And the light of a fading star
Is what you were, is what you are
Like the glow that christens the moon
You shone too soon, you shone too soon
(Flogging Molly – The Light of a Fading Star)
Sirius
Sirius stared absently on the letter in his hand. It wasn't even a proper letter, merely a hasty note, someone had slipped through under his door. Not someone, he thought. Regulus.
Orion has set.
Please forgive me.
That was it. Just two sentences but they were enough to keep Sirius occupied for the rest of the week. Their father was dead and Regulus was sorry. He wanted him to forgive him. Can I do that? He wondered. After everything that's happened? After everything he's done? Can I forgive him? A part of him wanted to, so badly but the other part…
»Oi, Pads! Open the fricking door! «, Sirius winced. He hadn't even heard the knocking until now. He quickly let James inside who gave him a strange look. »What's up? «, he asked. Sirius had asked him to come, not without hesitation but he felt like he was about to explode if he didn't talk to someone. Wordless, he handed James the note.
»Orion has set. Please forgive me? «, he read. »What the fuck is that supposed to mean? «
»It's from Reg. «, Sirius mumbled.
»Okay but - «, James began but then stopped. He looked at the note again and then back to Sirius and Sirius could see realization dawn on his face.
»Oh bloody – I'm sorry, Padfoot. «, he said but Sirius only shrugged. It wasn't his father's death that troubled him.
»I don't know what to do James. Shall I forgive him? Or just ignore this? I don't care that our father has snuffed it. It was about time, that, but…Reg…my little brother…what if he needs help? I've failed him once before; I don't want to do that again. «
»It's your decision, mate. I mean, let's say he did want to opt out of Voldemort's circle, what then? Sure, we can offer him protection but…Most people will probably not be so friendly towards him. They respect you because you've proven more than enough on which side you're on, but him…he is a Death Eater after all. «
»I know. James, believe me, I know. «, said Sirius wearily. »I just wish I could do something. «
»It's your decision, mate. «, James repeated. »Have you tried to contact him? «
Sirius shook his head, »Wasn't sure if it's safe. «
»Listen, I might have an idea. Why don't we find out when the funeral is and there you can give him a response. «, James suggested.
»I hardly think that my mother will let me anywhere near the funeral. «
»Maybe not you but she can't keep a big, black, stray dog from entering the graveyard, can she? «, he said with a smile. Sirius looked at his friend and smiled back.
»You're a genius, Prongs. «
»Don't you forget it. «, James said and then stood up. »And now, come on. Lily asked me to invite you for dinner. Remus and Peter will be there, too. «
They left Sirius' flat and moments later stood in front of Lily's and James' flat. Remus and Peter were already sitting in the living room, while Lily was busy, preparing dinner.
»Potter! «, Lily shouted when they entered the flat. »Make your arse useful and set the table. «
»Yes, Ma'am. «, he grumbled and vanished into the kitchen.
A few minutes later, they all sat around the small table and savoured Lily's Spaghetti Napoli. Sirius noticed that Peter was still very quiet and that he looked different. His hair had grown longer and thinner, his clothes hang loosely rom his shoulders like he lost a lot of weight and under his eyes, Sirius could see dark shadows. He did not look well. Remus, too, looked troubled, although not half as bad as Peter and Sirius wondered what had happened to their friendship. There was a time where they would have spoken about their problems, where they would have tried to find a solution together but now, nobody said a word. They ate in silence and the probably worst thing was, that it wasn't even an awkward silence. It was just there. They had nothing to say and that was the saddest part; Sirius realized, they were about to become strangers.
Remus
It had been nice from Lily to invite him but now, that he sat at the table, next to Peter and ate his pasta, he wasn't so sure anymore if it had been such a good idea to come. He felt strangely out of place, like he didn't belong, which was stupid because this were his friends. This were the people he loved more than anything else. When they had finished, Lily offered everyone a Butterbeer.
»That was lovely, Lily. «, he said and Lily smiled at him broadly.
»Thank you, Remus. «
»Er - «, he said. He was getting nervous and his hands were sweaty. »I – er – I need to tell you something. «. His friends immediately paused mid – motion and stared at him.
»Well, «, James said. »That sounds serious. «
»I'm Sirius! «. Sirius said and the whole table groaned.
»Sirius? « Remus asked.
»Yes? «
»Shut up. «. Remus took a deep breath. »Right. I don't know how else to break this to you, so I'm just going to say it. I'm leaving. «
His friends gaped at him. It was completely silent and Remus waited for the bomb to explode. It never did.
»What do you – what do you mean, you're 'leaving?' «, James asked. He looked outright confused.
»Dumbledore wants me to do something. Some kind of secret mission and for that I need to leave. I'm sorry I can't tell you more, I've promised Dumbledore to keep quiet. «
»Right, so - «
»When are you leaving? And where are going? «, Lily asked. It almost hurt to look at her but it hurt even more to look at Sirius who hadn't said anything so far.
»Next month. And I don't even know myself where exactly I'll be going. Or for how long I'll be gone. «
»Excellent. Moony's going on a secret mission, how exciting. «, Sirius suddenly said, grinning wide but Remus thought that it was a bit too enthusiastic. He tried to catch Sirius' eyes and when he did, he saw hurt, sorrow and worries.
Despite himself, Remus forced a smile on his face and said, » Your sense for excitement has always been strange, Padfoot. «
Sirius smiled back and it was shocking how convincing he was. I shouldn't be surprised, really, Remus thought, Sirius has always been an exceptionally good actor and smooth liar.
»You're going to write us, though. «, James said and Remus shrugged.
»I'll try but I can't promise. «
»Well, you've still got a month, eh? And it's not like you're not coming back so let's just enjoy tonight. Who's for dessert? «, Lily ask and went into the kitchen. Remus was grateful for the change of subject. He didn't want to see the sad faces of his friends. He didn't want to think about his mission. He just wanted to have a bit of fun now, while he still could.
Sirius
It had been a shock to learn that Remus was going to leave them for some stupid, secret mission for Dumbledore. He hadn't realized just how much he was afraid to lose his best friend, until now and now it was too late. It didn't help matters that the following month was just as busy as the previous ones and he had hardly time to take a shower in his own flat, let alone meet with Remus before he had to leave. James and he had found out when and where his father's funeral would take place and Sirius had written a note.
Every star must fade eventually.
Meet me at the place we sought to hide and you shall be forgiven. Tomorrow at noon.
Padfoot waited at the gate of the graveyard and watched the ceremony. Most of the people attending, he didn't know, but that was not a surprise. He spotted his brother, standing beside their mother, one arm draped around her shoulders. His face was motionless and hard and he had changed since Sirius had last seen him. He looked broken and Sirius felt bad. Bad and angry because Voldemort was responsible for this and because he, Sirius, had let it happen. When the ceremony was over, the guests left the graveyard but Regulus and his mother stayed a bit longer, looking at the grave. Regulus let go off his mother and turned around, letting her alone with her dead husband and Sirius ran forward. He could see the confusion in Regulus eyes when he saw the big, black dog approaching and he could smell fear. He let the note, which he had held in his snout drop to the ground, wagged his tail in a friendly manner and left again. Once he was safely hidden by bushes and trees he changed back and watched his brother picking up the note and reading it. Regulus looked up from the paper and looked around, probably looking for a sign of Sirius, then he threw another look at the note. Sirius hoped that it would work. He really did.
The next day, Sirius waited in the den. When they were children, Sirius and Regulus used to play hide and seek and sooner or later they would hide here. It had been their secret place. A small piece of paradise. He waited and waited and waited. His watch told him that it was 12:30 already but he kept waiting, crouched under James' Cloak and his eyes fixed on the entrance, wand drawn. Suddenly he heard…something. Sirius frowned. It wasn't a human being, that much was clear. Then he could see something small and hairy. Regulus' ferret.
Every star must fade eventually but the lion is still roaring.
Trust me and don't try to contact me again.
The ferret was gone before Sirius could even come out from under the Cloak. The note dropped to the ground and Sirius picked it up, almost laughing out loud when he read it. Regulus was clever, no doubt. Still, Sirius couldn't help but worry about his little brother.
When he returned to his office, Moody was already waiting for him.
»Where have you been, Black? «, he shouted.
»Busy. «, Sirius simply said and sat down at his desk. His in – box was spilling over with work and with an over dramatic sigh he began to work.
