You'll always remind me of scars on my arms that I know will never fade.
And it's not like it's something I think about each and every day -
I just occasionally catch myself scratching them, as if they'd ever go away.
But these tell tale signs are here to stay, and in the end you know that's OK.
You will always be a part of my patched-up patchwork taped-up tape-deck heart.

(Frank Turner – Tell – Tale Signs)


Remus

One year later, things were going steeply downhill. Dumbledore had sent him on more than one mission to win some werewolves for their side and he had gotten used to being half killed by now. He had stopped long ago to take a closer look at all of his new scars and found that he wouldn't even mind so much if some day one of those fight did end fatal for him. He hadn't talked to Sirius since that fight in his flat and Remus had had to practically force himself to go and visit Lily and James again. They had not talked about the fight and it seemed to Remus, that they had not even had an idea of Sirius accusations and Remus certainly wouldn't tell them. However, at least he had a small flat again. It wasn't much but it was better than sleeping under a bridge like he had done the first couple of months. Now, he just got back from just another full moon with a local pack and there was nothing he wanted more than a hot bath and loads of sleep.

Hello Remus,

Thank you so much for Harry's present. He's obsessed with his play wand and he really like the books you send him. I read them to him every night and actually falls asleep.

James and I really miss you and hope that you're well. Please write, when you are back so we can meet up for a cup of tea. There is so much we need to catch up to.

I'm not sure if you've heard but the Prewett brothers are dead. The funeral will be sometime next month. I just wish I could visit Molly, she must be devastated to lose her brothers but of course I can't leave the house. James is going mad because of all the precautions that must be met, poor boy. I think he misses to cause trouble with you boys even more than anything else.

Please write soon

Love

Lily

Remus read Lily's letter with a faint smile on his lips. Despite everything that has happened, she never changed her behavior towards him. Remus loved her for that. I miss causing trouble with them, too, Remus thought bitterly. He knew that, even if they all survived this war, things would never be the same again. He hadn't seen Peter since Harry's birth, Sirius thought he was a traitor and Lily and James had to hide because Voldemort wanted them dead for some unknown reason. They weren't the only ones, though. Alice and Frank Longbottom had gone into hiding, too but Remus wasn't sure if it was because of the same reason or just for precautionary measurements. Remus knew, that Dumbledore had convinced Lily and James to cast the Fidelius Charm to hide them, he also knew that James would insist on Sirius being their secret – keeper. Sighing, Remus began to write an answer.

Hello Lily,

You're welcome and I am very glad to hear that Harry liked his presents. I can't wait to see you all again, I'm sure I won't recognize the boy after so much time.

I am sorry to hear about Fabian and Gideon. They were good people and excellent wizards and this war takes far too many good people. I'll make sure to visit Molly and pass on your condolences.

I, too, miss you all terribly and I would love to catch up. Please tell me, when and where and I'll be there.

Love

Remus

He quickly bound the letter to the leg of Lily's owl and sent it on its way back to Godric's Hollow.


Sirius

»Pads! So glad you came. «, James said happily. He gave Sirius a quick hug, before letting him in.

»Good to see you too, mate. Now, where's my birthday boy. «. Sirius went up to Harry and picked him up to place a kiss on his forehead.

»Merlin I swear he gets heavier every time I see him. «

»That's what children do, Sirius. «, Lily called laughing as she entered the living room.

They all sat down and Lily gave Sirius a cup of tea.

»How's living undercover? «, Sirius asked.

»Booooring. «, James complained.

Sirius grinned, »I'm sure it is, Prongs. I'm sure it is. So much time for shagging and doing nothing. «

»Oh yes, the sex is great, really. «

»James! «

James and Sirius grinned at each other while Lily shook her head in disbelief.

»Anyway, how are things out there? «

»Not good. «, Sirius mood dropped immediately. »We've lost half of our people in three years and it seemed like Voldemort even gains followers. It's shit. «

»Sirius! «

»Sorry, Lily. So, yeah. It's not good and I'm not sure what Dumbledore has planned. Merlin, I'm not even sure he has a plan in the first place. «

»Of course he does. He's Dumbledore. «, Sirius was always impressed by the faith, Lily had in Hogwarts' Headmaster. He wished he could say the same of himself.

»I was thinking…«, Sirius began. »About the Fidelius Charm. Maybe you should pick someone else as Secret – Keeper. «

»What? Why? «

»I'm just saying. I've been followed by some bastard for the last couple of weeks now. Don't worry, they don't know I'm here, but you know…I'm the obvious choice. Shouldn't it be more someone they wouldn't expect? «

»Like whom? Remus? «

Sirius grimaced. He didn't like thinking about Remus. »Peter. «

»Peter? Why him? Nothing against Peter, I mean, he's our mate and all, but…«

»He's weak and scared? «

»Yeah. «

»Exactly. «, Sirius called out. »That's my point. Nobody would go after him because nobody would think you'd be so stupid to choose him. It's brilliant. «

Lily and James looked at Sirius like they didn't exactly chare his definition of 'brilliant'.

»Why not Remus, though? «, Lily asked.

»I don't trust him. «, Sirius answered reluctantly.

»Why would say that? «, she asked. James frowned but said nothing.

»I'm not sure, I just…don't. Didn't you ever notice how he never seems to be affected when something happens? He's never here. He's never had to fight them while we're risking our lives every bleeding day. «

»Now, stop right there, Padfoot. What are you saying? That you believe Moony's the spy? «, James asked. His voice was calm but there was dangerous fire in his eyes.

»It's a possibility. «

»It's bullshit and you know it! This isn't about Remus; this is about you! «

»Me? How is this about me? «, Sirius asked confused. He expected James to answer but it was Lily that sat Harry down to stand up.

»You're so full of shit, Sirius Black! How dare you accuse Remus of being a traitor? How dare you? He too, is risking his life out there! How d'you think he got all those new scars? This is about you, Black, because you are head over heels in love with him but you're too much of an idiot to see it, let alone admit it so now you just accuse him of betraying you because it is so much easier, isn't it? It's so much easier to hate him than to apologize for being a twat and to tell him what you feel, but let me tell you something: I've had it with you and you're easy! Life is not easy! Love is not easy! And you will go out there now, and you will find Remus and then you will collect you fucking Gryffindor balls and tell him that you love and you will fall on your knees and beg him for forgiveness. Is that clear? «

Sirius just sat there and stared at Lily. His mouth was dry and his brain felt empty. Highly intimidated he glanced to James.

»Hate to tell you so, mate, but, she's right. «

Finally, Sirius found his ability to speech again, »Oh, great Prongs. Hell of a good mate you are. You're supposed to back me up here. «

»No, Sirius. You need to grow up. I can't believe you could actually think that Remus - «, James broke off. He shook his head, his eyes spoke of disappointment and suppressed anger and that was probably even worse than Lily's lecture. He didn't want James to be angry with him.

»James, mate, look, I'm sorry okay? You're right. You're both right, I'm an idiot. I shouldn't doubt him, it's just, Peter said - «

»Don't fucking drag Peter into this, now. It's you, Sirius. You. «

Sirius looked from Lily to James and back to Lily. Their faces were stone like and merciless and the worst part was that somewhere deep inside him, he agreed with every word they said.

»Right. «. Sirius said, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. »Right. I should go. « and without another word he stormed towards the fireplace and went home.


Remus

Despite his worries and insecurities, meeting with James and Lily had been an excellent idea. They had a genuine good time and Remus had been thrilled to see little Harry again. What had been even better, was the new, Lily had just told him.

»You're going to be godfather. «, she said, with that Lily – smile. Remus just gaped at her, not quite grasping the meaning of her words.

»What do y- wait – you're pregnant? «, he asked and Lily nodded eagerly.

»And…you want me to be the godfather? «

»Obviously. Sirius can't be godfather to all our children. At least one of them has to have some sense. «, James said and he, too, smiled widely. They talked some more about children and parenthood and James asked if Sirius had spoken to him yet.

»No, why should he? «, Remus asked in return and both James and Lily looked angry and sad by his response. Remus frowned but otherwise ignored their question. Thinking about Sirius hurt.

Later that day, Lily brought Harry upstairs, and James seemed to deem that as an opportune moment for another attack, »Do you love him? «

»Who? «

»You know 'who'? «

They looked at each other for a long time before Remus sighed and said, »Does it matter? «

»Just answer the damn question, Remus. «

»For the love of – yes, James. I do. I love him, I – I always have. Happy now? «

Apparently, he was. James nodded with a strangely grim satisfaction and they didn't speak about Sirius for the rest of the day. Remus, however, couldn't forget his own words. He had never said it before. He hadn't even dared to think it but now it was said and he couldn't take it back. Damn you, James. Because, really this was all James' fault. And Sirius', obviously. And maybe his own. But only maybe.