Hey everyone,
Just a heads up, this is a bit of a heavy chapter regarding Bella's abuse. If it upsets you in any way I apologise. You've been prewarned.
Chapter 9
When I wake up the next morning the first thing I notice is how stiff I am and how sore my backside is. The second thing I notice is that I'm alone and that Edward's side of the bed is cold and neatly made up. He's been gone a while it seems and I feel tears run down my cheeks at the thought of being alone. I thought he'd stay with me today. But as quickly as the thought enters my head I admonish myself. He has a job that he can't just not show up for, other people depend on him as well.
I decide to stop feeling sorry for myself and carefully make my way into the bathroom for a much needed shower. I can smell the overly clean smell of hospital in my hair and the grime from nearly two days without bathing on my skin. Half way through my shower I'm surprised to hear a knock. I'm even more surprised to hear Edward call out my name.
"Bella? Can I come in?"
"Of course." I call out.
A few moments later the shower door opens and I see Edward discard the last of his clothes before stepping in behind me and drawing me up against his firm body.
"You stayed home?"
"Of course. I wasn't going to leave you alone after you ordeal yesterday."
"But your job -"
"Can wait." He offers.
I smile and thank him for everything.
"How do you feel?" He asks, gently running his hands up and down my sides and across my bump.
"I'm sore, but the shower is helping." And so are you, I think to myself.
Once we're finished he dries me carefully and helps me into some soft sweat pants and one of his t-shirts. It smells like him and it's incredibly comforting.
"Bella." He says, hesitatingly. "I called Maria, your therapist. She's in the living room waiting to talk, only if you want to of course. I thought you might need to discuss some things with her."
"Yes, I think that's a good idea. Thank you, Edward."
So for the next two hours I talk to Maria about my encounter and the way my father made me feel. Even after everything Edward has done for me my brain still felt the need to shut down when in the presence of my father.
"Bella, he abused you your whole life, it's going to take more than a few months to over come the psychological damage he's done to you. You know that, sweetheart, we've talked about this." She reminds me. "And that's okay."
Edward diligently sits beside me and holds my hand for support, nodding his head in agreeance with all Maria has to say.
"Logically you know with Edward and his family and myself that you're safe. But when confronted with what your subconscious is use to you're going to respond with what you know has been expected of you in the past. And that's something that only time can fix and heal. That's why you have these sessions with me and why we do the exercises we do. It's so that your subconscious begins to understand that your life isn't like it was and the mechanisms you used in the past aren't what you need to fall back on anymore."
Everything she says makes sense and is exactly what I need to hear right now. She's right, it's going to take time and I shouldn't feel discouraged by these latest events.
"This is just a minor set back, Bella. And there will be more to come. But that doesn't mean you've failed or that you should give up. It means that you keep going, keep persevering and keep trying to better yourself because you owe it to you and Edward and baby to be the best version of you possible."
When she leaves for the day I feel lighter and not nearly as afraid of my own shadow. Around four o'clock Edward receives the phone call we've been waiting for, and thanks to Maria I feel ready to overcome this next hurdle. We make our way to the police station and ask for the detective in charge of my case. We talk in a small room about what happened two days prior at the mall and why it happened in the first place. I was worried that I'd be blamed. I know that there tends to be a mentality of victim blaming in our society, particularly when it comes to women in rape and abuse situations but thankfully the officer believes me and doesn't ask poorly worded, insensitive questions, such as 'why did you let it go on for this long.'
I tell him about how I fled from my home after I was told to get rid of the baby and how I was homeless for a few months. When he asks why I ran away in the first place I tell him about what my former life was like. Edward thankfully thought to bring my medical files along and the detective is shocked to see the size of it. I tell him about the confused ramblings my father would spout about God and how he would constantly call me out on my sins, or what he deemed as sins. I told him about the punishments he inflicted on me over the years with the studded belt belt. How he would refuse food, blankets, clothes and water and lock me in the cold, dark basement for days on end sometimes, because of something I supposedly did wrong.
I cry the entire time as I recall my past and lean heavily on Edward as I tell them both the things he'd say to me. How my mother would hold me down while he bathed me, to make sure he washed away all my impurities. How he pushed me down the stairs time and time again so that I'd feel pain and be able to repent the way he believed one should - broken, bleeding and begging for mercy. My medical records support most of what I've told him and the records Maria has kept explain the mental and psychological scars they left after so many years of abuse. The voice recorder catches everything and I hope with every fibre within me that they can use that as my testimony.
When we're finished the detective thanks me for my time and apologises for everything that has happened. He promises that he will look into my fathers position at the police station in Forks and investigate how my abuse was covered up of so many years. How something this terrible could be swept under the rug. And why no one had the courage to step up and help a child who so desperately needed it.
"This goes much further than we realise, I think. I'm going to get a few more of my detectives on this case and we're going to have this mess sorted out as soon as we can. I promise you, Bella. We'll investigate Forks and the police department there and figure out how this went on for as long as it did."
It's a cathartic release, I realise, as we make our way out of the station. I feel lighter somehow and a part of my father that seemed to cling to me, no matter what I did before, seems to have let go. The pain is still there of course but I feel a definite diminishment in how much I felt before. So instead of heading straight home Edward and I stop at a bakery and pick up a chocolate cake. This definitely seems like something worth celebrating. When Esme and Carlisle come over for dinner they engulf me in hugs and I can feel their love radiate onto me.
"We're so thankful you were able to do what you did today, Bella. We'll stand by your side during this whole process and be there for you in what ever way you need. We love you, sweetheart. Carlisle and I hope you know that."
There are tears of course. I don't seem to be able to stop them today. Edward joins in on the family hug and not for the first time do I wonder how I made it this far in life not knowing what true family and love feels like.
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Next update will be the delivery. Girl or boy? What are your thoughts?
