Chapter 06

Olivia opened her eyes in the middle of the night. Her bed was soft enough, but it was cold and her discomfort kept her from sleeping soundly, a heavy doze was all she managed. She could hear the sounds of vehicles near the hotel, but that wasn't what woke her up. She was sure something else disturbed her sleep. Just as she convinced herself it was a dream, the noise was back.

It was James breathing like a speeding train and moaning. Definitely not a pleasant dream for him. "Bond?" The whisper didn't wake him. So she tried again. Several times, until his eyes flashed open.

"M?"

She didn't want to admit how much hearing the distress in his voice really affected her. He was probably dreaming about all those unpleasant things she had ordered him to do on the job.

"Sorry to bother you, but I'm cold. Could you..."

"Yes. Sure."

He was on his feet in a second, going through the hotel drawers to find the spare blanket. He wanted her to be comfortable, yet he knew the best way to make her warm was to climb in with her to share his body heat.

"M, is that better?" He murmured.

"Yes, thank you. Sorry for waking you up."

"Trust me, I'm more than happy with that. You do know what the best way to keep you warm is?"

He didn't even bother to switch the lights on. She was only aware that he sat beside her, because the bed suddenly dipped. He silently watched her face in the moonlight and absentmindedly played with the blanket.

"Yes." M said quietly. Should she? It would be far too inappropriate. Beside, the extra blanket should be good enough.

"Do you need anything else? Food? Drink?"

"No, thank you."

"Alright. Good night."

She froze the moment his lips touched her forehead. Oh god, he actually kissed her! It happened one moment and in the next second, he was back on the floor. As if James didn't even register that he did something so unusual. Like it was the most natural thing for him to kiss her goodnight or climb into bed beside her. From the moment she was stabbed at Skyfall, the world had ceased making any sense.

Bond was not acting like her bodyguard, or an operative ready to do as she commanded. Something had changed in him. Something very important, because he had never broken any boundaries between them in the past. Yes, he would break into her apartment, but it was an innocent act, or so she thought. He just enjoyed riling her up as he stretched against the leash she had on him. Usually M understood him very well, but this was something different.

"I'm sorry." Bond murmured.

"I hope with all my heart that, that wasn't your idea of accepting Mallory's mission and trying to seduce me."

"As if I would do something he ordered," he snickered. "I just wasn't thinking. Don't worry, it won't happen again, while you're injured."

"James..." Oh hell. She shouldn't have used his name. She had to distance herself. "We have to talk." About him disrespecting her position, breaking into her apartment, stalking her every move when he wasn't on a mission. He did all of those things in private. Nobody else knew.

"We don't have to, ma'am. I will remember my place until you are well..."

"You mean next time you break into my flat?" she couldn't hide her amusement.

"That won't happen again either."

"Oh, so you've finally grown up. Good to hear. I can buy the expensive Scotch I've wanted all this time. I was always afraid you would decimate my bar in my absence."

"I don't know, M. That sounds more like an invitation than a deterrent."

"Believe me, it's not. What's happening with you? I understand your guilt, but you have no reason to feel it. Sometimes we can't erase our feelings no matter how much we want to. It seems to me... that there is something else you're not telling me. I won't pry. It's up to you if you want to tell me or not. I won't let how you're feeling stand in the way of this mission. I want to know who's responsible for the attack on my person and have them dealt with."

"I just don't want to work for Mallory. You're my boss and that's all."

"You have a funny way of treating your boss, then Bond. I will give you that."

She could imagine his sarcastic comment, but he didn't rise to the occasion. Silence again.

"You know, I have a stab wound near my chest, but that's not giving me a problem speaking with you now. I can handle your cheeky, insolent personality. You don't have to censor your behavior, so out with it, Bond. What's making you act so odd, so melancholy? This thing has the distinct flavor of giving up and I would never think of you as a quitter. What has happened in the time I've been dead?"

"The last two years have been difficult. I'm starting to feel old. As if I've been living on borrowed time. I didn't expect to still be alive. When you ordered for me to be shot off that train...I hated you."

Ordered the shot... He had no idea what that command did to her and the resulting remorse she felt. The idea of him dead thanks to her one word had given her nightmares thanks to that decision. It wasn't hard to picture him furious. Healing somewhere and planning his revenge. She was just thankful of the fantasy that they never found a body and that he could still be alive.

"I saw the explosion on the television and knew you were in danger. It was everything I wanted, or so I thought. However, there was the possibility of you ending up dead. On one hand my revenge would be perfect."

It wasn't a pleasant experience listening to him. "So your wish came true, but now I'm alive again. I understand the anger."

"No. I never really could deal with imagining you dead. For the most part I wanted you to grieve for me. At Skyfall...I wanted to keep you alive more than anything. I was furious every single second you weren't in my line of sight. I told myself it was because I wanted to be the one to protect you."

"Really? You just wanted me to suffer." That's how she sees it.

Truth be told, M was fond of him and was horrified to think that her order ended his life. She was worried, everyone seemed to know that she preferred Bond. His words were hurtful but honest.

"How could I keep you responsible for the decision you had to make for that hard drive. The thing that matters to you the most will always be Britain and the mission."

Her heart skipped a beat. "You talk... like it isn't your priority now." He is losing his focus and he absolutely couldn't. She couldn't order his elimination, it would hurt her too much. She would rather stay on sick leave indefinitely than face that situation.

"My priority is to be the blunt instrument for my boss. As long as I'm alive, I will always choose you, because you have the integrity to do the job and the guts to tell me to go to hell."

"Don't repeat this conversation Bond. People would swear we were...sentimental about each other," she answered breathlessly. What if someone found out? Some would certainly use it against them and push the point of his termination.

"You asked."

"If someone tried to pay you to betray Britain... would you accept the money?"

He chuckled. "No. I would never betray you. That's all you ever wanted? My obedience, me acting like a good boy by not damaging any of Q's gadgets. You can have it now, I promise."

"Why?"

Silence.

"Bond?"

More silence.

"Bond, stop playing games. Answer me why?" Was it even possible for her heart to beat this madly? She was too old for these feelings.

"Because without you at my back, I don't have anyone to impress. Without you, I don't care about the job. I don't care about anything."

She was stunned. What was he really trying to say? Is he trying to say something? The blood was rushing to her head and pounding in her ears. She could be his mother for Christ's sake. In some sense she was his mother. The parent telling him what to do and especially what not to do.

"This is...what you're saying is...that"

"The truth, as you wanted it. Now we can go to sleep."

She knew the end of a conversation when she heard one, but how was she supposed to be able to sleep after this?

Trying to switch off her mind, she fell into an uneasy sleep, while Bond's words continued to replay in her mind.