Sorry for the late update. To make up for it, I'm going to update twice. This chapter is the first of the double-update. The next chapter is called "that's held in your arms." Thanks for sticking around and sorry again for the wait.
"Or a moment"
Jace
A moment; don't we all need a moment? Don't we all wish we could preserve just one moment in time? Just one? Or even part of one? Isn't that what life is anyway? Is it not simply just a collection of moments that play out before our very eyes? There are some that we would like to keep and some that we would rather not remember. Here's an example of one I'd rather not remember: my father's death. That moment plays in my head nearly every night. It is the single worst moment of my life because I lost the only family I had ever known. This moment however is something entirely different. If it were possible, I would freeze this moment with Clary. It's nice thinking that she might be able to understand me.
Of course, then I come to my senses and realize what just happened between us, what we just shared. We shared a moment. I'm losing my touch. I'm not supposed to do this. If I keep this up then she'll get hurt. I refuse to be responsible for another death. My mother knew better than to stay, she knew I wasn't worth the trouble. Father tried to warn me not to care about anyone but I didn't listen and he died. I always endanger people. First my father, then innocent Max who I can't help but love because he treats me like his big brother and tells everyone that that's who I am. I like being his big brother so I treat him as my little brother since no one else is around to take care of him. It's because of this that I'm constantly worried about him because he looks up to me and expects me to protect him when really I'm the danger, and now I'm feeling stuff for Clary. How many other people am I going to put in harm's way? Why must I care about so many people? Can't I just isolate myself so I don't hurt anyone else? Why am I so selfish?
"Hello? Earth to Jace?" Clary asks.
I blink and realize I'm still standing beside Clary in the graveyard. It's already dark and Max is probably still home alone. I need to get back so I can watch him. Has he eaten dinner yet?
"Jace? Are you with me?" Clary asks, putting her hand on my arm.
I look at her and wonder how long she's been trying to bring me back into the real world. I'm surprised she didn't just leave me to my thoughts. That's what most people do.
"Hi." I say.
"Hi." Clary replies, studying me as if I'll do something crazed any second.
"It's late. We should both head home." I tell her. "Where do you live?" I ask and then mentally berate myself for doing so.
"Why do you need to know?" She asks, raising her eyebrows. Yeah, I know what that sounded like; it sounded like I want to be her creepy stalker.
"It's dark and it isn't safe to walk around New York City alone in the dark." I answer.
"I've done it before but thanks for your concern." She says, beginning to walk away.
I watch her as she walks down the hill in the opposite direction of the Lightwood house. Okay, so now I really do sound like her creepy stalker. Clary really is something though. Why am I even interested? She's just a girl. No, she isn't. She's different and proud of it.
Shrugging my shoulders I try to end my mental battle with myself as I begin the walk home where Max is probably waiting alone. As I walk down the street I realize that there isn't one moment with Clary that I would trade for anything. This is the most dangerous thing I have ever thought and I don't really care.
