How Deep Is Your Love

Chapter Thirty

Days passed and Killian did his best to avoid everyone, especially Emma and Henry, while he struggled to keep his anger and pain under control so long as Hook kept appearing to torment him. And the villain he was came every time Killian believed he was strong enough to beat his inner darkness. Killian didn't have the Jolly Roger to hide on, so he kept to himself by remaining in his room at Granny's as much as was possible until it was necessary to leave. He even had spoken to Granny one night after she closed the diner and asked her to deliver whatever food she had left over from the day so he could eat what little he needed to keep his strength up. The old woman didn't approve, but she understood the pirate well enough to agree.

Emma came to check on him a few times, but he refused to let her in, let alone talk to her even through the door. The only words from him were from a few text messages, as he finally figured out how to use the program on his phone, in order to assure her that he was healing and to confirm that Ingrid was the Snow Queen's name without an explanation. He also made it very clear that he didn't want to see her right now. The more time that passed, the more worried for him she became.

"So, he's still not talking to you?" Granny stated with concern as she walked out from her kitchen when Emma came back down after being ignored by him again. "That man's about as stubborn as they come. Try not to worry so much, darlin'. He is eating a little of what I bring him up every night. Maybe not as much as he should be, but he's not starving himself."

"I don't know what to do," the Savior responded sadly as she took a seat in the booth farthest away from the stairs leading up to rooms above the diner. "How am I supposed to fix this if he won't talk to me? I don't even know what's wrong with him and it's killing me that he won't let me in, that he won't let me help him. He's never been so closed off before. And he hasn't given himself a chance to recover. He should still be in the clinic."

Belle walked out from the kitchen as well and answered, "I know what it's like to want to help someone who doesn't want to be helped, not that Killian is anything like Rumple. I'm sorry to interrupt. I was just helping Granny clean up after tonight's dinner rush, but I overheard everything from back there."

Emma shook her head as she replied, "It's all right. Actually, perhaps you can help. How did you get Gold to talk to you when he's troubled by something, or just being a stubborn ass? Sorry, I get angry when I'm stressed."

"I believe Killian's pushing you, all of us away because he's trying to protect us from something," the read headed woman responded worryingly. "Not because he doesn't want to be helped like Rumple never did until the good man I finally saw in him broke through. I realize you've been trying to figure out what the Snow Queen has done. I've been searching Rumple's books. But so far, I haven't had any luck. I'm sorry."

"It's all right," the Savior answered curtly. "Invading his mind didn't really help us much either. I doubt a few books can. I messed up. I should have waited until Kilian was awake to ask for permission to search his head, but because I didn't… Wait, that's what set him off. As soon as I mentioned I did that, it's when he started to act so cold and became afraid. There's something he saw after Ingrid's attack, something she put in his mind to make him afraid. Killian keeps mentioning something about a him and when I was inside, I saw him when he was Hook."

Belle looked at Emma with surprise as she asked, "You saw Captain Hook? You mean, the man he was when Killian was a villain?"

Emma nodded and then replied, "And a much younger version of himself as well. He was about the same age Henry was when he first knocked on my door in Boston and brought me here to Storybrooke. It's possible that the Snow Queen conjured some kind of nightmare inside his mind, or worse…"

"I'm afraid it's… much wo… worse, Swan," Killian whispered weakly when he suddenly appeared in the back entryway of the diner, using the wall beside him to keep him up until he collapsed to the floor when he couldn't stand any longer as Emma, Belle, and Granny rushed over to help him.

"Killian!" Emma cried out with fear as she did so, then pulled him as gently as she could against her and into her arms. "Oh my God! Why didn't you let us help you sooner?"

While Belle placed her hand against his forehead and felt for a fever she already knew he had while Granny spoke again saying, "He looks terrible. I should have known better than to trust he could care for himself up there. I had no idea he was this bad off."

The Savior quickly responded, "No. I should have known better."

"His fever's off the charts and he's very ill," Belle said as she stood up to get her phone from her purse lying on the diner's bar. "I'm calling for an ambulance."

"For… forgive me, Emma," Killian stuttered sadly, while he struggled to keep his eyes open and on the woman he loved. "But you're… in danger. All of you… are in… You can't list…listen to… "

Killian's eyes closed as he started to lose conscious until Emma gently pat his cheek and shook his head in order to try to keep him awake while she asked fearfully, "To who, Killian? The Snow Queen? We already know. What are you trying to tell us?"

Emma and Granny could barely hear him as he weakly answered, "No. Not… I don't know how… how much longer I… fight him. I tri… tried to… Me, I'm the dang… danger."

"Killian?" the Savior stated worryingly when he started to become incoherent as his words became jumbled until his head rolled to his side and he finally fell unconscious despite her best efforts to prevent him from doing so. "Killian! Killian, please!"

"An ambulance is on its way," Belle called out as she rushed back over to the others and knelt down beside them.

All of a sudden, Belle noticed what she quickly realized was blood dripping down from beneath the sleeve covering Killian's right arm and immediately pulled it up to find a long, deep gash running across his wrist, made obviously from his hook upon which she saw his blood stained along as well, then she immediately tore the bottom of her skirt for a makeshift bandage and crudely wrapped it around his wrist to try to stifle the blood flow, all while she cried, "God Emma, his wrist! I… I've got it."

Emma stared at his arm and wrist in shock as Granny replied, "Please don't tell me he did what I think he did."

"He could… couldn't have," the Savior responded angrily, though not at him, but at the whole situation as tears fell down her cheeks. "Killian would never try to kill himself. He's lived three hundred years alone and miserable. If he didn't give up on himself then, he wouldn't do so now. He would never just give up like this."

"Yes, but back then Killian had his revenge to focus on," Belle answered nervously as she continued to hold his wrist tightly within her hands to keep him from bleeding out. "Now he's in love with you, Emma. And his need to protect you, your family, and the rest of us from whatever brought him to this is clearly much stronger."

Emma pulled Killian in closer as her grip on his body tightened and she laid her head down against his, then with hope that he could still hear her she whispered pleadingly, "You can't leave me, Killian. You promised me you were a survivor, that you wouldn't die on me. Don't you dare break my heart. Please."

Granny looked up upon seeing the red lights shine through the windows of her diner and stood up as she replied, "Help's here. I'll let them inside."