ARATA
It was evening when my train finally reached Tokyo, but bright lights were everywhere. I was used to the country and a night so dark you could see the Milky Way. I'd forgotten how the city seemed to glow and how close everything was, the tall buildings often crowding out the sky. The city felt alive and bustling with the hopes and dreams of its many inhabitants. I had hopes and dreams for a future here too.
I disembarked at the transfer station and as I followed the other passengers toward the central hub I scanned the walls for a map.
Over the din of announcements and the hiss of trains coming and going an excited soprano voice called out, "Arata!" The station was more crowded than my local branch, but not bad for Tokyo, probably because of the hour.
I spotted Chihaya hurrying toward me, waving and wearing a grin that lit up her face. I raised a hand and smiled back. As she pulled up in front of me, I said, "I thought we were going to meet at your station."
"I know. But I finished early and I couldn't wait."
My heart agreed. Every second of the journey here had seemed to last an eternity. "Well, thanks. It's great to see you." My eyes caressed the painfully beautiful contours of her face. "I hope you didn't have to wait long."
Her expression softened under my gaze. Her cheeks pinked a bit and she turned away. "Never mind that. Let's go."
She confidently led the way to the line that would bring us near her home, chattering all the while. "…And Harada-sensei wants you to drop by if you have time. He probably just wants to play you himself. He's so greedy! I've just realized that lately…"
Without hesitating she stepped onto a train that was already full of passengers. With the ease of a city girl, she pushed her way through with a few "excuse me"s for good measure. I balked, still standing on the platform looking at what seemed like an impassable wall of people. The chimes rang out, signaling that the doors would close any second.
Following her example, I steeled my nerve and said, "Excuse me," as I pushed my way into an opening between two commuters. It was barely wide enough for me, and the duffel bag slung over my shoulder bumped into a tired-looking businessman as I pivoted to follow Chihaya. "Sorry," I called back to him.
Finally we were in a bubble of space large enough for the two of us (and my bag), and we grabbed the overhead handholds as the train eased forward. I remembered this being easier as a child, but then, I was a lot smaller then.
Soon I'll be riding these trains every day.
Chihaya angled her body so that we were facing one another and could talk. "Wow, this is even more crowded than the one Taichi and I take in the morning. So, how was the trip? Did you see Mount Fuji? I remember seeing it on my way to your house. It's beautiful, isn't it?"
The packed conditions had us distractingly close together; her body swayed in and out of my personal space with the movement of the train. I was several centimeters taller than her model's height, but when she tipped her head up to talk to me I was acutely aware of how very near her lips were, should I decide to act on any of those fantasies filling my mind right now.
"Arata?"
"Oh. Uh, yeah. It was getting dark, but I could still see it."
"'I can look up and see the snowy cap of Mount Fuji,'" she quoted from the Hundred Poems. "It really does look like a cap, doesn't it?" she mused.
I chuckled. Whenever I was with her, it seemed like happiness just surrounded me. "You have school tomorrow, right?" I double-checked.
"Yes. When is your interview? Do you think you'll finish in time to come by our club meeting? I want you to meet everyone." The train slowed, approaching another station.
As people crowded past us toward the exit, we reviewed our schedules and made tentative plans. The interview was in the morning, but I didn't know if they might ask me to stay for anything else.
A rowdy group of youths was piling onto the train, their loud exclamations to one another disturbing the passengers. One guy, stumbling past, knocked Chihaya off balance. Her hand flew to my chest and I caught her shoulder with my free hand.
"Sorry," she said, attempting to straighten and step back. Over her shoulder I saw one of the guys leering at her. I let my hand travel around her back and held her tight against me.
I glared menacingly at him. Losing interest, he went to join his cohorts.
With the threat averted, I realized I still had Chihaya in a protective hold, her head bowed against my neck. "Ah, sorry!" I said, releasing her abruptly and bringing my hand to the back of my head. I concocted an excuse. "I think everyone's gotten past us now."
"Mm," she nodded acceptance and took a step back, leaving an emptiness where she'd been.
Taichi, you sneaky bastard, how did you manage it so you get to do this every day?
-0-0-0-0-
We left our shoes and my bag by the front door, and Chihaya opened a shoji door to what looked like the main living area of her house. "I'm home!" she called.
I followed her into a comfortable room that included a TV area, a small dining table with four chairs, and a kitchen separated from the rest only by a long island. Chihaya's parents sat across from one another at the table, tea cups before them.
"Arata-kun," Chihaya's mom greeted me cordially. "It's good to see you again." We'd already caught up on old times when we were waiting in the stands at the Queen match.
"Thank you very much for having me." I bowed. Chihaya's mom made polite inquiries about my trip and whether I'd eaten and so on, while her dad stared daggers at me. He'd seemed normal enough at the Queen match, but I wondered if I'd somehow offended him.
Chihaya broke in eventually. "Enough about that." Looking up at me hopefully, she asked, "Can we play?"
"Aren't you tired?" I asked as I checked my wristwatch.
"No, not at all!" She was already pulling a box of cards from her Daddy Bear bag.
I chuckled. Of course, I couldn't deny her anything.
Not that I wanted to. Playing Chihaya was always a rush.
We knelt across from one another in the open area in front of the television. I felt her dad's eyes boring into my back. While I mixed the cards, she hopped up and rifled through a stack of CDs piled on the stereo system behind us.
I set my watch and soon we were both staring intently at our cards. It was a little difficult to concentrate with her parents making sporadic conversation just across the room. At the chime, Chihaya sat up, her face blank and serious. She closed her eyes, and I watched as she inhaled deeply. As her breath left her, she picked up the remote and cued the CD.
"Naniwa Bay, now the flower blooms…"
We leaned over our cards. I sensed her nearness with every molecule in my body. Lifting my head, I saw her pushing fine strands of hair behind her ear. I smiled. That game sense…
As if she felt my gaze on her, she lifted her head as well and we looked into each other's eyes, separated by inches. In my mind, I imagined leaning forward just a bit to kiss her.
"A-a-HEM!" Chihaya's dad cleared his throat loudly. I hastened to return my attention to the cards. I hoped that warm feeling in my face wasn't a blush.
"Since I must hide…"
She was moving on the first syllable, leaning her body toward the right card, but I caught up quickly, my swift cross slapping it away.
"Oh my goodness!" I heard her mom cry. "It seems much more violent up close, doesn't it?"
I felt vaguely guilty and took my time retrieving the card from where it had bounced off the wall. Returning, I checked Chihaya's expression but found that she was in the zone, unaffected by the comment.
Right. I need to stay focused too.
With that decided, we fought it out. Despite getting behind, she remained composed, only twisting her mouth unhappily when I moved the cards now and again. As usual, her dogged persistence paid off and she was able to use her speed to capture a higher ratio of cards as the number on the field dwindled.
The door slid open as Chihaya was collecting a card from across the room, and Chitose came breezing in. She stopped short as her eyes landed on me. "Oh, right. You're here." She didn't look as annoyed as she sounded, so I put it down to her usual manner, which I'd always found kind of condescending.
I greeted her politely, and she continued on to the kitchen. As she poured a glass of something for herself, Chihaya's parents asked about a shoot she must have been doing this evening.
Chihaya was already tuning them out and had picked up the remote again when her sister said, "Oh yeah. Chihaya, the director liked the way that spread turned out. He wants to know if you can do another one next week."
Chihaya stared at her sister. "What do you think?" she asked. "Would it be all right?"
"Sure," Chitose answered easily. She took a swig from her glass. "It's good money, and school's not that busy now, right?"
"Mm," Chihaya agreed. "Sure. Just let me know when."
Chitose swept toward the door, saying, "I'm going to take a bath now, but hurry up and finish so you don't wake me when you come to bed."
Chihaya agreed and turned back to the cards. My concentration was shattered along with the momentum of our game. Is Chihaya planning to become a model like her sister? Does that mean she won't be going to college? But she'd still be in Tokyo in any case, right?
Chihaya's voice broke into my thoughts. "Are you ready?" She had her game face on.
I rolled my shoulders and took a deep breath, attempting to wipe the clutter from my mind. "All right."
The second half of the match kept me entranced, all my wits and reflexes focused on a razor's edge. It was intense and intoxicating at once.
Yes, that's how it feels to play Chihaya.
At last, the match concluded, with Chihaya down by eight. We bowed our thank-yous. As she rose, I saw her clench her fists. "Agh! You're so frustrating!" She was grousing, but there was no real ire in it. "You took that last card right after you sent it. Oh yeah, and before that you…" I watched in amusement as she replayed some of the strategies that had worked for me. I wouldn't mention how many hadn't.
Her remarks were cut short by a huge yawn. I watched her closely, in case she should waver.
"Hey, would you look at the time?" Chihaya's dad announced loudly. "I didn't realize it had gotten so late." I was thankful my back was still to him. Silently I finished stacking the cards, replacing them in their container as Chihaya stood and stretched. Tempting though it was to watch, I didn't dare look in her direction.
I stood as well, working the kinks out of my neck and shoulders as Chihaya went to the kitchen and poured juice for both of us.
"I'll get Arata settled and then head for bed," she told her parents.
As we finished our drinks, Chihaya's mom gave me the rundown on their morning routine and I let her know I'd be ready to leave when their daughter did. Chihaya's dad fiddled with a napkin, shooting suspicious glances in my direction.
As Chihaya led me back into the foyer, her dad called out. "We're right down the hall in case you need anything. Right next door, practically."
I was getting the message. Dad wanted me to stay the heck away from his daughter tonight.
I paused in the doorway, slowly turning back to catch his eye. "Thank you," I said meekly. As I bobbed my head for good measure, I caught a glimpse of a tender smile on her mom's face.
In short order, I was washed up and lying in the dark on Chihaya's bed. She'd given up her room for me and was sharing with Chitose. I felt bad about it, but it would only be for two nights.
There was something intimate about sleeping in Chihaya's room and in Chihaya's bed. It was like being wrapped in a cocoon of Chihaya. I felt her presence all around me—light and warmth and joy and passion. Lying on my side, I could see out the tall window she must look out every night. Above the privacy wall, a few stars were visible between clouds in the night sky.
So many times I'd looked at those stars and felt the distance separating us. Having her so near was delicious, but it made me greedy for more. I wanted to be able to hold her. I wanted to admit my feelings for her, and I wanted her to feel the same for me.
But, to be honest, I couldn't entirely tell how she felt about me. It seemed impossible that the pull between was anything other than mutual. But maybe I was just interpreting things as I'd like them to be.
My mind called up that first moment tonight when I saw her at the station, how beautiful she looked wearing a smile meant just for me. And her eagerness to play a match—my lips curled up remembering—and her cute frustration at losing.
Rolling onto my back, I covered my eyes with my arm and sighed. This intense love inside felt like a scorching wind that I breathed in and out, in and out.
"How can I tell her that my heart burns for her?" The poem played in my head. "She may never know the love I feel for her burns like Ibuki's fire plant."
A pained chuckle escaped. "Heh. I know the feeling well, ancestor." The year that stood between now and our reunion seemed impossibly long. Will I really be able to wait to tell her how I feel?
-0-0-0-0-
Despite my tortured thoughts, I must have fallen asleep at some point. The following morning I found Chihaya at the table eating breakfast and staring thoughtfully at the screen of her phone. I stopped short in the doorway and blinked at what I saw.
She caught my look and said, "What?"
"Nothing." I tried to pass it off and kept walking.
She stood and began swiping at her cheeks. "What? Do I have rice on my face?"
She looked sincerely mortified. I caved to her pleading look. "No, it's just…your uniform… " I put a self-conscious hand to my head. "It's cute," I admitted.
Cute…right. More like, a schoolboy's dream.
"Oh." A tinge of pink touched her cheeks, and she looked uncomfortable. She turned toward the kitchen and said, "Uh, here, come get some breakfast."
I followed her to the stove, accepting a bowl and filling it from the offerings set out. To ease the awkwardness, I asked, "So what's your Thought for the Day or whatever."
"Huh?" She handed me some chopsticks.
"You were looking at your phone, so I thought…"
"Oh, right." She cast a grateful smile my direction as we sat down across from one another.
"Itidakimasu." I was suddenly aware of how long it had been since I'd last eaten. It's a good thing I'll have some time away from Chihaya before my interview. I'm so distracted I'm even forgetting to eat.
Chihaya began reading, looking at her phone. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
We both mused on that in silence. My soul could use some rest today. I was distracted by Chihaya and whether we could have a future, and the pressure of these interviews…well, I tried not to think about how important they would be. It would be nice to think I could entrust my future to God and he would… what did she say last time? Something about showing me what path to take.
Okay, God. I feel pretty burdened right now. If you're up there, I could sure use your help today. And with my future, too. Show me…
"Do you want some more?" Chihaya interrupted my reflection.
"Huh? No, thanks." I checked my watch. "Actually I should probably go, just in case I get the train routes wrong or something. I want to leave plenty of time."
Chihaya took our bowls to the sink and began washing up. I pulled on my black suit jacket. When I looked up, Chihaya was staring at me oddly.
"What?"
She came around the counter. "You just have…" Her eyes were glued to a spot somewhere around my shoulder. She reached both hands up; it looked like she was about to put her arms around my neck.
I stopped breathing.
Her cool fingers tickled the skin along the edge of my collar, and I realized she was actually smoothing it to lay nicely over my tie and under the lapel of the jacket.
"There," she proclaimed with a satisfied look. "That's better." Her hands fell to her sides as though nothing unusual had just happened.
I've got to get a grip, I told myself in between mental gasps. I cleared my throat. "Th-thanks," I squeaked.
