Today was the worst day of my life.
After I blacked out, I was taken to the hospital and treated for my injuries. At first, I was labeled a hero by many, however, it didn't take long for me to realize my mistake.
The suspects all belonged to the timberwolves, a homeless gang that lived off petty theft and mugging those who were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. That wasn't the problem, though.
The problem was that one of the suspects I killed was 14 years old.
He wasn't even the one who shot me.
Apparently, his name was Nathaniel Furman, and his parents abandoned him around 2 years ago.
At first, I didn't know what to think. I was told that I was only doing my job and that I hadn't broken the rules of engagement, but that didn't change the fact that I killed a child on my first day. The Chief tried everything to let me know that this kind of thing happens and that I shouldn't make a big deal out of it, but most everyone else had severely different opinions.
"Protesters gathered outside the police station today, after the recent police operation that ended in the death of a 14-year-old wolf cub. Unrest has spread across Zootopia, with multiple demonstrations against police officers. Officials have labeled the current situation dangerous. The Chief of Police has had no com-"
I turned off the television and threw the remote against the wall. No care for the neighbors next door. I sat up on the edge of my bed, furious with myself. I needed some time to think, sulking around wasn't going to help me, and if I kept sitting here feeling sorry for myself, I wasn't going to solve anything.
I stood up and stepped out the door. Then, I made my way to the end of the hall, towards a small outdoor balcony. As soon as I stepped outside, I was immediately met with a rush of warm, nighttime air. I
It was almost completely silent. Grasshoppers chirping, the sound of the wind. It was almost like I was back home.
Home.
It has been nearly 3 months since I've seen my family, friends, or anyone for that matter. At least, any humans.
I was able to ignore it as I focused on my training, however now, during this, moment of clarity it was hard to think of anything else.
I sat there, completely silent, for what felt like hours. It was so peaceful. I didn't want to let this moment go.
I heard the door behind me creak open and shut. It was quiet, well, as quiet as a squeaky door can be, but it still brought my mind back to reality. I didn't bother to turn around. To be honest I didn't really care. I was trying so desperately to bring that feeling back, but it was no use. It had drifted away.
After a moment or so, the intruder spoke.
"So, how have things been?"
I didn't answer. I sat, just hoping for them to give up and go away.
"Are you doing okay?"
"Please, just stop."
Was I doing okay? Did they know what this felt like? Chances are they knew who I was, apparently, everyone and their grandma knew now that I'm on the damn news. Anyone with a mind would know that I was not doing okay! I clenched my hand into a fist, and-
"Well, I wanted to say that I'm sorry for what all that has been going on recently."
"Sorry? You're kidding me, right? Sorry can't help me. I appreciate the concern, I really do, but you have no idea what I'm dealing with right now."
I wanted to say more, but if I did I might lash out, and an assault charge was the last thing I needed.
"Come on now, you don't have to be like that. Sometimes life is tough, but you can pull through, I'm sure you can!"
I slammed my fist against the railing and turned to see who it was. Surprisingly enough, it was Judy, the rabbit girl, but why the hell did she care? She didn't know me, and I didn't know her. We spoke once, and, yes, she is nice enough, but that doesn't mean she can simply say something and make everything better.
"Do you even realize what is going on? I've got entire rallies of people who want my head right now! I've got the fucking news, on my ass! I can't take a step outside without getting heckled, or a camera shoved in my face. I've got so much shit going on that the fucking chief won't even let me leave the building! On my first god damn day, I killed someone. Do you know what that feels like? Knowing you couldn't go a day without messing things up?"
I had definitely pissed her off. She stepped up and glared directly into my eyes. For a bunny, she was pretty damn intimidating.
"Listen here you sorry son of a-..." She looked away for a moment and took a deep breath. "Listen, I know that you're upset, but what would you do, if something neither you or anyone you know has ever seen, killed a child on their first day of being assigned to a place of power. They are scared of you, okay? You need to understand, that sometimes we don't know what to do, other than to be scared. Yes, it's probably pretty hard for you right now, but that doesn't mean you need to feel sorry for yourself. That isn't going to make people realize what happened. If you just take a moment to consider what you should do, and think of a plan to fix this, you'll be able to get through this. Lein, please. Everyone's good on the inside, and everyone knows that. Let them know that this counts for you as well."
I scowled.
"Please, just leave. You're not helping me." I shouted as I pointed to the door back inside.
She began to step back inside, but before she left, she turned to look at me.
"No one can help you if you don't help yourself first."
She stepped inside and slammed the door shut behind her.
I groaned, and turned back, staring off into the city.
I was pissed off because she was right. I couldn't just sit around and wait for everything to fix itself. If I wanted things to change, I had to do it myself.
I sat and thought to myself for a bit, before stepping back inside.
