CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
"Tell me about your mother."
Roxas' mug paused halfway to his mouth. For a moment, he locked up. Then he relaxed. "There's not much to tell," he said quietly. "She died when I was five years old. The woman I thought was my mom was just a computer simulation."
Vincent's gaze was steady, studying. "Tell me about her, then."
The blond shot him a confused look. "What would be the point? She's what they made her to be." His eyes lost their focus for a moment. "I don't even know if she exists anymore. What happens to the parents when the child doesn't need them anymore?"
Vincent shrugged minutely. "I couldn't tell you. Twilight Town is out of my expertise."
Roxas sighed, nodded. "I guess I'll find out for myself, soon enough."
"Have you enjoyed your training so far?" the low-voiced man inquired. Roxas forced a pained smile, not quite meeting his gaze.
"To be honest, between one thing and another, I haven't received much training at all. I've been here a while now, but… It's just – one thing after another."
Vincent was silent for a while, as Roxas, at a loss for what to do with himself in the long run, resigned himself to the moment and took a sip of strong coffee.
Leon and Cloud were gone, though their papers remained scattered over the far table. Roxas hadn't seen them since his late dinner. However, as the dark-haired man had predicted, they'd had a half-full pot of coffee keeping warm. Roxas had no compunctions in drinking as much of it as he could, even knowing how many times each cup would send him to the bathroom. However, exhaustion was catching up – over the last several days in hospital, he'd grown accustomed to plenty of rest, mostly undisturbed nights. To launch straight back into traumatised, self-induced insomnia was wreaking havoc on his recuperating system. At this rate, caffeine or no, he could clearly picture himself taking an endless cold shower, with matchsticks to prop open his eyelids. Or tape. Yeah. Tape them to his forehead and bid farewell to blinking. Dry eyes wouldn't be so bad…
Better than waking on a rooftop at midnight.
He closed his eyes, tipped his nose into the mug and deepened his mouthful. His hands stung at the heat – mysterious blisters and splinters that the blond didn't remember getting dotting his palms and the meat of his fingers. It wasn't fair, damn it – here he was, trying to take care of himself, while, the second he slipped away, his body was doing its damndest to virtually destroy itself. If Vincent hadn't been on that tower…
He shivered once, violently, choked on the coffee as his breath hitched. He placed it down quickly, with a sharp clatter, and started to cough roughly. Vincent reached out and carefully shifted the cup out of knocking range. "Take your time," he said softly, as the boy struggled to compose himself. Roxas jammed a knuckle between his teeth, struggling to regulate his breathing. He rested his elbows on the surface, dipped his head low, teeth clamping together, lips pressed, eyebrows drawn as he glowered at the shining metal, sucking in each breath through his nose. Vincent watched. His hands moved together elegantly, metal fingers interlinking with gloved, amber eyes level and ever-inscrutable.
"How often is this happening?"
Roxas hunched over briefly, biting down hard on the knuckle, grinding. When at last he released it, almost startled by the sudden sting of pain, it was slick with spit, a trace of blood rising from the tooth-marks. He stared for a moment, sighed heavily, shook his head. "I don't know. A few times. It's – it's getting worse."
"And you remember nothing at all?"
Roxas' hands snaked out for his mug, grip tight, to still the shaking, ignoring the many minute stabs in his palms. "I don't – " Flaxen spikes shook roughly from side to side. "I don't. I don't remember – anything. But – " He swallowed, eyebrows knitting, head tilting slightly to the side as he gazed at the table, face twisted with an edge of distress. "I – " His voice was soft. "I can feel it getting worse. Don't – don't ask me how, because, I mean, I don't remember, right? I shouldn't know if it's good or bad, or… but it is. It's getting… worse." His eyes widened, fingers flexing, thumbs sliding across the white porcelain. "I don't know what's going on."
Vincent nodded slowly. "Does Axel know about this?"
Roxas grimaced. "Yeah. He says it's okay. Normal." His face lightened briefly. "He said it happened to other people." He swung his head to the man. "Has – has this happened before? Like this?"
"…Not that I know of." Vincent watched the blond deflate, eyes drifting back down.
"So, I'm back to wondering what the hell is going on with me," Roxas said quietly. He placed his hands over his eyes and groaned. "I just don't know. I mean, I can't just not sleep. This is the second time in one night that I'm going to bed and waking up somewhere different, somewhere wrong. I don't understand." He frowned suddenly, turned back to Vincent. "Why'd you ask about my mom, anyway?"
Vincent's index finger tapped slowly on the surface. "Some things you said were to do with your mother."
Frustrated bewilderment crossed the boy's face. "That's – so stupid. She's dead, for crying out loud!" He pushed back with a snarl, crossed his arms sharply over his chest, jaw clenching tighter than ever, until his head pounded, until the gap between his teeth caused by the man calling himself Sephiroth began to ache anew. "I know that, so why won't the rest of me just accept it?" There was desperation in his tone. "I just – I don't get it." He frowned. "Do I need counselling? Is this some kind of separation angst leftover from leaving Twilight Town? Am I just – am I weak at this?"
Vincent raised an eyebrow. "At what?"
Roxas gestured largely, hands held out helplessly at their surroundings. "This. Hollow Bastion. Being a techie, being with Axel, all the rest. Am I just no good at it? No matter how much I wanted it, was it just wrong for me? Is my brain not coping, or what?"
Vincent was silent for several beats, as Roxas began to berate himself, hopelessness rising up without the redhead around to beat it back with his affection and constant reassurances. Would Roxas always need someone telling him he'd be okay in order to function? Because ever since leaving Axel at the hospital, he'd done nothing but go downhill.
"I'd say," Vincent suggested, "that it's more a case of the things that have happened to you. No one else has been attacked quite so frequently as you in such a short space of time, Roxas. No one has been separated from their partner on the very first day of leaving Twilight Town, to my knowledge. Add all of that, the fear and uncertainty on top of what is already a difficult situation… and I can imagine a reaction this violent. You yourself might be coping, but there are parts of you, parts perhaps that you are unwilling to confront, that aren't dealing very well." His eyes were thoughtful. "By repressing them in your efforts to adjust quickly to your new environment, it could be that you have unwittingly triggered these episodes. Perhaps it is separation anxiety."
Roxas slumped, massaging his forehead with his knuckles. "I mean… that makes sense," he said softly, "it really does, but it feels so much more complicated than that." He exhaled loudly, tucking his nose into his hand. "Maybe I do need to talk to someone," he mumbled. He gave a short, mirthless laugh. "I can only imagine what Axel will think when he comes home and finds out that I've gone nuts without him permanently holding my hand…"
"I think Axel will be just as eager as you to figure all this out," Vincent murmured. "He cares about you very deeply, and always has done. I don't believe there is a flaw in you that he would hesitate to embrace."
Roxas grimaced, uncomfortable with the frankness of the man. In light of everything that was happening, it occurred to Roxas that perhaps part of this confusion was his apparently sudden switch in sexuality. The last time he liked anyone, it had been Naminé. He'd gone for a few years without feeling attraction towards anyone in particular, and then Axel waltzes into his life… Yes, things since then had been different, and stressful, all shaken up, and he hadn't had time to process it all. It still swirled, all of it this glorious mess inside his head, a cat's cradle of wool twisted from this membrane to that cortex, wound all the way back into the darker recesses, where it continued to convolute and fester. Roxas had been surviving for so long, that he had forgotten that deeper thought was involved in all of this… Simply visiting the gravesite of his mother, and accepting that she was dead, didn't mean that the issue was gone from his head.
He sighed. "Yeah," he said heavily. He ran a finger around the rim of his mug. "I know." His gaze grew distant. "Maybe I'll see if Aerith can help me. She's getting worried… as if she really is my mother…" He smiled a little at that.
Vincent cautioned tonelessly, "Be careful of thinking that way. It won't help you at all if you end up replacing her in your mind with your birth-mother. She is a maternal presence; for the moment, leave it at that. Try to consider her a particularly nurturing friend, rather than a parental figure."
Roxas shot him a frustrated look. "You're not letting me get away with anything, are you?"
"Do you think you'll try and sleep again tonight?" the man asked, drawing the conversation from the subject of mothers. Roxas frowned, sucking on his lower lip. He shook his head.
"I'm kind of sick of closing my eyes in Axel's room and opening them somewhere completely different. I'll wait until I'm really tired – that might settle things down."
"I doubt it," Vincent said, discouragingly. "But it's worth trying. However, I also doubt you will be in Axel's room. You caused some damage, I think in your efforts to escape. The door appeared to have been locked."
Roxas blinked, eyes shooting wide. He sat up quickly. "Holy shit! Yes, it was locked! I – " Trepidation overcame his expression. "How the hell did I get out? Aerith locked it." Feeling sick, he asked, "What do you mean, caused some damage? What kind of damage could I have caused?"
"Those keys of yours seemed to be effective enough to break the lock open."
"Oh, man." He dropped his forehead to the table, winced, came up rubbing it in confusion, frowning. "Am I bruised?" he mumbled. "Like, more than I was?" He touched the area gingerly.
"You weren't very careful of yourself," the other man said, a faint hint of apology lacing his tone. Roxas scowled.
"Stupid sleep-walking body." He sighed dejectedly. "So I broke Axel's door." Vincent shook his head slightly.
"There was more than that. It doesn't matter now, though. The last thing you need is further upset." He inhaled, lips pursing slightly. "One way or another, this needs to be fixed. You can't continue like this."
"You're telling me," the blond said testily, wondering unhappily about what sort of damage Vincent was talking about. Exactly how fucking crazy was his sleep-self going to become? It wasn't enough that he was waking up in tears, freaking people out, or climbing towers, but now he was growing violent as well? "I didn't hurt anyone, did I?" he asked doubtfully, thinking of Zexion. He still hadn't managed to apologise to the man, even though he knew he wasn't being held accountable for the injury.
"No. I followed you from your room. The only other people that saw you were Leon and Cloud."
Roxas scowled. "So where are they now?"
Vincent shrugged a little. "Very possibly investigating why you were up and walking around at this time of night. They know you were asleep. I realised it when you didn't respond to me, and DiZ already spoke to me on the matter."
Roxas looked over sharply, uneasily. "DiZ was talking about me? Why?"
"He described what happened in the computer room earlier this evening. Asked for me to extend my patrolling ground to encompass your room, in case something went wrong." He nodded shortly. "A fortunate request."
Roxas' eyebrow rose, he agreed in a murmur. He rubbed his face, and gulped his coffee. He glanced over to the broad windows. "Hey, Vincent?"
"Yes?"
"How long until dawn?"
There was a brief hush, before the man answered, "About five hours."
"…Oh." It had felt like they'd been there for longer. Roxas looked down into his cup, almost empty. "I think I'll go make some more."'
He rose, the mug dangling from his finger, and padded across the dining hall on silent feet. He was still cold, but masked it, not wanting to cause any more trouble than he had already. Besides which… he didn't feel like being left alone, if the other man thought to get him something warmer. He didn't know what he'd do if Vincent decided to call it a night, leaving Roxas to his caffeine and caffeinated thoughts.
He felt a flutter of panic at the thought of being alone – what if he dropped off? What if he dozed without meaning to? What if next time, no one caught up with him? Because there'd be a next time. Roxas was almost sure of it.
Luckily, Vincent must have really been some kind of vampire, because at no point during the five hours til daylight did the man even seem to want to leave, didn't even suggest that Roxas try again to sleep, let alone claim to need any himself. Cloud and Leon never did come back, for which the blond was grateful. This could remain between him and Vincent, at least for the moment.
It was nice, to be with someone who didn't seem to think he was being strange. He wasn't sure the feeling would spread so generously to everyone else, once they heard of it.
It was a very long night.
.o.O.o.
Kairi found him at breakfast, long after Vincent had vanished, leaving the blond to cling to the reassuring normality of the forming groups. He sat with Luxord and Larxene at their usual table, feeling Axel's absence from the scene like a missing limb. Where there had been a warm, energetic, entertaining and affectionate presence, there was now just – space. It made Roxas feel even colder, more alone than ever, especially as neither of the other two techies were anything close to morning people, just when he needed cheering up the most.
Kairi's appearance almost startled him, interrupting his drained, aching misery. In his time so far at Hollow Bastion, he had yet to embark on a proper conversation with the girl. The only thing they seemed to have in common was Axel. In all honesty, she intimidated Roxas a little – this was Axel's sister. They seemed to have a good relationship, and Roxas was nervous of what would happen if for some reason she decided to dislike him upon getting to know him better. He wasn't a total idiot – he was aware of how powerful Axel's feelings for him were, he knew it he wasn't going to be dumped if Kairi didn't like him, but – he just – he'd had enough of difficulty. He'd have been happy avoiding her, and never having to deal with the potential discord, even at the cost of a possible friend.
She looked worried as she approached, wary. She smiled in a forced fashion. "Hi, Roxas. I – um, I passed by your room to pick you up, but…" Her eyes flicked to the other two occupants of the table. "Well, I see you got here by yourself."
Neither Luxord nor Larxene were displaying signs of interest in the conversation. Roxas watched them carefully for a moment, before darting the girl a faintly panicked look. He still didn't know what state he'd left the room in, but judging from her expression, it wasn't going to be great. "I've been… up for a while."
"Well, I wanted to know if you wanted to join us at our table," she said after an awkward beat. "Since we'll be working together today and all."
"Uh…"
Again, he glanced at the others. Larxene, who had apparently been following the conversation despite her otherwise detached appearance, looked up witheringly. "You can go play with the children, dear," she sneered. "As long as you're back by dinnertime."
Kairi glared a little, but knew the woman well enough to not bother with a retort. As Roxas silently nodded and rose from his seat, no plate or bowl to bring along since he hadn't felt like eating yet, stomach faintly queasy, Kairi unsuccesfully fought back a cringe. Roxas was reminded, sighing slightly, that he hadn't turned pretty overnight. The bruises were as colourful as ever. Naminé had probably told her about them, but it still didn't beat seeing them the first time in person. That plus his exhaustion, and he imagined he wasn't at his most attractive. Great. His first proper interaction with the family, and he was already giving off a bad impression. It was a testament to Kairi's sweet nature that she didn't instantly point out his overall haggardness.
He followed her wearily. She waited after a few steps for him to catch up, still that cautiousness in her eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't visit you in hospital," she said, hesitantly. "Nam and I split you and Axel between us in our breaks."
Roxas shook his head, spikes swaying, ruffled and messed. "It's fine. I was out of it most of the time anyway, the painkillers and all…"
She smiled thinly. "Nam said." They started over towards the other techie table. Roxas reached back, scratched his neck.
"Uh, say, Kairi – what did you, maybe, see when you went past my room? How were – things?"
"Well – the door wasn't looking too good," she replied, glancing over. "It was covered up by some of the tape the Committee uses to cordon places off. There was a note from Leon saying you'd be sleeping in Demyx's room until Axel comes back."
Roxas blinked, straightened slightly. "Oh."
"It said – there'd been a problem with the lock?"
Roxas smiled, trying not to let his relief filter through. "Uh, right, yeah. I had some trouble with it. It's – really not a big deal."
She nodded, looked a little more positive. She ushered him over to the table, and smiled brightly at Riku and Sora, the only ones out yet. Roxas guessed it still must be reasonably early. He didn't really know – he'd lost track of time a while ago. Right now, it was all just about how light it was outside. "I found Roxas," she announced happily, waving him over to sit beside her. They lowered down into their seats. Riku waved in greeting, eyes widening over the top of his coffee mug as he glanced up. He choked slightly, pulled it away, blurted, "Holy shit, Roxas!" There was an uncomfortable pause, before the silver-haired boy cleared his throat, pinned by twin glares from his companions. "I mean, good morning."
Roxas chuckled weakly. "That's the most honest reaction I've had so far," he admitted. "I think I actually prefer it to the freaked-out looks followed by determined niceness."
Sora grinned wryly. "How're you holding up, poker-buddy?" He gestured with his spoon, eyebrows rising. "You look better out here than you did in that bed."
Roxas smiled, settled his hand on one hand, tried to not fall asleep at the table. "I do? I guess that's a good thing, then. At least I don't look worse."
Riku grunted. "This is better?" he muttered, before getting an elbow jabbed in the side by his boyfriend, whose smile became slightly forced and cheery while Riku coughed hard on his mouthful of cereal. Kairi, missing the exchange, scrunched up her nose.
"Ew, Riku. Do the world a favour and chew." He shot her a dangerous look, spoon stabbing at the air in a threatening manner. "I hope you don't mind us stealing you away, Roxas," she said, turning to the blond, tucking her knuckles under her chin, violet eyes wide. "I just thought it would be nice to have you over here for a while, especially with Axel gone. Don't feel like you need to follow him everywhere, though, just because of how he is with you."
Roxas blinked. "What?"
She smiled knowingly, tipping her nose down a little, raising a brow. "It's okay, I know what he's like. Nothing would make him happier than having you absolutely everywhere he goes, within arm's length, but you need to build a life for yourself, too." She shrugged. "It's not easy. We know that as well as anyone. Me and Riku have been in the same boat."
"Although our boat was slightly less obsessive," Riku put in. Sora squinted.
"Does that – make me the boat? Because I don't think that's what she meant."
"And you shut up about Axel," Kairi said sharply, poking a finger at him. "I'm the only one allowed to make allusions to his craziness. And Roxas, now. No one else." She turned back with a smile. "Since you know even more of the intimate details than me, feel free to call him obsessive as much as you like."
"Uh – thanks." Roxas shook his head. "I'm okay with it, though."
She beamed. "That's what makes this all so great. Who'd have known you'd end up being so cool with him? You didn't even get mad when you found out about his – um, frivolities."
This time, the blond laughed outright. "Look, I told him, I'll tell you, I'll tell the world if I need to – whatever he did before I came along doesn't even matter. How he acts now is what's important to me." He sobered a little. "I'm just happy that he's… happy. He's being incredibly patient, considering the – the scale of his…"
"Insanity," Riku supplied. "Feel free to throw it about. I did for years."
"And yet, he continued to call you his friend." Sora rolled his eyes as Kairi scowled, digging his spoon deep into his cereal. Aerith entered the dining hall with Leon and Cloud, spotted Roxas, hesitated. He caught sight of the pink, swung his head around and froze. She was frowning in concern, met his gaze for a long moment. Leon leaned down to murmur in her ear, and she nodded faintly. She smiled at Roxas, inclined her head once, and continued across towards the kitchen wall.
"… because I said that you can't already," Kairi was saying in annoyance. "Would it kill you try and be a little – hi, Leon." The irritation in her tone faded into a breathy quality as the brunet approached. If stars could have started showering from her eyes, now would've been the time for it to happen. Roxas could practically see the dewy-eyed hope. Apparently, she hadn't quite given up on the idea of Leon being straight. Either that, or denial was striking hard. The man hardly glanced at her. A faint grunt of recognition was about the most he offered. His blue-grey eyes found Roxas, and held for a long second, sending some kind of silent message. "Me and Cloud did what we could about your door," he said neutrally. "We told Aerith about your new sleeping arrangements. She approves, but wants to make sure you're comfortable enough, so let her know the next time you're planning to take a nap. Apparently Demyx's room can get messy without the kid even being in the vicinity."
"O-oh," stammered the blond. "Thanks." His heart thundered at the double-meanings lacing the statement. To anyone else, the mystery of Roxas' door had been solved, but the questions only deepened as far as he was concerned. He could only wallow in the overwhelming gratitude welling up in his chest, and fight the urge to start crying. He swallowed. "I appreciate your help," he muttered hoarsely. Leon studied him briefly, inclined his head.
"Any time."
He left without another word. Kairi slammed her elbows on the table and pouted, manicured nails tapping the sides of her face. "It's really, really unfair. I wish I was Cloud."
"You and the rest of the world," Sora agreed fervently, making Riku glare.
"I certainly don't," he bit off. "I'm perfectly happy how I am, and even happier with how you are."
Sora grinned, reached out to tap his nose with his milky spoon. "That's because you looooove me," he teased, before leaning forward to lick the drips from the teen's skin. Riku continued to glower, but there was a lot of effort involved in maintaining it. Sora just laughed, knowing precisely the effect he was having on the other male, and went back to his breakfast. "So, wow," he said through a mouthful of milk and crunching, "sounds like they just about had to break you out, huh? From what Kairi said about the door, and all. What's up with that?"
"Uh – they did," Roxas said quickly. "They had to break the lock. It… jammed."
"This place really is a piece of shit," Riku muttered, pulling his long sleeve over his hand and wiping his nose off. "It's falling apart all over the place."
"Good thing we've got the Committee, then," Kairi said happily. "I got Leon to change my light-bulb the other day. Don't know what I'd do without him!"
"Have no one to salivate over? Turn lesbian out of desperation?"
Sora tilted his head to one side, ignoring the sound of flesh smacking flesh as Kairi lunged across the table to attack his lover. "So, Roxas – you're working with Kairi today?"
The blond shook himself mentally, nodded. "I'm still not sure what I'm meant to be doing. It's not like I've even been near the computer since that first viewing spaz-out." He flushed a little. "And – last night."
"Naminé told Kairi, who told us," Sora said, nodded sagely. "Sucks, man. Sleep-walking, huh?"
"I started talking in my sleep when I first came to Hollow Bastion," Riku offered, rubbing his slap-reddened shoulder, head pulled back so that the strands of silver wouldn't get tugged. Roxas' interest was aroused. He frowned, leaning forward, hands clasping between his thighs.
"Really? What did you say?"
"All kinds of crazy shit. Sometimes I woke myself up out of a really deep sleep from shouting so loud."
"That made two of us," the brunet chipped in dryly. "Those were some fun nights, I tell ya. It was like nothing would shut him up!"
"So – what happened?" Roxas rested his chin on the table, telling himself that it didn't necessarily mean he was going to fall asleep. "Do you still do it?"
"Naw. It's been four years now. It lasted for about three months, and then just sort of went away." He shrugged, took a gulp of coffee. "Weird things happen when weird things happen. It's not like surviving a war, your parents' deaths, having your memories wiped and rebuilt to believe in something that's pretend, and then eventually being hauled out and told it's all a lie, sets you up to be the most stable person around. Brains don't like that much interference in the familiar."
"The familiar?" Roxas smiled crookedly. "Now you sound like Axel."
"It's part of the conditioning process, that's why," Sora explained. "Introducing unfamiliarity into this perfect little bubble world you've always existed in – it interrupts the programming. Your memories aren't actually wiped – they're just covered up with the lies. The second someone starts questioning them, the falsities start breaking down. And then there's the wonders – little parts of the program coming unhooked one by one."
Roxas scowled. "I didn't like the one in the tunnel. That was horrible."
Riku raised an eyebrow. "The moaning tunnel? Why's that so horrible? I mean, I know it's a little weird, but it's not all that bad."
Roxas stared incredulously. "Are you kidding? Having the shit beaten out of me was not fun. And that was fucking scary, not just a 'little weird'."
"Say again? The shit beaten out of you?"
"There was someone or something that looked like Seifer," Roxas explained. "He kept popping in and out of existence, and bashed me until I passed out." He faltered, suddenly noticing the shocked expressions of those around him. "I mean – isn't that supposed to happen?"
"Did you tell Axel?" Riku demanded. Roxas was confused.
"I – I didn't tell him the details. I was too freaked out. But – I think he said – it wasn't meant to be bad like that. He could see how shaken up I was."
"He should have said something," Sora scowled. Kairi sighed, shook her head and rolled her eyes.
"Are you kidding? That was the time he crushed his watch, remember? He wasn't going to draw more attention to that than he needed to."
"I hate those watches," Roxas grumbled. Kairi smiled a little.
"It's funny," she said lightly. "I can remember threatening to kill my dear darling older brother if he ever took his watch off – he was being such an idiot when it came to you. Staying in the system long after he was supposed to have come out, messing up our rosters, avoiding DiZ like you wouldn't believe, just to try and get closer to you." A tenseness passed over her face, a small frown forming. "I can't tell you how glad I am that everything worked out between you two."
"A lot of people say that," replied the blond quietly. "All I can do is agree. I don't like to think of the 'what-ifs'."
"I'm not happy about that discrepancy," Sora muttered, spoon drumming the table. "Axel was right – that wasn't supposed to happen. And he didn't even know the details." He cocked his head, puzzled, blue eyes meeting Roxas'. "Did anything else strange happen like that? Anything particularly off, or frightening?"
Roxas thought for a moment, hesitated. "The one where my – my shadow came out of the fountain. But Axel seemed to know all about that. He accidentally mentioned knowing it was my shadow before I told him." Everyone relaxed, nodded.
"That's fine," the brunet said. "It's harsh, but it works nicely. It's a way to jump-start your old memories."
"Speaking of which, had any yet?" Riku asked, swirling the milk in his bowl, getting ready to drink it directly.
"I don't know. Not really," Roxas sighed. "It's not like I've had much opportunity. I wish I could just do this like everyone else. It'd be nice to just deal with the regular freak-out stuff."
"Well, I'll check into that with the wonder," Sora said. "It's pretty odd that that happened. It's meant to be weird, but not scary like that, and definitely not violent."
"As for memories," Kairi added, laying a hand on his shoulder and smiling encouraingly, "those will come back in their own time. You've got your whole life ahead of you to rediscover that part of yourself, as brief as that time of your life was. It's important."
"Maybe that's why I'm sleep-walking," Roxas wondered aloud. "People keep saying it's stress, but – what if it's those memories not being allowed to rise up? And – and that could be why I keep wanting my mom… I've got this five-year-old inside me fighting to get out…"
"While Sora's got an adult fighting for just the same thing," Riku pointed out. Sora slapped his other shoulder, making him exhale loudly. "Fine, just call me 'punching bag' today and get it over with. Roxas? Any grievances to bitch-slap me over?"
Roxas, caught deep in thought, merely shook his head. There was a small spark of hope rising in him, just little and young, that hoped this could all be resolved simply by tapping into that part of himself. If he was supposed to be having memories by now, and wasn't, didn't that earn him the right to be going a little weird in the head? So much was going on, the one rug of security he'd ever had had been snatched away, and so far the only thing he'd had to replace it with was Axel's attentions. If he could just recapture that section of himself that recalled Hollow Bastion and the wartime memories, as traumatic as they must have been, what with the death of his parents and whatever came both before and after – if he could dredge it up, maybe all of this subconscious idiocy would subside. He'd give anything to feel normal again.
A cup of coffee was dropped in front of him, a half-inch off the table surface, startling him out of his reverie, back to the world of bickering. Its black innards swung up towards the rim but didn't spill. Roxas blinked, looked up to see Vaan looking sleepy. He smiled a little at Roxas. "You looked like you could use this, even from across the room. And I think Aerith's making you a special breakfast. Something about making you feel better, from what I overheard."
Roxas was surprised. "Thanks." He picked up the cup, not exactly thrilled at the thought of yet more coffee, but reasoning that again, the caffeine could only help. Vaan rolled one shoulder, took the seat beside him, already sucking down his own wake-up beverage.
"You went back to your shift last night, right?" Sora asked. The white-blond teen nodded.
"Yeah. Figured Nam could use the help. Not the smartest idea, leaving her alone in charge of all of Twilight Town."
Kairi stiffened defensively. "Nam's fine," she argued shrilly. "Just because she prefers her artwork to sitting in a dark room for hours on end – "
Vaan held up a placatory hand. "I wasn't insulting her, Kai. Nam's just not the most dedicated techie around. Memories, fine, but the rest is still kind of beyond her." He settled his gaze on Roxas. The blond shifted in his seat. "So how're you feeling today? Better?"
It took a moment for Roxas to figure out which incident he was addressing. He nodded. "Better," he lied. "I'm – tired, though."
Kairi patted his arm. "Well, you'll be with me and Sora today." She made a slight face. "He insists that I can't train you alone."
"Roxas could do with some words of wisdom from one of the greats," the brunet boy said airily. "I kick ass and chew gum, and if I get my way, he'll be following in the old man's footsteps."
"Which old man would that be?" Vaan asked dryly. Sora frowned.
"Well, I sort of meant me. But – I guess I can see I wasn't totally clear…"
"It's fine, Sora," Kairi sighed. "But, isn't Zexion meant to be training Roxas?"
"My thoughts precisely." Everyone jumped, twisted to see the man standing behind them, hair as usual swept over one eye, the unobscured one calm. His arms were folded loosely, Demyx already scooting down onto his knees beside Roxas' chair and throwing his arms around the blond. A second before he hit, Vaan darted a hand out, grabbing hold of the Mohawk section of his hair and yanking back, making the man let out a yelp of surprise and indignation. "Dude, Roxas has broken ribs," the teen reminded him. "I know you pant like a puppy every time he enters the room, but try and keep a little decorum, for his sake."
Zexion, torn between smirking and frowning, said, "Let him go. He's not going to hurt Roxas."
Roxas, as well aware as Zexion that Demyx had been preparing to crunch what was left of his chest into bloody oblivion, rallied to the suddenly dejected blond's side. "Dem's okay," he smiled, looking down at the man. "He knows to be careful."
Dem smiled like the sun bursting through the clouds, and nodded enthusiastically. Unfortunately, this pulled at his still-gripped hair. He pouted. "Lemme go," he whined. When the request was fulfilled, he straightened, rubbed his abused scalp for a moment, then very deliberately, very gently, hugged Roxas' stomach with a happy sigh. "How're you holding up, Axel's Roxie? There's no Axel around for you to cuddle with!" He straightened, beaming. "Allow me to be your temporary stand-in!"
"That's quite alright, Dem," Zexion said, sounding amused. "I'm sure Roxas will survive. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, etcetera, et al." His eye narrowed slightly, he tossed his head, the swinging hair revealing for a moment the other one. "Now, what's this about Roxas being trained by Sora and Kairi this morning?"
"It's just a temporary thing, Zexy," Sora said brightly. "Kairi wanted some time with Roxas, getting to know the in-laws and all that, and I figured I might as well make it worth his while in the education department – he'll be back to being yours by this afternoon, after the shift ends."
Demyx wasn't pleased. "But he's all ours. The second Axel leaves the room, Roxas belongs to me until everybody's favourite pyro returns!"
"Dem, they're not adopting him, for crying out loud," Vaan muttered. "He could do with the undivided focus for a while."
"I give him undivided focus," the blond argued.
"Sure, when you're not singing, chattering inanely, playing your sitar, playing with Zexion's hair, playing with Roxas' hair, making up songs about Roxas and Zexion's hair – "
"That was only one time," Demyx cried, "during that one shift!"
"And Demyx, I'm still recovering. I don't want to know about how silky spikes are compared to straight-down hair while I'm monitoring an entire goddamn town at three in the morning."
"Anyway, look," interrupted Kairi brightly, in an obviously desperate attempt to break up the absurdity the conversation took, as per usual, the moment the musician appeared, "Aerith's coming over with Roxas' breakfast!"
Roxas turned, Demyx still firmly hooked around his waist, though carefully. Aerith met his gaze, smiled more warmly than she had earlier, evidently relieved by whatever she'd observed of him. She held a plate of hot food, which she placed down as she arrived. "Morning, everyone," she said in her soft, pleasant tone. The greetings flew back eagerly. As long as the woman continued to live within the castle, there'd never be any doubt in her mind about her lovability.
"Where's my breakfast?" Vaan grumbled. "I had a late night, too."
"Not as late as Roxas," the woman replied mildly. She patted Roxas' hair briefly. "It's good to see you looking a little more lively. You haven't eaten yet, have you?" Not having the heart to tell her that it was only the caffeine talking, or that he wasn't hungry even a little bit, he just shook his head. She seemed to understand his hidden layers, the smile becoming sympathetic. "Eat what you can. It'll keep you going."
"Thanks, Aerith," he mumbled. No matter what Vincent might have advised, there was a large part of him that reacted to her mothering – the only problem was, he didn't know if it was a good reaction, or a bad one. A sort of – sort of shivery feeling passed through him. The queasiness in his stomach increased, the scents wafting up from the plate a little sickening in their intensity. Yet, he couldn't help but feel comforted by her presence, her nurturing. She squeezed his shoulder lightly. "Don't forget what Leon said, when you're ready to sleep. It's a light day today, okay? Nothing too strenuous. Come get me after lunch. We can do some gardening."
Dem protested loudly, "That means me and Zexy don't get Roxas at all today!"
"Demyx," she scolded lightly, "do you want Roxas to be your personal teddy-bear, or do you want him to get better?"
He sulked, dug his face into the blond's stomach, making the blue eyes lift to the ceiling in exasperation. "Why can't it be both?"
"Demyx, you'll just have to be brave today," Zexion said dryly, shaking his head. "We'll still be seeing Roxas around. He's not going anywhere."
Unhappily, the man nodded and withdrew. "Fine. But I want it known that I'm sulking about this."
"Come and let's sulk together, then," Zexion suggested. "I'm hungry."
Demyx perked up. "Of course! It's breakfast time!" He poked a finger into Roxas' face. "You make sure you come sit with us at lunch, got it, buddy?"
"Okay, Dem," Kairi soothed, catching the finger and lowering it before an accident could occur, "Roxas will be back with you in no time. This is just a chance for some bonding while Axel's in hospital."
Demyx tilted his head to the side, thought this over. "Well," he said slowly, "if it means that you and Roxie become friends, I guess that's okay. Axel will be happy." He grinned. "Okay, then." He bounced up, waved. "See ya round, Roxie!"
Roxas waved back, watched him bob away with Zexion. "Nice save, Kairi," Riku said. "I thought Roxas was going to be dragged away for a second there."
"No," she smiled. Her eyes met Roxas', warm. "Like Dem said, Axel will be happy if we're proper friends. He deserves that much, don't you think, Roxas?"
The blond returned the expression, tired as he was, and agreed.
