To Love & Lost

Chapter 5: A Reason for Being

(Warnings: None, T]


The morning dawned with a sensation of adrenaline coursing her veins the moment she awoke, Yuna weighed by the gravity of yesterday's decision that hit like a stampede of shoopufs on her mind. Had it really been so wise to conduct? The picturesque window that fed out to a gorgeous view of Bevelle below was still enveloped in a sleepy darkness, the sun blearily cresting the horizon that blurred the distinction between sea and sky, some stars still spangled above. Barely any lights of the city were on below, but even in a mind still clouded with slumber did Yuna know where she had to go. Swiftly did she change from her nightgown to her travel outfit, a cursory rake of her fingers through her hair comprising the morning's grooming.

It didn't take her long to traverse through the streets of Bevelle's uptown, able to do so without throngs of people crowding before her. Some guards patrolled the streets, but few took notice of her in spite of the controversial trial that had occurred just hours before, Yuna feeling as though it had all been some surreal dream. Though...her heart panged. She had only started believing in dreams after she'd met Tidus, after all.

The Highbridge had a man stationed on one of the gliding platforms that would breeze her to the entrance, the pilot keeping things gratefully silent in the short duration there. Guards stationed at the front had been informed of yesterday's proceedings and were likely to be extra vigilant, but at the sight of the priestess, they allowed her through without any trouble. Inside the Court of Yevon was dark, its usual perpetual gloam that yesterday had barely interrupted like a pebble tossed in a steadfast stream. The platform that would take her below awaited her, as if cognizant of her coming. Yuna swallowed down her trepidation, stepping on it and coordinating the controls to take her to the appropriate level.

It was almost like crossing back into Bevelle's Underground, the true mechanical heart that had supplied the Machina War a thousand years ago. But, Via Infinito was further away and she wanted to stay as far away from it as she could help being.

A guard met her at the passage where the maesters were being kept in solitary confinement, Yuna partially glad of it. In the dim corridor, the last thing she needed was commentary from Mika or Kinoc, Even if the mode of their passing was to be too harsh, it was for the better that she focus solely on Seymour, the man she'd sworn into her custody.

"You're brave for doing this, Lady Yuna," the guardsman complimented, smiling kindly beneath his visor that typically made them appear utterly stoic.

Yuna bowed her head modestly, as if ducking beneath the praise. "Doing the right thing is brave. Like what you dedicated your life to doing," she rejoined, smiling shyly. However, the smile evaporated when the machina hatch containing him behind a cell door revealed Seymour limpid in the corner, Yuna excusing the guard with a gesture who complied, albeit with permeable reluctance on his part. It was when they were assuredly alone that Seymour pivoted his gaze at her, face devoid of his usual smirk. Yuna braved matching his gaze, her silhouette cast upon his person from the single ray of light that shone from the lonely corridor at her back.

"Seymour," she began officiously, "do you know why I'm here?"

"Another time, perhaps, I imagine it would have been to gloat, Lady Yuna," Seymour replied with a mirthless smile. "Were it not so against your character, nor what I heard decided the other day."

Yuna sucked in a breath, tilting her chin up. Part of her was grateful he wasn't standing; it was difficult to be intimidating under such a height disparity. "You owe me your life, Seymour. I saved it, and I think it's only fair." She sounded braver than she actually felt.

A weak strain of chuckling was heard, he gaze becoming inexorably soft, something that made her cheeks inexplicably heat up. But it was involuntary, something she could feel easily, she sternly reminded herself. "I'm unsent, Yuna. There's not much of a life to be saved. But, please," he extended an elongated hand invitingly, "tell me more of this mission. I'm afraid it was difficult to hear through the abhorrence vocalized by your friends." That was said with an underlying bitterness, she noticed, shifting uncomfortably. But...he didn't have a right to be bitter! Not one bit!

"In exchange for your life, you're going to serve me, Seymour. You're going to redeem yourself this way, by discovering how we can eliminate Sin. And if you defy it, well," she trailed, swallowing hard; it was difficult to even sound cruel, "I'm going to take it back. Again."

He laughed again and she could feel herself grow indignant at his reaction. "Do you imagine that I'll be indebted to you for this noble deed, my Lady? You may be courageous, Yuna, but sometimes you're so...dreadfully shortsighted. Only willing to see the troubles around you when you can't see them in yourself. Or of your immediate...companions."

Yuna's hands balled into fists, grabbing one of the cell bars and clenching it so hard her knuckles blanched. "Stop that, what you're doing. Stop pretending you know me better than I know myself!"

Seymour turned in profile, smile dwindling perceptively. Where the light touched his skin, Yuna could see how pale he was, how devoid of light his eyes seemed, and it wasn't because of some imagined evil or insanity. It was more...a profoundly deep loss. That same that had touched her, but had been saved before she'd lost everything. "You say that, yet...look at us, Lady Yuna. Two impossibilities who rose so very high. You, with your Al Bhed mother; I, with my Guado father. Both hated and alienated as children, sentenced to live ostracized until our parents sacrificed themselves in some effort to eliminate Sin, until our fathers became heroes to Yevon did we finally become accepted..." His head bowed, a wolfish grin returning as his gaze become nostalgic, Yuna's vice on the bars loosening until she became damnably receptive to his words. "Were it not for them, you and I might not have lived past childhood."

His words made her flinch, swallowing down thickly. "You're wrong. My father loved the people of Spira, all of them. And I inherited that from him. My family loves me, and..." The truth hurt to hear. Words no one else had the mutual experience nor wisdom to understand. How she..no, she didn't hate it. Begrudged it, maybe. "I don't understand how one man can be filled with so much hate," came her confession, eyes lifting to his, Seymour meeting it with a hollow smile.

"I wasn't born full of hate, Yuna. It came to me, but not by choice. Did you not see the pyreflies' reconstruction at Zanarkand, what Anima showed you when you received her?" Her brows furrowed, trying to understand what he elaborated on; likely the first time he had in many, many years—if at all. All who knew had already been in his life to begin with. "A boy, conceived of between the Guados' leader and a human mother, that already beginning as a taboo. I was exiled to Baaj before I could spell my own name, and I was forced on the Pilgrimage when I was only ten. At my mother's urging for Spira to finally accept the forbidden son of Lord Jyscal Guado. That his son and wife's sacrifice would install him as a proper maester of Yevon and leader of the Guado. Then, only then, would father accept son." Yuna become entranced by imagining it, too much aligning so well with her own past. How Bevelle had shunned she and her father, her mother having perished after her birth. But...even before then, the Yevon clergy and Al Bhed alike disdained them. Braska for eloping with the Al Bhed leader's sister and the clergy for him wedding a heathen woman, the epitome of taboo. And their daughter, a half-breed who was abhorred by both. Even if Cid and her mother's side had long since welcomed her as one of their own.

"How disappointing it was the lamb would not follow the ewe into the slaughter. That he would rather return to total isolation and loneliness for eight years until his father could finally accept him, could finally see him as more than simply a strain to his power. That Seymour Guado could bear his name proudly. How long it took, indeed."

Yuna's brow furrowed, her expression bemused. "Why are you telling me this?" she demanded, flinching when she realized Seymour was standing before the door, looming tall over her. She swallowed nervously, a blush slowly creeping when she realized the back of his long digits were caressing those that still clutched around the cell bar, too paralyzed to wrench her hand away. Yet...the gesture wasn't lascivious. More like she could feel the aching loneliness that lurked beneath his skin, a blush suffusing at the realization of…how this didn't feel as unpleasant as it should've.

Internally she berated herself, wrenching her hand away that caused his to recoil back, eyes of amethyst searching hers for what seemed like the answer to every question he could ever have. Hers clasped at her breast, before lowering to her fore, feigning composure he could see through. It caused him to smirk forlornly, receding some ways back into the cell, Yuna's expression guarded once more. "We'll be journeying together, Lady Yuna. In the spirit of Mika and Kinoc's executions, I thought it best to be truthful instead of grafting more lies to my person as Yevon encouraged us to."

Yuna's eyebrows knit together, glancing down before it returned sternly to him. "I see." Heaving in a settling breath, she announced, "Then please prepare yourself, Seymour. We'll be leaving by noon. Perhaps you can leave the rest of your secrets in this cell as well before we go."

Twisting around with her back to the cell, hydraulics worked as the heavy hatch gradually swung shut, locking mechanisms sounding as her pace broke into a run, dashing from the lower level and back into the world topside.


Yuna's heart pounded into her throat by the time she made it back into an abandoned corridor of Bevelle Palace, heavily winded from exertion. An elevator lift had taken her to the utmost height of Bevelle, where the upper palace of St. Bevelle was located before feeding into the temple below. As she quietly beckoned a door open, a grand and ornately painted edifice, a wind buffeted her until the disparity balanced. The blood in Yuna's veins froze when she saw the view that had been walked upon, the soaring height that plunged wildly into the luxuriant sprawl of Bevelle below. The staircase she'd stood upon three years before looked untouched, serenely maintained as though their assault had never taken place.

The same place where Tidus and her guardians were forced to watch her be humiliated by Seymour, of having her dignity shred from her with an audience no less, as the man she loved could do nothing while it transpired. She swallowed thickly, reflecting on what Seymour had told her while so visibly broken, a shadow of himself without his position and respect of both Yevon and the Guado, nothing without that stature. But, she bitterly reminded herself, she couldn't afford to pity him. Not before he proved himself worthy of it.

Taking ginger steps did she stride down the same aisle she'd proceeded during the wedding, the details achingly clear. Walking as though she still held the bouquet, retracing her steps from memory, she could still see him at the zenith of the stairwell and how different he was from the man of just minutes ago. Proud, assured of his machinations would be unfailing until he'd been devastatingly proven wrong each and every time. Now? Now it were as though that man she remembered was nothing but a distant memory.

Alighting the stairs, the wind gently billowed through her long hair and she felt her heart climb into her throat with her as she ascended. Walking by him had felt suffocating. Like being drowned relentlessly and unable to breathe. By their journey's start, would it be the same? Or would being dragged back into Spira finally rob him of that old and twisted ambition? Mounting the last stair, she stopped, remembering something different.

The kiss. The gloating one merely meant to wordlessly boast to Tidus and her guardiand, to almost say she somehow belonged to him. It had felt cold, or...had it? Yuna had only been seventeen at the time, too young to be wed to a man of his age. Overpowered and...wrong. Disgust had filled her so violently that leaping had felt more like an escape from him than trying to extricate herself for some wild way out. To continue her plot to destroy Sin, at all. Yuna shuddered in revulsion, wishing there was some way to expunge the memory from her mind. Thank goodness Tidus had kissed her that night, she smiled secretively to herself. Her first, real kiss that had felt like the most beautiful dream. Being with someone who loved her simply for who she was, not what her reputation would bring…

Twisting around to sit at the top stair, Yuna brought her knees to her chest and hugged them to her, gazing at the pristine night sky with child-like wonder. A smile on her face, the nebulae swirled acrobatically, like pyreflies in space and the bright constellations that shared it with them. The moons, the night sky...it filled her with a greater sense of peace than she'd felt in weeks.

"Um, Lady Yuna?" Yuna balked when she heard the voice, twisting around some to see herself just a meter or two from Chuami, the girl gazing with her face skewed between stubbornness and concern—rare, considering she didn't seem to like Yuna from her first impression of the older woman. "Can I...sit here with you? There's kinda something we need to discuss," the girl explained frankly, contrasted with how reserved Yuna seemed to be.

"What seems to be the trouble, Chuami?" she inquired kindly after the girl as she smoothed her skirts beneath her, staring distantly into the Bevellan horizon, mismatched gaze waiting intently.

"I just finished speaking with the Chancellor and it seems I'm going with you." Pausing, glancing cautiously at Yuna before she flared and waved her hands before her. "But before you get any ideas, it's not like I want to go! I was assigned to it. Not as your guardian, just as the pilot of the airship he wants you to take. I'm a good pilot, alright? And Kurgum is a good co-pilot. So he'll be coming, too."

"I see. Thank you for telling me, Chuami. It's good to be honest for the sort of trip we'll be going on, you know."

Chuami sighed and gazed sidelong, expression drawn. "Pardon me for saying it, Lady Yuna, but...you're doing it again. Treating me like some groupie you have to shake off before you get on to more important things."

Yuna's expression became guilty, sighing deeply and gazing up at the sky before it returned to the girl. Resolutely perching her hands on her knees, propping her chin on them, the girl had to fight back a laugh. This famous high summoner looked so beguiling it was almost ridiculous! Yuna took notice of the smile she fought back and smiled encouragingly. "Alright, let's start over. You're going to be our pilot, so why don't you tell me about yourself?"

Even though the advancement seemed positive, Chuami bit her lip uncertainly, face hard and defensive. "You'd laugh at me, or mock me. I'm not sure which would be worse."

"Try me. My boyfriend was from a thousand year-old dream of the fayth. Sure you can top that?" Yuna sighed, smile faltering some in its spirit.

Chuami gaped at her in disbelief, brows deeply furrowing before she stubbornly clamped her mouth shut. "Alright, well..." she heaved a sigh, breaking eye contact, still guarded. "Sir Auron was my father, okay? That ridiculous enough for you? Long story short, Auron fooled around with a high priest's daughter when he was eighteen—you know how guys are at that age—and my grandfather tried to force him to marry her to recover her lost honor because she lost her virginity to him. Then...I happened. But, my mom kept him a secret lest she be disgraced for having a child out of wedlock, and my grandfather upheld it, too. Auron lost favor in the warrior monks for refusing, and went on Lord Braska's pilgrimage—you know that whole story, so I don't need to explain." The last came in a rush, Chuami flustered at having confessed the whole story at once. She deflated, sighing in exasperation. "That's why Lulu never believed me, because I was kept secret for so long. He disappeared for ten years anyway, so it's not like it mattered by the time he came back or anything. And my mom wasn't going to tell him then, either. Heck, we thought he was dead!"

"For what it's worth, I believe you." The auburn haired girl's head shot up, a look of hope startlingly present. For the first time, someone actually believed her? And that person was as important as Lady Yuna, no less… "Ever since I found all of the spheres of my father's pilgrimage, I re-watched them so much. Looping them over and over..." Yuna explained dreamily, then smiling at Chuami. "You really remind me of Sir Auron when he was younger. Before he became so cynical and grumpy, that is."

Chuami laughed at that. "Yeah? My mom told me he was a real sourpuss, even at my age! Well...guess that makes me one, too, huh?" the girl conceded with a sheepish chuckle.

Yuna's gaze traveled dazedly out, Chuami's own features opening, leaning towards her. "Lady Yuna? If you don't mind my asking...why did you intercede for Seymour? Bringing him on this whole mission and all?"

Yuna nodded and sighed heavily, eyes sinking closed. "At first, I wondered the same thing. But the more I thought on it, the more I think it's just the right thing to do. Not only can he help our cause, but I think he needs to see Spira through different eyes. Not the ones that led him to believe we were trapped in a cycle of sorrow and death in the first place."

The younger girl nodded in understanding, crossing her arms and leaning forwards. "Not because you think he's got some good in him or something? I know Kurgum would see it that way, the sap," Chuami said with a disdainful grimace Yuna could tell was comical, eliciting a giggle.

"I think that had a little to do with it. Maybe I just put too much hope in people. Someday it might ruin me, but until then, I'm just going to keep smiling and do what's right."

Chuami suddenly stood tall, hands on her hips as she gazed commanding from the top stair, short skirt being ruffled by the wind. "Alright, Lady Yuna, you ought to start getting ready, then. This is no vacation and we're leaving at noon sharp. Get everything together, and especially make sure our newest member is ready himself."

Yuna stood up and playfully saluted her, chirping, "Aye-aye, captain!"


By noon, everyone seemed prepared to disembark. While still in the privacy of their room, Paine and Rikku had shared a passionate, romantic kiss Paine would've threatened bodily harm on anyone but Yuna to have witnessed, the Al Bhed lingering and burying her face into Paine's neck in an embrasure the warrior gladly prolonged. Yuna's brows creased, finding herself honestly a bit jealous. With Tidus gone, it felt a little bittersweet to be leaving without some sort of farewell of a more amorous nature, but she swiftly chastised the thought. She was a priestess now. She couldn't afford to get hung up over such trifling things, even if her heart countered with love still strong for the blitzer.

Their luggage predominantly consisted on that exorbitant amount of potions and paraphernalia they'd been gifted, the girls lucky a wardrobe change was just a node away depending on whatever dressphere had been decided to be worn. The Spiran Council had been generous, and neither was willing to turn down items that might prove difficult to procure later on.

It was at the launching bay that their airship waited, gratefully open air when Yuna was more than sick of anything that resided below ground as a trip through Via Purifico had been enough for a lifetime. It was the appearance of Seymour had caught Yuna off guard, the former maester clad in a greatly understated variation of what she remembered at the wedding that greatly covered him up, the hairy appendages that had comprised his bang and outer antennae—Yuna unable to shake the term—forcibly braided in a flowing side braid that greatly disguised his presence, making him stand out less which she knew would be vital later on. Inwardly, Yuna approved. The less garish and modest garb suited him and his new position under her wing for a change.

"Ah, Lady Yuna, rather punctual today, are we all not?" he greeted when she approached, standing before him fearlessly whilst warrior monks warily presided around them. His hands clasped behind his back, leaning forward down some to say, "I apologize on anyone waiting on my behalf. You see, I was made to attend the curious spectacle with Mika and Kinoc. Thankfully, I believe it put many people in rather good spirits."

Yuna's eyes narrowed and she stepped away, looking away from him. "I'm sorry, but we don't have time for small talk, Seymour," she excused herself with a diffidence that belied her typically light and melodious tone. "Please, get settled on the airship. I still have to speak with our captain."

Seymour's lips quirked, eyes honing on anyone but her. "As you wish, my Lady," he murmured aloofly before obeying, doing so with a bowed head.

"Hang on, was that—Maester Seymour?!" Kurgum sputtered in disbelief, the man in question thankfully far from earshot by the time he made his observance. Chuami sighed angrily, rolling her eyes.

"It's just Seymour now, remember? He's basically Lady Yuna's lapdog, so no need to get so starry-eyed—especially considering all the horrible stuff he's done to Spira, to boot!" the girl sharply reprimanded, a hand on her hip as Kurgum was cowed into silence.

Yuna found the pair, Kurgum sheepishly blushing while Chuami was left to converse coherently. "Lady Yuna, everything's all set. We'll depart within ten minutes after everyone's settled."

The priestess smiled approvingly, then dipping away to board the airship where she found Rikku suspiciously eyeing the corridor that fed into individual rooms, and the levels above and below that. Her expression looked distressed, trotting towards Yuna with a desperate plea in her voice. "Yunie, I can't sleep here! I don't wanna even be in a mile of him! Can't I just sleep on the roof or engine room or something, please?" she whined, clutching on to her cousin's hands as if begging for her life.

Yuna leaned in, whispering in Rikku's ear. "I thought you might feel that way, so there's a secret bunk I had prepared that's up there—above the bridge. It's nice and high, but the sort of a place a thief can access," she added with a wink, Rikku grinning gratefully.

"Thank you, Yunie!" she whispered, trying to look as covert as possible. Sneaking away to perch on a lone seat behind the two piloting modules, humming as she tinkered expertly with the navigation console stationed at the right. A spot that always seemed natural for the Al Bhed.

Thankfully, the rooms themselves were a floor below, meaning that no one had to suffer Seymour's immediate presence at least until nightfall, or whenever it was decided some couldn't hold out any longer. With she, Rikku, and Seymour formally on the main team whilst Chuami and Kurgum manned the airship and support, that increased their number to five. It was better than two, but Seymour's loyalties were still up in the air and Chuami and Kurgum, as she could see, weren't as experienced in combat which still dialed them back by three. Essentially, back to where she began only with an addition of a working airship.

"Lady Yuna, according to these coordinates, our first heading is Guadosalam, right?" the girl asked with a note of incredulity, gazing dubiously back up at the priestess from the screen.

Yuna leaned down, her expression perfectly serious. "Yes, it is. Will that be a problem at all?"

"No, it's just...there's no place other than the Moonflow to land an airship this big. Not to mention, I really don't think they'll be too happy to see him again. Are you really sure that's such a good idea?"

Yuna nodded with conviction, causing Chuami to raised an eyebrow at her. "Alright. I just hope you're sure of this, Lady Yuna. Anyways, buckle up! We're going to be taking off now."

Kurgum hastily settled in the co-pilot's chair while Rikku took to the navigation, cuing in commands like a natural with the same alacrity as Chuami and Kurgum. The aircraft roared to life, and before the underside's egress latched closed, the shouts of men to vacate the premises sounded loudly. As the engines warmed and thrust off, people scattered and a red flag was waved by a machina droid where Chuami would be able to see it and discern the best time to leave.

The airship's dial spun with a rotary speed, inertia building as they soon were airborne, Yuna watching delightedly as Bevelle began to shrink under them in the most childlike sentiments any girl would have while flying. Even if she feared attack by Sin, air traffic having cut down considerably, it still didn't stop her from having this ship chartered. A plane of flawless azure scattered with clouds soared past them, all on board seeming relaxed from the ship's mechanical whirring and hum.

Seeing as it would only be a matter of time before their arrival, Yuna propped her arms on a metal surface and found herself falling fast asleep.


Last thoughts: That little hair fix for Seymour? If I'm honest, it's only temporary. Not much of a spoiler, but let's be honest: his hairstyle grew on us, am I right? In any case, hopefully my headcanon on Chuami's origins makes more sense than the vagueness Will provided us with. After all, who else could have Auron ended up with? I certainly didn't want to go on a tangent of inventing some OC, and it just made the most sense to me considering her age and whatnot.

In any case, buckle up! Things are only going to go up and out from here.

Peace, G