A/N: For Writing Prompt #25 on /r/NarutoFanfiction (you can see the other entries at redd dot it slash 5agvt4). "Write about a Ninja that completely fails at doing something basic."
-O-
"Wow, Naruto, I can't believe you convinced Sasuke to come back!" Sakura said, bursting into the crowded bar. Naruto grinned at her, eyes sliding in and out of focus. There was a pile of empty bottles behind him, and around him Asuma's, Kurenai's and Guy's teams (minus Lee, of course) were slumped over.
"Hey, Sakura," he slurred. "Come join me. We're cebe- celel- being happy about it! But they're a bunch of lightweights."
Sakura took one look at the pile of inebriated ninja, and shook her head. "I think you've celebrated quite enough. Come on, let's get you home." She lifted Naruto onto one shoulder and slowly hauled him out the door. Luckily, they weren't far from Naruto's small flat. For a short guy, he was quite heavy, and he'd fallen asleep almost as soon as she picked him up. Sakura would be lying if she claimed to not be curious what his living arrangements were like - she'd never been invited inside, after all. She spotted the peeling orange paint on his door and fished around in his pockets for his key.
As Sakura unlocked the door and carried Naruto inside, the smell hit her like a punch to the face. Everywhere she looked, piles of unwashed laundry were stacked to the ceiling. There was a winding path through the towers of dirty clothes that led to a bed, but she followed a different route and dumped Naruto's head in his sink instead. Sakura derived a certain pleasure from turning the cold tap onto full blast.
Naruto sputtered awake, wet hair clinging to his scalp. He glared at Sakura until he realised where they were.
"Explain," Sakura snapped at him. "What's with this mess?"
He turned bloodshot eyes to her, slumping back against the wall. He appeared to have sobered up a bit, but she could see how he leant against the wall for support. "It all started when we were newly put onto Team Seven. I had an old washing machine that had the same marking on it as all of Sasuke's shirts - the Uchiha mark, although I didn't know it at the time."
In the corner, almost hidden under yet more dirty laundry, were several washing machines. Sakura spotted the Uchiha crest stamped onto the largest one. It had a single round opening and a single button.
"After the Wave mission, my washing machine broke down. I asked Sasuke if he could hook me up with a new one, but he told me that the Uchiha stopped making them. He came and fixed it for me though, and he told me that repairing it requires a Sharingan. It's a great machine - you just dump clothes in and they come out clean and dry.
"And then it broke down again, and Sasuke left, and I tried to get him back and it didn't work, and I didn't know what to do."
Sakura realised she had her head in her hands. "And what happened next?"
"I got a new washing machine, but I couldn't get it to work. So I knew what I had to do. Sasuke needed to come back so I could once again use the automatic washing machine." Naruto scowled, face set in unyielding lines. Sakura shivered.
"Luckily, I went on a trip with Jiraiya for a bit, and he took care of the laundry while we were gone. But once I got back, I was on a timer. I can't afford to keep buying new clothes, and I've run out of places to put them. But I can't get any other washing machine to work. There's so many buttons and things! And sometimes you have to put extra stuff in them!
"But now, at last, I am successful. My washing machine will be repaired and at last I'll be free - free of this burden - and able to achieve my second goal of becoming Hokage!" Naruto grinned, and it was like the sun coming up.
"So you brought Sasuke back because you don't know how to work a normal washing machine?" Sakura grinned too, and it was nothing like the sun coming up. It was a deranged, feral sort of snarl that any rabid tiger would have been proud to call their own.
Naruto frantically backpedalled. "Oh no! Not at all! It's just, um, a silver lining. Yes, exactly! A silver lining to the real reason, which was friendship and teamwork." He nodded sagely.
Twenty minutes later, Sakura was sat in a busy bar. There was a much larger pile of empty bottles behind her, and around her Asuma's, Kurenai's and Guy's teams (minus Lee, of course) were slumped over.
