Chapter 4
Don't own One Piece
"No. Fucking. Way!" Ace exclaimed, as everyone else nodded their heads in agreement.
"Sanji…you look like a completely different person!"
"Shame that there's nothing that Robin chick could do about your eyebrows."
"Fuck off, Marimo!"
"Sanji, I want meat!"
Well, on the bright side, his friends seemed to approve of how he looked now and it's kind of nice to receive compliments instead of stares for a change.
"I am seriously questioning my sexuality…" Ace said, looking Sanji up and down.
Ok, maybe not so much. "Shut up, I don't want to hear that!" the blond yelled.
"Ace…do you know how I know that you're gay? You find other men attractive…"
"Not men…Sanji!"
"How does that improve your argument? Unless, you're saying that Sanji isn't…"
"Ok, enough!" Law interrupted. "So it's safe to say that Robin-ya did a great job, now what?"
"Bow chicka wow wow…"
"Thanks for the contribution, Franky-ya…" Law said sarcastically. He is surrounded by idiots.
"Well, now we're going out to find Sanji a girl!"
"And how are we gonna do that?" Zoro asked.
"Baby steps, you know…first, he has to learn how to do all the talking, then the flirting and so on…"
"Ok, so first step: talking to a girl, who's it going to be?"
"Ok, ok. So, we all know that I don't give a shit about what a girl is saying, but I am a master at faking interest when I'm with one, so I think I can help him there…what to say, what not to say, what to ask…"
"Ok, so Ace will help him first…oh! There's a nice coffee place, where you two can go, it's nice and quiet and perfect to start a conversation without pressure, how about it, Sanji?" Usopp asked.
Sanji was getting nervous by the minute. He is terrible at this; he can't talk to a woman for less than a minute without bringing up something stupid or embarrassing himself, but he needs to try at least once. "Sure…" the blond man said, not convinced that this would work.
Zoro looked at him, he could tell that the cook was not comfortable with the situation, but how else is he going to learn to talk to a woman without actually talking to one? There's no way. This is it. And Zoro doesn't like it. Shit, he thought he was past that.
"I'll come with you guys if that's ok." Marco said.
"Yeah" Ace nodded. "So, let's go!" The three men headed to the coffee shop as Zoro watched them leave.
Luffy stood next to him. "Don't worry, Zoro. Ace and Marco know what they're doing."
Zoro just shook his head.
At the coffee shop…
"How about her?" Sanji asked, discreetly pointing to the woman at the far end of the shop.
"She is hot…so no." Ace said.
"What?! Why not?!"
"Because, Sanji…you are learning, my naïve sexy padawan…" Ace said, grinning mischievously.
"Easy there, Ace. You're teaching him how to flirt, not how to be on the receiving end…"
"You're killing me, Marco. Why did you come here again?"
"Why? Well, obviously to support our mutual friend, of course, and now, it seems to protect his chastity from you."
Ace hummed. "Anyway. Sanji, you need to start with a five-six tops, then you can climb your way up to an eight or nine and who knows, maybe someday you'll score with a 10."
"Ace, what the hell are you talking about?" Sanji was as confused as the time he caught Zeff with someone. It was also traumatic. For some reason, he was never able to picture Zeff with someone else, and even now, he wasn't sure what they were trying to do in that weird position and he was never going to ask.
"Scores…girl's scores, of course." Ace explained.
"Unbelievable…"
How are girls running to Ace and not him?
"How about that girl over there? Next to the window?" Marco asked.
Both Sanji and Ace turned to look at the girl. She was petite and had short orange hair and nice face.
"Yeah, she'll do."
Sanji wasn't going to lie; she might be small, but she looked intimidating. He gulped. "H-Her?"
"Her." affirmed Ace. "Now, go, go! Remember, just start with the basics, introduce yourself and just keep asking questions about her; girls love to talk about themselves."
Sanji took a deep breath and stood up.
Both his friends watched him get closer to the orange haired girl.
"Stop staring at his ass, Ace. You're creeping me out!" Marco hissed.
"Whatever…" Ace looked at Marco, who was watching Sanji attentively. "You're just here to watch the show, aren't you?"
"Who would miss this? It's gonna be hilarious." Marco wanted to help his friend and watch him be happy, of course he does; but who said he couldn't have some fun along the way?
Other side of the coffee shop…
"Hello, I'm Sanji. Nice to meet you, lovely lady…no, hi, it's your lucky day...no, no,no…" Sanji had no idea what he would say once he gets to her and now he found himself in front of her aaaaand she was looking at him.
'Say something, you idiot!' "H-Hi, it's a lovely day, isn't it?" 'Dork…'
The girl looked at him intently, she seemed annoyed. "A lovely day for what?"
"F-For w-what? I mean, look at the sun…and the blue sky…I…what?" He annoyed her already? This must be a new personal record. Sanji was about to apologize and go away with his tail between his legs when suddenly the girl started laughing. Sanji just stood there frozen.
"I-I'm so sorry." She said between laughs. "Sorry for being so mean, I just thought you would come up with some lame pick up line…"
Sanji laughed nervously because that was his plan.
"Sit!" She demanded and Sanji complied.
"'Sanji', you said, right? I'm Koala…never seen you before."
Sanji blushed a little. "I…yeah, me neither. Are you a student, my dear?"
"Yes, first year."
'Ok, so this is going good so far. Just keep it together.'
"I came here with my fiancé who's also studying here." She added.
Aaand now, not so much. Figures, he managed to talk to a woman and she was going to get married. Well, perhaps he could get to be this magnificent angel's friend and be by her side.
"Oh, really? What are you studying?" 'Oh, she smells divine…lucky bastard. Whoever you are, you better treat her right.'
"I'm studying to be a veterinarian."
"Really? I want to be a…"
"FUCKING ASSHOLE!"
Both Sanji and Koala turned around to the scene going on behind them. There was a woman hitting Ace and insulting him.
"YOU SAID YOU WOULD CALL!"
"I-I lost your number, I swear!" yelled a panicked Ace as he was trying to get away from her. During all that was happening, Marco just looked on, amused.
"Oh, really? What's my name then?" the angry woman asked.
"U-Uhhhh…I wanna say…Lucy?"
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" She then proceeded to throw stuff at him, anything she could find. Sanji could swear that at some point, when she was running out of ammo, Marco kept putting things on the table for her to find and throw at their black haired friend.
When Sanji was sure his friend would die right then and there, the manager stopped the woman and asked her and Ace to leave or else he'd call the cops. Marco followed them, not wanting to miss anything. Sanji turned back around slowly.
"Can you believe it? I bet he never intended to call her back, he looked like the kind of guy who plays with women…" Koala said as the manager apologized to all his clients.
"Yeah…"
"Oh! I have to go…it was nice talking to you, Sanji. I'll see you around!"
"Of course, my darling!"
She stopped to look at him and chuckled. "Bye!"
'Never use cute nicknames again. Noted.'
Sanji was about to go outside and try to find his friends when someone sat next to him. He saw a tall muscular man with flaming red hair looking at him funny.
"Can I help you?" Sanji said, not in the mood to deal with creepy dudes.
"Just wanted to introduce myself…I'm Kid." the man said, extending his hand for Sanji to shake.
"Sanji…" He replied, shaking his hand. "Is there something you want?"
"Yeah, sugar…you…"
"W-What?" Sanji was dumbfounded.
"How about you and I go to my room so I can rock your world?"
Needless to say, the manager had to break up yet another fight and apologize to the customers once again, they got kicked out as well, but at least the creepy guy got his ass kicked. He never saw it coming.
Later on…
"Fucking asshole…" Sanji muttered to himself.
On the bright side, his first time talking to a lady after his makeover may not have been a success, but it went ok. Sure, it lasted less than five minutes and she was engaged, but that's still something.
"Hey! Sanji!"
Sanji saw a sulking Ace and Marco waving at him on a bench, and walked up to them.
"Sorry for leaving you alone." Marco apologized.
"It's ok…it was actually not so bad…"
"Oh! So, did you ask for her number, are you guys gonna see each other again?"
"She's engaged…" Sanji stated.
"And?" both Marco and Ace asked at the same time.
"What do you mean 'and'? She's gonna be someone else's wife soon!"
"Soon…not yet…" Ace said.
"Do you want me to hit the other side of your face that doesn't have bruises?" Sanji threatened his black haired friend.
"NO! N-No…I'm sorry! What are you laughing about, Marco?! It was partly your fault!"
Sanji smiled. "So, what was that about?"
"I slept with her and told her I would call on the weekend…"
"Last weekend?" the cook asked.
"About two months ago…"
"Ugh, why am I not surprised?" Sanji asked, unimpressed.
"Anyway. I'm sorry for being a terrible sensei…but can we call it for today? I can't feel my face."
Sanji sighed, relieved. "Sure, let's go back to my room."
Zoro's and Sanji's room…
Zoro and Usopp were playing Resident Evil. Nothing better to clear your head than killing zombies. They heard keys and the door being unlocked. Sanji, Ace and Marco entered the room. Usopp paused the game.
"So, how did it go?" He was curious because Sanji looked ok, Marco had his usual boring face and Ace…"What the hell happened to you?!"
"NOTHING!" Ace immediately shouted before Marco could speak up, because Marco enjoys other's people suffering. He finds it amusing.
"Ace forgot the name of one of his flings and she beat the shit out of him at the coffee shop."
"Sanji! You sexy betrayer, WHY?" Ace whined, pitifully draping himself all over the cook.
"GET OFF ME!"
Usopp looked at them and was speechless for a minute.
"So, you didn't talk to a woman?" Zoro asked, standing up.
"I did! A lovely princess by the name of Koala…Koala, isn't it cute name? Oh, if only she wasn't engaged."
"WHAT?! You guys set him up with a soon-to-be-someone-else's-wife?!" Usopp yelled.
"How could I know that? And it was fine, it was just for practice."
Usopp looked at Marco and Ace with a disapproving expression.
"What? Like you could do any better?" Ace challenged.
"As a matter of fact, I think I could!" Usopp realized his mistake too late.
Ace smirked. "Ok, let's see what you got…take Sanji and help him."
"Well, I'm actually pretty tired so…" Sanji added to the conversation.
"SHUSH! This is between me and Usopp!"
Usopp thought about it for a second.
"Or are you scared?" Ace teased, knowing the result.
"THE GREAT USOPP IS NEVER AFRAID! You all should know that I, back where I was born, was called THE CAZANOVA of my-"
"Yeah, yeah. Go already."
"Follow me, Sanji. Follow the great Usopp and I will share my secret for success with the opposite sex! Did I tell you about the time were 300 women fought for me?"
Everyone in the room watched as Sanji followed Usopp, while said man was telling another story/lie. Suddenly, Ace yelled making the others jumped.
"LAURA! Her fucking name was Laura!"
Later on…
"Uh, Usopp, not that I don't trust you or anything, but…why are we hiding in the bushes?"
"Shush! We're looking for the lucky lady." the curly haired man whispered, checking their surroundings.
"And what? Jump her bones, tackle and kidnap her?"
"What? No! We need to locate the target first."
"What are you two doing?" someone asked behind them.
"Kyaaaaaa!" Usopp screamed in a high pitch. Making Sanji and the other person cover their ears.
"Usopp, what the hell was that?" Sanji shouted, uncovering his ears.
"Oh…well this is embarrassing."
"I'll say…" the other person replied.
Sanji looked at said person and it turned out to be a beautiful woman! A smoking hot woman at that!
"Who are you?" Usopp asked.
'Future Ms. Blackleg, that's who.'
"Jewelry Bonney, I actually share the engineering class with you."
Now Usopp remembered. "You're the one always eating in class and being yelled at for it!"
"That's me!" She looked proud of it for some reason. "I was sleeping here when you guys came along, what are you doing anyway?" She asked, eating a sandwich, where did she get it?
"Ah, you see, I'm helping my friend here-" Usopp began.
"-look for new ingredients for a recipe, my love." Sanji said, covering Usopp's mouth with his hand while the other struggled to get free.
"Oh, you cook?! That's awesome! If I help you guys, can I eat some of whatever it is that you're cooking?"
"Of course, my angel!"
"Yes! So, what are we looking for?"
"Uhh…mushrooms?"
"Mushrooms? Ok! Let's begin, but we aren't gonna to find any here, we need to go to the forest a couple miles away. Follow me! I have a ride!"
"Sanji, I don't wanna go with her. She's crazy! I've heard rumors." Usopp whispered.
"Never talk bad about a lady behind her back, it's rude! Besides, I need you to be my wingman, I can't do this without you, and you're supposed to teach me, aren't you?"
Usopp sighed. "Yeah…"
"What are you guys waiting for?" Bonney yelled from a distance.
"Coming!"
Later on…
"Success!" Bonney yelled. They were able to pick a lot of mushrooms and they were big ones. "Hey, Sanji. What are you gonna make?"
"I thought about making crab-stuffed mushrooms, my darling. These ones are perfect!"
"That sounds great, and we have a lot. Perhaps, we could invite the guys as well?" Usopp said, looking at the gigantic mushrooms.
"Sure. I don't know if this refined dish should be wasted in those cavemen, especially the marimo…but sure…"
"Don't say that. You know, Zoro eats anything you make and he loves it." Usopp said.
Suddenly, Bonney stepped on the brake and stopped the car at the neighborhood close to the campus.
"What's wrong?" the liar asked.
"Did you say Zoro? As in Roronoa Zoro?" She asked the both of them.
"Uhh…yeah?" Sanji said this time.
"Get out…" the pink haired woman whispered.
"W-What?" Ussop was terrified, Bonney looked pretty upset.
"I said, 'GET OUT'!"
"Here?" Sanji and Usopp asked, looking outside. It's not a nice neighborhood, it was getting dark and they spotted two black men talking between each other and looking at them.
"I don't know, Sanji…"
"We're fucked…"
Bonney followed their stares, spotting the two men outside to her left as well.
Bonney glared at Sanji and Usopp. "I said, 'get out'! I don't care if this is a bad neighborhood or if you get robbed, you should have thought about it before tricking girls into sleeping with you guys! You're all the same!"
Bonney pretty much kicked their asses out. "Tell your friend Zoro that I'll make him pay!" All they could hear was the screeching of the wheels as she sped off.
"Told you she was crazy."
"I'm going to kick the marimo's ass for this…"
"Hey!" Usopp and Sanji froze in place. One of the black men was talking to them.
'If they're looking for a fight, that's what they're gonna get. Sanji thought, turning around getting ready to land some kicks.
"No! Sanji, wait, you're gonna get us killed. Leave it to me…I can handle this." Usopp said.
Sanji nodded.
The black man who spoke to them before got closer, standing in front of them. "Are you guys lost?"
"Fo' shizzle ma nizzle." Usopp said, striking weird poses. The man stared at him.
"What are you doing?!" Sanji hissed, alarmed, behind Usopp.
"I got this, relax…" Usopp said.
The man spoke again. "Uhh, ok. Me and my friend here saw that woman ditching you guys. That sucks. There's a bus stop a couple blocks from here and it leaves in a few minutes. We can show you the way if you want."
Sanji sighed in relief. "Yes, thank you."
"No problem." the man said. He explained how to get to the bus stop and where to wait.
"You good?" the man asked.
"Word." Usopp said.
Sanji looked at his friend and shook his head. "Yes, we're good."
"Thanks for your help, my man!" Usopp yelled to the other two men from afar as they were walking away.
Later on…
They arrived at the bus stop, or so they thought, and they waited. After twenty minutes of nothing, they started to get impatient.
"We are never going to get out of here." the curly haired man complained.
"Hmm, there seems to be a store over there, maybe I could ask them about the bus schedules. Wait here…" Sanji left Usopp, not waiting for a reply.
"W-Wait! Sanji, don't leave me here…alone…in this place..."
Usopp was shaking. He jumped at the sound of what seemed to be…gunshots? He is so going to die here. Maybe he should go with Sanji?
"Yo, man!" Someone yelled at him. It was a pretty scary dude and three other dudes.
"Y-Yeah?" Usopp was about to shit his pants. 'Sanji, where the hell are you?'
"Those are some nice shoes you got there, can I see them?"
'Ok, stay calm. Just…go with the flow.' "Sure! My brother from another mother!"
"What did you just say?" the other man said angrily. "I'm not your brother, homie!"
"Uhm, how about 'cousin from another aunt?'"
"Are you playing stupid? Give me your shoes now or I'll bust your ass!"
"I-I, well…you see, I think I'm just going to…RUN!" Usopp cried, stepping back and running like hell. He started yelling as soon as he noticed the other men following him.
In front of him, he noticed Sanji coming out of the store.
"Oh! Usopp, we need to wait for five more…" the blond man said once he noticed his friend.
"RUN!" Usopp shouted, as he kept running in the opposite direction of the bus stop.
Sanji saw some men going after his friend. 'Shit…'
Now, some pretty bad company was chasing them in a bad neighborhood. And no, they didn't get on the bus so now they were following the road. They needed to walk to get to the campus' entrance.
"Why you didn't give them the shoes?"
"They were a present from Kaya."
"I can't believe we almost got our asses kicked over a pair of shoes."
"I'm sorry…"
They walked in silence after that.
At the campus…
What a stressful day. Sanji was so tired, all he wanted was to sleep but he couldn't, he must go to Zeff's birthday party, he took out his cellphone and dialed Zoro's number.
"Yo!" Zoro answered.
"Are you coming with me to Zeff's or not?"
"And miss all the booze and food, yeah right. Where are you? I'm hungry, hurry up!"
"I'm getting there, Marimo! Jeez…"
Sanji hung up. His feet were killing him but he needs to bath again, no way he is going all sweaty to the party after running so much, get dressed, take the cake he made and oh shit! Zeff's birthday gift! He totally forgot! The party starts in one hour, no way he was going to make it! He could buy it tomorrow.
Great! Now he has to hear Zeff complain about having a shitty eggplant that doesn't care about him…ugh.
Sanji arrived at his room; Zoro was there on the bed.
"Finally…we're gonna miss all the booze, cook…" Zoro said.
"Shut up! You have no idea what I just went through."
"So, I take it that Usopp fucked up as well?"
Sanji sighed. "Yeah…" Sanji sat on his bed and began to remove his shoes. "Is it always this difficult?"
"Not for me…"
"Asshole…" Sanji took some new clothes and headed to the bathroom. "By the way, do you know some girl named Bonney?"
"You'll have to be more specific, cook. I can't even remember the name of this girl I met yesterday."
"Ugh, she's hot, tall, has pink hair, some piercings?"
Zoro thought for a moment. "Not ringing a bell, no. Why do you ask?"
"Well, she said to tell you, that you would pay for what you did. She left us in the middle of a bad neighborhood thanks to you and drove away and she took the mushrooms with her now that I recall."
"Pay? Bad neighborhood…mushrooms? What the hell were you three up to?"
"Just answer the question…what the hell did you do this time?" 'Dammit, Zoro.'
"I don't even know her! At least I don't think I do…" Zoro said, sitting on the bed.
"Well, she seemed to know you all too well…and she looked serious."
"Whatever, she can try. Go get ready, already! You take forever and who knows how long it'll take for you to put on your makeup!"
"Shitty plant! I'm going, I'm going!"
Sanji slammed the door closed.
Later on…
"You didn't buy anything?"
"I just told you, I was going to, but then you guys made me go out with Usopp and well, you know the rest…"
Zoro hummed in acknowledgement. "You made this cake for him, though."
"Yeah…but still."
They stayed in silence for a while.
"It does get easier…"
"Huh?" Sanji looked at Zoro who was looking at the dark sky.
"Talking to women, it gets easier. Soon, you'll find someone who cares about you and accepts you for who you are, flaws and all. You both will fall in love, get married, have cute kids that'll inherit your stupid eyebrows…"
"Hey!"
"…and they will have kids of their own, you'll be a grandparent and realize how happy you are…next to the woman of your dreams and your whole family."
Sanji stared at his friend. "It's that what you want?"
"It's not for me…"
"Maybe someday you'll find the right girl and then-"
"I won't."
"You're so fucking stubborn, Marimo! Every fucking girl you're with wants that with you!"
"Whatever. We're here."
Sanji paid attention to where they were. They arrived quickly at the Baritie. Sanji wanted to keep talking to Zoro. He never knew his friend wanted something like that with someone. He seemed so content and ok with just fooling around, running away from something serious.
But Zoro stepped inside before he could say anything else.
Inside the Baratie…
It was a bit blurry and yes, the cook was tipsy. Zeff and the others could drink barrels without passing out as well as Zoro; he is the only one who couldn't hold his liquor.
At some point, they all began to sing and dragged Sanji with them. He knew they were making fools of themselves, but so what, everyone was having fun and looked happy.
Everyone was drunk and happy except Zoro.
Zoro sat in a corner while drinking beer and watching everyone else have a good time, especially Sanji. He knows that he could get caught staring, but he was sure this wouldn't be the case, everyone was either pretty wasted or not paying attention to him, or so he thought.
"Having fun, boy?"
Zoro shrugged. "Yeah…are you?"
"I am, punk." the other man said placing a chair next to Zoro to sit.
Both heard some guys cheering and laughing. Zeff and Zoro noticed Sanji drinking shots with Patty, one of Zeff's employees.
"That boy…he's going to get wasted at this rate." Zeff said.
Zoro chuckled. He enjoys a drunk Sanji; it's way too funny to see Sanji singing and talking about stupid things that made no sense.
Zeff stared at Zoro. "I don't know why you just don't say it to him."
Zoro glared at Zeff. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't you dare give me that look, boy, or I'll kick your ass till next Sunday. You know damn well what I'm talking about; you've liked my adopted idiot son since you were kids."
"With all due respect, Sir. It's none of your business…"
Sanji's adopting father took a drink of his beverage. "You're right, it isn't, but sleeping around with random people is not the answer, either. Like it or not, I've known you almost as much as my little eggplant and I consider you as a son, boy. I just don't want you making bad decisions or hurting yourself that's all…" Zeff drank his drink in one gulp and finally stood up. "Take care of yourself and the idiot, will ya?"
"Zeff?"
The old man stopped and looked back at Zoro. "Hmm?"
"Thanks…for caring, I mean…"
Zeff chuckled. "Any time, kid. Now get your ass up and enjoy my fucking party or you're going to regret having been born."
Zoro chuckled. "Yes, Sir."
Zoro then noticed Sanji sitting on a chair and laughing like an idiot at something on the table, he approached his best friend. "What the hell are you doing, stupid cook?"
"Oh, Zhoro! Look at this t-tiny ant, tryin'a carry this pretzel, so shtupid!"
'Yep, already drunk.' Zoro sat next to him. "You're an idiot…"
Sanji looked at him offended. "H-Hey! W-Who are you c-calling an idiot, M-Marimo?!" Sanji placed his head on the table.
Zoro groaned. Sanji was trying not to fall asleep but wasn't doing a great job at it. The green haired man stared at him for a moment then placed a hand on Sanji's head and caressed Sanji's silky hair.
Zeff made it sound so simple to tell Sanji how he feels but how could he? Sanji has been obsessed with girls since they were little. He always talked about meeting the right one, taking care of her and giving her everything she wanted and needed. He talked for hours about having a family with at least three kids. Zoro remembered all those magazines with women in them that Sanji kept away from Zeff and him going crazy over any female classmate in high school, and now, college. Sanji. Doesn't. Like. Men. It's as simple as that.
To Zoro, the sex of his partner was never a matter of discussion. He likes who he likes and ever since a young age, he was very well aware that he wanted something more with Sanji. But that wasn't possible. Sanji saw him as his best friend and nothing more. That's why he started to sleep with people…women, to be more specific. He thought he could get over Sanji and perhaps find someone he could settle with. Sure, it wouldn't be as great as being with his best friend, but it would be something. He tried and failed.
Zoro wanted to get some distance between them, but the first time Zoro said that he would be going to another college, not to the same one as they had planned, Sanji yelled at him and got angry for breaking a promise they made since they were little, to always be together, no matter what. Zoro hated seeing the cook upset so, in the end, he said that he wasn't going anywhere, he said that he could endure it with more training, what wishful thinking.
"Z-Zoro?" the half-sleep blond man called out.
"Hmmm?"
"I love you, shitface…" he said before he fell asleep again.
Zoro's chest hurt. "I love you too…you have no idea…"
From a distance, the older chef watched the two of them. "What a pair of idiots…"
Proofread and edited by Coco42
