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Chapter 5
The weeks following my rescue from the streets begin to form a routine. I make my way to the grocery store in one of Edward's cars and buy what we need for a few days. I cook dinner for him and make sure he has lunch prepared to take to work as well. I've also started studying for the GED. The thought of going back to high school just because I'll be missing my senior year makes me feel sick. Especially with me being pregnant, it would be a truely horrible experience. So Edward suggested the test, which was how I met Esme Cullen, Edward's mum.
Formerly a high school teacher, Esme offered her services to Edward and I since she's retired and was hoping to start tutoring a few students this semester. She's everything you'd expect a mother to be, and then some. We've got to know each other very well over the last few weeks and on many occasions I catch myself about to call her mum. She gives me pregnancy and parenting advice along with the tutoring, and provides me with some reading material to look over in my spare time about what to expect in the next few months and when the baby comes. Just thinking about my growing belly makes my hand drop to my stomach and rub it affectionately.
After our daily tutoring sessions we take her dog Benji to the local park so that he can have a good run and then go back to Edward's to start dinner. After doing this a few times together she asked if Carlisle, her husband could join us in the evenings. Just about every night since, Esme and I have made dinner together at Edward's place and then had dinner with him and Carlisle, so long as their schedules permit it. Carlisle is also a doctor at the same hospital as Edward. However, his area is cardiology, unlike Edward's which is paediatrics. I've definitely learnt a lot about this family in the short time I've known them and by the time Christmas rolls around I feel ready to meet Edward's siblings.
Alice and Rosalie are beautiful and their husbands are incredibly handsome, not as handsome as my Edward though. I blush when I think of him that way. He's so much more than I'd ever thought I'd get in life. They gush over my growing belly and ask me questions about the baby. I've had two check ups since Edward took me in, and he's come to both. He even carries a copy of the scan in his wallet. Peanut, as he so sweetly calls it, hasn't been cooperative at the scans though, so the sex is still undetermined. Alice tells me that as soon as I find out that I must tell her immediately so she can start buying outfits. Alice, I've noticed can be intense, but thankfully she doesn't get offended when asked to back off a little, something Edward has done a few times for me.
Usually once Carlisle and Esme leave, Edward and I sit together on the couch and browse his Netflix queue. We've managed to make a significant dent in it over the last few weeks. However, tonight my mind is on something else, something I've been wanting to ask Edward since the day I moved in. Which is why later that evening I ask him about what will happen once the baby comes. In response to my timidly asked question he places his hand on my belly, something he's been doing more and more often and rubs it gently.
"We can set up a crib in your room if you'd like and I'll clear out the study so it can be turned into the nursery. I know you'd like to be down on this floor with me and it's easy enough for me to move things around. We can paint it and get all new furniture and make it his or hers own space. Is that something you'd like?" He never fails to ask what I want.
I nod my head and give him a soft kiss on his red lips. It's the first time anything like that has transpired between us and I'm shocked I'm the one to do it first. But it feels so unbelievably right. That night I replay the kiss over and over in my head and when I can't sleep I creep into Edward's room and make my way under the covers, hoping that in the morning he isn't put off by my presence or forwardness.
When I wake up the following morning I'm deliciously warm. I think that's something I'll always find soothing after living on the streets for all those months, even when I had a car it was still unbearably cold, and before that when I lived at home, my father would turn off the heat in the winter as punishment for not suffering enough. Warmth is definitely something I've come to associate with love and care, and I hope I never have to suffer through another unbearable night.
"Good morning." Edward murmurs, drawing my closer into his arms. "I like waking up like this."
I'm glad he does because I do to, and I feel a flutter from within me that tells me peanut likes it too. Edward softly caress my belly and we talk about our respective days. I don't think he necessarily notices doing it anymore, but I love it. We fall back to sleep eventually and don't wake up again for a few more hours and by then sun is at a more acceptable height in the sky. Whenever Edward has a day off I take it off as well from studying so that we can spend the time together since it can be limited by his schedule. Sometimes we go out, other times we watch a movie or we bake something together or he gives me a foot massage. I'm not sure what the plan for today is though, secretly I'm hoping there will be a foot or back rub in there somewhere though. Something I've learnt since moving in with Edward is that he has amazing hands with long, strong fingers. Years of piano playing, he tells me.
Edward rolls me onto my back a few moments later and hovers over me with a sweet smile playing at his lips. We've slowly been becoming more physical in our relationship. And I've been thriving under all the affection he gives me, both physical and audible.
"You're so beautiful. Do you know that?" He whispers. "Especially this." He tells me, caressing my small but becoming obvious baby bump. "It's so sexy."
I blush the whole time he compliments me and bite my lip at his sweet words. He brushes some hair away from my face and drops his head to kiss my lips. It's a soft good morning kiss but I can feel incredible intensity behind it. It doesn't take long before his arm snakes under the small of my back and draws me into his chest. The other hand holds his weight so peanut and I aren't crush by his body, not the I'd mind feeling him pressed right up against me. His knees slip between mine and he pushes my legs apart. He then lowers his body so we are completely flush with each other. And I'm suddenly reminded that I'm only wearing one of his t-shirts and thin cotton panties.
I can feel his length through his boxer shorts. He's pressed up against me and I feel like my body is on fire with desire. Every touch is like fuel that only makes it burn stronger. I let out a soft moan when his mouth leaves my lips to explore my exposed skin. And when he kisses me behind my ear I writhe underneath him.
"Do you like that?" He asks with a breathless voice and tugs on my earlobe gently with his teeth.
I can only nod in response and I arch up into him, encouraging him to continue. If I could find my voice to beg I would. My hands roam his strong, naked back and I boldly grasp his backside, drawing him long my sex. He lets out a hiss and then deep moan at the movement. The hand that was previously on my lower back dips until he cups my bottom and changes the angle that he rubs against me at.
We both let out a gasp of pleasure and continue to rock into one another. Before long we're each chasing an orgasm and I can't wait to see what his face looks like when he comes. Our eyes never leave one another when we reach ecstasy and it's the most sensual and spiritual experience I've ever had. Edward's body sags onto me once we finish and together we come down from our pleasure, both chests heaving. He then quickly cleans himself up before rejoining me in the bed and pulls me against his side.
"Was that okay?" He asks when we're settled again.
"More than okay."
"Good." He kisses me behind my ear for good measure and we chat about what we want to do today.
A trip to a baby store is suggested and I can't keep the smile off my face at the idea. We lay together a little while longer before dressing and heading out. We head downtown and find a few stores that seem to run along the lines of our room design ideas. I just about choke on my travel mug of green tea when I see the price of the items we're looking at but Edward gives my hand a reassuring squeeze and me a meaningful look, his eyes pleading with me to agree.
We end up buying a dark wooden crib with matching rocking chair, dresser, book shelf and toy shelf with wicker basket inserts. We also buy a stroller, baby capsule and a high chair. We get some smaller things as well like dummies, a breast pump, bottles, a diaper genie and a few toys. I know Edward's family will have that covered so we don't buy too many, just a couple of teddies, a super soft white bunny and some books. We also get a few unisex newborn clothes and bibs, but not a lot as we know Alice is dying to buy our little one a wardrobe - something Edward and I are happy to relinquish over to her for a little while. My only stipulation was that when we do find out the sex that not all the clothes are stereotypical for that gender; not everything needs to be pink if its a girl.
I think I've decided I want the sex to be a surprise. Much to Alice's annoyance as she wants to start the shopping now, however Edward is in full support of the idea. I haven't broached the question to him yet but I want to know what capacity he wants to be involved when the baby comes. I don't expect him to play daddy, even though I think he'd make a wonderful, loving, patient father. And if it's something he wants to do then we need to have a discussion.
Our dynamic has definitely changed over the last few weeks. No longer do I feel like a guest in his home. Now I feel as though I can call it our home. And with the arrival of a baby I want our relationship to be defined in what ever way to avoid confusion, broken hearts and hurt feelings. We've changed from being shy and a little awkward around each other to being affectionate and open. Edward is my best friend, something I haven't really had before, but that title doesn't seem to do our relationship justice anymore. We're more now, at least on my end, which is exactly why we need to have this conversation. I don't want to continue getting invested in a relationship that my never exist.
I still wonder why he wants anything more than just friendship with me. He so much older, not that it bothers me, but he could have someone who was similar to his age, who isn't pregnant and doesn't have so much baggage. I'm so screwed up and my parents ruined me in so many ways. It's what I've come to see since having regular meetings with my therapist. I know I'll always be shy and uncertain of new things and people. It's the way I'll always be. I'll always be quiet and somewhat submissive because it's what I learned got less disincline as a child and teenager. I'll always find it hard to identify how I feel because I suppressed my emotions for eighteen years and I think I'll always find it hard to speak up for myself because it's not something I was ever able to do. Having a therapist has helped me realise all this and understand that it's okay. She's also helping me through a lot of the anger that has surfaced since leaving them. I have a lot of hate towards them and questions as to why they treated me so poorly.
Edward comes to my sessions every now and then which has been beneficial to our friendship. He understands why I find certain things difficult and why I won't say always speak up if my feelings get hurt. Although I'm getting better at it with him because I'm growing comfortable being around him and my trust in him gets stronger everyday. Those trust exercises might seem hokey but they did wonders on my brain when it comes to my relationship with Edward. He's also been slowly learning more and more about my past. And even after knowing all he does he has stuck by me and sees in the same way as always.
Coming back to the store, I chuckle and wonder if there's anything left after our shopping spree. The big stuff will get delivered tomorrow and I can't wait to unpack it all. Edward organises Emmett to come over in the afternoon since it will just be Esme and I at home and there's too much stuff for us to unload and bring into the house. I promise him that I won't unpack any of it with out him because I know how excited he is about everything.
That night when we go to bed there's no question where I'll sleep. I bring my pillow in from my old room and get into Edward's bed with him. Seemingly overnight it's gone from being his bed to our bed. And the thought has me smiling as I snuggle up with my handsome best friend.
Australian words you may not know:
Baby capsule - baby carrier/carseat
Dummy - Pacifier
