How Deep Is Your Love

Chapter Twenty-Nine

It took longer than Killian would have liked for him to regain his bearings while he struggled to make himself as comfortable as he could despite his circumstances. And when he was finally sitting up more against the pillows Emma and David placed behind his back, Killian used his hook to pull away the tube running beneath his nose even though his left arm was wrapped within a sling to help protect his shoulder, then attempted to do the same to the rest of the tubes and wires attached to his good arm and chest, until Emma stopped him from doing so by grabbing his hook and gently placing her hand down over his chest.

She broke the silence that had fallen over them as she looked into his eyes and said quietly, "I know how uncomfortable these tubes are, but they're for your own good. They're meant to help you, remember?"

Killian looked away from her while he answered miserably, "Remembering isn't exactly what I'm struggling with right now, love."

"What do you mean?" Emma asked worryingly, hearing the tremors within his voice as he spoke. "Please, Killian. Tell me what's wrong. We tried to tell you when you woke up before that we saw what the Snow Queen said and did to you, except for what she whispered to you while you were still… Never mind. The point is you were so out of it, we don't think you really knew what we were saying."

"You're right," he replied weakly. "Though I don't recall that woman whispering anything. How could I, if I was asleep?"

David spoke up saying, "She probably figured it would break through into your subconscious. You're probably lucky you didn't hear her. Do you remember anything more than what we might have already learned? Does the name Ingrid mean anything to you? Could it possibly be her name?"

It was then that Hook appeared in front of Killian again as the villain sat down on the opposite side of the bed from where Emma sat while he interrupted, "That's right, Killian. Go on and tell them. Who is Ingrid? Tell them all about me and how I'm trying to prove to you just how worthless you really are without me."

"I don't… I don't know," he responded, while struggling to focus on Emma and her father, rather than the illusion continuing to torment him. "Should the name mean something?"

"We tried to find a way to help you earlier," the Savior answered nervously, knowing she wouldn't remember her being within his mind before, or that they had already tried to explain this to him before Dr. Whale had put him back to sleep when he had first awakened. "We needed to know what the Snow Queen did to you and we were afraid you wouldn't wake up soon enough. So… so, I used my magic to enter your mind. I saw…"

Killian suddenly fearfully interrupted, "You were in my mind? You saw him?"

Emma looked at him quizzically, "Who, Killian? Do you mean… the part of you who's still Captain Hook?"

"You never should have come into my head, Swan," the good pirate replied forcefully while he began to struggle with the tubes again, ripping each one of them out despite Emma's and David's protests, then moved to stand as he pushed them away. "Back off."

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked worryingly as she and her father grabbed him when he started to collapse, but he pushed away from them again and this time he remained upright. "Killian, you need to allow yourself to rest so you can heal. Talk to me. Please!"

He swiftly pulled off the sling from around his arm while Hook chortled smugly and responded, "That's right. Run away from them and don't let anyone help you. We've lived alone for three hundred years. Since when did we need anyone?"

Killian clenched his jaw and balled his hand into a fist as he glared at the dark side of himself, then he softened his eyes before turning back to Emma and answered quietly, "I'll be fine, Emma. I just need some time alone. I spent many a year caring for myself and prefer to do so now."

"But you no longer have to," Charming replied with concern. "We want to help you."

"Is that because you actually care, Dave?" Killian asked curtly, then looked back at Emma again. "Or because you both hope that I have information about that snow witch you failed to see while invading my privacy? I hate to break it to you, I don't. Believe me, if I could help you heroes, I would. Should she attack, call me on that infernal device you call… a cellular phone. I'm sorry, but don't follow me."

When he left the room despite the pain he was in, Emma and David stared after the Captain in confusion as David questioned, "What was that? How did his mood change so suddenly?"

His daughter shook her head in frustration and then responded, "I don't know, but I'm not going to let him go off on his own. He's still hurt. I can't just let him take care of himself even if he feels like he needs to."

"Emma, wait," the Prince objected as he grabbed her arm to hold her back. "Hook obviously needs space and a chance to think. He's been through an ordeal. He was right about one thing. He spent centuries having to take of himself. Even though he's been here in Storybrooke for awhile now, it's going to take a long time before he's comfortable enough to let us in fully so we can help him. Like he's always done for you."

"But he only just came to," she retorted. "He shouldn't even be awake yet. Whale told me about the drugs he gave Killian. He should have been asleep until later this afternoon at the earliest. Whatever he's hiding from us, he's terrified. I could see it in his eyes. I can't…"

Her father looked down at her as he answered assuredly, "He'll come to you when he's ready to talk. But until then, you can't force it out of him. Maybe some time alone will allow him to remember more of what happened between him and the Snow Queen."

Emma sighed in frustration and then replied, "I hope you're right."

Meanwhile…

"I have to say, that was brilliant back there," Captain Hook called out from behind Killian as he left the clinic uneasily, holding his only hand up over the wound in his shoulder in attempt to temper the pain the best he could. "I knew you had it in you. And you lied to them on top of letting our anger out."

"Get the hell out of my head," Killian responded coldly, turning his head enough to look at the specter as he continued walking. "I may have given in to you moments ago and pushed Emma and her father away, but I will tell them."

His dark side scoffed and then asked, "Tell them what? That you don't actually prefer to handle this ordeal on your own? That you remember perfectly well what the Snow Queen whispered to you while still unconscious? Or that you remember every bloody cruel word that witch taunted you with in order to bring me back to the surface? The only thing you really told the truth about was that you don't remember where the name Ingrid came from. Because I'm a part of your subconscious, I'll tell you it is her name. The Snow Queen's name."

The man struggling to remain the man he wanted to be was about to say something until Killian suddenly cried out and doubled over in agony, finally collapsing to his knees as he grabbed at his chest before looking up into Hook's eyes in fear while he asked weakly, "What the devil is… happening to me?"

"The more you begin to believe me over the Savior and the rest of these so called heroes you've come to admire, the worse off you'll become," the cruel Captain answered smugly as he knelt down before Killian. "And not just physically, but mentally as well. You'll become more irrational, quick to anger, and eventually, you'll come to despise yourself so much as you did when we were whole that you'll either leave Storybrooke in order to get away from what you know deep down you can never have and allow me to take over, or you'll realize life just isn't worth living."

"No!" Killian replied forcefully. "That's not… possible. You're not real. You can't… can't be."

Hook laughed and then asked, "How much would you wager on that?"

Killian glared at the villain in his head as he responded defiantly, "I won't… let you defeat me. And neither will Emma. We will stop you."