I don't know what it is
That makes me love you so
I only know I never wanna let you go
'Cause you started something
Oh, can't you see
That ever since we met
You've had a hold on me
It happens to be true
I only want to be with you
(Volbeat – I Only Wanna Be With You)
Sirius
It had been five months, since Voldemort was gone and Lily and James were out of hospital by now. It was still unknown what had been wrong, but as far Sirius was concerned that was utterly unimportant. What mattered was, that they were alive and well. If he believed James' and Lily's side of the story (end he definitely did), Sirius' Patronus had arrived only moments before Voldemort so that they had had no time to flee. To their surprise, Voldemort had been followed by Snape who, apparently wanted to save Lily.
»He just – he stepped between us and said 'you promised not to hurt her. You swore. I won't let you' and Voldemort just laughed at him and said something about how weak he was and that his love wouldn't save me and then they both raised their wands. I don't know what happened after that. «, Lily had told them. It was hard for Sirius to believe that Snivellus, no, Severus Snape sacrificed himself to save Lily and with her, also James and Harry. No one thought of him as a Death Eater any longer but as a hero. Millicent Bagnolt, the Minister of Magic, even awarded him the Order of Merlin, First Class.
To Sirius' unease and anger, Peter Pettigrew had not been captured but, with the help of Regulus, a lot of other Death Eaters that had otherwise stayed unpunished. Sirius had been thrilled to read in the Prophet that his cousin Bellatrix was under the arrested people. Besides Bellatrix and her husband, Lucius Malfoy, Antonin Dolohov and Fenrir Greyback were arrested and convicted for various crimes.
However, today, Sirius was once again in St. Mungos and decided that he had seen the place more than enough for a lifetime. Or multiple lifetimes, really. He, Remus and James were waiting, along with a few other member of the Order, on the corridor, while Lily was giving birth to Harry's little sister. James was just as nervous as he was when Harry had been born, but this time they refrained from stunning him again.
»Oh Merlin, what if she looks like me? Oh shit! What if she looks like Lily? What if she's pretty? All the boys will be after her! What do I do, Pads? What do I do? «, no one bothered to answer to any of James rambling and he didn't seem to expect them too. After, what felt like hours, the door opened and a grinning Emmeline who was just about to leave the room, was almost run over by James.
One by one, they all went inside to see Lily and little Victoria who was completely oblivious to all the attention she was getting.
»A pretty girl, James. You better be careful. «, Remus joked when he and Sirius stood by the bed. Lily snickered but James only groaned.
»I will never let her leave the house. I simply lock her in and feed her loads of chocolate and then she will be fat and happy and no boy will ever touch her. «
They all laughed at James desperate voice, which made James even more desperate.
»What? Are you scared that there will be some obnoxious toerag with glasses that will pursue her like you pursued me? «, Lily asked in a mocking voice.
»I never – I did not pursue you. I wooed you. «
Lily snorted, »Hardly. I hated you. «, she said rather convincingly but James just grinned at her and said, »Nah. You didn't. «, with his James – smile and Lily smiled back, whispering. »Nah. I didn't «. And that was the moment, when Sirius and Remus decided it would be best to leave.
Remus
»So, what are you up to, tonight? «, Sirius asked.
Remus raised an eyebrow, »Not much. Why? «
»Well, I was wondering…fancy coming back to mine? We could drink some Butterbeer or so. «
»You haven't got anyone hidden there again, have you? «, Remus asked jokingly. Of course he didn't actually mean it and he was glad that Sirius didn't think he had.
»Nah. «
»Alright then. «
They Apparated to Sirius' flat and Remus was surprised to see how much it had changed since he had last seen it. Most of the furniture was gone and the flat looked suspiciously clean.
»Are you moving? «, he asked.
»Maybe. Reg suggested that I could move in at Grimaldplace. He's helping me cleaning the house and well…it's stupid, really but…I was…kind of thinking…we could all life there together couldn't we? You, me, James, Lily, the children. «, there as a faint blush on Sirius' cheekbones and he quickly looked away.
»Wow. I don't know what to say. You've really been thinking about this, have you? «
They sat down and Sirius got out two bottles of Butterbeer, before he answered. »You sound surprised. I do think occasionally, you know. I'm not the same person I was back at school. None of us is. And yes, I have been thinking about this for quite a while now. I don't want to be alone anymore, Moony. I can't. I meant it when I said I need you. All of you. «. Sirius looked honest and Remus was struck by how grown up he was. It was something he had never thought possible.
»You never reacted to what I said. «, Sirius suddenly stated. Remus looked at him interrogative and not quite sure what he was referring to. »I told you, I loved you and you said nothing. Tell me Remus, do you? Do you love me? «
Remus blinked. He was taken aback by his apparent new, adult – Sirius. Of course he knew the answer to that question but he still hesitated, »Sirius. It's been five years. Hasn't it ever occurred to you that I have moved on? «
»Do you love me or not, Remus?
They stared at each other for a moment before Remus answered quietly, »I do. I suppose I always have and you know it. «
»No I don't. You never said. «, it wasn't an accusation. Just a fact that Sirius stated. »And it has occurred to me. I would have talked to you a long time ago but I was scared to do the wrong thing, so I did nothing. «
»You never said it either. «
»No, I didn't. I was so freaked out, when you wanted me to decide whether I was serious or not, and don't you dare make a joke about that now, that the only way I knew to respond to that was by pushing you away. You were right. You were always right. I was a selfish, stupid twat that didn't think for one minute how you might be feeling. I was scared of my myself. I knew that you'd be able to break me completely and I didn't want you to have that power because it left me completely out of control. I thought – I thought if I just ended things with you, you know? Made them go back to the way they used to be, then those feeling would go away. But they never did. I still love you like I did when I was sixteen and it's still scarier than anything any Death Eater in the world could ever do to me. «
When Sirius had finished, Remus was speechless. Instead he tried to say all those things he had on his mind by wrapping his arms tightly around Sirius and kissing him hard on the mouth. At first, Sirius tensed under his touch but soon he relaxed and kissed him back. It was the best kiss Remus had ever had. It was hungry and passionate and playful but at the same time so full of love and dedication and Remus felt a single tear rolling down his cheek. When they finally broke apart, Sirius lips were red and swollen and his hair looked ruffled. Remus grinned at him and Sirius grinned back.
»Does that mean you're giving me another chance? «
»No, Padfoot I just wanted a reminder what it felt like, kissing you. «, Remus said sarcastically. »Of course that's what it means. How could I not? You're by far the most insufferable, most gorgeous and most idiotic person I've ever met and I could add thousands of adjectives to that but I'd rather do something else, right now. «. They kissed again and between entangled lips and losing of clothes, Sirius grinned.
»No objections, there. «, he whispered.
Remus had no idea how, but suddenly, they were in Sirius' bedroom and they were completely naked and both panting.
»Oh sweet Merlin. «, Sirius gasped. »Wait. Wait. Remus - «
»What is it, Sirius? «, Remus asked slightly worried.
»Remus I – I mean it. I really do. I never want you to be gone ever again. I will stay with you as long as I can. I would do anything for you. Anything. «
»What are you saying? «
»I want to be your mate, Moony. «
»Oh god. «. Remus groaned. Just hearing those words almost made him come right there and then. »Oh god, you have no idea how sexy that sounds. And you have no idea how much I want that too. «
»I'm glad. I had a whole speech prepared in case you needed persuasion. «
»Pads? «
»Yes, Moony? «
»Shut up. «
»Make me. «
