Chapter 10
As the weeks pass by from my horrible encounter with my father and the interview with the police, my stomach grows and grows and grows. I diligently apply stretch mark cream, hoping desperately that it will help curb the worst of the scarring. I'm not ashamed of my body but it's the only one I've got and I want it to look nice after I bring our little person into the world. Besides, if I have more children I'll get more and I don't want my body to be a complete mess after just my first. As well as that, I've already got a enough scaring from my childhood abuse as it is.
Edward reminds me time and time again that they don't worry him. He tells me that in actual fact that he loves them because it shows the journey my body has taken as our child grows, but he understands my reasoning and happily helps me apply it when I ask. I stifle a scoff whenever he tells me he doesn't mind them though because they're not pretty at all. But I appreciate the sentiment.
It's a week until my due date now and I'm unbelievably excited. And so is Edward. We just about vibrate from the intensity of it whenever we're together and talking about our little one. We still don't know if it's a girl or a boy but we've got a name picked out for either. Lilly Marie Cullen, if it's a girl, or Anthony Thomas Cullen if it's a boy. We wanted our families names to be intertwined somehow and we decided together that the name that doesn't get used this time will be used for the next baby, so long as it's to the right sex of course.
The nursery is ready to go, along with my hospital bag and a few essentials for Edward. His new boss suggested taking a few weeks break before starting officially at the family practice so that he can be around us both after the delivery. So for the next six weeks I get Edward all to myself.
Two days later, while shopping at the supermarket I feel a deep pain in my lower back. I stand still for a few minutes in the aisle to see if it comes back or not. Before anything can happen again, Edward rounds the corner holding a carton of milk. He gives me a strange look when he notices my stance and asks if I'm okay.
"Yeah, I just think I had a contraction." I explain.
"What?"
"A few minutes ago. I've been having pain all week but this was different. Deeper and more intense."
"How long ago?"
I look down at my watch. "Six minutes."
"Let's finish up quickly then and get you home. Or the hospital if need be. But if they're still that far apart we've got time."
I'm shocked by how calm he's being. I've always thought Edward would freak out as soon as the word labour passed my lips. But he's being uncharacteristically calm. I don't say anything though. It might set him off. We finish up quickly and head home. I have another two contractions, or what I think are contractions, between the first one and arriving home.
"We'll wait until they're five minutes apart, like our doctor suggested." He tells me. "Are you alright?"
I nod my head as another one washes over me. I grasp Edward's hand tightly in mine. This one's a big one. We continue this way for a few hours. The gap gets gradually smaller but not by much. I'm already sweating up a storm and my body feels tired and stiff. I'm not looking forward to the next little while.
Edward is incredibly sweet and attentive as we wait. He cooks us dinner, under my instruction, and then helps me have a bath. He also put in a call with the OB/GYN to update her on the situation. She tells us to come in whenever we need, but to wait until the five minute mark if we can. So we wait and wait and wait. It's a night of no sleep for the both of us. Although I think Edward manages to doze a little and by the time the sun starts peaking it's head out the contractions finally get to the five minute mark.
Getting up from the bed I shake Edward awake and tell him what's going on before heading to shower to wash up and brush my teeth. Thirty minutes later we're in the car and ready to go. He calls his parents and siblings while we travel, letting them know what's going on. They promise to come down once I'm settled and send their love. Edward is still calm, excited beyond belief but calm, and I have to know why.
"Why aren't you freaking out?" I ask, somewhat tactlessly.
"Do I need to be freaking out?" He asks, suddenly worried.
"No, no of course not. I'm just surprised. I thought you'd be a mess."
He chuckles at my comment. "I asked mum a few weeks ago what would have made her delivery experience less stressful when we were born and her answer was not having to worry about dad. He was all over the place and she had to put a lot of energy into calming him down and keeping him sane. She said that a lot of her energy was wasted on that and she wished he'd kept it together a little more for her sake. She was after all the one with a human coming out of her. So I promised myself that when you went into labour I wouldn't freak out because I knew you'd be the same as her. You'd waste precious energy on calming me down instead of focusing it all on yourself."
I smile at his thoughtfulness. "Thank you, Edward. That means a lot to me."
By the time we make it to the hospital the contractions are four minutes apart. It seems as though they're picking up in speed. Our doctor examines me and gets me settled before heading off to do other work, telling us she'll be back in an hour. Which means we wait some more. We watch TV, play some card games and talk about what we want to do when the baby comes. Esme and Carlisle arrive once the contractions are two minutes apart and Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper aren't far behind. I'm covered in sweat and breathing hard but Edward and Esme coach me through it. They're doing a great job and I pray I won't say anything rude or mean once I start having to push. I'm continually offered an epidural but I want to do it naturally. I'm not afraid of the pain and I know I can handle it.
When the contractions start to really pick up everyone apart from Edward and Esme are asked to leave. I get soft hugs and kisses as they file out and I smile briefly at the thought of having a tiny person in my arms the next time I see them. This is really happening. The pain is bad. I'm not going to lie. And I feel as though I've pushed for hours on end. Esme and Edward remind me to breath and hold my hands in support. I cry and beg for it to be over and in desperation ask Edward to do it for me.
"I can't, sweetheart. I would if I could. You're so close, so close. We'll meet Lilly or Anthony really soon. Just a little more baby." He begs.
"Baby's crowning." I hear someone announce. "Want to have a look, Dad?" They ask Edward.
In response I hold his hand even tighter. "Don't leave. Please." I beg. I know it's not far but I'll fall apart without him next to me.
"Push again, Bella."
I bare down and push, and push and push and push.
"I've got shoulders. Everything looks good so far."
The pushing continues until I think I'm about ready to burst and give up.
"It's a boy!"
I moan in relief. It's over. I have a son. We have a son. Anthony Thomas Cullen.
My boy. Our boy.
He squarks incredibly sweetly as he's taken away from the bed, I don't think I'll ever heard a sweeter sound, to be weighed and measured. I can feel the doctor cleaning me up as I prepare for the after birth. However, I'm distracted from the rest of the pain as my little boy is placed on my chest. His eyes are closed so I can't see the colour but he's got a light dusting of brown locks on the top of his head. Edward leans down and softly kisses his head, before giving me a searing kiss.
"We have a son." He says, with tears in his eyes. "Anthony Thomas." He says to the little boy in front of us.
"I'm so happy for you both." Esme offers. "He's beautiful."
I'm completely lost to the world for the next little while. And I think Edward is too. I don't even realise we're ready to head to my room until Edward stands up and backs away slightly. Edward carries little Anthony, after he's swaddled in a blanket, and he looks so incredibly tiny in his Daddy's arms. Everyone can't wait to meet the little guy and they follow in behind us as I'm set up in my room. There are beautiful flowers everywhere, the room smells amazing.
Everyone gushes over the new addition to the family and they all insist on having a cuddle with him. Emmett's face is creased with worry as Rosalie starts to hand him over. She tells him how to hold his arms and remind him to support the head.
"Relax, sweetheart." She whispers. "You're okay."
"He's just so tiny. I don't want to squish him." Everyone laughs at his response.
Eventually they all have to leave, but not before a final cuddle with Anthony and a kiss for Edward and I.
"We're so happy for you both." Carlisle offers after passing the baby back to me. "Let us know if you need anything. We'll be back tomorrow."
My nurse comes in shortly after and helps me get get Anthony situated for his first feed. It feels odd having liquid sucked out from my body by another person and somewhat painful but it's also beautiful as well. My body is literally designed to keep this little guy alive, nourished and well. It's overwhelming and the thought makes me cry. Edward squeezes my hand in response and nuzzles my cheek, offering words of support and love.
I know there are going to be hardships in the future, arguments, doubts and insecurities as well. But right now everything is perfect and I know I have nothing to fear. Edward and I will get through whatever is thrown our way. I have no doubt about it and together we'll love our little guy and be a real family.
