Chapter 19

Julie chose not to relive the huge dressing down she got from her father. It was long, fatiguing and extremely repetitive. Her mother's assistance was minimal as she would pipe up in the Coach's diatribe about nemo losers with some comment that would set him off again. Julie had chosen not to correct her father on the 'nemo' tag. For one, Toby wasn't an emo and two, it was just funnier to let COach continue to believe that he was up with modern lingo. It took all her internal strength not to giggle.

Toby and Julie became fast friends. He was her Duckie, without her having to worry about the hideous pink dress, ugly coiffed boyfriends or unrequited best-friend love. Her cheered her up, called her on her bullshit and incited her drama queen juices to a larger extent. They weren't necessary the best influences on one another but the laughs came thick and fast and he brought a unique perspective to the world of Dillon. One where football wasn't the end all and be all. One where college didn't rest on an athletic scholarship. One where she could spend an evening without watching game tapes, hearing a critique of the opposition's defence or even look at a footballer. It was a welcomed relief.

Julie was becoming increasingly desolate in regards to Tim's avoidance of her. Apparently gossip and motorbikes could not sway the determination of a Riggins. It was depressing. Or she would be depressed if Toby hadn't become part of her crew. Watching Toby interact with Lois was particular amusing as they fought continually when not throwing lustful gazes in each other's direction. It was cute and amusing watching someone else's love drama, not so much fun being in one!

Julie walked down the aisle of the library's ancient history section, hugging her books to her chest. She was in her own world. Her 'crew' had decided to go and see Crucifictorious that weekend, despite Toby's vehement protests. It didn't mesh with his musical tastes, or really anyone's, but it was something to do. Landry's solemn dedication that the concept of band playing extreme grind core with heavy thrash influences being momumental was hilarious in itself. It was going to be entertaining that's for sure. From nowhere an arm snaked around her wrist and pulled her into a firm but warm wall of flesh. As a reflex she dropped her books and put her arms up to push the person away, until she saw it was Tim.

Tim's face was an inch away from her face and he looked deep into her eyes. His eyes, beautiful eyes, were searching hers trying to find the answer for a question she didn't know. They stood there basking in each other's presence, feeling his warmth invade hers as their bodies were firmly pressed to each other. Her hands resting on his upper chest smoothed from fists into flat palms. She could feel his heart beating fast under her hands and for the first time she tried to see it from his perceptive.

She'd been selfish she recognised. She hadn't really respected his need for the Coach's approval and she was taunting him with another guy. She was actively trying to get him to ruin his relationship with the one stable adult he has in his life. She immediately felt ashamed and tears came to her eyes. Julie inhaled hard trying to make the tears disappear but as she looked into Tim's face. One lonely tear trailed from her left eye and down her cheek. Tim just stood there, his hands firmly tucked behind her back, looking at her. His eyes traced the movements of the tear and he leaned forward and kissed the tear away, his lips absorbing its saltiness and acting as a balm on her skin. Her breath caught in her chest. Their eyes did not shift.

Julie sniffled and broke the silence. It was always her who broke the silence. "Tim, I'm sorry," she choked on her words. He pulled her in tighter, whispering calmly into her ear, the deep tone reverberating down her entire body

"What are you doing? She looked guiltily at him, her heart full of embarrassment, guilt and shame.

"Missing you," she sniffed.

"Who's the guy?" he asked. She looked at him silently, the shame spiralling further.

"Toby." His head drew in so their foreheads touched.

"And are you with Toby?" his voice was calm but his body was unbelievably tense. He was angry. She'd never seen him angry and she still hadn't. He felt angry. Tim was successful restraining his feelings.

"No," she admitted. It was time to clear the air. "He's a friend and I wanted you to think I had ..." she couldn't finish her sentence. She had made the situation so much worse.

"...been with him. Why would you do that? We haven't broken up, I don't know what we are but we didn't break up okay? You're not one of the stupid girls who tries to make the dude jealous. C'mon Jules." He let it all out in a frustrated and sad rush of words.

She shook her head sadly "Not been with him, more that I had moved on. But I am one of those stupid girls Tim. I just wanted to be near you. I knew you'd keep your word. I wanted you to want me again."

"That's never been the problem Jules, I will always want you but I can't do it. The Coach...the Coach is the only person who believes in me and I need to hang onto that" He pulled her tighter to her chest so her cheek was resting on his shoulder and his mouth on her ear.

"I know that's why I am upset. I did all that stuff ... But don't ever think that he's the only one. I believe in you and I believe in you and me!" she whimpered. "Tim, kiss me, please." She kissed his shoulder. He remained a hugging, but immovable object. "Tim, please, I want you and only you," she straightened up and looked him in the eyes. He had to see that every word was the truth.

"I just can't Jules. I can't see you with someone else but I can't be with you either. I just can't," Tim untangled himself from Julie and heading towards the end of the aisle. The tears that had threatened to descend came down like a waterfall blanketing her cheek. A cry-gasp erupted from her and Tim turned to look at her. He swiftly approached her and cradled her face in his and kissed her with ferocity. She kissed him back as he pressed her up against the library stack. He broke away and kissed every tear trail from her face. His kissed her eyelids and then he kissed her softly on her mouth. He then walked away without a word.

Author's Note – Thanks to the people trying to boost my confidence. Thanks also to Suzy for being honest about the different tone, I knew it had skewed slightly and it was good to know it wasn't in my imagination. I am stalling on this one a little but I have also started the companion story – Unbalanced – which is this story from Tim's POV. I am actually having a blast writing it and am finding that it is my "favourite child" for the moment. Big thanks to A9, Lilly and Peach for their continual PMs of support. You are so my fanfic posse!