A/N: Wow, this has been a long time, sincere apologies! The next chapter will be the last and then I have an idea for a sequel that will focus on Hanna trying to find the man who raped her (continued from the newspaper articles the girls found in the apartment when Hanna went missing), so that will focus more on the rape as opposed to A which is where the direction of this particular story took me.
Thank you for all of the reviews and please keep them coming with ideas for how you would like for this story to come to an end.
"Memory could save, that it had power, that it was often the only recourse of the powerless, the oppressed, or the brutalised." - Alice Sebold
Hanna's hand reached out for the young man standing in front of her – his piercing blue eyes and bright blonde hair was enough for her to know who he was. Her baby boy was all grown up and was looking at her with nothing but pure hate. Hanna had no idea what she had done to earn such hatred but at the same time, there was that sickening feeling in the bottom of her stomach that led her to believe that she deserved it. "Henry..." She whispered, trying to force his eyes to meet with hers as she once again, reached out for his hand only for him to yank it away from her before he took a step back.
He glared at her, and suddenly, she found herself trembling, "You did this to me." He hissed, "You should have killed me when you had the chance. You should have done what you were supposed to do! You should have been a mother!" He was screaming and she found herself standing up as she shook her head, with no words she could possibly say to defend herself. There had been a few times when she had wondered what her life would have been like had she had an abortion. Would she have had a better chance of healing and moving on with her life if Henry wasn't in it?
"I'm a monster." Suddenly, her attention was drawn to his hands, freezing at the blood stained skin she saw there as she took a deep breath and shook her head. No, her innocent baby couldn't possibly have hurt another person. But then, she was sure that the man who had raped her had been an innocent baby at some point. "I found him, after you left me, I found him and he showed me what I was missing out on. He told me that after he conceived me, he carried on hurting all of those other women... their blood was on your hands! If you had done something when you had the chance, everything would be so different."
"Henry, I couldn't... it took me so long to even admit it to myself, I just couldn't go to the police when I had the chance and then when I finally started to come to terms... it was too late, no one would have believed me." There were tears falling down her cheeks and she took a step towards her son who must have been sixteen years old. "I couldn't have killed you, you're not a monster... I never should have made you feel that way. Don't let me and him turn you into something you're not, you can be better than us."
With a scoff, Henry looked at the stains on his hands before the blood started to suddenly drip down onto the floor. Hanna gulped and Henry smirked dangerously at her, the same way his father had done all those years before. "I had no chance, not with you as a mother and him as a father. There was nothing anyone could have done to save me. And then you left me, you left me and any chance I could have had... died with you."
The blonde gasped and quickly sat up, only to gently be pushed back down by firm hands, "Hanna, I need you to stay still, okay? You're in the hospital, you're safe but you need to try and relax for us." Everything hurt, but Hanna just nodded her head a little before her eyes closed again, the lights were too bright, the noises around her seemed loud and the pain that radiated through her body pulled her away from the Henry she had feared he would turn out to be.
It took another few moments before the same person spoke to her again, and she opened her eyes just to look into the chocolate brown eyes of a female she didn't recognise. "I'm Dr Rogers," She introduced herself and all Hanna could do was nod her head in response, "You were shot, we lost you for a moment there but you're going to be okay. We have to rush you into surgery now, so you're going to feel a little sleepy, but you're going to be okay." Hanna felt the tears start to fall – she had died, even if it was just for a few moments, she had died and the only thing that had kept her clinging on was the fear of what Henry would turn out to be was she not there to try and give him the best life she possibly could. Still, she was terrified that his precious first few months would have an impact on their future relationship and she hadn't let herself realise how much that scared her until she had been so close to dying. She felt a hand in hers, and for a moment, she let herself believe it was Henry's hand, that he was glad she had made the decision to remain alive. Her eyes fell to a close, as she struggled to stay awake and coherent enough to ask the questions she longed to know the answer to.
When her eyes opened again, she was met with silence, except for the familiar sound of light snoring coming from the person next to her. Slowly, she tilted her head to the side, a small smile on her face when her eyes fell onto the sleeping figure of the man she thought she had lost forever. "Caleb..." She whispered, reaching out for him before she repeated his name, watching as he stirred and then opened his eyes. When he realised she was awake, he quickly stood up, and was at her side before she could say anything else to him. Slowly, his hand moved to rest on her forehead, brushing her hair from her eyes before he smiled a little. She could tell he had been crying, and it broke her heart that she had been responsible (once again) for making the man she loved cry.
"You scared the hell out of me," He finally managed to get out, Hanna leaned into his touch and whispered an apology, before he moved his hand from her head and reached for the glass of water on the side dresser, helping her sit up ever so slightly before he lifted the glass to her lips. She gratefully felt the cool water slipping down her throat and she closed her eyes momentarily to gather her thoughts. Everything came rushing back to her – how she had ended up in hospital, how Noel Kahn had ended up dead, how Jenna had sought revenge for the fact they had blinded her when they were teenagers and how the last thing she could remember from that house was the screaming of her name but she had no idea if her best friends had even made it out of there alive.
As though he could read her mind, Caleb gently sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his own, "Spencer was shot as well." He confirmed her worst fears and slowly, Hanna shook her head, "Apparently... Jenna shot her, and there was a second gun shot shortly after, you pushed Spencer out of the way and..." She gave a small nod of her head when the memory of what had happened that fateful evening came back to her in a sudden wave. She could remember seeing Spencer's pale face, the way she looked down at the blood that poured over her shirt and her hands clasped onto her stomach. Her knees shook, matching the way Jenna's hands did with her fingers over the trigger once more. Hanna reacted before she could think of anything else – Spencer had already been shot once, she could die but she deserved a fighting chance. Quickly, she pushed her out of the way, and she could barely register the pain before she heard screams.
She was brought back to the present when Caleb squeezed her hand, "Spencer had surgery as well, she was shot in the stomach... she woke up a few hours ago but she's been in and out of it since." Hanna bit down on her bottom lip, "You were shot in the chest, the bullet shattered your collarbone but you'll live." His nose scrunched up, "But if you ever do that to me again..." He left the words unsaid but Hanna knew what he meant – she had scared him and she hated herself for doing that. She had reacted in the moment without a thought for the people she could have left behind but right there and then, the only important thing had been getting Spencer out of the way.
It was strange, even a few months ago Hanna would have considered herself to be suicidal but so much had changed since then and suddenly, there was this need... a desire to carry on living. She had forgotten what being alive felt like – there was a difference between living and being alive because finally, she had started to realise she had the chance to move on with her life. The kind of chance she had never thought she would allow herself to have. "You should sleep." Caleb interrupted her thoughts and she only closed her eyes in response, realising just how exhausted she was.
"Will you stay?" She mumbled, gripping onto his hand a little tighter before he stepped back to pull his chair as close to her bed as he could possibly get it. "I'm not leaving your side until I absolutely have to."He promised her, pressing his lips to her hand as his eyes rested on her face and then moved down to her chest, watching the gentle rise and fall that reminded him that she was alive and she was going to make it. He was never going to let her go again.
Hours had passed, and between odd bits of sleep and checking that Hanna was still breathing, Caleb felt more exhausted than he had been in a long while. But still, despite that, when the door opened to reveal an equally tired looking Ashley holding a smiling, wide awake Henry, his eyes lit up and for the first time, he removed his hand from Hanna's to stand up and hold out his arms for the little man. Quickly, their eyes met and he felt the familiar feeling of pure love rise up when Henry reached out for him as well and Caleb pulled the little boy as close to his chest as he could. Maybe Henry wasn't his in regards to genetics but he was Hanna's, and over the past few days, Caleb had found himself falling in love with the boy in a way he never thought possible.
He could still remember the day he found out she was pregnant with someone else's baby. He would still find himself laying in bed that night and going over how he had felt. He had been disgusted, heart broken, devastated at the loss of everything Hanna's pregnancy had caused. For a long while, he had been angry at her – convincing himself that she was weak, she had betrayed him in a way he never thought she would but when he had found out the truth, the only thing he felt was regret. Pure regret for all of the things he had said, the things he had done, the way he walked out on her and left her to raise that little boy on her own.
He would never be able to change the past but he knew he would do everything in his power to make sure all three of them had the best future possible. Hanna had issues she would have to deal with but who didn't?
He gently rubbed Henry's back and pressed his lips to the blonde hair, breathing everything in about him. Was it possible to fall in love with the son that should have been his, so quickly? "Hanna," He finally said, holding onto Henry with one arm as he reached out his other to wake the older Marin up gently, knowing she would want to see her son. When her eyes opened and she was met with the innocent face of the person she had missed more than she thought possible, she couldn't help but smile despite everything that happened, "My little man." Her voice was just a whisper, her throat raw from screaming and crying in that house she longed to forget, mixed with the dryness caused by hours of sleep.
"Mommy!" Henry cried out in response, quickly struggling in Caleb's arms in an attempt to reach the woman. Caleb, having got the hint, placed him on the bed and reminded Hanna to watch her injuries when he saw the flash of pain on her face when she reached for her son. "Mommy has missed you so much, have you been good?" Her fingers brushed through his hair when he eagerly nodded his head and grinned at her before he quickly moved to snuggle into her side, pressing an open mouthed kiss to her cheek as she wrapped her good arm around him and held him close.
She looked up again, seeing the relief in her mother's eyes – Hanna had never really understood how draining being a parent could be until she had become one herself. And she imagined, being a mother to her or her friends, must have been beyond difficult – beyond anything that was considered to be normal teenage angst. They had been tortured, blackmailed, stalked and kidnapped and sometimes, their parents had been brought into the entire thing without the knowledge the girls had. The look in her mother's eyes was years of pain and fear all aimed at her only child and Hanna wished everything could have been different.
"I'm okay," Was all she managed to say, knowing they would have to talk more later but for now, those two words would be enough for Ashley to relax. Caleb moved to lead the elder of the Marin's towards the chair he had been occupying all night and the day before, "At least it's finally over." He offered as a way of offering some form of relief for the two women in the room, content in the knowledge that once the physical and psychological healing was gone, the wrath of A was finally over and what more could they possibly ask for?
"We can finally start moving on." Ashley spoke, her voice stronger than she looked right then, but Hanna appreciated the determination that flashed in the red heads eyes for just a brief second. Hanna could only nod her head in agreement as she held her son close, smiling at the way his hand slowly moved up and down her arm in a comforting manner she often extended to him when he was crying. Her fingers would slowly graze along his back, up and down until he calmed down. In this moment, her fingers moved through his hair, savouring every second she got to share with him because it seemed as though she had taken it all for granted before. She had almost lost him once and she had never wanted to experience such terror again but now, he had almost lost her and if she wanted him to have any sort of fighting chance, she had to give him all the love and attention he deserved. She was glad to see nothing but adoration in both Caleb and her mother's eyes when they looked at the little boy as well because the more people he had on his side, the more chance she knew there was of him growing up to be the kind hearted, loving boy she knew he could be.
It was the first time he had left Hanna's side at the hospital, but he had wanted to give Ashley and Hanna some time alone. He had seen the panic and the fear on the woman's face when she had been told her daughter had been shot, and he knew that they needed some time together to talk about what was going to happen when she was released from the hospital.
With Henry safe with him, Caleb let himself into Lucas' apartment where Hanna had been staying, having decided with Ashley that he would pack Hanna and Henry's stuff up and move them to Hanna's childhood home before she was ultimately released. She was going to struggle with simple things like picking Henry up, and cleaning up after him (and herself, Caleb thought to himself with a slight smirk as he looked around at the cluttered apartment), so they both agreed she would need help until she decided what she was going to do and if she was going to move back to New York.
Slowly, the man set Henry down on the couch and handed him his favourite cuddly toy and quickly moved to switch on Toy Story so the little boy would have something to amuse himself with whilst Caleb attempted to get everything of Hanna's into the few boxes he had brought with him. Every few minutes, he found himself checking on him, wrapping a blanket around him when, after one hour, he found Henry laying on his side, watching the movie intently but with sleepy eyes. Eventually, he found himself in the room that Henry had been calling his own since they had arrived back in Rosewood, a grin on his face when his eyes glanced around at the little home Hanna had tried to make for him. He had a travel crib, but there were plenty of toys and Hanna had even hung up a few pictures here and there in an attempt to make the plain guest room similar to the nursery he imagined Hanna had designed for him back in their New York apartment. A pang of sadness washed over him when he thought of everything he had missed out on – the first time Henry had kicked, the moment Hanna had found out she was having a son, and then when she had given birth to him. Caleb quickly realised he knew nothing of that day, but he had heard from Spencer that Henry had been almost two months premature and for a while, no one knew if he would survive. Ashley had shown him a few photographs she had of the little boy in an incubator, hooked up to various machines, tinier than Caleb could have imagined.
That was something he should have been there for.
His eyes watered when he thought about it and bent down to pick a cuddly bear from the crib, recognising it as one he had given to Hanna on their first night in New York together. The tears fell before he could stop them – he should have fought harder for the life they had deserved. Hanna had been right when she told him she couldn't forgive him for what he had done because he never should have assumed that the only logical answer to her behaviour and to the fact she was pregnant, was that she had cheated on him. He should have known her better, he should have controlled his anger and asked her for the answers he had so desperately needed but had never gotten until years later because he had stormed out of there and left his phone behind with no chance of Hanna being able to contact him.
With a small sigh, he moved back to the living room and sat on the couch next to the young boy, not able to stop a growing smile that appeared on his face when, without hesitation, Henry moved to sit on the man's lap, his head resting on his chest and his eyes falling to a close as his little hand curled over the bear Caleb hadn't realised he was still holding. His eyes glanced down at the blonde hair of the boy and he wrapped the blanket a little tighter around him, pulling him even closer as he watched him sleep. He had missed a lot of things – the first time Hanna had held him, the day she had brought him home, the decorating of his nursery, the baby shopping, the building of the copious amounts of baby furniture he knew they would need, the sleepless nights, the first time Henry got sick, his first word...
"I promise I'm not going to miss another moment in your life." He finally mumbled, as his fingers moved through the long hair of the little boy, "God knows you deserve a better father than me, I don't even know how to be a good one because... I didn't really have anyone to show me but I'll do anything I can to make sure you have the amazing life you deserve, you and mommy." With a gulp in an attempt to stop the tears that longed to fall, he shook his head, "I'm not going to miss anything ever again. I promise."
