I do not own Lab Rats.
Adam
It's absolutely terrifying.
Seeing someone you love so destroyed.
So broken.
And all you can do is watch.
And pray that nothing will ever hurt them again.
But you know there is nothing you can ever do to stop it.
That's life.
It's unfair.
It's brutal.
It's terrifying.
He won't even come near us anymore.
He just stays in his new room.
Locked away from the cruelty of the world.
If he does open the door for us, he's timid and afraid.
Afraid of his own family.
He can't even remember the happiness that comes with life.
Only the despair.
And the nightmares.
And the fear.
We can hear him scream during the night.
It's torture.
Bree covers her ears as tightly as she can.
She can't bear to hear it.
To know he's suffering and nothing she does can help.
Leo sleeps in the lab with us now.
Because being upstairs,
Closer to him,
Is petrifying.
He lies on the floor, surrounded by pillows.
The pillows I know that do nothing to drown out the awful sounds from upstairs.
As for me,
I never even fall asleep.
As soon as I feel my eyes start to falter and droop.
The screaming is back again.
And it only seems to get worse.
I want so badly to just hold him again.
For him to know that I love him and can't bear to see him so upset.
But he can't trust us.
He barely even knows who we are.
And it just fuels a deep anger inside of me.
And inside of my heart.
Like fire.
Burning and ripping through my life.
Until nothing's left but the rubble.
And the ashes.
And the ruins.
The ruins of all that was good.
And all that seems to remain is the ache.
The ache that comes when someone you love,
Is in nothing but shattered pieces.
Douglas
I thought that everything would get better.
I hoped with all of my heart that they would get better.
But they didn't.
Things got worse.
Broken beyond repair.
Donald refuses to realize the truth.
Refuses to believe in reality.
Refuses to acknowledge that everything is falling apart.
It's tearing him apart.
Hoping and Praying that every day will be different,
And yet, when he wakes up, it still remains the same.
Chase still doesn't remember.
He still can't trust us.
The world is still tumbling down.
I fear that one day, he will lose the hope.
Lose the bit of fight left inside.
And be faced with reality.
A reality that he won't be able to comprehend.
A reality that he won't be able to live with.
Leo, it seems, has already given up on hope.
He's given up on faith and believing.
He doesn't even speak anymore.
Life is a chore.
And he is a robot,
Mechanical and unfeeling.
Because he's seen the reality.
He's felt the cold, ruthless despair.
And he's chosen to become numb.
Because, to him,
It is better to feel nothing at all.
Bree is the one trying to piece everyone back together again.
Trying to replace the missing piece that we desperately need.
She doesn't think I've realized how thin she is becoming.
How frail and weak and tired she looks.
As if she has aged years in merely a few weeks.
It feels as if she is becoming a shadow,
Slowly fading into the nothingness.
She's the only one Chase will ever talk to.
And it's not even every day.
Only when she pounds on his door until there's nothing he can do but talk to her.
She talks to Donald a lot too.
About how Chase is progressing.
About what the future is hiding.
She seems optimistic to those who don't know her.
But I can see that she is more afraid than anyone else.
Afraid that she will wake up and he will be gone again.
Maybe even for good.
Adam is spiraling out of control.
He moves between uncontrollable anger.
And gut-wrenching guilt.
Unrelenting dread.
And impenetrable sadness.
His eyes say the most.
The dark circles below,
Looking like large purple bruises,
Tell me that he never sleeps.
The unshed tears,
Fighting their way to be shed,
Show me the emotions that he's holding inside.
The bags that hang lowly underneath,
They communicate the fear that prevents him from any rest.
Their usual soft and caring brown color,
Full of warmth and childlike innocence,
Share the darkness and impending doom consuming his every thought.
They're glazed over and unfocused,
Just like he feels.
It's hard to see him like that.
Just as broken as his brother.
The awful part is,
He still remembers everything.
All of the torture.
Chase's disappearance.
Finding him and losing him all over again.
And now this.
Watching everything fall apart all over again.
It's a truly maddening cycle to watch.
I can't even imagine how hard it is to live through.
I think that all of us aren't really living anymore.
Not for ourselves, anyways.
But for Chase.
He needs to know that we care.
And we're going to stick it out until the very end.
Even if it kills us.
But I can't help to think.
What will we do if nothing can ever get better?
What if Donald is crushed by the reality?
What if Leo never speaks again?
What if Bree withers away into nothing?
What if Adam let's the darkness and depression take him?
What will happen to us?
What will happen to our family?
These are the fears that plague me every day.
Every night.
Every moment.
What will happen when we are all so far gone?
Never to return again.
Chase
I'm so scared.
Scared of the unknown.
And now, everything is the unknown.
I don't want to hurt them.
I don't want to be the cause of all of their pain.
It's just so hard to trust people.
Faces you don't recognize.
Voices you don't understand.
People that you barely even know.
They could easily be trying to hurt me.
It would be so easy to take advantage of me.
But I doubt that's the case.
The older man comes to see me every morning, wondering if I remember?
And every morning the answer remains the same.
His brother, the younger man in the house, is trying to find the answers.
Trying to make everything better.
Trying to make me better.
The younger, shorter boy has never even spoken.
He keeps to himself.
Silent.
Shut away from the world.
The girl is skinnier than the day we met.
And sometimes, she forces me to talk.
I think that those conversations are the only thing preventing her from self-destruction.
And the older boy is angry.
And sad.
I can see it in his eyes.
Dark and always glistening with tears.
He can barely even look at me.
And when he does, I can tell that he hasn't slept in days.
His eyes are dark and sunken in.
It's hurts that I am the cause of all this.
It's scary that one person could cause so much pain and sorrow.
If I could just wish it all away and wake up with my memory I would.
But I can't.
And I don't know what else to do.
I don't know how to fix it.
How are you supposed to put it together when everything is falling apart?
A/N: I'm such a bad person...I always make promises about updating and never do. :( I'm really sorry. I will try my best to finish this story ASAP but if I can't, I'm really really sorry. I do try but life gets in the way. So please review, favorite, the works. It's a really good motivator to me to know people are reading and still involved with this story. I'm thinking two more parts? I haven't really decided because I just love writing angst. Anyways, sorry for my rant and always thanks a million for reading!
