A/N: some more McCoy love :)
Beta acquired.
Beta-ed: Bride of Spock
If Spock had ever heard talk between his Captain and the Doctor he would be quite displeased. It would probably surprise McCoy, but he wouldn't be displeased with the Captain because Captain knew to evaluate his strength and endurance of his shields. Luckily he never heard one of those conversations; McCoy paid extra attention so that he wouldn't. He wasn't the one to indulge those kinds of conversations often; he knew they were in vain, but more often than not, Spock would appreciate it. But McCoy wouldn't say he was deeply involved between those two: it was only that nobody else seemed to notice anything odd about their relationship. Over time, that oddness had the potential to get on the good doctor's nerves.
He had a clear view of the matters of health and balance, what those two did for him wasn't on the good side of healthy and balanced behavior. The doctor wanted for them to make up their mind, are they messing about or not? But it seemed like they had no intention in making up their minds any time soon. As a person inclined to fixing things, that was most frustrating state for Bones so he would, on occasion, cross some line of delicacy and protocol; he wasn't known for his manners but for his sharp tongue.
In time he reluctantly resigned himself to the way things were but he never stopped to grunt about it.
Like that time those damn reptiles came from underground and Jim almost wiped out a whole new species, just because they found Spock's prying insulting and knocked him out cold for hours. He almost had to step on Jim to calm him down and get him to react humanly. Of course first he had to reassure him that their Vulcan wasn't stone dead, just unconscious. When that coldblooded Vulcan woke up, Jim played it cool like nothing extraordinary had happened. Leonard wanted to strangle him but he released his stress by poking the uptight Vulcan about his horizontal position and his competence with coldblooded creatures.
Of course, that smug bastard just deflected it all back, unmoved. That's what annoyed him the most, the Vulcan's unreachable nature. Without graspable emotions you could only bark at closed doors: nothing would ever get in. At times, it seemed like there was something inside those doors, but Spock would soon squash any inkling of a normal emotional response.
Usually, Leonard went back and forth between thinking Jim is going to get squashed with ease in his next attempt, and feeling that Jim is going to step over something delicate and very tender in his First in an irreparable way, but today, today he didn't give a damn. Today those two could drown in piles of their own vomit and he wouldn't lend a hand. He was probably one to blame, he shouldn't get himself between firing lines. This time, firing lines were more literally drawn than he liked it. Luckily there were no fire arms, only damn psychotropic drugs. Leonard would snort every time he would think about it. Drugs weren't his recreation of choice; he hated to be so out of it. Jim must have known what they could expect and he didn't share. He was on that damn planet before, when he wasn't a high and mighty Captain, he must have known that people there use arrows dipped in nice mixture of herbs that strips all inhibitions.
Cunning bastard just didn't share. There was only one reason Leonard could think of for such a deficiency of information.
Their dear old Captain had his aim targeted at their dear Vulcan, he hoped to see him inhibition-less for no effort at all. Nothing Jim could say could ever persuade him otherwise. Leonard didn't even bother to confront Jim about it, he was so mad when he came about. To think he was standing in line of fire when that projectile blown out of the tube came flying towards their favourite pointed eared Vulcan. As the Captain put it mildly after, the people were a bit xenophobic. Then the target surely wasn't the inconspicuous old doctor, surely it was the ears. Leonard turned red when he heard that.
Of the all darn things he could imagine to be the unfortunate outcome of their dancing about each other's heels Leonard never imagined it would be him howling at the moon hanging from the outer haul in that damn space suit he never wanted to wear, or for that matter, him dancing around down the hall singing old campfire songs. Jim would never stop laughing about that. That infuriated the old doctor even more, that Jim got a second prize for his stunt. He didn't get to see an uncontrolled Vulcan, but he got a good view of the back of Leonard's head, and Leonard wasn't crazy about that. Jim already had too much on him.
"So, doctor, how are we feeling?" the Captain's cheerful voice came from the doorway almost like an answer to his thoughts.
Leonard only growled in response.
"What's the matter Bones? I thought your little exercise would leave you in a better mood, you seemed like you've enjoyed our little trip after all."
"Not as much as you'd enjoy it if it went as planned," Leonard muttered, breaking his inner promise that he'd keep his mouth shut this time.
"Don't know what you're talking about Bones," Kirk responded, too innocently, as he sat across the table from Leonard. "It was a routine mission, there were no special plans involved."
"Of course there weren't." Leonard snorted and poured some drink for Jim too. "Not official ones," he murmured into his glass.
"Bones, shouldn't the drug be out of your system by now? Paranoia isn't an uncommon side effect." Jim frowned and Leonard spread a sharp smile across his face, of course he came in ready. That made Leonard stubborn. McCoy's were famous for that trait after all, and why should he embarrass his family name by backing down from a fight?
"Paranoia, my ass," he said with dignity. "You knew of their customs, you knew of the drug they use, I checked, it was there in the goddamn report, you just conveniently forgot to mention it. Xenophobia," he hissed, "now tell me, what possessed you to bring a pointy eared green-blooded prying Vulcan into that mixture if not to incite arrows to fly?"
Jim looked at him thoughtfully and a smile spread across his features. He sure loved to be recognized as the genius he was. Leonard hated that sometimes.
"Are you saying that I deliberately endangered my men just to get my First Officer submissive enough for some form of sexual intercourse?" he said slowly, as if he were talking to a child.
"Now wait just a damn minute!" Leonard jumped up "I didn't mention any kind of sexual anything, that's your dirty mind working! I personally am not sure that there are any organs that function attached there."
"Aren't you a doctor?" Jim said raising his eyebrows, looking innocent as ever.
"I am a doctor, not an urologist," he said, defending his dignity, "and even if I was, I'm sure Vulcan's have some rules against showing anything so outside logic, for all I know, they made it useless like the appendix and procreate using tubes and labs."
Jim frowned and tilted his head thoughtfully.
"Then what are you implying doctor?" he asked softly. Leonard knew that tone but decided he wouldn't let himself be intimidated.
"That it was part of your little game to get our Mr Spock to react, to produce an emotion."
"That I already…" started the Captain, sounding a bit annoyed but stopped mid sentence. Leonard could see how he hid something away and let the false smile grace his features.
"Now you'll deny that you're playing that game?" Leonard was upset.
"No, you know me too well for that" Jim smile became genuine and he got up. "I am playing that game, but not this time, that arrow was meant for you, it was a gift."
"A gift?" Leonard blinked, confused at the change of direction the conversation was taking.
"Yes, for a xenophobic gesture our dear Mr. Spock would be pierced by small hooks, all over his body," he paused, like there was something in that picture he couldn't turn away from, "drugs are highly valued on their planet, it is considered to be a great honor to receive some of their mixtures, by helping that man in delirium you've deserved your dosage. It would be rude of us to give you antidote on the spot."
"You're saying we had an antidote with us all along?" Leonard was appalled by such a blatant lie, he had packed no such thing.
"Yes, I told Nurse Chapel what she should pack for the trip; she did pack for you, didn't she? You can ask her." With that, he turned and exited with all his Captain dignity intact.
Leonard looked at the closed doors, regretting he didn't aim something at Jim while he was still in the room.
"Is everything alright?" Nurse Chapel appeared at the door and Leonard refused to ask her. Jim probably wasn't lying, it was too easy to expose such a lie, but if she was in on it too he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of lying to him. That made him pause; maybe paranoia wasn't excluded from his side effects list.
"We should do some more tests," he told her instead, "to see if that damn thing has no other rogue agents roaming about."
"Yes Doctor, I'll prepare the scanner. Should I unpack your gear?"
"Oh just get on with it," he snapped at her but then rubbed the side of his face. "I'm sorry, it's been an unusual day."
"I'll say! When the Captain told me to pack three normal antidotes for hallucinogen drugs and one extra dosage of tranquilizer that could knock Vulcans unconscious I thought the world had gone mad," she murmured as she passed him by.
"Aha, got you" shouted Leonard triumphantly, startling Nurse Chapel.
"What did I do?" she said breathlessly holding her heart. "We had more unusual requests and when you got back it all cleared out, imagine what that would do to a Vulcan physiology."
"I can imagine it," Leonard said satisfied, "and so can our dear Captain. You did excellently dear, let's see that bloodstream of mine once more, shall we?"
He was wrong about the Captain. Kirk did bring necessary equipment, and he didn't hope Spock would get shot for being foreign. He just hoped he'll do what he usually does, help and earn himself a 'gift' that they would be forced to let him suffer through for polite reasons. Because he wasn't totally crazy, he considered how out of hand could such an experiment go. He made sure he had a means to put him to sleep if he got too liberal with his inhibitions out of the window. Leonard wasn't shown such courtesy.
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