, Hermione was sure she would see the guru, but again she was not asked. She, instead, returned to the main temple to pray and meditate, falling asleep and waking as the sun came up. Finally, her guru found her amongst the washing and walked with her from the area where they normally did chores to a small temple she'd never been to, which proved to be a steep climb for her shoeless feet.

"You have many new scars." He finally said, observing her feet and hands, the burns of her ankles, and inability to move her arms as well as she did before, and the soreness of her neck.

"I was badly hurt at the end of last year." It was all she could muster before he placed his hands on hers, the smell of incense wafting around them, almost hypnotizing her.

"How has your mind been since?" He asked, taking his hands and running them from her shoulders down to her fingertips over and over again.

"Surprisingly clear, I keep waiting for things to happen again, like they did before, but it hasn't."

"Close your eyes." He commanded, his hands still on her shoulders, and she heard a soft humming chant, the smell of the incense intensified, and she was transported. Her mediation took her immediately to silence, she saw no vision, felt no emotions, and it was the freest she'd felt since the first time she achieved that kind of peace. There was no way to know how much time had passed, instead she enjoyed the quiet, nothingness of her mind. When he finally, but slowly, woke her, she saw Severus sitting on the other side of her, being awoken as well. At no point during her mediation did she sense a shift in the atmosphere around her or even the presence of another body. Her expressive face and wondering eyes led the guru to speak.

"You have both suffered greatly but in your partnership, I hope you will lean on each other, make the other an important part of continual recovery, and most of all, if you need to walk a different path, that you are honest and open, and do so together. Be a gift to each other, constantly unfolding." His words confused Hermione at first, making her look to Severus who still had his eyes closed, as though he hadn't been completely roused from his sleep. Their hands were entwined with two simple mandala prayer necklaces. How had the guru even known?

"Severus?" Hermione whispered, his mandala sliding a little from their hands clasped so tightly together. When he opened his eyes, she saw his tears...she'd only seen him like this once before, the night he was supposed to die at the hands of Voldemort. It took her a minute to figure out what he needed, closeness or time to feel whatever he was feeling, so she simply squeezed his hand tighter and waited for him to move. The guru blessed them both by marking their foreheads and then started on the path back down to the ashram, leaving them to their peaceful meditation pose.

"Severus, what just happened?" Hermione asked, still confused by the guru's words.

"He gave offered a blessing and unified our souls, connecting them forever." Hermione did not have time to even break down what he'd said, so she instead focused on what she could comprehend in the moment.

"But, how did you get here?" She asked, still quite confused. She looked around, this temple was so far up, there's no way he could've walked if he had been in his own meditation.

"I don't remember, honestly, but when he gave me your hand, I saw everything." He wiped his eyes with his free hand, then shift so that they could face each other, their hands clasped.

"What do you mean?"

"Everything you saw, the first time, your entire journey. I saw your childhood, your time at Hogwarts, and hunting Horcruxes with Potter and Weasley, being tortured by before I joined the task force when it was just you and Todd in the field, then when Seamus and I joined, all of those moments when it seemed like we might injure ourselse, they way you looked at me, even when you didn't know I was looking straight back, I saw your time in Russia, the abuse, everything. I saw all of your visions, of us together before we were even together, your hopes...it was overwhelming. How can you see that in me?" Hermione had seen Severus vulnerable, but not quite like this. He was shaking slightly, his hands trembling against hers, and what struck her most was his eyes not able to meet hers. He had peered into her brain before and caught some flattering view of himself, but nothing like her soul's longing for him.

"I had no idea he was showing that to you." She whispered, caressing his hands, putting the mandala beads around his neck and then hers around her own. She suddenly felt vulnerable as well, knowing he knew everything, had seen it all. Perhaps, she thought, there was more than Snape had needed to deal with than she thought and that was why the guru had put them together.

"I can you show my own, but you will not want me afterwards, I can assure you." He held her hands tighter than before and with that, Hermione saw it all, his love for Lily Evans Potter, every mission with Voldemort, getting his mark, killing muggles turning away before the Potters were killed, holding Harry safely until Hagrid arrived, admitting everything to Dumbledore, taunting Harry and pumping up Draco, and then years she didn't want to see, as Voldemort came back to power, watching them torture and kill Charity Burbage and others, so many others, until it all swirled so quickly she couldn't make it all out, except she saw nagini and heard his voice telling Harry to take his tears, seeing herself give him the antivenin and trying to heal his wounds, recovery in St. Mungos and years of helpless wandering until she saw their first day together and all their missions in such succession she wanted to cry, and then their burgeoning love, her eyes, her laugh, every entrance into a room where he'd been waiting, his heart weeping as she lay in a bed in St. Mungos, his own vision with the guru: the coldest level of hell where he, Voldemort, and his other supporters remained encased in ice, yearning to break free and this was his vision for years throughout his visits to India and then like her, the study, the steeping tea and a nice book, the same black cat, and then she saw herself, in his eyes, how much he loved her. The connection broke, leaving Hermione speechless. There was so much to process and so little time before she knew Severus would think what he showed her was his undoing. Suddenly she felt water on her chest, it was her tears freely flowing but she didn't remember when they started or if she could stop them any time soon. It was then she noticed the bones in her left hand were smooth, not crooked, the burns on her ankles gone, her toenails completely regrown and that made it all worse; there was no stopping her tears.

She couldn't verbalize everything she was feeling, the joy and sorrow for everything they'd gone through, so she just tugged him closer and embraced him, wiping her eyes with her free hands and wishing she could tell him how much she loved him. They remained like this for many minutes before she finally felt like she could talk.

"You think I wouldn't want you, after all you've seen?" Hermione finally said, processing the events, as though she was seeing them all over again.

"How could you, you've now know the evil things I've done; it isn't just words I'm saying, I have shown you everything."

"And now there are absolutely no secrets between us." Her hands brought his face to hers and they kissed, both of them raw and emotional.

"I never thought someone like you would exist in my life, Hermione. When we worked together, I longed to have you near because you didn't treat me differently or like some bloody hero; but now, this, what if I can't live up to your expectations?" His vulnerability still raw, Hermione didn't quite know how to comfort him, except to offer the last thing she had to give.

"And what if I cannot live up to yours? Perhaps that is why this works, you know, we are flawed and broken people willing to put each other back together. What if it takes a little bit of Severus to make Hermione and vice versa?" She said, putting her hand on his heart, continuing to hold his face with her other hand, rubbing her thumb gently across his stubbly chin.

"Then I'm certainly getting the better bargain here." They stood then, hand in hand, and started down the path. Helen and Jack were waiting for them at the bottom, to invite them to dinner in the village, noting how differently the both looked. During their meal, Hermione could not keep her foot from cradling Snape's, just touching him in some way.

"It'll be hard to go back to work on Monday." Hermione said finishing her chicken curry and jasmine rice.

"At least you still have a couple weeks with Rose and Hugo, they are growing too fast. I remember when Hugo was so tiny I could wear him in that surong. What a glorious time." Helen remarked, eating some naan and handing Jack the coffee, as though she was reading his mind.

"Rose received high enough scores that she'll be continuing in all her subjects, but she still hasn't picked a profession; I have a feeling she's going to surprise me." Hermione's word made Helen and Jack laugh, remembering their own surprising daughter.

"Nothing will be as surprising as receiving a letter from a magical school telling me my daughter is a witch." Jack interjected.

"I suppose if she decided to go to a muggle school, that would do it." Helen added, carrying the conversation since Severus and Hermione were so lost in thought.

They walked back together to collect their things and then walked back down to the village where the train was waiting. Severus transfigured the bed and they held each other tight the entire evening, not saying a word for the entire ride. It would take them time to sort everything they'd gone through, but Hermione had no doubt whatsoever that she wanted Severus in her life until she died, if not longer.