Better Together – Chapter 2
You're unspoken desire is the road not taken.
That stupid fortune from nearly a year ago is the only thing on my mind as I drive Mac back to her apartment. It has me so preoccupied that I think Mac and I only exchanged a handful of sentences on the drive here.
It's time for me to taken the road not taken. Mac and I need to have a discussion, and so help me, it's going to be soon. We never fully got back on solid ground after Paraguay and the whole Webb not really being dead encounter, but for some odd reason, we been spiraling away from each other even more since the day we took Little AJ to the pumpkin patch.
I loved spending the day with AJ and Mac. AJ was having so much fun and I thought Mac was having a pretty good time, too, but as soon as I suggested we do something together after we dropped AJ off, and she told me no. She said she'd rather be alone, and I thought that meant for the night, but ever since that day, in general, she's been pushing me away even more and I am not sure why.
Once we are inside her apartment, I encourage her to take a shower and relax and assure her that I'll make us something light to eat for lunch after starting a fire in the fireplace.
I open her cupboard to take out some mugs and bowls only to find casserole dishes instead. I frown. There was a time when I knew where everything was in her kitchen, and now it's different and it makes me feel like and outsider…like I don't belong. This little jealous part in me wonders if Webb did it.
As I rummage around her kitchen, I find a few cans of chicken broth and box of pastina in the pantry. I can't help to smile – it's the same meal my mom used to serve me when I was sick as a kid. Considering the lack of groceries in Mac's kitchen, I am surprised that she had enough on hand to make the soup. I make a mental note to go grocery shopping for her soon. I have a feeling she hasn't been sleeping lately, but the not eating properly, too…that has me really concerned.
As I prepare a pan of water to boil, I wonder how Mac and I even got to this place. The problem is, and always has been, that we are never on the same page at the same time. There's always this awkward push and pull where we can't seem to find an appropriate balance between a romantic relationship and platonic friendship – or, more accurately, find the right time to make the change to something more.
There was a time when Mac told me that I make simple things complicated, and she's right.
That's the thing about Mac – she calls me out on my crap. Mac challenges me in ways no other woman possibly can. She isn't afraid to go toe to toe in argument, she stands her ground, and she doesn't let herself be bullied around – in or out of the courtroom. She's my equal and I guess I find that refreshing and exciting – not to mention incredibly attractive.
I hear the water shut off and a short while after that I can sense her presence in the kitchen before I even turn around to face her. "Are those Navy issued pajamas?" She asks with a small smile as she sits down at the barstool.
Ah, so I'm not the only one who enjoys catching my partner in pajamas.
I grin as I finish ladling soup into a bowl before sliding it across to her. "Looks like we're having a pajama party today," I tease. "Yours are still cuter."
I walk across the kitchen to pour myself a cup coffee and can feel her watching me as I do so. "You're cute, too," she says before adding on quickly, "You're pajamas."
I can't help but to chuckle as I return to the island with my coffee cup. "Then it looks like I know what to get you for your birthday, Marine."
"Funny, funny." She takes a few bites of soup, but stops when she realizes that I am staring at her. "Did I spill?" She's confused, and glances down to see if there is any food on her pajama top.
"No, no, it's not that."
"Then why are you looking at me that way? What do you see?"
I focus on her eyes. "I still see a desirable woman."
There's a long silence that follows, and I am pretty sure we are both thinking about the first time I said that to her. If only we would have taken that step forward then…but it's time now. It's now or never.
"Look, Mac…"
"Harm, we…"
We both begin at the same time, and then stop. We're both a little flustered now.
"You first," she encourages softly.
I'm serious and focused as I take a deep breath to gather my thoughts. I know that I am about to argue the most important case of my entire life. "I think we need to talk about us."
Contrary to what she said that night in Paraguay there will always be an "us." We will always be tied to each other in ways you can't even imagine.
"That's what I was going to say," she whispers.
Here we go…
TBC
