Ok must thank my beta batistaangel15 I Had some big problems with this chapter and she smoothed them out and helped make it a bit longer. so thanks.
Now I must say to my readers I am so sorry I have not updated in awhile. After my last post. Life went nuts. I have been sick and I mean sick strep, bronchites, then a cold and then tosillitaes. followed by anouther round of bronchites i am still not fully up and about yet. the cough is still killing me. but still Im sorry.
To all that reviewed and read my last chapter thank you from the bottom of my heart. please keep doing it. the next chapter is already half way written.
Merry Christmas and Allons-y
Out of everything that's happened today, it's Martha that gets under my skin the most. Maybe it ties in with the school and Sarah Jane, I dunno. It gets mixed up. Did you take her onboard as soon as you said goodbye to me? You kissed her on your first adventure with her. Did you even think about me?
The Doctor stroked Rose's hair softly, letting the silky strands fall through his fingers. How could he answer her? Of course he had to be honest with her, how else? Honesty was always a key part to any relationship, and he always wanted to be open and honest with his precious pink and yellow human. That much was a given. Inhaling a deep breath, he finally began.
"Oh, Rose Tyler," he started gently. "I thought we went through this when you found out I had your shirt." He sighed. "But maybe I did not make it clear to you that night. I thought about you every day, a million times a day. As a matter of fact you should ask Martha how often you were brought up. It drove her mad. Donna liked to call her 'Mad Martha'." He pulled back enough for her to see the small smile that lit his face. "As for me taking her onboard right after Bad Wolf Bay, I did not. After I said goodbye to you Donna appeared on the TARDIS—that's a long story, one I'll tell you about some other time—but she did not want to travel with me after the events of that day and, to tell you the truth, I did not want her to either.
"I was grieving for a long time, Rose. And Martha…well Martha was there for me, and I treated her badly." He shook his head. "It's a wonder that she travelled with me as long as she did. When I was in that hospital on the moon all I thought about was you—about what you could be doing on the other side of that wall in that universe, wishing that I could find a way to get you back to this world. If you had been there with me on the moon I would have kissed you. And not just for a genetic transfer, it would not be anything chaste. The moment you were pulled through that wall I realized I had been a fool. I had wished to every god in existence that it would have been my lever to malfuction and not yours. I spent weeks trying to find a way to get back to you—Rassilon did I try. But in the end all I had was that tiny gap and minutes, just a couple of moments to give you a proper goodbye.
"I burned up a sun for you, Rose Tyler, and it was still not enough. I had no time to grieve for what I had foolishly lost by being arrogant. If I had not sent you away…if I had just let you stay with me on my side like you wanted then maybe you would not have gone through that wall. I just…" He closed his eyes briefly and scrubbed a hand down his face. "I just don't know. But there's one thing I do know, Rose, one thing I can assure you wholeheartedly. That kiss with Martha meant nothing to me. Nothing at all. I really did kiss her to save her life and buy some time, and it saved a lot of people that day. That was the only reason for it, just to save thousands of lives. I never kissed anybody while we were apart. There were a few who kissed me, but I never kissed them. And as for Sarah Jane, she was never anything more than just a friend to me. She wanted more once but…well, it just was not right."
Pulling back a little the Doctor brought his hands up to cup her face, his thumbs lightly brushing over her cheeks. Her eyes were shining as she listened intently. He wanted to make sure any and all doubts she had about what he went through since her departure were gone.
"It's you that I want to kiss, Rose," he continued softly. "It's always been you. Even when I wore that leather jacket that you don now. It was and always will be you when I wear pinstripes and trainers. It'll be you the next time I regenerate and wear something stupid like bow ties or stetsons. It's still going to be you."
A slow smile spread across Rose's face, the same one that always gave off a warm feeling whenever he saw it. Her eyes were still bright and her voice came out as a slightly raspy whisper. "I think bow ties are cool, Doctor."
He chuckled quietly with a grin as his own. "If you say so." He pressed a light kiss to her lips before bringing her close to him once more, gathering her tightly in his arms.
They still had a long way to go but there has been a lot of progress being shown. She was asking questions and listening to his responses now; he was fixing her just as she would always fix him. Day by day, memory by memory. Did he dare push a bit further today? It was a long stretch since he did not want to put her in an awkward situation since they were rebuilding themselves together, but she went along with it willingly, feeling more at peace and content as him.
He mentally checked with his beloved ship to see what little Amelia was up to. The Old Girl confirmed that the ginger girl was still sound asleep in one of the guest rooms. Okay then. Even if things between him and Rose had jumped up a notch right here in the console room then there was a good chance that, if Amelia were to wake up and wander around, the sentient ship would rearrange the corridors to keep the child away in order to avoid some more awkward situations. That aside, he retired his attention to his Rose in his arms.
"Do you miss your family?" he tentatively asked. "Your mum and Tony and Pete?" She did not answer him and he continued to speak, his voice gentle. "I know you were angry when you came back here and did not want to talk about them and I did not push you."
He stopped talking when he felt her tense up under his palms, followed by her shoulders beginning to shake. Then he heard her small sob and the words rushed out.
"I'm never going to see them again, Doctor. I miss them so much, and they don't know what happened to me. I went to sleep in my bed and then I was gone. And I know I said I did not love them but I do. I love them so much and I was so mean and that's all they're going to remember me by—as a mean and hateful bitch." She spat the last word out in disgust before another sob shook her entire system. "Bitch, bitch, bitch," she muttered.
Her words pained his hearts. He knew she felt low about herself since she returned but he did not think it was that bad to the point she would call herself such a name. Not his Rose. He gently rocked her in his arms, rubbing her back while whispering comforting words until she quieted. He pulled back to wipe away the tears that began to trickle down her cheeks.
"Rose Tyler, don't ever call yourself that," he said softly. "You went through a lot in that time. It was a rough road for you to deal with, most of which is my fault. It's okay to miss your family, there's nothing wrong with that at all. And I know for a fact that your mother loves you, along with your brother and Pete. There would never be a reason for one Jackie Tyler to hate you for what you did, no matter what you would ever do. She's a mother and she cares about you, she always had and always will. If you want me to, I will find a way for you to say your goodbyes so they will have closure and know what happened to you. It might take me some time to find a way but I can promise you I will find a way for you."
Rose smiled a little shyly at him. "I thought you would be mad at me for missing them," she admitted. "That it would upset you, and yet here you are—being all Doctor, trying to fix things." She let out a mirthless chuckle. "I know you sad that I'm not a bitch but I was. It was not your fault," she said quickly when he opened his mouth for reassurance. She moved closer to place a gentle kiss to his lips, pulling away before he could deepen it. "Can I think about it and get back to you? I still need to think about what I might say if you could find a way. I want to be prepared 'cause I might only get moments."
He nodded, trailing the backs of his fingers down her cheek. "Are we good, Dame Rose?"
"We are, Sir Doctor," she replied with a small grin. "Let's take Amelia on that trip and have her back home in time for tea and toast. Where are we taking her? Any ideas?"
The Doctor smiled brightly at her. "Oh, yes. Go wake her up and you will see."
Rose matched his wide smile as she pushed herself off the jump seat to do just that, making her way down the twisting corridors. Once she left he stepped forward at the console and typed in the coordinates to the destination he had in mind, pulling the lever and sending them into the vortex and watching the time rotor rise and fall with its usual rattle and wheeze. He prayed to all the deities that he did not believe in that it was the right choice.
The girls came rushing back in moments after landing, Amelia bouncing on her toes and Rose acting just as giddy as the first time she stepped on the TARDIS. He smiled widely before running down the ramp and throwing open the doors, allowing Amelia to step out onto the rocky gray terrain first. She stood there with large green eyes as she took all of the scenery in, staring at Earth in the far distance. Rose stepped out next and he followed, but before she could take another step forward he grabbed her around the waist and twirled her around to land in his arms while he kissed her soundly in the Earthlight.
"I'm kissing you on the moon, Rose Tyler," the Doctor told her after breaking the kiss. "You, and nobody else."
She grinned brightly at him. "Smart move Doctor."
They pulled out of each other's arms and watched as Amelia took it upon herself by taking a seat on the ground, looking up at the stars. They joined her, sitting in a comfortable silence for a short while. About a half hour had passed by until the Doctor spoke, leaning over towards the little girl.
"It's time to go, Amelia," he whispered. "But I promise that when you're older we'll come back for you and you can travel with us."
