Patrick's POV
He killed me.
I wanted him to, even though it wasn't what my master had in mind.
I was in pain, living. I felt guilty.
I was not supposed to feel guilty. My master said I wasn't supposed to feel at all.
I can barely see. Am I kept inside my cage again? Is my master coming to punish me?
I can't remember much.
Patrick.
I gasp for air. "Yes, master?"
You will be tested, soon. It will be hard. But you have to fight it.
"Fight what, master?", I ask. I have to know what I have to do to obey.
Yourself.
Then he's gone. There is silence in my head. Dark, just dark. No thoughts.
Barely a minute after my master left, a door opens in front of me. Smoke is coming out of it, making me cough.
A small table has appeared beside me, with a short dagger on it. I have seen that dagger before. I know what I have to use it for. To kill.
Who do I have to kill? Who must I fight?
Behind the smoke is a silhouette of a man, there's a hood over his head and his wrists are tied together. He is my victim.
He can't see me. He doesn't know what is coming. It's so easy.
Master said this was a test. Am I being tested to see if I can kill? Of course I can do that.
I pick up the dagger and raise my arm. Just slice his throat. So easy.
Patrick!
You are not my master. Who are you? What are you doing in my head?
Patrick, I'm you. And this is my head. I'm the real you, the you who isn't controlled by Lucifer.
That is not true. I am me, and I obey my master because I want to.
You felt guilty, didn't you? Killing the person who was your friend.
I am not supposed to feel guilty. Feelings aren't real.
You felt love. You felt love so strong that nothing could break it.
Love is just an illusion of a hopeless heart.
But still you felt it. You know that. You remember how warm it felt, how nice it was.
Love is for children.
Are those your thoughts or Lucifer's?
My master's thoughts are mine. My own thoughts do not matter.
Lucifer doesn't know love because he has never felt it. That's why he wants to destroy your love.
I do not feel love for anyone. The only people I face are the ones I kill.
Pete Wentz.
What?
Pete Wentz. You love him. I love him, and I'm you.
Pete Wentz is my mission.
No, he's Lucifer's mission. Is this really what you want for yourself? Walk around as a mindless zombie, killing everyone you see?
This is my life. It's all I have.
But don't you want it to get better? Don't you want the killing to stop? Don't you want to have that warm feeling in your heart again.
I can't.
You can't, or you won't? Are you afraid, Patrick?
I... I don't feel fear.
Just let me in. Let me in and you will know peace again. You won't have to be afraid anymore.
No! My master said this was a test and that I have to fight you! I won't surrender!
Okay, but just look at this. Then I will leave.
I feel something pushing against the insides of my skull. Then the smoke is gone, everything is gone and I am standing in a street.
There is a person standing opposite of me. He has breathtaking hazel eyes and looks scared. I know him. He is my mission.
I tell him that I have to go, that I don't want to hurt him. He looks scared, almost terrified.
I take a step forward and kiss him. I tell him that his lips feel cracked.
Then I turn around and get into my car. In the mirror, I see Pete collapsing but I keep driving.
-flash-
I am standing in an empty parking lot. There is a phone in my hand. I'm calling someone.
"Oh, my darling", a weak voice of a woman says. "Haven't you heard it?"
"No, I have not heard anything!", I shout, and I feel fear clutching itself onto my heart. "What the hell is wrong with Pete?"
"He... He committed suicide last night..." The woman starts crying.
"The... The police found him crashed on the street with..."
I drop the phone and start to cry. Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III is dead, and he's dead because of me.
-flash-
I am holding Pete in my arms, he's crying. He's afraid I'm going to leave him again.
"I just got you back, my angel. I will not leave you. I'm here. And I will stay here. Forever".
I mean every word I say. I have never felt that much love. I can barely stop my tears.
"Forever sounds fine by me", Pete smiles through his tears.
"Forever it is then", I say and I push my lips onto his. My heart feels like it's going to explode and in that short moment, everything is perfect.
-flash-
"Kill me."
This is my last hope. The only way to end the pain. Pete just stands there, stunned.
"Kill me, please...", I beg again
"No, Patrick... I can't", Pete says. "Think of your family, your friends... Think of everything lying in your future..."
"How can I have a future when he will always be here. I can't live when the Devil lives inside my head. Who knows who else I will kill... I'm a danger to humanity. I am the monster parents tell their children about at night.."
"No, you aren't", Pete says again, but he sees that it won't convince me. "Patrick we... We'll work this out, okay?"
I just shake my head, crying and pulling my hair. Every bit of my body burns
"He's here!", I shriek, terrified. "He's here again, Pete!" I start crying even more.
"Kill me, please!", I beg one last time. "Kill me before I kill you!"
Pete takes a step back, afraid of me. Afraid of what I just said
"No", he just says. "I'm not going to kill my best friend, my boyfriend, my everything..."
But I barely hear him. Lucifer's voice echoes inside my mind.
"Do it", I manage to say before my mind is taken over.
The last thing I hear are Pete's screams and a horrible pain in my chest. I smile, because that is the only pain I feel. Finally, the other pain is gone. I'm free.
-flash-
"Is... Are these..."
Your memories? Yes, they are. This is what happens when you're the real you.
"So... Life becomes better?"
It does. You can be safe. Just let me take over and you will never feel pain again.
"I'm afraid. What if he comes back?"
He won't. And if he will, we'll protect you.
"Patrick?"
Yes?
"Thank you for saving me".
No, thank you...
-flash-
I smash the knife against the ground and see the doors close in front of me. The smoke disappears and I see a white light above me.
The elevator I'm standing in goes up and I'm suddenly dressed in white clothing. It's clean of all the blood and dust. It's clean of the bad memories.
I look at my hand. My hand. It's mine again! It's mine and it will forever be mine.
Well done, Patrick.
I jump up, afraid of the sudden voice in my head, afraid it's Lucifer again.
But this voice is different. Lower, calmer. I can trust this voice.
"Is it done now? The pain?"
Yes, everything is done. You're safe. Forever.
A/N: woop woop, long chapter and two updates quite shortly after eachother. I hope you liked this chapter, this was something new to do but I liked it. It was kinda like a recap of the whole story.
Anyway, leave a comment if you liked this, I absolutely love them, just like I love you guys. (Ugh, cheesy -.-)
But seriously, you're the best readers ever, and I know that every writer says that, but I truly appreciate you all for sticking with me through the whole story. I really don't deserve this :)
~Panda
P.S. Sorry, just getting a bit sentimental as we're nearing the end of the story.
