Intertwined
Written by BokchoiBaboy
Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto
A/N: Tenten's POV.
Intoxicating
"Your laughter is poison. Please stop."
"I can't stop laughing forever."
"Why not? It's intoxicating, almost suffocating me. It makes me want to laugh with you."
"That's a bad thing?"
"I don't laugh."
I softly stared out of the café window as I saw Hyuuga Neji pass by, hand-in-hand with Haruno Sakura. He didn't notice me like he usually would; he just continued on, a tiny smile present on his lips. When I zoned off all the other sounds, I could swear I could hear his laughter. It made me sad, to be honest. I could lie to everyone else, but like me, they saw through my façade.
I was in pain.
I was depressed.
I was in love with Neji, honestly. My mind was always on him, worrying about his safety and concern on missions, and whatnot.
But it really hurt, knowing that Sakura was there for him, to look after him, to save him. I saved him countless times with my weapons, but what could I do if he was severely injured? My weapons couldn't heal; their only purpose was to kill. My weapons didn't stop blood, they craved blood.
And me...I suppose I'm no different. My weapons wouldn't get their blood if I didn't throw them. My weapons wouldn't hurt anybody if I didn't use them.
I watched him as he sat beneath a cherry blossom tree with Sakura, his strong arms cradling her perfect form. They both had a look of contentment and completion; their smiles and eyes shone with the joys of love and being loved.
There was once a time when I thought that Neji loved me back. It was when I was laughing at Lee and Gai-sensei's usual antics. He had told me that my laughter was intoxicating, seeming to make him want to laugh with me. But never once did he succumb to his self-control and laugh with me; he just blankly stared at me like I was an idiot.
And then there was that mission that I was sent to. I was sent away for a year at most to end the problem of dangerous ninja threatening the daimyo of Tea Country. Neji and I had no farewell promises of the sort; he had just told me "good luck". It broke my heart, really, knowing that he couldn't say, "be careful", or "I'm waiting for you". I'm foolish to believe that he would actually say those things, but something in me before really believed that he would, and to me only. I was so broken and hurt that he couldn't have said anything more that I just let off a simple nod.
I wanted to say with all my heart that I loved him, and that I'd hope he'd be waiting for me, and that I'd hope I'd make him proud. But I couldn't. I was scared that I'd face rejection; I was so terrified of being told in that heartless, stoic tone of his that...
"You are only a teammate to me, but I do wish you'll make our village proud."
In that same, harsh tone that he always used with me.
And when I had returned, it seemed that everything around me shattered. I learned that Neji had hit it off well with Sakura, and they were...dating. Hinata had told me this with her deepest apologies and sympathy, knowing that what I felt for Neji was too deep to ever fall out of.
It hurt, really. To know that I had fallen for a complete, oblivious jerk that only used me as a tool to get stronger and make his clan proud...it made me feel pathetic.
My eyes continued to watch them as they leaned closer and closer, and finally stopped leaning when their lips touched. I could see, almost feel the passion that they both emitted from their kiss, and I turned away, the pain too unbearable. Tears began to form at my eyes, but I shook them away.
I was a kunoichi.
I don't cry.
But I had to admit; being a cold and arrogant monster I was really hurt me, and even more so Hinata.
I was pathetic, really. It seemed that I just lived in a large black hole, with nothing to worry about and nothing to fear.
Neji was my life.
I lived for him. I lived what he wanted to live.
I lived freedom.
But I really am selfish. I should be happy for Neji, happy that he found his key to his cage, happy that he could laugh and smile and love, even if it wasn't me.
But I am anything but happy. Right now, I'd be foolish enough to throw my life away. I'd let my guard down on missions and in battles, just so it meant that I could depart.
I'm just trying to find an ending with less pain, really.
I keep smiling, laughing, and living even though my heart is hurting.
I'm searching for my happy ending, but I know that I'll never get one.
I'm so foolish and pathetic. I can't even find a new meaning in life. Before, it was so easy. I'd wake up early in the morning, before sunrise even, just to spar with Neji. I knew that I was helping him in one way or another, and that made me happier than anything. Before, I tried my hardest because I always knew that he was watching me and nobody else.
But now, I'm just an empty shell lying on the dirt, getting kicked around and being invisible.
He is not mine.
He is not mine.
I can keep saying that in my head and pretend that I'm over it, but I'll be fooling myself all over again.
Letting off a deep sigh, I placed tip money on the café table and got up. I was surprised to see Neji and Sakura at the doorway of the café as I walked out, and I stared dumbly. I plastered on a fake smile that took a few weeks to master, and nodded politely. They, in turn, nodded back.
"Tenten."
"How have you been, Neji?"
My heart was breaking. His tone of voice was stoic and emotionless. But with Sakura...it was loving and warm. Did I only deserve cold? Was I that undeserving?
"I have been well."
I nodded and continued on my way. I heard Sakura crack a joke, and Neji's laughter. I painfully turned around and saw them walk to my table and sit there, hand-in-hand, their eyes intensely gazing in the other.
"Neji, I wish you'd stop laughing. It's intoxicating."
The busy rush of the café blew my whispers away, and I turned around and walked away. I seemed to grow heavier as the distance between the two of us passed.
I knew it was only a matter of time before I reached my final distance.
And it hurt to know that he wouldn't be standing there with me.
I am madly in love with Hyuuga Neji.
And I can't have him.
A/N: So, I'm feeling dismal at the moment, really. Haha.
This might be two-parts. Just let me know in your reviews. (:
Hope you liked it.
