Chapter 24
APOV
I don't know what got into Christian today but he's been acting strange. He barely let me out of his site. I don't know if he is scared or what. I also don't know when I can go back to work. I don't want to lose my job - I have bills I need to pay and there isn't much in my savings account.
Christian and I are relaxing in the bath tub before bed as he gently massages my shoulders. "Christian… this feels so good. What you can do with your hands…"
He tenses and stops. "Christian, what's wrong?"
"Ana, did you love him?"
"Love who?"
"Rodriguez"
Where is this coming from? "No, I didn't. I was just confused and didn't know what to do."
"Then why did you sleep with him? Did you enjoy it? Did he make you come?"
I turn so I am facing him. "Christian, is that what today was about?"
"Don't try to deflect things, Ana. Did you enjoy having sex with him?"
"What the fuck? Christian, where is this coming from?"
"I thought I was the only one. I thought you only wanted me. But you were with him too. He had what is mine." I can't believe this discussion is even happening. Of all people who are upset about sexual partners.
"Christian, I slept with Jose one time. I had too much to drink and I wasn't sure what I wanted. It was a mistake and I shouldn't have done it but I really resent having to explain what I did when we weren't together."
"Did you enjoy it?"
That's it. I've had it. I stand up and get out of the tub, grabbing my towel. "I can't believe you have the nerve to ask me that. First of all, you were the one who told me that if I didn't sign the contract we were over. Second, you probably don't even know how many women you've slept with, let alone the fifteen women you had in your playroom. How dare you?" I wrap the towel around me and go into the bedroom to get changed.
Christian gets out of the tub and comes into the room with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Ana…"
"No. Don't you 'Ana' me. Is that what this afternoon in the shower was about? Were you marking your territory? I am not your property. I am no one's property. I'm disgusted." I pull out a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt. I storm out of the bedroom and realize I have nowhere to go. I don't have my car here. I'm essentially trapped. I stop in the great room trying to figure out where to go.
Christian comes out to me with his pj pants on. "Ana, please. Stop. I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. It's not something I'm familiar with and it scares the shit out of me. I'm out of control and hurtling into space with you. I know I'm no one to preach about their past. But when I saw the pictures of you and Jose, I was so angry and so upset and so jealous. It shoved the mistake I made of letting you go in my face. I didn't know how to handle what I was feeling."
Am I hearing this correctly? "Christian, what pictures?"
He looks at me and his eyes widen. He obviously didn't mean to tell me that bit of information. Christian gets quiet. "Hyde. He had pictures of you. Lots of pictures."
"What do you mean by lots of pictures?" He breathes deep and rakes his hand through his hair.
"He had all kinds of pictures of you. He was stalking you for a long time. He had pictures of you at your apartment doing all kinds of things." I feel a lump form in my throat.
"Like what kinds of things?"
He shakes his head. "Ana, you don't need to know."
"Yes, I do, Christian. Obviously you know and you need to tell me, now."
He looks down at the ground and won't look me in the eyes. Shit. It must be bad. "He had all kinds of pictures. You doing normal things, walking, shopping, and he had some more… private moments."
"Private moments? Like me and Jose?"
"Yes. And me and you. And you in the shower and dressing." I feel my legs start to go weak and I sit down in the closest chair.
"How detailed were these pictures, Christian?"
"Ana, no…"
"Jesus Christ, Christian. How detailed were the fucking pictures of me?"
"They were very, detailed. He had videos too."
I put my head in my hands. I think I am going to be sick. I was completely and utterly violated in my own home. In my most private moments. I can feel my resolve start to fade away quickly. "Who saw these pictures and videos of me?"
He looks at me like he doesn't understand what I am asking. Then he realizes it. "The police investigators, Welch, Taylor, and me."
I don't know if I should feel embarrassed or mad or what. I can't hold it in anymore and I start to cry. "So, all those people saw me, doing those things?"
"Ana, it wasn't like they were watching it for pleasure. It was evidence they found."
"How would you feel, Christian, if people you don't even know saw you during your most intimate moments? Would you be OK with that? If people found pictures of you in the playroom?" I can tell I am starting to get hysterical. The pitch of my voice is getting higher and higher.
"No, I wouldn't. I didn't want you to get hurt."
"Too late now, isn't it?"
He comes up to me and folds me into an embrace. I can hear his voice start to break. "Ana, I never wanted to hurt you. I love you so much. I don't ever want you to hurt. I will do whatever I can so you don't have to feel that way."
Suddenly the world stops spinning. "What did you say?" He looks down at me and I don't think he meant to say that to me either.
"I love you, Anastasia. I don't ever want anything to happen to you." I think all the air in my lungs has disappeared.
"You love me?"
"Yes. And I know you love me. I heard you tell Jose. I heard you tell him you love me. No one has ever said that before about me. It made me realize how much you mean to me. I just didn't know how to say it."
Now the tears are definitely flowing. "Oh, Christian. I do. I love you."
He closes the gap between us and gives me a kiss. This kiss was like no other kiss before. It was full of love and reverence. "Ana, I never want to let you go."
Then he takes my hand and presses it against his chest where I can feel his heart beating. I go to pull it away knowing to touch him there is forbidden. "No, Ana. I need you to touch me. I need your touch. I need you."
I stand on my tiptoes and pull his face down to mine and I kiss him pouring all my feelings into that kiss. He returns my kiss with equal fervor.
