Chapter 8

My Tragic Love Life


Sigh.

Narrows eyes.

Twists mouth.

Scrunches nose.

Sigh.

"Oh, will you come out of there already! You're like gonna make me come in and drag you out, aren't you? Well you may be stronger, Ms. Wonder Woman but I have a PMSing telekinetic out here ready to project to your beau, the identity of the thief that went out with his precious baby in the middle of the night and brought it back on a low tank of gas. Girlfriend or not, I'm sure stalling in the middle of New York's traffic was not at all pleasant. SO get your Scrawny, Southern butt out here NOW!"

Sighs.

"But Kitty-"

"No Buts Rogue, get out here NOW!"

"Kitty you suck."

"Rogue I can sense Remy's presence; do you want him knowing about your late night rendezvous with his bike?"

"Jean… you double suck."

Sighs.

"ROGUE!!!"

"Fine! I'm coming out! Don't no one laugh or ah'll have Logan roast ya'll hides at the annual Bar-B-Que tomorrow!"

Out steps the Rogue in gasp a dress, albeit black and slinky, but a dress nonetheless.

"Awww!"

"An' no COOING either! Ya'll hormones done run amuck as is," was all the disgruntled Rogue could ground out as she casually admired herself in the full length mirror.

"Hmm. I do look kinda hot, don't I?" Smirked a increasingly confident Rogue, cocking her head to the side, allowing her elegantly dangling earrings to brush her partially bare shoulders. 'I wonder just how much I can make him squirm tonight?'

'Rogue!' Jean gently chided her, telepathically. The phoenix had help quell some of her insecurities when it came to relationships. Though, they both shared the private joke, Jean chose this opportune moment to ensure that she was ok with everything and, out loud, offered to keep a mental link up, should she feel flustered or need a quick way out.

"Naw Jean, its Remy, not some god-awful blind date! I'll kick his ass if he gets too frisky and I mean it's not like my first date ever. I've been on a couple before…" She allowed herself to remember some of her disastrous first dates after she began controlling her powers.


FLASHBACK

"Wow, don't you look gorgeous tonight!" her date genuinely complimented her as she blushed on the front steps of the mansion. Dressed in a halter top and a pair of slinky pants under a long leather coat she observed her date who wore cream slacks, with a brown long sleeve, turtle neck sweater.

Grr... "Wadda yah mean by that, bub?" growled her over-protective paternal figure. Trust Logan to want to analyze a compliment.

Gulp. "Only that she's beautiful Sir" was the stuttered reply of her spineless date.

Calmly observing the tall, lanky young … man, for lack of a more demeaning word, Logan wondered what on earth could have attracted Rogue to this growl preppy wannabe (something about saying the word 'preppy' gave him the creeps, like it was not straight enough to be in his vocabulary).

Sniff. Sniff. Fear… Feral grin… Spineless, jelly fish… I smell sushi. Taking the Cuban out of his mouth for a moment, he regarded the irritating pest that made the mistake of asking out his Stripes.

"I can smell the pheromonous stink radiating off of yah bub. It's the kind you can smell when pedophiles claim they're innocent when they're caught with their hand in the wrong place looking at kiddie porn."

Dramatic pause…

And then her date started crying.

END OF FLASHBACK


"Wuss…" Was all Rogue could hiss at the memory. He ran straight to his Beemer not bothering about making up a lame excuse, speeding out of the grounds like the scared bunny he felt like when he first saw the Wolverine.

"You're like remembering the Charlie Incident aren't you?" questioned the curious cat.

"His name was CHAD!" fumed Rogue, glaring at the thoroughly amused Kitty Kat.

"Like whatever! How the heck did he end up with a name like Chad? Chads are supposed to be cute and athletic. Charlie was a wuss"

Although she agreed with Kitty she decided to put Rogue out of her misery before she started to pummel Kitty and ruin he gorgeous dress.

"So what about Piotrs? How would define those?" Asked a seemingly innocent Jean, barely concealing her grin at the now blushing Kitty.

"Yeah Kit, are they the really strong and silent type?" Teased Rogue.

"Speaking of silent, you remember the horror show she brought home after Charlie to spite Logan?" Reminisced Kitty, in an obvious attempt to diverge to the topic which she knew they were dying to ask her about.

"Oh My God! You're taking about that thing that didn't even twitch when Logan unsheathed his claws!" gasped Jean, eyes wide in recalling the incident which had Mutant Manor talking for weeks. Turning to Rogue she questioned, "Where on earth did you pick it up? It wasn't a human and it definitely wasn't mutant!"

"Can it Red. His name was Damian, or as he preferred to be called Odin's Nemesis." Sighed a frustrated Rogue as she continued the trip down the not so far, memory lane.


FLASHBACK

'I'm a big girl and if Logan believes he can scare away my dated then maybe I should scare him first! See how he likes them apples! Ugh! I'm speaking like Sam again aren't I… Stupid psyches.'

Rogue's train of thought drifted off as she admired her date, decked off in a maroon leather jacket, black Iron Maiden Jersey, black leather pants with an assortment of spikes, chains and a pair of combat boots. His sliver hoop reflected some light straight into the Wolverine's eye as he raised his perfectly purple Mohawk head to offer a blank expression to her housemates.

Her eyes were concentrating on the spike though his lower lip however, and she was trying to gauge how problematic the piece of jewelry could be with respect to her plans for him after the concert.

He lasted the five minute interrogation by Wolverine, which only occurred because the guys in the house refused to mention that her date had arrived, when she eventually came down, he was in his natural posture; left foot sticking out, with his weight on his right, thumbs hooked at their respective pockets, shoulders slumped with his head cocked to the side and tilted backwards and his eyes glazed as if he really wasn't 'there'.

Projecting a mental victory to everyone within a 50 mile radius she grabbed the crook of his elbow and dragged him away from the Nuremburg Trials, as Magneto, well his psyche, affectionately termed it.

Logan was not impressed by him, although when there was the ominous skint he did talk… if only to mention that the gothic name for Logan is Spydr's Mate. To which the reply was another ominous skint. The rebuttle was a lazily drawled, "You rather the gothic translation for Wolverine then? Severed Sementube"

Obviously at this point to save the poor demented teen, Professor chose this opportune moment to wheel in.

Damian, sorry Odin's Nemesis, thought it fit to offer his thanks to the man that savedhim, in every sense of the word.

"Professor Xavier you say? Hmm that's actually Big Fat Poopydoo when translated. I don't think that really suits you though. Makes you wonder how genuine the caluation method is." Mused Odin's Nemesis with a comically blank expression on his heavily made up face. The silver eyeliner was fetching mused Betsy's psyche, although all Emma's psyche could concentrate on was finding his other piercings.

How the hell could anyone say the words Big Fat Poopydoo with a straight face? Maybe he fell down a flight of stairs when he was a kid.

All in all the night was not a total waste as she did have a good time and learned exactly how to calculate her own name via gothic means. Her actual name translated into Mournful Maniac, which was alarmingly accurate.

END OF FLASHBACK


"That was sooooo freaky!" Exclaimed Kitty as she relived the memory.

"Not really, Horrorpheliac." Said a grinning Rogue.

"What did you call me?"

"Horrorpheliac, it's your full name translated to goth. Jean has the funniest name though, Frontal Lobotomy."

They all burst out laughing and it took a few moments to catch their breath.

"Wait, just for the record, when I marry Scott, will it still be that bad?" Queried a wary Jean.

Thinking for a moment Rogue replied, "Honestly, it will change to Tempting Trauma. I'm not joking."

Peals of laughter erupted form the room once more as the three women struggled to contain themselves.

A knock was heard at the door, "Come in!" Shouted a still giggling Rogue.

"Hey Rogue, what are you still doing up here, don't you know Remy's been under interrogation for the last 10 minutes?" questioned the better half of the Maximoff twins. She strode across the room and dropped herself between the Red head and the Brunette.

"Let him squirm a bit, Babel's Outcast. What's the use if you got an overzealous cast of older brothers and a murderous domineering father figure with knives coming out of his knuckles if you don't use them?"

"Yeah Rogue, I can't count how many times you thought it profitable to introduce your dates to your brother. In his natural form! Nothing to be ashamed off my ass! You know how freaky it is when that elf grins at you in the night, with his yellow eyes glowing and his tail twitching!" Said Kitty, shuddering at the memory.

"Stop stalling Kittie Chaos, and get your behind in the foyer and save your Loki's Slave." Drawled the Scarlet Witch as she rolled her eyes at the budding romance, till this day she remained seemingly impervious to love as no one had yet to light her fire.

As Rogue stalked off toward her steamy Cajun, most likely in hot water with the rest of the male population at the Manor she groaned as she heard Kitty question Wanda.

"So, like Rogue in Goth, is like, Kittie Chaos? How queer!"

"No shit, valley girl. When I first heard you and her shared rooms when you were in high school, I thought for sure you were both…"

"What! Ew! Wanda that's like so gross!" Protested a flustered Kitty, the concept was always slightly uncomfortable for the jew.

"Anyway, why would you think that? I went out with Lance for Pete's Sake" Cringing at the pun of the saying, remembering one of her old exes.

"Who knows? Maybe you swung both ways?" Pressed a highly amused Wanda, who proceeded to waggle her eyebrows at the poor girl.

"Oh god that's so not funny Wanda!" Kitty stormed off to find herself her rugged Russian, to assure herself that Wanda's accusations were far from the truth.

"Now why did you tease Kitty like that!" Jean mildly scolded the younger of the two.

"Maybe now she'll drag the Russian in a broom closet and forge a new alliance." Wanda laughed at her pun on the name of another occupant in the manor.

"Ten Bucks says it'll be in the library" offered Jean, glancing sideways to the girl on the bed.

"Fifteen says Beast walks in on them."

"I wonder if anyone else wants in on this action."

"We can make some serious money here Red. May even pay for a Paris honeymoon."

"Make it Munich… Wanda I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Raising a sculpted eyebrow, "You're an odd one aren't you Red."

The two then proceeded out of Rogue's bedroom to find some idiots to win money off to pay for Jean's dream honeymoon… in Munich.


A/N: OMG! I'm ALIVE!!!!!!!! Muwahahaha! I'm sorry for the late update… I truly am but I got taken up with Uni Xams and helping around the house and my mother's depression… Feel Sorry for me yet? Puppy dog pouts I'm sorry! Sob.

CHRISTMAS IS COMING! YAY! Im on vacation so u'll get more updates. Hopefully… lol. I have gotten my laptop yet. I wanted to christen their first date with my new notebook. Ok in reality I jus wasn't up to writing their date, in the middle of xams my muse started glowing bright orange and sending out distress signals. Sadly now I cannot find it and im crushed. I have a plot bunny…. Its jus ignoring me right now.

Kudos to all my wunnerful reviewers! You ppl rock my socks! Oh and keep an eye on my puns.. I have hints about the characters' pasts and futures hidden there lol…

gambitfan85 : Thank you for the kind words, don't worry I've seen the light and shall retain what little dignity I have left and not beg for reviews ;-) I love getting feedback from you it helps me know I haven't made a mess of the fic lol. Ur words of wisdom means a lot.

MisfitGirl13 and ElizabethMarieBennett thank you for dropping a comment, it was duly appreciated!

UltimateGammy91 : I wondered what happens when u mix up reviews? Does d other person get two then? Or what if you first write them a good review and then say Whoops! Daz not urs. Im sorry, I find ur situation highly amusing lol. Ur idea sound great, but I wudnt have been able to do the date justice so I hope I didn't disappoint u guys! I want to put my best out for this first date I plan on calling it CH 9 : Murphy's Lay, Cajun Stylz! ( I have a queer obsession with the #9 also)

Wanda W: Always a pleasure hearing from you! I like that u like my characterization of Angel, hope u like my other characters introduced in this chappie. BTW u really know how to boost a girls confidence! Me likey! Lol. In all seriousness thank you and I hope u also keep writing

egolust92: Glad you liked it. This one was for u! lol.

Also shout outs toConverse-Fiend.Larabiehn.b.a.n.h.s.f.c.x.oc.star-blast. and stargazer824 who also have this story as a favorite.

OH! BTW the gothic translations, I found it (randomly), its an online translator; put in ur name, press enter and Bam! One dose of funny!

For anyone who missed it, the Gothic Translations:

Rogue: Kittie Chaos

Anna Marie : Mournful Maniac

Remy LeBeau: Loki's Slave

Katherine Pryde: Horrorpheliac

Jean Grey: Frontal Lobotomy

Jean Grey Summers: Tempting Trauma

Damian: Odin's Nemesis

Wolverine: Severed Sementube

Logan: Spydr's Mate

Professor Xavier: Big Fat Poopydoo

Wanda Maximoff: Babel's Outcast

And mine:

Delphine: Morbid Curiosity

I found it too funny not to include. If anyone wants the site, tell me in their review or sumtin.