Thanks to my Beta TheBigCat, thank you all that are following and reviewing I love it I do. This chapter gave me some trouble but im happy with it. and I have a feeling you guys are going to love the chapter after this one. its got moments. Allons-y
The day might have ended, but the Doctor was not finished yet. He had managed to convince Rose to have a movie night, he just had not shared the little fact that it was a 'home movie', so to speak.
As Rose settled onto the couch with a bowl of popcorn, he in turn set up the ball of memories, she looked at him a bit oddly but did not offer comment to his unusual actions. He finished what he started, and the lights of the room dimmed so the projection could be seen more clearly.
He had thought long and hard about which memory to show her first. He knew that she was not ready to face her memories of this him, so stuck with his old self. The memory started to become less fuzzy and he saw the old him, leaning against his ship as she ran up the stairs leading to her mum's flat. The Doctor had chosen to start there.
Rose looked on shocked as she realized what she was seeing. This was him trying to help, just like when he had brought her back to their first true adventure together.
She opened her mouth to say something but stopped. She had told herself she would let him try. So she watched as the old Doctor took a look at a poster on a lightpost, a look of panic in his eyes as he rushed up the stairs after her. Busting into her mum's flat without so much as a knock and announced
"12 months. Not 12 hours. You've been gone a whole year… sorry."
Rose sat there, staring at herself and her mum through his eyes. Her face was a mix of barely hidden emotions and so easy to read.
The officer showed up asking all sorts of questions and she saw herself answering 'traveling'. Honestly, had she really been that dumb? Had she really been so thick to think her mother would buy that excuse?
Ooh… and her mum's face. She was mad as a hornet, she should have seen the slap coming. She knew that look in her mum's eyes, but her mind was a million miles away back then. Rose grinned when her mother screamed.
"Stitch this mate!" and hit him bang right across the cheek.
Rose laughed out loud- it was the 'you kinda deserved that- but I'm sorry she hit you- know how bad it hurts though' sort of laugh. Honestly, her face went through a ring of emotions in about five seconds.
The memory changed. They were on the roof of the building. She was sitting on the ledge, he was leaned up against the wall. Rose remembered this exchange well, and smiled, thinking back to the first time he had told her his age. She had been a bit shell-shocked. Even today, it was still one hell of an age difference.
As Rose watched the screen, the Doctor watched her, taking in every reaction her face made. She was so engrossed in the film she took no notice of his gaze.
He had taken a chance with this memory. He knew the laugh would come when her mum slapped him. But he also knew that the moment was coming the first time he had vocalized his feelings towards her.
"I could save the world but lose you."
He had already been in love with her and just had not known it yet. In that body he was hard pressed to admit to anything let alone the strange feelings this teenage girl had evoked.
He reached a hand out for some popcorn and popped a piece in his mouth and then dislodged it as fast as he could. Pear-flavoured popcorn. Gross. He saw Rose peek at him. "Problem?" she softly asked.
"Pear, Rose, really? That's just mean."
"I like it," she replied, and took a big handful, turning back to the show.
He hated pears and she knew it. This was just like with the rides earlier. A way to get revenge. She was really mad at him, he knew, but if she kept this up he was going to end up in Bedlam from a psychotic breakdown.
Hopefully a breakthrough would come soon for her and her anger would abate. It already had a little- she had not hit him again. At least now she had moved on to psychological torture. The Doctor wasn't sure which one he preferred.
He took a swig of tea to chase the taste of evil out of his mouth- and inched the popcorn as discreetly as possible closer to Rose. He didn't want to unintentionally have another mouthful. He chanced a glance at the screen and realized they were at Downing Street, now locked in the room. The words were coming. He stared at her face out of the corner of his eye, waiting for the reaction.
Rose snickered to herself as the popcorn bowl was pushed closer to her again but she just nudged it back. She was hoping he would be stupid enough to do it twice. It was mean but hell, it was fun.
It was a little fun watching the adventure playing out on the screen, not that she would admit it to the Time Lord. There were many parts that she had not seen the first time- the hospital, the room in Downing Street. It was interesting watching his perspective of the events that had taken place.
She stared at her younger self, the trust so evident in her eyes for the man across the room- a man she barely knew. As she told him to 'do it,' even though she had no idea what it was, his reply came quickly.
"You don't even know what it is. You'd just let me?"
"Yeah." Her voice never wavered or faltered as they had this conversation.
Rose thought back to that moment- the things she had felt. Trust was there, a good bit of fear as well, and hope. Undeniable hope.
Rose had not known if she would live or die but she still had hope that they could end it.
Her eyes widened. Oh no. She knew what was coming next- those words. She had pushed them down- way down- into the depths of her soul in order to hide from them. These were the words and the long look that had started her slow descent into that painful emotion that was love. Even if she had not been aware of it at the time.
Rose closed her eyes. She would have covered her ears as well, but that would have been too noticeable. She would not give him the pleasure of seeing how this was affecting her.
The words came and she had to open her eyes. She got a little breathless as she caught the gaze of the man on screen and her heart hurt just a little. The way he was staring at her, the look in his eyes was unmistakable but she had been so young and brash she had not realized what it was.
She made her eyes stay firmly on the screen refusing to look at the man next to her. She could feel his eyes on her now but would not speak. The rest of the scene played out- her brilliant idea of the cupboard, the way his hand fit in hers.
Rose could still feel it. Large and rough but gentle with her. Their hands had always fit together, no matter which body he was in.
The memory began to phase out and the room grew bright again. Now she would have to talk to him. She couldn't get around it without looking like a wimp and Rose Tyler was no wimp. She turned her body slightly and raised her head, chin proudly poking out a bit. She waited for him to say something.
He stood there, staring at her trying to gather his words he needed to push her, but not push her so hard that she would bolt. It was a fine line he was walking and one word or gesture and she would be out the door and in her room in a blink.
She was stone again at the moment, but he had seen her eyes close, and her breath hitch when the words had been said, seen the look of recognition in her eyes when she realized that he had great feelings for her back then, and yet the old him in leather had voiced it better than he ever could.
He opened his mouth and spoke slowly. "I meant it when I said I could save the world and lose you. Rose, I had only known you a short time but already I cared. You were a bright spot for my shadow to stand in and I did not want to lose that. And you trusted me, Rose. Back when you barely knew me and yet you trusted me fully, deeply. It affected me and scared the hell out of me as well. It hurts that you don't trust me anymore, Rose."
The Time Lord spoke the last sentence so faintly that Rose almost didn't catch it.
"You lost that trust the moment you put that button around my neck," she said, with just a hint of anger that was quickly growing. "I was young and naive and a bit blown away by you. But I'm not 19 anymore, Time Lord. I'm a woman now. You hurt me so many times! The trust started to go away. You would become closer to me and then run as fast as you could, and I was too dumb, too much of a stupid ape! Too stupid to understand why! Always blamed myself, I did. But it was all you!"
And with that statement she threw the popcorn at his head and left the room.
He rubbed his head where the bowl had hit and brushed away the kernels. He was going to smell like popcorn and pears for a week, he thought gloomily, but she had opened up a bit more. So one more victory for him.
