How Deep Is Your Love
Chapter Thirty-One
Before Killian's attempt…
Without regard to his own health, Killian kept himself closed off from everyone in order to protect them from himself while Captain Hook continued to come to him in torment to convince him to leave Storybrooke so that the villain inside of him would be free. However, his resistance against Hook had made him very ill. Like Hook warned him, the more Killian struggled to ignore him, the angrier he became and it had come to the point that after days of shutting himself up in his room, it was now in shambles as he attempted to fight the apparition only inside his mind. Killian believed he was going mad and feared that if the others saw him as he was in his current condition, they'd lock him up down with the rest of the crazies locked away for the townsfolk's safety.
A part of Killian wanted to be strong enough to go for help, just so they would lock him away as he had begun to believe he deserved, but he also feared they would ignore the signs and try to help him, therefore risking their lives to try to save him and that was something Killian refused to force them into. If Hook was succeeding in one thing, it was making Killian believe that no matter what he did from here on out, he was to blame for it all.
Killian was lying in bed trying to fight against the fever raging throughout his body when his darkness appeared sitting at the foot of his bed with a smug smile on his face and suddenly forced another memory into his enemy's mind when Emma, Henry, David, Mary Margaret, and Regina all appeared before him, along with himself, standing within the boatshed on the day the second dark curse cast by Emma's parents was broken, as the Savior leaned forward to kiss Henry until he disappeared and reappeared within the Wicked Witch's grasp as Zelena spoke up saying, "So, sorry to interrupt. Now, who wants to say good-bye first?"
Being confused from having no memory of magic being real in this town, Henry struggled to break free from the woman while everyone looked on them with fear as he cried out, "Who are you?"
"You can call me Auntie Zelena," she replied as her grip on him tightened around his throat.
"Enough of this," Regina said firmly as she attempted to take a step towards the witch until she suddenly raising a hand Zelena magically pushed her sister backwards and to the floor unconscious.
Emma glared at the woman in black and green as she said more forcefully, "Let him go. He had nothing to do with this."
The Wicked Witch's eyes turned to Killian as she answered cruelly, "Don't blame me. The Captain failed me."
"Damn you, Zelena," Killian heard himself say with contempt towards himself while he could do nothing, but stand back and do nothing.
"Hook, what's she talking about?" the woman he loved asked him in confusion, her eyes glancing towards him a couple of times between keeping her gaze on Zelena and her son.
Zelena responded, "He knew what the price of that failure was. Your son's life."
The scene before him changed to moments after their rescue of Henry and Regina's kiss to her son's forehead that broke the curse as Emma approached him before he could leave and asked curtly, "Are you gonna tell me what Zelena was talking about? She said you failed her."
"Don't listen to her," he replied worryingly, knowing full well that she wasn't going to listen to him.
"Killian, what's going on?" she asked again more forcefully. "Were you working for her?"
The pirate who had failed to protect Henry answered sadly, "The witch tried to back me into a corner. I did everything I could to resist her plans."
Emma asked, "So, whose idea was it to kidnap Henry and stick him on a boat?"
"It was mine," Killian responded. "I was trying to save him."
"From what?" she continued her line of questioning, growing more and more frustrated by each of his vague answers. "What is she doing?"
He finally admitted the truth with frustration as he replied, "She cursed me. My lips, actually."
The Savior stared at him with disbelief as she stated, "Your lips? Why?"
"She wants to steal your magic," Killian answered sadly. "She thought I was the best way of doing that. She knows what we all know. That you can defeat her."
"It should have been my decision to protect Henry," she responded coldly while she looked at him in distrust. "Whether she forced your hand or not, it doesn't matter. I can't trust you now. How can I?"
It was then that her parents joined them as David spoke up angrily saying, "She's right not to. He has lied about more than just this."
Mary Margaret continued, "You said you brought Emma to Storybrooke because you received a message from us with a memory potion."
"Aye, what of it?" he asked, shaking his head in confusion while he looked between them both.
"We didn't send you any message," the Prince replied with more force behind his accusation.
Killian glared between them all as he answered with anger, "Well, I got one. It's the truth. Somebody bloody well sent me the message. Who else would have an antidote? Who else would have known where to find the Savior?"
All of a sudden, the vision of his past faded as Killian closed his eyes to avoid looking into the coldness and darkness of his own above him while he pleaded, "Stop this! Please just stop. How long must this torment continue?"
"I've already told you, Killian," Captain Hook responded smugly. "Until you give up being this false hero and let me take over this burden you've backed yourself into. You can be finally be free. Why do you continue to resist me? Is being a hero really that much more satisfying than it was when you were free to sail the high seas, taking whatever you wanted, whenever you pleased? Look at yourself! You've locked yourself in this pitiful room you now call yourself home because you gave away our ship and you're making yourself sick, all for a woman who chooses to distrust you at the drop of a hat. Because it's easier for this Savior of yours to do than it is to give her heart to you like you've pined for from the moment you met her. She will never love you, Killian! The sooner you can get that through your bloody thick head, the easier your life will become."
"Don't listen to him!" another voice cried out in fear, as Killian weakly turned his head to find a much younger shadow of himself appeared before him, the self that was about ten years of age.
Killian looked away as he smacked the back of his head against the pillow under him and cried out in frustration, "Bloody hell! Why… How are you here? You can't be here too."
The boy looked at his older self sadly and replied, "I'm here because of you, and him. Because of whatever's going on with you. You can't listen to him. You can't become him again."
"Isn't that what you want?" the man still trying to resist his demons coldly and then turned back to the ten year old. "You think seeing an innocent version of myself will really make me change my mind?"
"I'm not here to hurt you like he is," young Killian answered fearfully. "I came to try to help you. I need to remind you of the terrible things we've done so that you'll see we can't become that villain again. You have to fight him, Killian. Don't you remember how many people we've really hurt when we were him? And it was all for nothing because you've allowed Emma to help you until you learned to forget about revenge against that monster. Do you remember what we did to Baelfire?"
Killian shook his head weakly as he looked into the boy's eyes and pleaded, "No… not again. Please."
His younger self gently placed his hand against Killian's temple to force another memory into his mind while he responded sadly, "I'm sorry."
"Eager to go, I see," Killian heard his darker self ask Bae centuries ago while they were sailing on his ship in Neverland.
"Just drop me off anywhere," the boy replied coldly without looking back at him.
The Pirate Captain tried once more to convince him that he was making a mistake as he asked, "You really think you can survive on you own?"
Baelfire answered, "I've never been given the choice."
"Well, you have one now," Hook retorted sincerely as the young man finally looked at him.
"Anywhere will do," he responded stubbornly, then looked out over the ocean to avoid the pirate who stole his mother away from him and whom he blamed along with his father for ruining his life.
Hook continued, "I get you're angry. But it doesn't have to end like this. The ship can be your home, your family. Just say the word. It's not too late start over. I can change, Bae. For you."
Baelfire glared at him as he replied curtly, "You say that. I know you'll never change. Because all you care about is yourself."
"Thank you…" the Captain coldly answered when the boy started walking away from him. "For reminding me what I'm all about. Killing your father!"
"You're not letting me go," Bae responded as the Lost Ones appeared behind him as they climbed up over the side of the ship and began to pull Baelfire into their boat below, taking him prisoner for their leader.
Hook asked smugly, "How would that help me?"
Milah's son replied angrily, "You hated my father so much, you didn't even realize you were just like him!"
"You have the boy," the pirate said to the boy in charge of the others before they all disappeared. "He will be pleased?"
Felix simply looked at Captain Hook smugly and jumped off while the Lost Ones placed a bag over Baelfire and then rowed off once Pan's second in command was inside the boat as well. When the boys were gone, Killian watched as the villain he was walked over to where he etched in the symbols for port and starboard in order to teach them to Baelfire and then scratched it out with his hook in anger, feeling very much alone once again.
"Do you remember how much the pain of your betrayal hurt him?" the ten year old apparition of himself asked again when the memory faded. "The look in eyes? Do you remember how guilty you felt even though you still did nothing to right your wrong?"
Killian closed his eyes when his own pain flared hotter than it was before, causing him to gasp and then answered weakly, "More than you… you could… ever know."
Young Killian sighed and then did as before in order to show him a time when Killian, while still Captain Hook, had hurt the woman who meant more to him than anyone else in all the worlds he's ever travelled, as Killian found himself within a dimly lit cavern while he stood outside of the prison once belonging to Rumpelstiltskin before the Dark Curse brought Emma to Storybrooke and therefore to the Enchanted Forest as well, to him.
As he turned his back to her, Emma quickly called out, "Hook! Wait. Please don't do this. My son is in Storybrooke. He needs me."
"Perhaps you should've considered that, before you abandoned me on that beanstalk," Hook responded coldly as he turned and started to walk toward her.
"You would've done the same," Emma stated quietly while she kept her eyes on him as if to get a read on him.
As he glared at her coldly and came right up to the bars of the cell, then pulled out a necklace, which Emma recognized from seeing it around the giant's neck, he replied, "Actually no. Do you know what this is, Emma?"
The Savior tried to grab for it as she answered, "The bean that the giant kept."
"Unh, unh, unh… yes, indeed," Hook responded as he immediately pulled it away from her again. "A pirate always keeps a souvenir of his conquest, but this… Well, this is much more than a mere trinket. This is a symbol. Something that was once magical, full of hope, possibility. Now look at it. Dried up, dead, useless. Much like you. The time for making deals is done, just as I'm done… With you."
"Enough of this!" Killian spoke again forcefully when he broke from the memory and struggled to stand and make his way to the door. "I care not if… if Emma or her family thinks me mad. I won't endure this… torment a mo… moment longer."
Captain Hook and Young Killian looked between one another as the Pirate Captain raised his hand towards Killian, just as the man trying to fight against them collapsed and began to cry out as his anguish felt as though it was crushing his heart from inside his chest, then Hook cruelly retorted, "They can't help you, Killian. Stop resisting what you have to do and give up! If you don't…"
Hook stopped taunting him when Killian fought through the pain as he weakly turned back to the shadows of his past, raised his hook to his wrist and suddenly slashed it deeply into his flesh, crying out in agony as he did so, then defiantly replied, "I'd rath… rather die… then listen to you any fur… further! Get out of my head!"
When the apparitions both faded after his efforts to rid himself of them, Killian struggled to rise back up to his feet again and opened his door to make his way down into the diner, hoping that someone would be there, having no idea of the time, then upon hearing Emma's voice while she spoke to whoever was with her, mentioning something about him, he finally managed to climb down the stairs and into the room, using the doorway to hold himself up for as long as he could.
"I'm afraid it's… much wo… worse, Swan," he answered weakly and crashed to floor as Emma immediately raced to his side to pull him against her, while Belle and Granny followed after her.
"Killian!" Emma responded fearfully, seeing just how bad off he was.
