When Emily woke up, the first thing that she felt was the cold dawn touching her back. She opened her eyes slowly and looked around her, she was on her bedroom, naked, and she didn't know if it was because of the light or because she was still half asleep, but everything seemed terribly unreal. She searched for the sheets groping the mattress to cover herself, closing her eyes again and burying her face on the pillow. She took a deep breath. It smelled like her shampoo, a fresh and clean scent accompanied by that touch of chlorine that never left her and… she also could appreciate a sweet fragrance, maybe vanilla… and that hair conditioner that she could recognize everywhere. Alison… Suddenly, the memory of last night exploded in her mind and expanded neuron by neuron. It had happened, it really had happened, Alison and her… she shook her head trying not to stop in details, feeling how her cheeks blushed.
She had waited years for a night like that, and everything had been so intense… but it hadn't been a perfect night or close to the thousand fantasies that she had created on her mind. For the night to be perfect, the blonde should be at the other side of the bed at that same moment, still sleeping next to her.
But Alison was not in that bed, or in that room, probably she wasn't even in the country and the brunette didn't feel a little bit of the happiness that the events from last night promised, instead, she was completely immersed in an emotional hangover that threatened to give her a monumental headache.
She still couldn't believe what she had done. She had stood up to Alison, she had forced her to confront whatever that was between them, and Alison hadn't rejected her, or humiliated her, she just had been carried away by what the brunette had begun. What was that supposed to mean? What had crossed the blonde's mind during those moments? Had it been a goodbye? A night of oblivion? Entertainment?
Or had it been something more?
They hadn't exchanged a single word since Emily had made her intentions clear, they hadn't even look into each other eyes. And Emily had so many things to tell her… The brunette hoped that the tender touches and soft kisses that she had painted in her body were enough to make her understand all that she needed to tell her but for what she hadn't found words. "If she had understood it all she would still be here", she though.
She sat up in her bed, trying to get rid of that feeling of dizziness that clouded her senses. She couldn't keep thinking about last night, she couldn't keep punishing herself for what she should have done but did not, she couldn't… then she saw it. It was too big to not be noticed.
In the nightstand that was to her left, leaning against the lamp, there was a white envelope. It had her name written on Alison's handwriting. She reached and grabbed it, feeling the rough and cold touch of the paper. She didn't know if she wanted to open it. Inside, there surely was a goodbye note, sentences and sentences begging her to not contact the blonde, to forget her as soon as possible, maybe she'll tell her that she would miss her… Inside, there would be the confirmation that Alison was gone, for good.
This is an important notice to all passengers. Please, stay tuned to the information screens, changes of boarding gate won't be communicated through megaphone. Thanks for your attention.
Alison rose from the seat she had been occupying during more than one hour and approached the nearest screen. She still had 20 minutes to take her flight and she was becoming pretty anxious.
The blonde had been almost four hours in the airport, wandering through the huge corridors, watching how people landed and departed, how they said their hellos and goodbyes. And every second that she had been there she had been painfully tense, looking over her shoulder, seeing odd shadows in each corner. She really shouldn't feel that unprotected, after all, there was a policeman every few meters, but the sensation of uneasiness that had governed her life the last years did never leave her. That's why she was going away, because, if it hadn't been a good idea in the past, come back to Rosewood to face her demons (demons that tortured and threatened her) had been even worse.
She found it ironic that, some hours before, when she had been more exposed and vulnerable, had been the moment when she had felt safer. The blonde remembered how she had waited for Emily to fall asleep to sneak away, and she also remembered how every step she took away from that bed hurt her more than the previous one.
That night had been a mistake, one of the worst mistakes she had ever made. Overindulging, giving herself to Emily on that way… those were things that she had never done, things that she wasn't ready for. She didn't know how to deal with the weight of those emotions and now, when only the memory of the warm body of the brunette remained on her skin, now was when her hands trembled and her eyes watered, because last night had been like a dream, a dream that, she should admit, she would love to stay in forever. And the fear, the regrets, the doubts, everything, absolutely everything, lost it sense in those moments. That night only Emily, and nothing more, had existed.
She didn't know how, but she was still standing on her feet over that polished floor, viewing how the minutes ticked by and the whole world moved around her, waiting for the moment to leave all she had ever known arrived. It was her turn to be brave and responsible for once in her life. She would leave for her safety and for the safety of those that surrounded her, for Emily's safety… she sighed soundly and shook her head slightly.
If she were brave she would stay to face all those emotions that she knew so little about.
If she were responsible she would have left Rosewood months ago.
If she really cared about Emily she wouldn't have allowed the existence of that night…
Attention, passengers from flight 3847, to Edinburgh, we inform you that the boarding will begin shortly. Please, stand in a row in front of the gate, thank you.
Alison turned to face the gate B52, trying to anchor to reality. She put her best poker face and positioned at the row, which was moving slowly. She promised to herself that, when crossed that sliding door, she won't look back, she won't even allow her mind to think about all she was leaving. She'll be ok, alone, building her own life, without terror or persecutions, without worries, she'll make it… she was making it.
- Your airfare and passport, please. – Asked the redhead with uniform that was just in front of the gate that would take her to the plane.
Alison handed her both documents, totally unperturbed. It was the first time that she run away without trying to change her face, the blonde hair displaying on the picture that crowned her passport was the same that she almost didn't brush that morning, and her blue eyes observed everything without being behind sunglasses or camouflaged with colored lenses. She was even able to sketch a smile when the machine that recognized the airfare's codes emitted a green light.
- Have a nice flight. – Wished the girl.
When the blonde crossed the boarding gate she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It was already done. Everything had ended and everything was just about to get started.
18… 19… 20… 21.
21C.
Alison checked her seat one more time before setting her bag on the floor, in front of her, and took the seat next to the window. The plane was still half-filled, the people were getting in slowly with kids, cages with pets and more luggage than they should carry. The blonde shifted in her seat and took off her jacket, folding and resting it over her legs. The oppressive environment of the little space that was at her disposal had raised her temperature. She buckled her belt and adjusted it to her waist. The girl observed again the slow movement of the other passengers, now a couple of elderly was attempting to place a bag that seemed heavier than both of them on a superior compartment. One of the boys that was seating ahead of her stood up to help them. The blonde unbuckled her seatbelt and put the jacket over the bag that was lying at her feet. A phone rang with the typical melody that indicates that the device is shutting down. Alison didn't have a phone and that troubled her, she wouldn't be able to communicate with anyone. She decided to concentrate on the gray sky that the window offered and bite the nail from her right thumb, something she had never done. That damn flight was taking too long to take off.
- I'm sorry… but I think that's my seat.
Suddenly, it seemed like time had slowed down until almost stop by. Alison turned around knowing what face she would find because that voice… God, that voice… it couldn't belong to anybody else.
There she was, with her shiny dark eyes fixed on her, with her brown hair slightly disheveled falling over her shoulders and with her smile just about to pop in those perfect lips.
She was there, Emily was there.
Alison got up and walked towards her until she was a few inches away from her body. She held her breath, terrified that something, whatever, would make her disappear, because that didn't look real, that couldn't be real… that shouldn't be real.
The blonde raised her right hand and, with hesitantly fingers she brushed a few strands of the brunette's face, placing them behind her ear, letting the palm of her hand rested upon her cheek. Emily leaned her face on that caress.
That gesture, together with the way Alison was looking at Emily, was so intimate that the man waiting after the brunette to access his seat had to look away.
Alison exhaled slowly the air that she had been restraining and swallowed, trying to undo the knot that was squeezed her throat. The warmth of Emily's cheek against her own skin had made it all real, the time was running again at its usual rhythm and the space resumed its consistency.
Both girls blushed when they realized that there were six people waiting for them to seat. The blonde pulled her hand away.
- Sorry. – Emily apologized.
- Get in first. – Alison told her.
- No, you get in first.
- But it's your seat… - It was, the seat next to the window was Emily's, Alison had taken it because she was almost sure that the brunette wouldn't show.
- You are more relaxed when you go next to the window.
And it was true, even though they had never shared a flight and the blonde didn't fear planes, Emily was right. Alison had to smile. She was so used to hide things from the brunette that she forgot how good their friendship was and how well the girl knew her.
Finally they seated, first Alison, then Emily, releasing the hallway, allowing the world to keep rotating.
They were silent during a few minutes. There were so many things that Alison wanted to tell Emily, so many thankful words that she owed her, so many reprimands for the folly she was committing… and, however, instead of saying anything, she simply looked at her, enabling to recreate herself in her profile during some seconds to, later, reach for her hand, entwining their fingers, as she always liked to do, to be sure that she was real, to know that she was there, with her. Emily squeezed her hand a little and gave her a smile.
- I… I'm really glad you are here. – The blonde managed to say.
- And I'm really glad to be here. – Said Emily.
- Em… - She couldn't take the words out of her mouth, she wanted to tell her that what she was doing was a mistake and, at the same time, she wanted to hug her so tightly. – It is… it is madness… you have so much to lose…
- I would lose more if I'll stay. – She said in this natural way, as if it was something impossible to deny.
Alison shivered, no one had ever loved her as openly as Emily, she had never felt that kind of love, and that terrified her, because she still doubted if she was at the height of such feeling.
- Ladies, please, buckle your seatbelts, we are about to take off. – A flight attendant told them, breaking the moment.
They obeyed by clicking the belt around their waists and watched as the flight attendants began demonstrating safety measures while the plane started to move towards the track.
- I don't know if I should ask but… how did you get the plane tickets? – Emily wanted to know, and she was surprised by the little laugh that escaped from the blonde, the first one in months.
- On the internet, I had to use another bank account but I got them on the internet. It was the easiest thing of the whole process.
- Edinburgh… - Said the brunette. – It'll be… exotic.
- It's just a scale. – Alison told her.
- A scale to where? – Emily looked at her.
- You'll see. – The blonde suppressed a smile and waited for the brunette to insist.
- Do you have any idea about what we'll do when we get there? – Alison turned towards her.
- Aren't you going to insist to know where we're going?
- Will you tell me?
- No.
- Then I won't insist. – Emily was trusting her, fully, and Alison felt a pinprick of guilt because, even if she have made a nightmare out of her life the brunette was still totally loyal to her, she definitely didn't deserve someone like Emily. – So, what's the plan?
- Well… I guess we'll look for a hotel, we'll find a job and, if we are lucky, we'll have our own flat soon.
- That easy? – The brunette raised her eyebrows at the same time that the plane was taking off, they only felt how the plane was gaining height when the pressure filled their ears.
- Do you think that's easy? – Said Alison.
- I think that you gave it more than a thought.
- It's been my back up plan since months. I didn't do it before because… - She thought about how to continue, she had made that question to herself so many times. – Well, I just had returned to my home, A seemed to be gone, I was with my dad again, and with you all, I even went back to high school… I was taking my life back. And then… - Alison unfocused her sight, she'd almost have it all, again.
- A came back. – Ended Emily.
- Yes. Everything was a mess. It seemed that going back was the worst idea in the world.
- But you didn't leave.
- I thought… I believed I would be able to unmask A forever, to end with the nightmare once for all. Then he, or she, whatever it is attacked me, and you and… I realized that the best solution was to disappear. – In that moment Alison looked at her and felt how her eyes watered. – I shouldn't have made you choose.
- Ali…
- No. Let me finish. – She took a breath because she needed to tell her that, she had to explain her why she had done what she had done. – I wasn't going to leave you the airfare, at the beginning I only wanted to leave you a note.
- But you already had the airfare…
- Yes… you were right, I'm a selfish. – She gave her a sad smile. – And I don't know a single thing for sure. On a minute I was totally sure that I'll go on my own and, at the next, I wanted so badly to have you with me. – She looked down at her hands, unable to face those dark eyes. – I was weak and bought your airfare that same night, before I went to your house. I didn't know what would happen when I saw you, how I would feel… At the beginning I only left the note and I felt proud of it, but then you woke up and… it was too much, I… I'm so sorry Emily, it isn't fair, you shouldn't…
- Hey… hey… look at me. – The brunette grabbed her face with both hands, feeling the wetness of her tears and made her meet her eyes. Even with red eyes and that sorrowful expression, she was beautiful. – I'm glad you let me choose, I'm glad you gave me the opportunity to be with you.
- It shouldn't be like that! – She had raised her voice, frustrated, and all of a sudden she realized that they were in a public place. That conversation was too intense and intimate to let all those strangers that were surrounding them participate in it but, looking around, she saw how every passenger was in its own world. – I should be the one risking it all, the one choosing you. You don't deserve sacrifice yourself so much, not for me.
- Alison… I know maybe you won't understand it and it's possible that it doesn't make sense, but from my point of view you have risked yourself and you have chosen me. – The blonde put her hands over the brunette's, which were still framing her cheeks, just needing to feel her. – And, so you know, I like Natalie.
For a moment Alison was totally blank, without knowing what Emily was talking about, till her mind reacted and showed her the image of the passport that she herself had prepared for the brunette. She couldn't help a laugh.
- I'm glad you like it. I thought it'll suit you, I don't know why.
- If I couldn't be named Emily I wouldn't mind being called Natalie. – She confessed, feeling how the atmosphere started to chill, it seemed like they were going away from the drama. – Who are you?
- Estella. – She said.
Emily smiled, of course she was Estella.
