A/N: Thank you for the reviews, always greatly appreciated!
This chapter is a little shorter than previous because I just wanted to add in the canon bits of the episode, and I wanted to add a little more Henry before we get to the further drama. To Fraryobsessed29b; there will be a scene where Hanna tells Ashley the truth in a few more chapters!
"There is no love without forgiveness, and no forgiveness without love." - Bryant H McGill
Caleb had found himself just staring at the door that Hanna had walked out of, even hours later. When he thought about what she had said to him, the way she had looked at him, it only made him feel sicker. She had once been his everything, and he had let her down in the worst way possible. Sure, he didn't know, but the more he looked back on it, the more he realised how wrong he had been. He was so focused, he didn't see the door open, or hear Spencer's voice until she was right in front of him, "Wait, you what?" He shook his head, and wiped his eyes, looking at Spencer in confusion.
"A hole, in the wall in Sara's closest, in her room in the Radley. That's how she's been coming and going all this time without walking in front of those pesky cameras." Caleb just gave a small nod of his head, not having the energy to pretend as though he cared about anything other than what Hanna had said to him that day.
"She told you." He had no idea how he felt when the woman spoke again; betrayal? How did Spencer know, how long had she known for, why the hell didn't she tell him? But even his anger had dissipated and all he had left was a broken man who had no idea what he was meant to be doing. He didn't say anything, so Spencer continued, "I only just found out, I'm glad she told you – have you worked everything out?"
At that, he let out a bitter laugh as the tears began to fall again, "No, it was never going to be that easy, Spence. She hates me, I don't think she even realised that she hated me until I was stood in front of her, telling her that everything could have been different if she had told me when it happened. You should have seen the look on her face... I regretted the words the moment they came out but I couldn't take them back." He sighed, moving to grab his discarded beer from the side before he walked over to the couch, "I did love her, you know? I still do, but I mean, back then, I loved her so much and I still just assumed the only explanation was her cheating on me. I didn't... I didn't see what was right in front of me."
When Spencer sat next to him, he didn't look at her, choosing to focus on the ground as he held the beer close, "We all made mistakes back then, Caleb – she should have told you, you shouldn't have assumed, me, Aria and Emily should have seen something was wrong beyond motherhood... there is so much we could have done better but hindsight is a wonderful thing."
"Don't try and make excuses for me," He mumbled, "I saw that test and I just... I saw her jumping into bed with some guy from work and that was it. I didn't even give her a chance to explain, I just screamed at her and watched as she sobbed. I told her she wasn't the victim, but-" His voice broke, and Spencer took the bottle of beer from him as his head dropped to his hands and he let out a sob. "I should have known better, I've lost her for good, Spence... I should have known better."
Hanna held Henry on her lap as she gently bounced him, kissing his head as he laughed at the television in front of him. "I was really looking forward to it," Emily whispered, despite the fact they were alone in the apartment, "I'm sorry, Em, I know you weren't going to keep them anyway but I'm still sorry."
Hanna frowned, and looked down at the toddler in her arms, knowing that whoever this new torturer was had taken away this feeling for another couple. Sure, they would find someone else to donate eggs and maybe they wouldn't have worked, anyway, but each one could have been the potential for a new life and now it was gone. "I just keep thinking about all those other women and couples. You know... someone would do that just to steal my eggs."
With a small sigh, Hanna looked at her best friend, "Why don't you stay here until we leave Rosewood? I know you mostly stay here anyway but, maybe you should just bring all your stuff here for now. You have enough to deal with without having to keep up the shields with your mother." She felt relieved when her best friend agreed, because the thought of being alone in the huge apartment with someone out to get them was terrifying. She pretty much spent every single night there anyway, so making it official was only something that would make the two of them feel better and somehow, not so alone. Spencer had Caleb living with her, Aria was with her parents, and now Emily and Hanna had each other.
There was a moment's pause as Emily took an excited Henry's hand when he looked at her, a huge grin on his face before he pointed to the television, the cartoon characters doing some silly dance that he always loved so much. Hanna could feel his legs kicking against her own and he waved Emily's hand as he gripped onto her, "Why do we come back here, why can't we just stay away? What the hell does this creep want from us?" Her nose scrunched up, her face buried in her son's hair as she closed her eyes. He was there and he was safe but she had no idea how much longer that could last – how long did he have to be in Rosewood before he became tainted by the entire town?
"They want us to lead them to Charlotte's killer."
"Why us?" Emily had to think about that for a moment, looking away from an excitable Henry towards his mother, "Because we wanted Charlotte dead. I mean, think about it, all the people that could have killed Charlotte, they might have done it because they thought that's what we wanted." Hanna knew the other woman was right, it was the logical explanation but it didn't make it hurt any less that she was stuck in a place that seemed to be sucking her back in with each given second. "What kind of nut would think that?"
"The kind that would hold my eggs for ransom and destroy a freezer full of potential babies just to get them." There was Emily's logic once again, causing Hanna to roll her eyes before she lifted Henry to sit between them on the couch, "Okay, no more Charlotte or text talk for a little while, let's just keep his ears innocent for as long as we can." Her hands moved to take Henry's, helping him clap as she quietly sang along to the song on the show he loved so much, causing his bright blue eyes to light up as he giggled and stared up at his mother to watch her.
It was later that night, with Emily at her mom's house packing and Hanna about to put Henry to bed, that she heard the knock on the door. The last person she had expected to see was Caleb, but there he was, a sheepish look on his face before he asked to come in, biting down nervously on his lip when she opened the door a little more so he could follow her inside Lucas' apartment. She may have hated what he had done, and maybe she would never forgive him, but it didn't mean she never wanted to see or talk to him again. Whatever part of her hated him, there was another part that still loved him no matter how much she tried to deny it.
Henry had been sitting quietly with his bottle, watching Finding Nemo, his eyes instead focused on the stranger that had just walked through the door before he pulled his bottle from his mouth and pointed at the television. "Oh, cool, my favourite movie!" Caleb exclaimed, moving to sit down next to the toddler, quickly glancing at Hanna to make sure it was okay, and only when she nodded did he move to sit down. He couldn't believe how much Henry looked like Hanna, relieved he didn't have to look at the baby and wonder which of his features he shared with his low life father. He had promised Spencer he would stop feeling sorry for himself though, and try to fix things with Hanna, whether that took a few weeks, a few months or a few years – and that meant getting over uncomfortable feeling he had when he was around her son, or anyone even mentioned the fact Hanna had a child.
"Nemo!" Henry called out, as Hanna moved to sit next to him, her eyes on Caleb as he nodded his head and then pointed at the fish on Henry's Pyjamas; she could sense it was still a little awkward but he was trying, and she couldn't ask for much more. Henry clapped his hands to his chest and looked down, "Nemo!" He called again, looking at his mom as she nodded her head, "Yes, you have Nemo on your top, don't you? And your bedroom back home, why don't you show Caleb your cuddly Nemo?" She handed the orange fish plush to him and he practically threw it at Caleb in all his excitement, repeating the word again before he let out a giggle.
"It's one of the very few words he knows – along with mommy, banana and milk." She laughed a little as Caleb nodded her head and took the plush in his hands, "This is awesome," Hanna picked up the bottle and handed it back to the young child, brushing his hair from his face as his eyes sleepily focused on the screen in front of him and her attention could focus on Caleb.
"I poked the bear and the bear stole Emily's eggs." She finally said, with a small sigh; she hadn't told Emily that she mostly blamed herself for what had happened because it wasn't what her friend had needed to hear at the time. But she and Caleb had done something to wind up this new person and they retaliated. "We poked the bear together."
Caleb's attention on Hanna was distracted, his eyes falling to check on the little boy every few seconds as he bit down on his lip and wondered what could have been. One of those words he was able to say could have been daddy, and instead, he had ripped himself from the little boys life before he had even been born. He wasn't biologically his, but he was Hanna's and that would have been enough for him to fall in love with him, raise him as his own without even thinking twice about it. Maybe they could have been happy, or happier, maybe Hanna would have had more time to deal with what had happened to her had she had the help she needed.
"So it is our fault..." The blonde frowned, lifting the bottle when Henry let his hand drop and the bottle would have fallen from his lips had his mouth not been tightly closed on it. He carried on drinking as she looked at Caleb, who just shook his head, "What happened to Emily? No, bullies don't need an excuse, they're just bullies. I bet that A was planning this as soon as they found out what Emily was up to."
There was that letter – it meant nothing to so many people but whenever Hanna heard it, her entire world seemed to momentarily freeze. Her chest would tighten, her palms would grow clammy and she would be reminded of the hell she had been put through by the person who they had only known as 'A' for too long. "You said A," Her voice was low, almost afraid to speak of that person in front of her son although he barely understood anything she said at the moment.
"I mean, what do you want me to call it, Waldo?" Conversation seemed so natural between them, but at the same time, there was an internal struggle between the two of them. They had so many memories that they shared, all the good and the bad and he was the only person in the world who truly knew everything that Hanna felt. But at the same time, he had left her, he had hurt her in more ways than she could possibly describe and Hanna wanted nothing more than to be able to push those feelings to one side and focus on getting rid of this new person before she left Rosewood behind for good, but it was just impossible. Even as she looked at him, all she could see was the same person who had stormed out of their apartment and spent a few months living it up around Europe whilst she sobbed herself to sleep every single night and wondered why the hell she couldn't have just died that night in the alley.
She gulped back the tears, refusing to cry in front of either male, "N-no, it's just, it's not A. It's not the same person." She mumbled, knowing her aversion to the letter would make no sense to anyone who didn't know the history of what Charlotte had put them through. She could see a flash of regret in his eyes before he tried to explain himself, "It's just a letter, a symbol. You know,it's like an algebra problem, solve this equation for A." Hanna just gave a small nod of her head – A was just a letter, but that one letter had meant so much pain and anguish.
"It's not the same person but they want the same thing. They want to make you miserable but this time, you are smarter and you are stronger and you know that you can bat this because you've already done it." She had to get through so much more than he had ever wanted her to; he had hoped that leaving Rosewood, their lives would be perfect. They had the usual relationship struggles but nothing in comparison to the pain he had once seen her go through. Only, the pain she had been through the second time around, he hadn't been there to witness it, to hold her when she cried, to comfort her when she woke up screaming from nightmares or to hold her hand as she watched the baby of her rapist grow. He had walked out, and that was going to be something that would haunt him for the rest of his life, and probably, he thought, as he looked at her, the rest of her life as well.
Hanna could only give him a small, sad smile before she stood up and lifted Henry with her, "I should put him to bed, he needs as much sleep as he can get or he gets all grumpy." Like his mom, Caleb wanted to say, but he held it back – he had no idea when they would be able to tease or joke with each other, if they ever could but he knew that they weren't where he wanted them to be. Not yet. "Yeah, no problem, I'll head off but I'll see you tomorrow, we can talk or not, whatever you want to do but I'll be here tomorrow." And the next day, and the day after that, he'd keep going back as long as she would have him so he could chip away at the wall she had built around herself.
As he walked towards the door, he took a deep breath, turning back to face the woman as she watched him leave, "I know you don't forgive me, and I don't deserve your forgiveness either but I will do anything I can from now on to protect you and Henry. You don't have to like me, or ever forgive me for what I did to you but... I'm going to make sure nothing happens to you again, Hanna. Either of you." And with that, he turned around and walked out of the door, hoping that he was starting to make Hanna realise that, despite the fact he had left two years ago, it wasn't going to happen again.
Hanna had to beg Ashley just to watch a sleeping Henry for an hour whilst she did something later that night, and it was how she had found herself walking through a darkened hallway in the depths of the hotel her mother managed. She rolled her eyes when Aria reminded her, once again, that they should have waited for Spencer, she gave the woman a pointed look and shook her head, "No, we have to get there before Sarah has a chance to take Emily's eggs out of the mini-bar."
"I don't think she shoved them in there with the seven dollar orange juice." Hanna just ignored her, slowly making her way down the long hallway, her hands touching the brick as she tried to remind herself that she was going to be okay. No one could get them down there, and she was with someone else, nothing could hurt her considering barely anyone knew of that place. "God, my mom thought she had gotten rid of all the Radley ghosts. Wait until she finds out about this, she'll be down here with a jack hammer."
She stopped when she heard a noise, her eyes widening as her hand unintentionally moved to grab Aria's arm a little too tight. "What was that? Was that Sara?" Aria's voice was panicked, and Hanna almost felt relieved that someone was as terrified as she was right then. "I guess we'll have to find out," She mumbled, blindly opening a door from where the noise had come from, grabbing the person before she could let the instinct to run away as far away as she possibly could completely take over.
She only stopped when she realised exactly who it was, stumbling back as she let go of her best friend and frowned in confusion. She had been ready to attack Sara Harvey or someone else, and was met with a panicked Emily instead.
Just ten minutes later, she found herself back in safety; the bright lights of the hotel, and the crowds of people calming her down. Talking to the desk clerk had only taken a minute but she had needed more to herself. Her fingers clasped around the edge of the sink, her hands shaking and her chest tight as she muttered to herself, "You're okay, you're going to be okay. You're safe, you're safe..." She repeated the words until it worked, finally looking up at her reflection, almost letting out a bitter laugh at the person she had become – her face was pale, her cheekbones protruded, the bags under her eyes seemed to get worse each time she dared to look at herself, and her hair fell limp over her shoulders. She was just a shadow of the person she had once been and it only served to anger her more – someone should have noticed, she shouldn't have had to blurt it out.
Quickly, splashing a little water on her face, she forced a smile and walked out of there, back towards the two friends waiting for her, "The desk clerk said no one has seen Sara Harvey since she left the hotel last night."
"Where is she?"
"I don't know, probably in some other hole somewhere..." She glanced at Emily when she sat down, giving her a small smile, "Sorry about grabbing your boob, Em."
"Don't worry about it... I just have to face it, one way or another, my eggs are gone."
"Look Emily, you have the money. Use it, finish school, that's what you wanted. That's why you put yourself through this." She hated seeing the devastation on her best friends face, she only wished she could do something, anything to make it better but she knew she was helpless. She and Caleb had poked the bear and this was how the bear had decided to retaliate.
"Hanna's right, what happened was terrible but you are not responsible." Aria rested her hand on top of Emily's, doing her best to support her, as Hanna leaned over the table as well to take her other hand, "Bullies don't need an excuse." She repeated Caleb's earlier words to her, listening to the two of them discuss Emily's challenging relationships before she let out a small laugh.
"Look, you're going to have babies, you will have kids," She looked at Aria as well, "Spencer will have kids and I have Henry. We're all going to have beautiful babies and you're all going to give Henry cousins to play with."
"More visualisations?"
"Absolutely. Just wait until you see what I have planned for our play dates." She winked, with a smirk before she let go of Emily's hand and stood up, "Speaking of, I have to get Henry, I promised my mom I would be an hour at the most and I've been about two..." With a quick hug for both of her best friends, she scurried off, just wanting to see and hold her son. Sara Harvey, whoever their new A was, whoever had murdered Charlotte, it was all too terrifying, and all Hanna wanted and needed right then was to cuddle with the eighteen month old who brought her so much happiness.
