Chapter 12: Sorry
A/N: I wrote this chapter while listening to some emotional songs as I really helped me get into the vibe of the chapter, just plain sad. So, here are some songs that can help you get into the mood of the chapter:
- Grand Piano by Nicki Minaj
- Water Under The Bridge by Adele
- When We Were Young by Adele
- Remedy by Adele
(Yes, a lot of Adele and please bring ice cream if it helps to numb your pain. :"( )
Let's move onto the story!
Lucy's POV:
As Titan Happy trudged across the plains and fields underneath him, bulldozing away the trees and plants that stood in his way, I manage to notice a light splotch of pink from where I was resting upon.
It was him.
Natsu.
He was running, panting as if there was no tomorrow. Even if his silhouette looked like he was just a wavering shadow, I could tell right away that it was him. He seemed like a lingering figure, that could disappear from my sight any time soon.
"Happy! There's Natsu!"
The blue cat (ginormous) at the moment, squinted his eyes and as soon as his eyes had the sparkle of recognition in them, we dove for Natsu, with Happy's wings flapping in the wind.
As soon as we reached to an area of close proximity, Natsu managed to notice us beforehand already, not like we were very discreet either, and he seemed bewildered all the while Happy took to land, even causing a mini earthquake in the process.
I could notice a few words being murmured by Natsu in the process, my eyes never left his stature. There was this feeling and hint of sadness and guilt in his eyes. And he had already found out about him being E.N.D, he must be furious with me, how could I be such a fucking useless best friend? Best friends are supposed to stick together in tough situations but what did I do? I just stood by, conflicting with my own useless feelings interfering with everything that I could have done to prevent such a huge blow for the dragon slayer that I love.
With tears stinging at my eyes, I trudged forward, ready to face whatever was going to be thrown at me. To confront the Salamander that almost everybody in the continent of Fiore has heard of. To confront my best friend. To confront my crush.
With quivering lips and a shaking demeanor, I managed to form a sentence.
"Natsu…what are you trying to do?"
[DRAMATIC PAUSE]
His eyes shone with a dark presence, a gloomy aura radiating from his onyx eyes. "I'm…going to defeat Zeref." A tone that held a flurry of both hesitation, regret and just raw determination.
With my heart hammering on my chest with its full-hearted respone, and me knowing I was unable to change his mind, I reluctantly asked, "But why? Why do you have to go and risk your life for this?!"
The tension in the air was petrifying, there was a shift in the mood.
I touched a nerve I shouldn't touch.
He was pissed.
"Why shouldn't I?! Hes the core of all the mess that has been happening in our lives! I don't care if he was or is my brother, I don't care if I die because of this. I don't care about all of this anymore. All I know is that I have to defeat him, no matter how big the cost is."
No one could have fathomed what could had happened next.
A slap resounded in the air, with the aghast faces of Brandish and Happy in the background, the sound of my weeping could be heard as well.
I just slapped Natsu.
I just slapped Natsu.
I just slapped Natsu.
I just slapped Natsu.
I just slapped Natsu.
I just slapped Natsu.
I just slapped Natsu.
What the hell was I thinking?!
But my mind didn't match with what came out of my heart next.
"Then what about Fairytail?! What about Happy?! What about your guild mates that are waiting for you back at the guild?! What about Igneel who told you to keep on living without looking back?! What about...w-what about…me?!"
His eyes widened as I mentioned the last portion. Whilst ignoring the redness that was spreading towards my cheeks, I continued without thinking about the aftermath of the situation,
"I care about you, Natsu. So much that you can't even comprehend due to how stupid you are being right now! Is risking your entire life filled with memories and your existence to the people you love and the people who love you back so easy to do?!"
"WHY CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S NOT EASY FOR ME?"
The booming outburst left everyone wide-eyed. Natsu never shouted at someone he wasn't battling before. He was never the one to break into an emotional outburst. And it doesn't feel good. At all. Every inch of me felt raw and exposed, as if all my defenses had been ripped away from me, and all too soon, all too fast.
I could feel the dampness of my cheeks, I could tell my vision was blurring, I could tell I was choking with all the emotions that were unable to be contained in that one moment. I was suffocated. Unable to speak, I blinked away the eyes, to see that Natsu's head was sided to the left, his pink locks falling gently onto his eyes, clouding his eyes, minimizing the amount of area that I was able to see of his eyes. He was barricading all means for me to find out the truth behind his words and his plans to defeat Zeref. He didn't want me to stop him from finishing his brother off.
That sentence never rolled properly off my tongue. It seemed so wrong.
My tears rained down like they never had, my eyes clouding everything, my silent weeps became full sobs, and I cried like I would not be able to cry again.
Natsu didn't deserve this, he had always been the one to give us that boost of energy, that source of hope. His childish ways, his determination burning in whatever he does, the way he practically radiated relentlessness in every direction possible, the way he comforts his friends in their time of need, the way he went out of his way to care for his friends. He never deserved this, why did fate take a toll for the worst for his life? He has never done any wrongs, omitted any sins that would grant him this way of life. Why did the worst events unfold for the best of people?
It's all so stupid.
My tears still reflecting the light from the edge of my eyes, the previous sentence resounded from both inside me and the person in front of me.
"Everything is just so messed up for me, it seems stupid, doesn't it?" He chuckled, "No matter how hard I try to keep my spirits high, why doesn't it work for this situation? Why must everything be so fucked up? Why is he my brother? And why can't you see that all the decisions I have made for this situation alone have been gnawing away at me from the inside, they slowly drive me insane, and they let me fall. I used to be so headstrong, so determined, and where has all that determination gone? Lucy…I'm just scared. I know I am risking the rest of my life, all the memories from the past, the air that I'm breathing right in the present, and all the possibilities of a better tomorrow from the future, how could I just give it all up? But, I know that my sacrifice would be much better than someone like you, Lucy, dying because of some bipolar dark wizard just because I could not protect you. I just – "
"What if I say I love you?" I wasted no time at all in that confession, no fireworks, no flowers, just a plain question. (Wow, Lucy, you must feel proud to tell your children about this love story in the future.) I could not stand by and wait for Natsu to completely obliterate everything he believed in, all the morals he stood by. I couldn't just stand by and watch his digress into something that was just not Natsu. But to do so, I had to put my own feelings to the test, I would have to be ready to give my own pure feelings in the open, to know what really was at stake. I knew all about my feelings for the dim-witted idiot that was somewhere underneath the person that was before me.
Everything that happened next was in a blur.
"Sorry, Lucy. But I don't love you."
…W-What?
I'm going to leave the chapter here for now. I finally got my writer juices back and I'm really happy with this chapter! As you can see, the structure got better and NaLu is finally united! And yes, I cried while writing this chapter. :"( I'm so sorry for Natsu rejecting Lucy but this has to happen. And yes, this is a NaLu fanfic.
Please continue reading, fellow reader / don't be a ghost follower of the story / feel free to follow and favourite the story, feel free to drop me a review! Really appreciate y'all!
Over and Out!
-MetallicZinc
