98%

"It's more than enough", she told herself as she chewed the inside of her cheek nervously.

Emily had decided to wait until her phone was fully loaded before making the call that she had been avoiding too many days. It was just another way to delay the moment, to get a little more time. But, more time, for what? She didn't know. Probably it was a little more time to prepare herself, to know what to ask, how to answer… although she had the feeling that no matter how much she rehearsed that impending conversation her mind would go blank just at the very first "hello".

When the clock marked 11:00 she saw how the green light rod shaped like a battery achieved the 100%. Now there were no more excuses. Everything was ready.

The brunette took a deep breath before unplugging the phone and she stood up. Lately she had come to the conclusion that she was only able to talk on the phone if she was moving… demands of her altered nervous system. She didn't have to go too further in her agenda to find the number she wanted, and without allowing her mind to generate more doubts, she pressed it.

- Em? – Came from the other side of the line, after barely tone and a half.

- Hello, Aria. – She said with a trembling voice, the result of the beating that had reached her throat.

- Are you ready? – Aria asked, worried, she still believed that it was a mistake, that there were better ways of doing things.

- I guess… are they there?

- Yeah… do you really think it's better to…?

- Yes. – She cut her suddenly, for her there was no other way to do it. – I don't think I'll be able to have the same conversation twice.

- Okay. – The other girl said. – I'll turn on the speaker.

Emily listened as Aria left the phone on the table and, after a moment, a quick beep filled her ears. The speaker was activated, whoever was in the room with Aria could hear her.

She stayed in silence for some seconds, not knowing how to start… she had rehearsed that moment so many times, in front of the mirror, in her mind, while serving dishes at the restaurant… She had been preparing herself for that conversation over a week and now that the moment was there, she was petrified… just what she had expected to happen. She sighed, berating herself and cleared her throat.

- Hello… girls? – She said tentatively, trying to ignore the cold sweat that was covering the palm of her hands.

- Hello. – She heard the voice of Spencer, serious, she could picture her sitting with the back completely straight and the hair tied up in a tight ponytail, very Hastings.

- Hanna… - Aria whispered, and the brunette heard a clack, probably Hanna's tongue, hitting her teeth as the girl rolled her eyes.

- Hello, Emily. – The blonde dragged her name when she pronounced it, clearly annoyed.

It was a tense moment, knowing that, somehow, they were all together, able to communicate at the same time, able to criticize her at the same time… why didn't she listened to Aria when she advised her to call each girl separately? In what moment she thought that, putting them all together, would create an easier situation?

- Well, here we are… - Aria offered. She was definitely tense, sitting at Spencer's kitchen, watching as her two friends peppered her phone away with their gazes. At least she had been smart enough to tell the them that the brunette had only send her a message asking to gather them all in one place, not that they had had a long talk about the pros and cons of that strange meeting.

- How's everything in Rosewood? – Emily asked awkwardly.

- It's fine, very… quiet. – Aria intervened again, trying to soothe the atmosphere.

- Nothing has happened since you left. – Spencer said, and the brunette jumped in the hotel room at the sound of her voice. - Since Alison left.

- That's nice… - Emily started to say, ignoring the way she had pronounced the name of the girl.

- No, it sucks. – Hanna cut her. Emily heard someone sighing across the line.

- Hanna…

- No, Emily. Do not try to make this looks like something normal, because it isn't. – The blonde continued. – Why didn't you answer to any of our calls? We thought… - She stopped to calm down before she started to shout. – Your mother told us what happened, or… what you've told her that happened… your mother!

- Sorry. – The brunette said, in a low voice, undoubtedly the first of many apologies.

- The truth is that we were surprised that you left not saying anything… - Spencer commented, remaining serious and quiet. – With her

- What did she say to you? What did she promise to you? No, wait, what did she do to you? Because I can't understand that you decided… - Hanna started to say, very fast, unable to stop, it couldn't be possible that Emily had left everything for… for… for her!

- Hanna, she did nothing, it was me who… - Well, that was going to be way more difficult than with Aria. – She was in danger, okay? She was almost killed at her own house.

- So what? – The blonde snapped. – Haven't we been always in danger? Did you think about that at some point? Did you think…? – She had to get air to prevent the burning on her eyes to overflow down her cheeks. – It's been a month Emily, a fucking month! And you call us now, you…

- I've thought about you every day, Hanna… - She preferred to be criticized a thousand times for following Alison than to be aware that, what hurt them the most, was that she hadn't been in contact with them that, apparently, she hadn't trusted them enough to tell them what she was going to do, what she was doing.

- Why haven't you called? – The blonde asked, exhausted. Did it really matter why she was gone? She wasn't there anymore, in any way, not physically, not by e-mail, not by telephone… and that was the problem, she was gone, Emily had decided to disappear from her life and that, exactly that, was what was hurting her.

- Is she, right? Is Alison who doesn't let you talk to us. – Spencer said, more than convinced.

- What? No, it's not like that… - She remembered the conversation she had with the blonde just some days ago, when she said that she should call her mother... No, that was definitely not Alison's fault.

- Then, why…?

- I wasn't ready! – The brunette exclaimed.

- Ready for what? – Hanna asked, after blowing her nose.

- For this, for… for being judged like this. – It was easier to focus on the decision she made, on the fact of leaving her life behind, than to steer the conversation toward the rough path that made the consequences of that decision, those of which she hadn't take all the responsibility that they involved.

They were silent for a moment and Emily took the opportunity to remember the reasons she had rehearsed, those that seemed enough to excuse her behavior.

- She didn't force me to go with her, I left because I wanted and… I know it wasn't the smartest thing to do but… it's done! – She ran a hand through her long hair, overwhelmed, how many times would she have to explain that?

She had explained it to her mother (in more than one occasion, because not all the conversations with Pam Fields were about the weather and what she was eating) and to Aria… And, the most disturbing thing of having to repeat it over and over was how she always came to the conclusion that, whenever she explained it she did it because, some way, she needed to convince herself that it wasn't a mistake and that, that thought, gave her the creeps.

- Now she's safe and so are you and… - She went on.

- And you? – Spencer interrupted her. – What about you Emily? What are you gonna do?

- What do you mean?

- Are you going to come back at some point? Are you going to finish high school? Will you go to college? What are you going to do? – How surprising, Spencer was worried about her future, Emily had already forgotten about that, more or less.

- I don't know… we hadn't spoken about it. – She said, overwhelmed by all those questions.

- I don't think you need her opinion about that, it's something you have to decide by yourself and…

- You'll only come back if it's with her, right? – Hanna suddenly said, and Emily felt a little relieved. – Do you love her that much? – And hidden behind that question was what the blonde didn't dare to ask aloud: "Do you love her more than us?" A simple question with an answer of just one syllable, and probably something slightly unfair in those circumstances, considering how exceeded the brunette felt about the situation she had created by herself.

- I can't lose her, Hanna. – She felt tired and sought the support of the peeling wall behind her back.

- She has been very selfish making you choose. – Spencer continued. – She should have left without saying a word.

- That would have destroyed me.

- But you'd have your life…

- What life? The one I had the time I thought she was dead? – She exclaimed, with a hint of anger in her voice. – Because we buried her, Spencer. We buried Alison. There was a body and…

- And everything was a lie. – The other brunette contested. – She lied to us, she did whatever she wanted with us while she was safe where…

- You don't know that!

- Oh, and you do? Do you know what happened to her while she was away?

- Girls! – Aria intervened and, if the situation hadn't been so tense, it would have been comical the way in which she was placed between the phone and Spencer, as if trying to protect the device from her friend. – We are getting away from what's important…

- No, Aria, we're talking exactly about what's important. Emily has left everything for a person she doesn't know and I don't think that's fair.

- But she loves her… - Aria said, as if that explained everything.

- What does that matter? – Spencer couldn't believe what Aria had just said, actually, she couldn't believe that Aria was supporting that relationship so clearly toxic.

- Excuse me? I… - Emily gasped. – Spencer, you put yourself on A's side because you thought that Toby was dead.

- What does that…?

- You did it because you love him! – Now the conversation had become hopelessly absurd because, hadn't they done nearly always the things they'd done for love? For love to their families, for love to their partners, for love to themselves… hadn't it always been about protecting those they loved? – You forgave him when you found out what he had done and… when you discovered that he was alive, you didn't care about ending up in a damn madhouse. You didn't care about anything because you love him and it was more important for you to know that he was alive than to blame him for what he put you through!

- He was just trying to protect me…

- And who says Alison hasn't been doing the same?

- Oh, please! Alison has never done anything for anyone but herself.

- She has risked her life for us, several times. – She was so furious that she had got rid of all the previous emotional tiredness in seconds.

- Yes, she did! After she put us in the hands of a psychopath. She's been playing with all of us from the beginning, specially with you. She used us and she hurt us without…

- Well, you won't have to worry about that anymore, Spencer! – She shouted and yes, it was a shout. It was so easy for her, even natural, to lose her temper while defending the importance of her feelings for Alison, while defending Alison itself, that it almost scared her. – Where we are she won't hurt you again, ever.

- No… of course she won't… - Hanna said, out of nowhere, returning to the conversation. – She's already done all the damage she could have ever done to us taking you with her.

Emily heard the heavy blows that gave the blonde's heels on the floor and, at the second, a slam that forced her to withdraw the phone from her ear. That conversation couldn't have gone worse.

- What's gonna happen with your mother? – Spencer asked her, this time surprisingly calmer, fighting with the brunette wasn't going to solve anything, it only would get her more away, if that was possible.

- She'll go to live with my dad, she'll follow him wherever he'll be destined. Now that I'm not in Rosewood… there is nothing there for her.

At that moment she felt that they were giving to the situation more drama than necessary, because she knew that, if it had happened a couple of years later, if she had left Rosewood a couple of years later, it would have been the most normal thing in the world. For her there wasn't anything else in that town besides her friends and her parents. She didn't have a defined career, she didn't have Alison and soon, not even her parents would be there.

If she hadn't left Rosewood in that moment but a couple of years later her departure would have been camouflaged with the rests, because, hopefully, all of them would have migrated to bigger cities, to make their lives with their respective couples, to build their respective futures… if she had waited a couple of years everything would have been easier but, who could assure her that the blonde would be still available? Who could assure her that the night they spend in her bedroom wouldn't be the first and the last? Because people change in two years and life, in general, also changes in two years and she didn't want to risk losing the opportunity to experience what she was experiencing at that moment, no matter how difficult that could be.

- My parents are coming. – Spencer announced, taking her out of her reflective moment. – Will you call again?

- If you want me to…

- Of course we want you to. – Aria assured her.

- Well… then, we'll talk another day. – She heard over the phone how a car engine stopped.

- Goodbye, Emily. – Spencer said.

- Take care. – Aria asked her.

- Where is Hanna? – She said before hanging up, she was terribly worried for the blonde.

- I'm here. – The girl said, at some point she must have come back into the room. – Don't you ever go another whole month without calling.

- I won't, I promise. – Things were not exactly well with the girl (actually, with any of them), but at least it seemed that they wanted to keep in touch with her, not everything was lost.

- Well… we… we'll talk.

- Yeah, we'll talk soon.


- What if you turn it to the right?

- I have already turned it to the right.

- Well, I haven't seen you.

- I think it would be better to remove it.

- Yes, if you keep going you're gonna hurt yourself.

"That's so sad", Alison thought, as she watched her coworkers surrounding Bruce who, being the tallest, had been chosen to climb some stairs and try to reach the main light of the library, the one that was right in the middle of the store and wasn't working correctly, only managing to blink constantly.

They had been like that for more than 20 minutes, forming a circle around the poor boy, and the customers kept coming to see the show, there even was a kid recording them with his iPhone. The blonde had been resting on a shelf, seeing how they mortified themselves. And to think that she had gotten out of bed just for that. Each day it was harder for her to leave the sheets and go to that insufferable place, because yes, the library had become a very insufferable place.

Apparently Charlie was on "probation" because "someone" had told his superiors that he was doing his job poorly. The fact that John followed him as a scavenger vulture, waiting for him to fail somehow, gave a clear name to that "someone". The good guy turned out to be a born competitor and, according to Heather (who spoke about everything with everybody), it won't take him to long to unseat the other boy.

Bruce and Ann continued with their strange and uncomfortable relationship. Ann never gave up, even if Bruce was doing her an exaggerated vacuum, she kept trying to "reason" with him and Alison had lost what little sympathy she had felt for her (the girl was a complete nightmare, point).

Then there was Kevin, who lived in his parallel world, with the headphones always covering his ears, permanently "cleaning" the shelves of the place. The blonde didn't understand why he hadn't been fired, he was doing nothing! At the end she had ended ignoring him, she didn't even wonder anymore where he went when, as on that occasion, they were all in one place but he was nowhere to be seen.

The only one who seemed to scape from her blacklist was Heather. With her appearance and character she could get wherever she wanted, that was for sure, the girl had potential, in fact, no client who approached her managed to leave the library with empty hands (all ended with a minimum of two books in a bag, books they usually weren't looking for). She had charm, something that Alison admired. That's why the blonde was starting to observe her more closely. The redhead looked like the only person minimally interesting out of the little group of hysterical people in which she had been trapped.

- Sorry. – She listened to her right and had to divert the attention from that sad representation of chaos. – Do you have the latest Patrick Rothfuss book?

It was a boy who was talking to her. A not very tall boy, possibly British, with glasses and a shirt of Star Wars.

- Give me a second. – Alison said as she moved to the nearest computer to type the name of the author. – "The slow regard of silent things"?

- Yup.

It was a Fantasy book, a section she hadn't been in ever, she kept swinging between Classics and Romantic novels because: "you little blonde, you have to like these books for women". The morning Charlie came to say that hadn't been a good morning for Alison so she didn't even try to bite her tongue before answering: "oh, I love them, but not that much… I mean, I still can't cry over Nora Roberts stories, I guess I'm not as sensitive as you"; the satisfaction of seeing him lose his temper with such stupid comment in front of the two university girls he was attending improved the quality of the day considerably.

- We have it in stock. – The blonde said and looked at her watch. – If you can wait for five minutes I'll bring it to you.

- Sure, take… all the time you need. – The boy told her distantly as he watched how Charlie tried to climb the stairs when Bruce was still in them. – Is that normal? – He asked, pointing at them.

- Oh, yeah, very normal. – The blonde answered without giving it more importance.

She left the computer in the home screen and, when she lifted her gaze she met the dark eyes of the boy. He was cute, probably close to her age and pretty shy. He had started blushing when she caught him staring at her. The boy smiled awkwardly. Was he trying to flirt "silently" with her?

- I'll be back in a moment. – The blonde said.

- And I'll be here, waiting. – He said with what looked like a subtle bow. Yes, he was trying to flirt with her, in his way.

Alison just gave him a smirk and walked toward the storage room, pitying the poor boy on her mind.

The blonde passed by her coworkers impassively, wishing to enter the storage room and consume the last minutes of her turn surrounded by the peace and quiet of the dusty place. It was almost three o'clock, she would give the book to the boy, she would put another sale to her name and she would go to eat with CeCe, who would accompany her a little later to see the flat she had found on the internet. It seemed a good place, although it was quite out of the way, maybe that was why its price was reasonable.

When she reached the door of the room she saw an embedded key in the lock. Very clever was the idea of leaving the storage room accessible to anyone who would want to take a look at the library's reserves. Alison snorted frustrated and, after opening the door, took the key to put it in one of her pockets.

The book she was looking for was new, so it should be at the beginning of the room. She took a few steps farther into the rows of metal shelves, sorting the cardboard boxes that were distributed on the ground, where did they put the extra copies of the new books?

She ended up opening boxes, checking too high shelves and gathering dust everywhere. As she walked farther into the depths of the room she became more and more nervous because she wasn't finding what she was looking for. Suddenly she hit something. A metal can rolled next to her.

Paint.

It was a whole can of white paint. Alison held it in her hands. Now was when the damn paint appeared. She had been an entire morning scurrying to that place between clients to see if there was some paint to fix a little the hotel room without success, and now that she didn't need it… Against all odds, instead of getting angry for the lost time, the blonde smiled. Hopefully she wouldn't have to paint anything in her new home.

The five minutes she had promised to the boy soon doubled and then continued to grow into half an hour. She should have left when she saw that she wasn't able to find any new books but, honestly, with or without client, she preferred to finish that morning poking in the dirt. She was taking a dislike to the place and that was no good.

- Oh, you're here. – Someone said behind her and she jumped. Ann was there, watching her, holding a giant lightbulb in her hands.

- Wow… did you fix it? – Alison asked her surprised.

- No, not at all, we have to call back the technicians. – She said, leaving the lightbulb in one of the spaces at the nearest shelf. – A cable broke and Charlie almost got electrocuted.

- Almost? Damn. – A good thing that almost happens and she missed it.

- Yeah, lately he deserves to be electrocuted. – Ann commented, surprising the blonde. – You know it's more than three o'clock, right?

- It is? – Alison said, looking at the watch on her wrist. Of course she knew it was more than three o'clock, she had been waiting for that time to come and get out of the store as quickly as possible, leaving the place without anyone seeing her. – I was looking for a book for a client, here… it seems like the time doesn't pass.

- Well, there is nobody in the store, it's my turn to close it. Luckily I found you, if I hadn't you would have to stay here all day.

Ann laughed and so did Alison, a courtesy gesture. At that time, a door slammed shut. The two girls shuddered and looked at each other.

- It wasn't…? – Ann began to say and the blonde saw how she hurried to get to the door. – Oh, no… - It was sealed.

- Don't worry, I have the key. – Alison told her, showing the little key she had taken upon entering, did anybody think at that stupid place?

- What!? – Ann turned to the metal sheet and began to hit it. – Is anybody there? Please…

- What are you doing? – That girl was crazy, definitely crazy.

- The door can only be opened from outside and if you have the key… - She explained and Alison paled.

- We are locked. – The blonde whispered, putting into words the obvious. What a way to end the morning.


- Don't you have a phone? – Alison asked, desperately trying to open the door. The last thing she would want was that, stay locked in a room with low light and dust and… Ann.

- Yes, but it's outside. – The girl answered from the floor, where she was sitting, with a miserable look on her face, it seemed like her world was over.

- Well, they'll realize you are not going to the restaurant and they'll come back to see what's wrong, right? – Alison reasoned.

- Not today… they've all gone home.

- Great!

Now she was fucked. She thrashed the door one last time and dropped into the metal to end up sitting on the floor.

- We'll have to wait until half past four, until the people from afternoon shift come. – Ann said.

- Half past four? – Alison repeated, she had the flat meeting at five and before that she was going to eat with CeCe. – I can't be here until half past four! Fuck!

- Sorry… - The girl apologized and Alison could see the precise moment when her eyes began to moisten. – I'm so sorry… I'm such a mess…

She covered her face with her hands and let out a small sob. Alison rolled her eyes, awesome.

- Hey, it wasn't your fault, I took the key, remember?

- But if someone had told you how the door works you wouldn't have taken it and we wouldn't be… - She stopped talking because her tears choked the words.

The truth was that "someone" should have explained her how the damned door worked, especially after a month working there.

- Jeez… - Alison took a breath and approached the girl, whose shoulders were shaking, at least she was crying silently. – Look, I don't know what happened between you and that guy but what you're doing to yourself every day is very depressing. – Ann ceased her crying to look at her with a frown. Okay, maybe that hadn't been the best way to comfort her. – What I mean is that you cannot be like that for… a guy. It isn't worth it.

- But it was my fault, if I hadn't told him… - She stopped, she hadn't discussed about that with anyone.

- What? – The blonde incited her, maybe if she knew what had happened she could make her see that she didn't have to stalk the boy everywhere, that it was pathetic and that she wasn't doing any good to herself o to anybody.

- I told him about my ex and… he didn't take it very well. – She said, looking down. She looked like a kid without her favorite toy.

- That's the problem? Your ex? – That was absurd, to react like that because of an ex, now Bruce seemed a moron and Ann a desperate woman. If some guy had reacted like that with her because a simple ex she would have left him at the second. – Are you seeing him now or…?

- No, no… we stopped talking long ago. – She lied, and Alison knew that it had been a lie because she wasn't meeting her eyes and she had started touching the bracelet she had on her right wrist too insistently.

- Then your boyfriend is an asshole. – The insult got the attention of the girl, who focused her pale eyes on the blonde's blue ones. – And you shouldn't feel bad if you had other relationships in the past. What's wrong with that guy? Is he jealous because you were able to go out with others before and he didn't?

- Oh, no, he… of course he dated other girls… - She stayed quiet, looking away, as if she was making some kind of decision, then she returned her attention to Alison's eyes. – And… so did I.

The blonde watched her, trying to figure out if she had understood the meaning of her words, starting to feel a hint of discomfort in her stomach.

- My ex was a girl, not a boy. That's what bothered Bruce. – She said, staring at her.

Alison tried to not stir too much on the floor, she didn't like the direction that conversation was taking.

- You can call it bisexuality, if that makes you feel more comfortable. – Alison didn't want to call it in any way, she just wanted to break down the stupid door and get out of there as soon as possible. – For me it's as simple as that, I fell in love with a girl and… then with a boy.

"Simple", a curious word for what she just said. Ann liked girls and boys and… she seemed to have it clear. Alison had never wanted to ask herself what she was, she didn't like to think about that, she couldn't think about that, and that moment wasn't going to be an exception. She straightened with her legs crossed and opened her mouth to change the subject when Ann spoke again.

- Although… I should have seen it coming… Bruce's reaction. – If she wanted to stop her she should do it now. – His parents are very conservatives and he… well, he doesn't like that issue too much, but I didn't think… - She sighed, unaware to the held breath on the blonde's throat. – We've been dating over a year, I thought he'll understand. And… the worst is that he was the first person that I told, you know? Not even my parents know it, nor my sister…

"Well, now I know it too", Alison thought. She didn't know how to stop the monologue of the girl (or maybe she did but… deep down didn't want too?). The girl was in a trance, talking more to herself than to her, immersed in her own story.

- I was in high school when it happened. We lived in Chicago, but my parents were always traveling for work so… I got into one of those "elite" schools. It was mixt, fortunately, or at least that's what I thought when I walked in, it didn't matter in the end. – She laughed at her own comment, remembering the sigh of relieve she released when her mother told her, with some concern, that there will also be boys in those classes and in those rooms. – I wasn't supposed to meet her, we didn't have any class together, we didn't even live in the same floor but… I bumped into her a couple of times and we connected. – Alison found herself actually listening at the girl's words, maybe if she had another's point of view of that situation she could start thinking about her own. – She was… - Ann smiled. – She was crazy and she always wanted to do things. She had that huge list of all the things she wanted to do before dying. She was fifteen and she already seemed to know everything. She loved to play the violin and always called me to listen to her. She cared so much for me… she asked me every day if I was okay or if I needed anything. – She looked so happy remembering that girl. She definitely had an emotional problem, who laughs two seconds after drowning in tears? "Not that you're the most appropriate to criticize it", her subconscious told her and the blonde almost rolled her eyes at herself. – And then it happened, she kissed me and it was… natural, and easy, very easy.

The memory hit her suddenly but, really, it seemed inevitable that her mind was assaulted by it. Being surrounded by books, sitting on the floor, with Ann telling the story of her first love, how wouldn't she remember the first time Emily kissed her?

She had always thought that there was something different in the brunette, something unique, but she had never imagined that it would be… that. "Don't lie, of course you thought about it", she said to herself. It was impossible to not notice that she looked at her and she smiled at her as if she was the most beautiful thing in the world, that she shivered when they accidently touched and that she blushed whenever she talked to her but, even knowing all that, the girl managed to surprise her.

That day, in the school library, when she had finished reading her the Dickens paragraphs she had chosen so carefully and she kissed her, Alison was surprised. The blonde never thought that she would dare to do that, she, the shy and discreet Emily. It was a fleeting and improvised kiss, a kiss that should have been unimportant but, a kiss that she liked. She had liked that fool kiss.

- We didn't tell anyone, it wasn't necessary, I mean, who is going to notice two girls holding hands? – Ann continued, guiding her thoughts.

That was true, two girls holding hands were nothing extraordinary, even if they did it in the middle of the night…

Flashback

She should have taken the jacket but the morning had been so hot that she thought it wouldn't be necessary.

Alison moved through deserted streets, listening to distant barks and using the beams of light that came off the occasional streetlights adorning the sidewalk as her particular path.

The blonde liked the town at night. Everything seemed more charming when the sun set and the stars were lit in the sky. The houses remained silent and, at a certain time, even the sound of the engines of the cars rolling on the asphalt stopped. In Rosewood, after midnight, everything was calm.

The house she sought had the perfect garden, its windows were closed and its lights were off. She placed herself under the appropriate window and sent the message she had typed on her phone just before leaving her room. Within minutes the glass lighted up slightly and she smiled.

- Ali? – Emily whispered, leaning out of the window she had just opened. She must have woken her up because her hair was wild and her eyes were narrowed.

- Come down. – The blonde said to her.

- What? Why? Is something wrong? – The brunette asked, a mix of worry and disbelief in her voice, not always Alison DiLaurentis appeared below your window in the middle of the night, perhaps she was still sleeping and that was only part of a dream.

- No, I just want you to come down. – The other girl insisted.

- For what?

- I wanna go somewhere.

- Now?

- Yes. – She was starting to get sick of her reticence.

- But…

- Come down now! – She demanded.

- Shh! – Emily looked behind her, fearing that her parents could wake up. – Okay, I'll come down.

After waiting for what seemed an eternity Alison saw the brunette leaving the house in jeans and a jacket, with her hair combed, there was no sign of sleep on her face.

- You took your time. – The blonde whined, starting to walk.

- Ali, it's too late, where do you wanna go? – Emily said to her, not very convinced about if it was a good idea to go out at that hour of the night, but following her steps one at a time.

- You'll see. You are gonna like it. – She said, and the girl began to walk faster.

When Alison saw her house being invaded by her brother's friends she didn't hesitate to make a small backpack and to leave by the kitchen door, trying to draw as little attention as possible. Jason was pretty awful to endure by himself when their parents weren't at the house, she didn't want to deal with the bunch of assholes that were his friends.

The blonde had already thought about walking through those precise streets with the brunette, heading towards the woods that were beside the small lake that the village hid, although she hadn't plan to do it so soon.

Soon the girls were into the woods. There were shadows everywhere and the vegetation grew wild and unstoppable, hindering every step they took. At some point Alison took the brunette's hand and decided not to release it until they reached to the clearing she was looking for. Emily hadn't been able to talk in the entire way, she was sure that Alison could feel the tension runing through her body in the stiffness of her limbs, in the mechanical movements with which she moved, and she was getting so nervous… she couldn't prevent the sweat covering her hands.

- We've arrived. – The blonde announced.

It was all darkness. They were in a clearing, yes, but other than that they couldn't understand the contours of the trees or the shape of the stones, it was disorientating.

Alison let the brunette's hand go and took the backpack from her shoulder, she had found the exact spot where she wanted to be.

Emily shivered when she lost the support of the blonde's contact and she hugged herself, biting her lower lip as she looked around, trying to recognize something, whatever. Why did Alison take her there? Surely there were animals in every corner, ready to hunt them.

- Em. – The blonde caught her attention and when Emily glanced at her she found the girl sitting on the floor on some kind of cloth, covered with what looked like a blanket and patting the space remaining beside her, inviting the brunette to sit next to her.

Emily seated and Alison gave her part of the blanket. What was on the floor, covering the grass, was a towel and, when the blonde felt the brunette getting comfortable, she laid on it.

The brunette hesitated for a moment before following the blonde's actions, laying on her back. She almost jumped when she felt Alison's arm pressed against hers.

Since the day she had kissed her at the library, Emily hadn't been able to keep eye contact with Alison more than two seconds and now she was lying beside her, lost in those woods in the middle of the night, touching her… The brunette swallowed, trying to put down her quickening heartbeats.

How could she have been so stupid? Kissing Alison… What was she thinking? And to top it all at the school, where anyone could have seen them… seriously, what was her problem? But the brunette knew exactly what her problem was, just as exactly as she remembered what had saturated her mind at the time.

It had been the blue of her eyes, and the shine of her hair, and the vanilla scent that always accompanied her, and the warmth of her voice when she read those words… That day at the library, it had only existed Alison and, for an instant, the brunette got carried away by her presence. For a moment, Emily forgot about everything and did what she had been wanting to do for months. She took a chance and, if she had to be honest with herself, it was worth it. Even if it had been just a touch, for her, that daring, was really, really worth it.

That day she learned that the blonde's lips were soft, that they could adjust to her own, that they had a slight strawberry flavor and that they smiled after being kissed. Although, she wasn't going to lie to herself. The smile the blonde gave her was not exactly encouraging. She had taken her by surprise, she. And the blonde had only been able to answer her with the awkward lift of the corners of her mouth. At least she hadn't laughed in her face, and… she hadn't looked at her with disgust either. No, the girl had just stood up, telling her that she had to leave, that they'll see each other the next day in class and then… she was gone.

And Emily had remained sitting there, amazed by herself, proud, in a way, somewhat less confused… now she knew what was happening to her, she liked Alison DiLaurentis. That explained so many things…

- I wish I could stay here forever. – The blonde said suddenly, quietly, speaking to the firmament.

She was at peace.

Laying under the dark sky, surrounded by invisible nature, Alison felt completely at peace. But that feeling wasn't just due to the woods or to the night… it was also the brunette, laying beside her, giving her the comforting feeling of wellbeing that always went with her. It was something unique of Emily. She reassured her, she forced her to put down the defenses she raised against the rest of the world and urged the girl to be just her. When Alison had her by her side she felt like that, just being her, was enough.

- Everything is very… quiet. – Emily commented, not knowing what to say. Maybe she didn't regret that kiss, but it was now terribly difficult for her to be close to the blonde and yet… she was unable to get away from her.

They stayed like that for countless minutes, just watching the clouds passing in front of the moon, listening to their breathings.

Then Alison looked at Emily and Emily dared to stare back at Alison.

The dim light that the lunar satellite gave them made their eyes colorless and their faces were transformed into the outline of a reflection, but the brunette saw perfectly how the blonde inched closer to her, how she let her eyelids fall and how she gathered her lips together, approaching her mouth.

She could swear that the kiss hadn't reached her.

Alison opened her eyes and saw that the brunette had covered her own windows to the world, the girl was holding her breath, still waiting… she really hadn't kissed her.

After a second Emily felt the gentle but firm pressure of the blonde's mouth on her lips. She felt how her stomach jumped in her abdomen, how her lungs blocked their usual movement and how her heart rushed to her throat. She was kissing her, Alison, she was kissing her.

The blonde laid on her side and the brunette imitated her, neither daring to meet the eyes of the other.

They kissed superficially, brief brushes that echoed in the stillness of the woods every time they came to an end.

Only when Alison stroked Emily's lower lip with her tongue and the girl opened her mouth to allow her entrance, the kiss was deepened.

They didn't touch. There were so many new things to explore that their brains couldn't coordinate the movement of their hands. Everything was texture, flavor and the irrepressible and burning tingling extending below their stomachs.

At some point the situation was too much for Emily and she lost control. She wrapped the blonde's mouth with her lips and sought her tongue too quickly. Alison stopped her delicately, holding her cheek with her left hand, barely avoiding being left out of breath.

- Slow… - She whispered to her and the brunette blushed.

- I'm so… - She didn't let her apologize, she just kissed her again.

They tasted each other for hours, or at least that's what it seemed for them, until Alison kissed the corner of the brunette's mouth and stopped.

The blonde stood there, terribly close to the agitated body of Emily, without touching her, breathing with difficulty on her cheek.

Then she trembled.

- It's getting cold. – She said before standing up. – We should go back. – Luckily her stupid brother and the stupid friends of her stupid brother would no longer be at her home.

Emily sat up, more slowly, feeling happily dizzy. Did they just…? She… Alison… It had been amazing.

- Hold this. – The blonde asked to the brunette, passing her a flashlight.

- Did you have a flashlight during all this time and you take it out now? – Emily couldn't help but blurt that with disapproval. Alison raised an eyebrow. – We nearly killed ourselves on our way here.

- Come on, don't tell me that it wasn't exciting to walk through the woods in the dark. – Then the sound of something being shaken was heard. – Turn it on.

The brunette pushed the power button and focused it to the blonde's hands, between which there was a can of spray.

- What are you gonna do with that? – Emily asked her.

- What everybody does. – The blonde turned and walked over a huge rock that was standing right behind them.

Then, something clicked in Emily's brain and she knew where they were. The famous "Kissing Rock".

- Done… - Alison announced a minute later, admiring her work.

EF + AD.

She had marked it on the stone with red spray, it would stay there forever. The spot of light shivered slightly and Emily gripped the hand that held the flashlight. Alison tilted her head and smirked before drawing a heart around their initials.

- Perfect… let's go. – The blonde got up nimbly and started collecting the few things she had brought with her. Emily needed a little more time to react.

They used the flashlight to go home. They walked silently, the brunette surrounded by a cloud of confusion and strange drunkenness and the blonde blocking any "inappropriate" thoughts.

The girls parted with a "see you tomorrow", knowing that they'll never talk about that night, not the next day, not ever.

End of Flashback

For a long time she thought that she had done it to try it. Everyone experiment at some point in their lives and… it wasn't a bad way to practice. But now she wondered if she really did it because of those reasons, if there hadn't been anything else at that time. "Probably not", she said to herself, considering how she had been in those days.

And Emily… it had been extremely cruel to do that to her, to show her how it would be to be with the blonde, to make her believe that the girl wanted something more to just reject her and…

- We were together for two years. – Was Ann still talking? Alison looked at her when her ears registered those words, she had missed half of the story. – Until my father was destined to Paris and we had to move. – She looked sad, maybe a little sorry. – She wanted to try it, the "distance relationship", she even told it to her parents. I wasn't ready and I didn't want to force her to wait for me so… we broke up.

The silence was heavy in that room. Why had she told her all that? It was clear that Alison didn't like the girl that much, very clear. Why had she trusted her like that?

- And… - The blonde started, knowing that she was expecting her to say something. – Did you ever talk again with her?

- We send occasional e-mails to each other but we never talked about us, just about little things. At the end we didn't even do that, she had her life in Chicago and I was starting to have mine in Paris so… being an ocean apart it's not easy.

That's what would have happened with her and the brunette if Emily hadn't followed her?

Surely it would have been even worse, more radical, because Alison wouldn't have had that contact residue in the early months of separation, she would have cut the relationship from its root. But… what relationship? If Emily hadn't taken that plane they wouldn't have started any relationship and then… It hurt her to think about a present without the brunette, it seemed unbearable.

- When I got settle in here and I accepted that I didn't have her anymore Bruce appeared and… with him everything became natural and easy again. Well, not everything. At first I didn't know what was happening. What I had with her was so real that I wasn't expecting to feel nothing like that for a boy but… it happened.

Suddenly Alison twitched again and she understood that it was easy for her to admit her feelings for Emily, that she wanted her in her life and that she hated herself for the things she had done to the girl in the past but… to understand who she was, in general, to put herself a name and accept that, perhaps, like Ann, she could like both, boys and girls… that wasn't so simple.

- I started dating him after a while and I realized that it wasn't about him being a boy or a girl, it was about him being Bruce and I was falling for him and before it had been about… well, her, and… I had fallen for her too.

Could it be that? Could the person, in itself, be more important than the sex of said person? Because she had been attracted to boys before, she had dated boys before but… she had never been with anyone the way she was with Emily and, also, she hadn't felt what she felt for the brunette for any other girl… or boy…

Alison sighed, her head was starting to ache, a lot.

- Since then I've been with him and we hadn't been apart for more than a couple of days. We fight, as everyone, but our fights don't usually last long. – Her voice trailed completely off and her eyes moistened again. – Until now, until I've ruined everything.

Ah no, she still had half an hour in that place and she wasn't going to sit there to watch how Ann melted in tears.

- Look, I think that what he needs is time. – She said, serious, really trying to give her a good advice. – There are people that need more time to accept those… things, but ultimately they end up accepting them.

- Do you think so? – She asked.

- Leave him alone. Don't chase him everywhere, give him time to think and you… - She looked at her sadly, she was knackered, with dark circles under her eyes and disheveled hair, she hadn't noticed before how bad she looked, as her mood monopolized all the attention. – You just focus in yourself. – "Or get a psychiatrist", she almost said but she saw her considering it and decided to shut up.

- Maybe… maybe you're right, maybe he just needs time to accept it.

- That's it.

- Thanks for listening to me. I'm sorry I overwhelmed you with my problems. – She said, giving her a quick glance. – I don't know why I told you all this.

- It's okay…

- Would you mind to… not tell anyone? – It was like being back in Rosewood, like returning to her reign era, the one in which she collected secrets from others, it made her feel a little safer.

- Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.


AN: yes! I am alive!

I knew it was taking me longer than usual (like a lot longer) to update but it wasn't until a very concerned guess asked if I was okay that I realized how LONG it was since my last update (thank you to that beautiful person for being worried about my wellbeing).

Basically what happened here was that a huge chapter (the hugest I've ever translated) got mixed with my exams (the most awful I've ever had) and the result wasn't very pretty.

I still have two weeks of studying (and dying), so please… keep your precious patience up! :)

PS: if there are more mistakes than usual it's because of the "circumstances"…

PS2: thanks for reading, reviewing, following, favouriting... THANKS.