Rule #2: A marine shall always address his superiors with respect.

A crash sounded further down the hall. Helmeppo sighed and ran faster. Crashes in this section of Marineford meant one of three things these days: either Garp was visiting, Luffy was, or Brody had broken something. None of the above were good for his blood pressure. So when the blond admiral rounded a corner to see both his old mentor and his extraordinarily clumsy student, he felt like ten years was being shaved off his life.

Brody, as usual, had his shirt open against regulations. He was holding a broom in one hand; a dustpan lay upside down on the floor amidst pieces of a broken vase. The normally loud, enthusiastic boy lay on his ass, staring up at Garp in awe through messy brown bangs. That last detail made Helmeppo huff. He made a note to get his boys to a hairdresser sooner rather than later- Lucius' hair wasn't in much better shape.

Then, just as Helmeppo was beginning to think he might be able to salvage the situation (not that he even knew what the situation was), Brody suddenly found his voice. "Oi! Old geezer! You're Monkey D Luffy's grandpa, right?"

Oh no. Coby had barely given him these recruits a week ago and one of them was about to die. Helmeppo jumped in front of his student and desperately tried to fend off his legendary mentor. "I'm so sorry sir! He didn't me-!"

"Bwahahahaha! I like you kid! You've got guts!" Garp grinned that D grin that was the bane of marines the world over- no matter which source it came from. "Yeah, that little brat's mine. Still think he and his brothers woulda made fine marines though... What of it?"

"Did you train him?"

"Course I did! I wasn't the only one mind, but the little brat never woulda gotten as far as he has without my Fist of Love!"

Helmeppo did not like where this was going. In order to try and save his student from that particular bullet, the admiral turned to face Brody, activating his lecture voice. "Petty Officer Brody, this is Garp the Fist, one of the greatest heroes of the Marine Corps. You should address him with respect, not as 'old geezer.' Apologize at once!"

A heavy hand landed on Helmeppo's shoulder. The admiral turned to face his still-laughing mentor, not knowing what to expect. Although whatever it was, it certainly wasn't a massive noogie. He was a marine admiral, by all the gods! Marine admirals didn't get noogies! It was beneath their dignity, it was disrespectful, it was a messy waste of potentially useful time and manpower... In other words, it was exactly the sort of thing Garp would do. "Ah, don't worry about it Blondie. Like I said, I like the kid. Leave him be."

Garp looked back at Brody without releasing his hold on Helmeppo. "So Brat, what's with the twenty questions?"

"Train me!" Brody demanded, leaping to his feet and brandishing his broom. Helmeppo and Garp both blinked at him in confusion.

"Huh?"

"I want to catch Monkey D Luffy and you're his grandfather, so you must know his weaknesses! Train me! Admiral Butt-Chin doesn't teach us anything useful; all he does is make us clean and read, and lecture us about history and tactics and stuff that I'm never gonna use. I need someone like you to teach me how to fight!"

"Bwahahahahahaha! Admiral Butt-Chin!" Garp wiped tears of mirth from his eyes. "Where'd you find thins one Blondie?"

"He's one of the three Coby gave me to train. Now will you please release me sir?"

For possibly the first time in his life, Garp did as asked. His face was grim as he looked down at Brody. "Don't need history, eh? Tell me, has he taught you about the War of the Best yet?"

"No sir!"

"Then you don't know... Listen Brat, the surest way to either piss Luffy off or make him break down is something that happened in that war. I won't be telling you; it's- It's not something I like thinking about either. If only those three had become the fine marines I wanted them to..." Garp's face darkened and closed off. The old marine wandered away down the hall, muttering something about needing a drink. Brody blinked up at Helmeppo in confusion.

"Three sir? If he's talking about the pirate king and his brother... who's the third?"

Helmeppo shook his head. "This is why you need to pay attention in your history lessons- or at least ask Rose if you can borrow her notes when you fall asleep. Before the War of the Best, Monkey D Luffy had two older brothers."

It was satisfying to watch the colour drain from Brody's face, leaving it an ashen hue. "And he thought... I would never use something like that against an opponent, not even a pirate!"

"And neither would Garp. He wasn't encouraging it, merely stating a fact." Helmeppo slapped his errant student on the back of the head, just enough Haki in his hand to make the pain stick. "Now, as far as calling me Admiral Butt-Chin goes... Get your insubordinate ass down to the laundry room. You're on duty down there until further notice."

"Yes sir." Brody saluted glumly and left. Helmeppo smiled. Normally recruits who broke the rules were sent to clean the bathrooms instead, but the laundry worked so much better on Brody for some reason. He wondered why. Not that the admiral had long to ponder this conundrum. Almost as soon as Brody left, there was a high pitched scream from an office further up the hall.

"Lucius, you idiot! The azure ones go to Ennies Lobby! That's turquoise- it goes to Shells Town!"

"Ouch! Watch where you're swinging that thing woman! And I don't see any difference!"

"Then you need your eyes checked!"

Helmeppo sighed and headed off to find out what the Hell had gone wrong with the filing this time. Why couldn't his students just work together like he and Coby had? It would've made his life so much easier. This had to be Coby's payback for trying to shoot him when they first met that fateful day when Luffy came to Shells Town; that was the only logical reason for him to have saddled Helmeppo with this madness.