Pain Management - Chapter 5

This is a collection of missing scenes from His Last Vow, SPOILERT ALERT! Don't read if you haven't seen the episode!

I have to admit two scenes from the episode triggered me (triggered like in PTSD). I love the episode so having it trigger me was not an option - because the next 375 times I want to watch the episode untriggered :) - I tried to work through it and this is the result!

I am not a native speaker so my English might be a bit bumpy sometimes, apologies for that.

Un-beta-ed for now.

Standard disclaimer: Sherlock, John and all other mentioned characters belong to BBC or Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I just borrowed them for fun. I wrote this for my personal delight and improving my English, no copyright infringement intended. No money changed hands and no profit is being made.

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Part 5 - The hospital again

Sherlock's POV

A monotone clicking sound woke him. Deja vue…. Orange light entered his mind, this time someone had mercifully not switched on the fan.

He blinked.

Back in hospital…

He vaguely remembered arriving at the A&E.

A low beeping sound was present, someone had turned the volume down to a minimum. Probably John.

Where was he? Was Mary here?

He was dizzy and disoriented. They must have operated on him again, it felt exactly like last time. Though he didn't remember Post-OP… yet.

"Sherlock?" John's voice. "You're okay. Rest."

He managed to open his eyes. John was standing next to the bed, leaning into his line of sight slightly. Sherlock frowned.

"Do not ask for Mary, would you?"

Sherlock tried to focus on John's face, he blinked several times.

Was that meant as a joke?

"Y…You're… 'kay?" Sherlock managed and his dry throat rebelled.

"You're asking me that, mate, really?" John raised his eyebrows. "What exactly happened to you the past two years to make you change that much?" John leaned a bit closer.

"You…." Sherlock pressed out, licking his lips.

"Yes?"

John obviously waited for an explanation.

"No… You."

"Me?… I wasn't even there."

"'xacly," Sherlock tried to gulp.

"God, I'm a lousy nurse… You want some water?" John offered him the straw and he took some careful sips.

"Thanks."

"Sherlock… I'm so sorry… I should have… I was a lousy friend… You were in pain and I… I was a dick… I'm sorry!… I didn't mean to…" it poured out of John, he started pacing the room. That was the clicking noise, John pacing.

"I am sorry," he repeated.

"John… 'ts alright."

"No, it's not!" John was angry with himself, clearly. "I was only focussed on my pain and I lost sight of yours… even though you pointed it out for once…"

"John…"

"…I'm a lousy friend… and a lousy doctor…"

"Could you…" Sherlock tried to reach for the pump again.

"God, Sherlock, please forgive me… I…"

"Y're m'friend… an' m' doctor…. An' I don'blame you… Coul' you shut up?" Sherlock managed and John stood rooted to the spot, shutting up suddenly and looking at him intensely.

"Wh'ers Mary?" Sherlock wanted to know.

"Uh, I told you not to ask for Mary, didn't I…"

"Where's our client?" Sherlock rephrased.

"I don't know… and for the moment… to be honest, I don't care."

John was far more action right now than Sherlock felt he was able to handle.

He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again the light had changed. He had slipped into sleep unintentionally.

John was napping in a chair next to the bed. The pump was set on a medium flow rate and he decided it would be okay to sleep a bit more.

Noises woke him. The nurse was bringing fresh water and tea and it had woken John, too.

"How am I supposed to heal if they keep disturbing my rest?" Sherlock mumbled with closed eyes.

"Don't ask me, that is one detail of hospitals I never understood myself," John answered and smiled at the nurse. In good humour, she smiled back.

"There's not even coffee!" Sherlock complained weakly while John lifted the head of the bed a bit. Sherlock reacted with a painful frown on his face to the movement.

"How 'm I supposed to get better if the food makes me worse?"

John chuckled, "The absence of coffee makes you worse?"

"John, when can I go home?"

"You don't really think they will let you out of here soon after the stunt you pulled?… If I hadn't interfered they'd probably have chained you to the bed. I will make sure you stay at least until it is safe to get up," John joked.

Sherlock threw him a doubting look, he was acting well, John realised, but his eyes were not really focussed and he assumed his friend was in a fog of pain and drugs, hiding it well.

"Okay, joking aside… you caused internal bleeding and they had to operate on you again, what do you expect after that kind of behaviour?… You made it perfectly clear that you're not able to take care of yourself."

"Well, I was busy taking care of you and your marriage," Sherlock replied.

"I know, but…."

"But what?"

"Do you realise that your life is more important to me than my marriage?"

"I… What?… You said marrying her was the most important day of your life…" Sherlock slurred.

"I did… but this does not mean the marriage is more important than you."

"I don't understand."

"I know… Just store that information somewhere on your hard drive... Can I stay at 221b with you for a bit, I need some time to think?" John asked carefully, then winced, he should have waited until Sherlock was awake enough to really understand.

"I thought I made it clear that you're always welcome at Baker Street... You don't have to ask, it is your home," Sherlock informed in a low voice, his eyes closed again. Speaking was obviously difficult.

"I know you did, but… I was not a good friend lately."

"You already have been a good friend... enough in the past to last for a lifetime…" Sherlock's voice was sounding logical and analysing though the meaning was warmer than John felt he deserved.

"I'd be delighted... to have you as a temporary flatmate again."

"Oi, what makes you think I will…. I will return to her?"

"Eh….I … I don't know," Sherlock gulped, "When will the canteen open?"

"Sherlock, you will not leave the room… you will not even get up for the next three days!"

"God… Make Mrs Hudson bring some coffee... or at least decent tea," Sherlock managed to sound unnerved, although John had problems to understand him at all.

"You really think that after yelling at her that she is useless she will do that?"

"Yes."

John rolled his eyes. Sherlock was probably right, she would forgive him.

"I expect you to apologise," John informed him.

"I will," Sherlock's voice thinned.

John raised his eyebrows… and then saw Sherlock had drifted off again. It was typically Sherlock to be this alert this shortly after surgery and with this much medication in his system. Everybody else would have drifted off after one or two sentences, exhausted and unnerved.

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A/N:

I would really like to know what you think.