"To be heard"
Jace
I sit beside Clary on the hill the entire afternoon. We don't really say anything to each other, we just sit together. When I look at her, I see her staring out in the distance with a faraway look. She seems lost, probably lost in thought. It seems nice, being able to escape the world just by visualizing something else, becoming lost in thoughts that aren't filled with nightmares. For this I envy her.
When it starts getting dark I tap her shoulder. "Clary?" I ask.
She looks lost when she looks at me, as if only now remembering that I'm actually here. To wake her up faster, I grin cockily. "Take a picture. It'll last longer." I suggest.
She scowls. "In your dreams Lightwood." She mutters.
I feel a pang of longing in my chest. The Lightwoods are my foster family. I may live in their house but I'll never be good enough for them to adopt me. Not that I've ever really tried. Nobody can ever come to care about me because then I might care about them and those I care about always end up hurt.
"Nah, you know you dream about me Fray." I reply smugly.
She rolls her eyes. "You are delusional." She informs me.
"Maybe, but I'll bet that you were daydreaming about me." I counter.
"I was planning your funeral. We are at a graveyard after all." She replies.
"Cold Fray, really cold." I tell her.
Now it's her turn to smirk. "I try." She says.
Without meaning to I smile at her, a very small but unwillingly real smile. I can't believe she got me to really smile. Usually Max is the only one who can.
"So that's what that looks like." Clary says, staring at me.
"What?" I ask.
"I don't think I've ever seen you smile." She answers quietly.
Crap. I've been caught. I act smug even though I don't feel it and look away as if I have something better to look at saying, "Yeah, well, like I said before, take a picture because it'll last a whole lot longer."
She groans in annoyance and says, "It must be nice being as cool as you. I've seen you at school. You're always alone. Do you enjoy being alone?"
I glance at her. I'm never alone. At least not at school, that's where the crowds of my adoring fans are.
"Jace, some people have the ability to look lonely wherever they are and you are one of those people. You're trapped in your head as much as I am." Clary tells me, looking me in the eyes. She seems to feel...I don't know... It's not sympathy. She doesn't feel sorry for me. More like, she understands me...which is absolutely absurd. Nobody gets me because I don't allow them to. She doesn't have permission therefore this whole situation is implausible.
I look away from her again. "I'm not alone." I try to say.
She stands up and offers me her hand. I decline and stand up myself which annoys her a little. "Sure you aren't. You surround yourself with the most obnoxious people in school when in fact you're one of the most quiet. You're not one of them-you're different." She says.
I scoff. After all the work I've put in to fit in, she says I'm still different. I am but nobody is supposed to know that.
"It isn't such a crime to be different Jace." She tells me.
I look down at her and wonder why she thinks she has the right to lecture me. "Yeah? Why's being different so cool?" I ask.
She shrugs. "Fitting in is overrated. It's redundant and such a mundane activity that it's the true crime." She replies.
"It's not that simple." I say. My image is everything. It helps keep the nasty thoughts at bay. Being surrounded by noise blocks the voices out. It helps block out the pain-even only for a little bit. In reality though, I am alone. I'm always alone. Except when I'm with Max and it looks like Clary can see through me. Until now I was sure that was impossible.
"Sure it is. Drop the act and be honest. Tell me one thing about yourself that nobody else knows. Then I'll tell you about myself if you want. That way it'll be a trade." She says.
"It's getting dark." I point out.
"Are you afraid of the dark?" Clary asks.
"Of course not." I answer.
"Come on now, tell the truth." She says.
"Fine. I want to be heard." I tell her flatly.
This catches her off-guard. "What do you want to say?" She asks.
I shrug. Might as well humor her. "Anything. Everything. Tell them society sucks and a boatload of other stuff."
"Society does suck." She agrees.
"What about you? What's something that you want?" I ask.
She thinks for a moment. When she starts to take to long I say, "I'll bet you want world peace; huh?"
"Nah, world peace is improbable." She says with a good-natured smile.
"What do you want then Little Red?" I ask.
She rolls her eyes at me. "I want to hear a better insult than that. That one was weak." She replies.
I chuckle. "Of course you do Fray."
"You're going to need to try harder Lightwood." She counters.
"Don't call me that." I say stiffly.
"Why?" She asks.
"It isn't my last name. Okay, so that's two things you know about me so you owe me two." I say.
She shakes her head.
"Why not?" I ask.
"You know that I don't support the practicality of world-peace. That counts as one. Therefore you already know one thing about me." She answers.
"I also know that you're a cheater." I point out.
Clary grins up at me, her emerald eyes glowing in the dim sunset. "Now you know two things about me." She says slyly.
I can't help but grin back because I've been caught. This girl is nearly always one step ahead of me. I really don't stand a chance.
