Chances Are
Chapter Three: Chasing Cars
It had been two months since Dessa had begun to her treatment; within those two months, Dessa's and Mark's relationship had progressed wonderfully. They went out on dates as much as possible; they told everything about each other and seemed to balance each other perfectly. The only thing that was kept from Mark was Dessa's illness.
She had been able to hide it very well up until the past week. Her hair was beginning to fall out and every morning, she would brush her black hair and clumps would come out. Not only was her hair falling out, but Dessa was always tired and in pain. Her doctor had tried to help her but none of the pain meds were helping. She would only have diarrhea and she was always vomiting; her life was hell.
The only time Dessa seemed to feel any sort of happiness was with Mark. He had no clue about her secret and she planned to keep it that way. Mark only saw her as this ray of sunshine; he saw her as his happiness. Mark was the one good thing in her life.
After Lucky and Brian had announced their engagement, Dessa deemed the Maid of Honor on the spot, Dessa had been hit with a painfully rude awakening: she was not going to live that long. The tumor was still slowly spreading and the only possible way to survive it was for it to stop growing so that Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd could operate. If the cancer didn't kill Dessa, the chemo surely would.
So that was how Dessa found herself in a small room again, Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd sitting across from her and stating her options. Dessa's life was finally falling into place: Lucky was getting married in the spring; Dessa had finally found the one who completed her; and her job couldn't be going any better.
"Can you still operate? I…he's the one, Doc. Bollocks!" Dessa covered her eyes as she realized that she was going to lose everything. If only she had been smarter; if only she had found Mark sooner. If only she had caught the cancer sooner.
Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd sighed with a heavy heart. "I can still operate if that is what you want, Dessa. But…I think the best option here is to enjoy the time you have left."
"Are you saying I should give up?" Dessa lifted her head from her hands, tears shining in her eyes and bale rising up her throat. "How long until it kills me? How long if we don't operate?"
"Two months." The answer made her stomach twist.
"How long if we do?" Dessa pressed forward.
Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd removed her glasses from her face and locked eyes with her patient. "The best case is you survive, the cancer doesn't come back and you live a long life. But, from what the tests have proven…the cancer has spread everywhere, Dessa. I don't think I can do anything for you. The chemo has barely slowed it down, much less shrunken it."
"So basically, no matter what, I'm going to die?" Dessa's bottom lip trembled. "We have to do something! I can't die now! Lucky's getting married in the spring - I'm her Maid of Honor! And Mark…I can't leave him behind, Doc. I just can't. He needs me!"
The redhead reached forward and touched Dessa's hand gently. "We can operate but I can't promise much. If there is too much damage, I'll have to close you up."
"And send me home to die."
Dessa felt so much in that moment. She had her future within her grasp but fate was a dirty piece of shit that loved to play and took joy in ripping happiness from people. Dessa left the office shortly after that, her mind jumbled with many thoughts.
Her mind was so jumbled that when she reached the elevators, she didn't notice Mark walking towards her. When he reached her, he leaned down and planted a kiss on her lips. Dessa jumped in surprise. "Hey babe, what are you doing here?"
She had taken to lying to him, claiming she was there for patients of hers but in truth, she was there for Chemo or visiting Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd. "Just checking up on a patient." She answered weakly.
"Why don't you come over to my place after work? I'll order in and we can watch a movie." Mark offered.
Dessa smiled weakly. "I'd like that."
~x~
It was wrong. She shouldn't have to lie to him. She should be able to tell him the complete and utter truth; she was dying. She was sitting in her office at work, staring blankly at her computer screen; she was on her 30 minute break and her lunch was forgotten. Dessa nearly fell out of her chair when she heard someone cough to get her attention.
"Dessa!" her head snapped up and saw her best friend Lucky standing there.
"Lucky? What are you doing here?" Dessa was very confused about why her friend was here.
Lucky placed her hands on her hips. "I've tried calling you and contacting you, but you keep dodging my attempts!" Lucky sounded like she was scolding Dessa.
"I've sort of been busy," Dessa gestured to her office. "I am a doctor you know."
Her friend shook her head, moving over to the front of her desk. "I was trying to get in touch with you about the fitting appointments! We're supposed to go pick out our dresses for my wedding, remember?"
It hurt knowing that Dessa would never actually be at Lucky's wedding. Even Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd didn't think Dessa would make it to Lucky's wedding. Dessa knew that if she didn't get her surgery and survive it, she would only have at most two months left to live and it was now only late Fall. Lucky's wedding was in the spring.
"I remember," Dessa rubbed her forehead and sighed. "Let me tell Irene to cancel my appointments and to reschedule."
"I already told Irene and she said she already did," Lucky said with excitement. "Come on Dessa! Let's get going!"
Even though it hurt, Dessa got up from her desk and allowed herself to be pulled away by Lucky to the door.
~x~
Somehow, Lucky had gotten Dessa into a rose pink dress, and was staring at her friend with tears in her eyes. "Oh Dessa, you look so beautiful! How do you feel about this dress?" Lucky asked.
The saleswoman looked so hopeful; Dessa was being a little picky but only because this was her best friend's wedding…Dessa would never have a chance to get married or be there. "Lucky, we both know pink's not my color."
The saleswoman groaned loudly. Lucky sighed as she turned to the other woman - Janice. "Well, do you have any blue dresses?" Lucky asked.
"What are the color themes for the wedding?" Janice asked, "Because then we can match your bridesmaid dresses."
"Brian and I are thinking silver and blue." Lucky said thoughtfully. "I just wanted to see Dessa in pink for once." Lucky snapped a picture of the pouting maid of honor.
"I think I have just the one." Janice said as she disappeared.
Dessa felt a little dizzy, so she moved over to sit down on a chair and let out a sigh. Lucky was looking through the dresses that Janice had brought up earlier, before she turned to Dessa. "Dessa, are you okay? You look a little pale."
She could only nod; she had to pretend that she was alright for Lucky. "Just a little dizzy - don't think I've drank enough water today."
Lucky handed Dessa a water bottle. "Just be careful, that dress is expensive!" Dessa drank the water slowly, not wanting to cause herself to throw up like she was doing constantly lately. "So when do I get to meet your mystery man?"
She almost chocked. "Y-you want to meet Mark?"
"Well aren't you bringing him to the wedding as your date? Of course I want to meet him! I need to make sure he's good enough for my best friend." Lucky smiled. "And I'm a nosy bitch."
Dessa laughed at her friend's smile and couldn't stop the nod. "Why not this Friday? I'll see if he's interested. We could all go to that Indian place you're so fond of." Dessa offered.
"Awesome! It'll be like a double date!" Lucky whipped out her phone to message Brian. "I'll let Brian know ASAP."
Janice returned carrying a long blue and white dress; once Dessa had it on, it was brought to life. The top of the dress was tight, and a dark blue; going down, it flared out and turned from dark blue to a lighter blue and then when reaching the bottom, it was white. It was beautiful and brought out Dessa's gray eyes.
"This is the one!" Lucky gasped at the sight. "Please tell me you like it!"
Dessa stared at herself in the mirror, and pictured walking down the aisle on Lucky's wedding day. She could see it and she liked what she saw; if only she wasn't dying from cancer.
"This is the one."
~x~
Today was not a good day; Dessa was throwing up everything in her system and hadn't left the bathroom since she arrived to the hospital. Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd was trying to schedule the day for Dessa's surgery and Dessa was scared.
This evening was the big night; Lucky would be meeting Mark. After some bribing, Mark had gotten the night off and Dessa was excited. But now, locked in a hospital bathroom, she felt disgusted. Once her stomach finally calmed, she stood up shakily, she wobbled to the sink to wash out her mouth.
"Dessa?" the doctor's voice was filled with worry. Dessa left the bathroom and glazed at her doctor, her face sunken in some and she was pale. "I've got the date."
~x~
Dessa and Mark were sitting together in the corner of a friendly restaurant, one that Dessa and Lucky had discovered so many years ago, and were waiting for the engaged couple to arrive. Mark was holding Dessa's hand, gently rubbing his thumb across her hand and providing comfort without even knowing it.
Dessa knew that she would need to tell Mark, Lucky and Brian that she was dying; she knew that she would need to step up because otherwise, if she died during her surgery… She didn't want to be alone. She looked at her boyfriend, her eyes watching his face with sadness in her gray orbs. Mark was reading the menu with interest before lifting his eyes; blue met gray and he could tell instantly that she was hurting.
Mark leaned over to kiss her cheek. "I'm positive that everything is going to work out. Your friends will love me." Mark smiled.
He thinks I'm worried about Lucky not liking him… Dessa thought with a broken heart. He's further from the truth than you'd expect. Dessa knew that Lucky would like Mark. Lucky would only want Dessa to be happy.
She smiled weakly in return. "I think you're right."
"Of course I'm right," Mark laughed gently. "Now, don't worry about paying - it's on me."
"You don't-"
"I want to." Mark reassured her.
Dessa smiled before turning to her own menu. Finally, Lucky and Brain arrived. Brain was a medium height man, with dark brown hair that was fading into grey, and had warm brown eyes; Dessa had fallen in love with his eyes but now she knew that she was not meant to be with him. Brain pulled out Lucky's chair and kissed her cheek.
"Sorry we're late; Brain had to work late tonight. Some issues at work." Lucky explained. "You must be Mark. I'm Lucille."
Dessa rolled her eyes at her friend, while Brain sat down. "Everyone just calls her Lucky though. She's my good luck charm."
Lucky giggled. "Oh stop embarrassing me!"
Brian picked up his own menu. "So what is everyone drinking?" Brain asked.
Dessa knew she would need to tell them tonight.
~x~
Unable to tell her best friends that she was dying, Mark and Dessa walked home to his apartment. Mark was talking about how he adored her friends and that she should meet his next; apparently, he had made some friends at work. A woman named Callie Torres had taken him under her wing.
Once they reached his apartment, Dessa watched him take off his shoes. She was shaking with nerves.
"So you remember my best friend whose wife cheated on him with me?" Mark asked.
Dessa nodded, "How could I forget?" She took off her heels and sat beside him on his couch.
"Well, her name is Addison and she's a doctor at my hospital."
Please be a different Addison….not MY doctor Addison… Dessa thought with a gulp.
"Anyway, she has this awesome surgery she has tomorrow. She was telling me about the patient, a young woman with ovarian cancer, stage ||A, T2a. I got to see the scans. The cancer is everywhere! Like in the patient's stomach, uterus, intestines, bladder, kidneys! I mean everywhere. She's a walking time bomb." Mark said with a chuckle. He assumed Dessa would be interested since she too, was a doctor. "The patient has asked Addison to operate even though Addison thinks it's better to just enjoy the time she has left. I could get you into the OR, to watch the surgery."
Dessa wanted to cry because Mark knew…but he didn't. She stood up and he gave her a confused look. "You don't need to get me into the OR. I'll be there…I'm the patient." And then she walked out of the apartment hurriedly. Mark knew and now he knew she was dying.
~x~
Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd was talking to Dessa about the surgery, making sure that Dessa was 120% sure that this was what she wanted. Dessa was sitting on the edge of her bed, nodding and giving her doctor the information she needed.
"If you're not sure, I could always close up if there's too much damage." The redhead said while reaching over to touch Dessa's clasped hands.
Dessa shook her head. "I want to live and I don't want to live a half-assed life. I told him, Mark, that I'm dying. And if I survive, great! But I don't want to wait around, to see if he'll pity me and stay beside me because I'm dying, doc." Dessa explained as she glazed sadly at their hands. "Let's just do this, yeah?"
At that very moment, Mark was pacing in the Attending's lounge, not sure if he should go to Dessa. The past few weeks with her had been magical; he hadn't felt that happy in a long time. She helped him move on from Addison and somehow made him fall in love with her. Dessa was his ray of light, his saving grace.
After she had left, Mark had sat on the couch in a frozen stance, stunned into silence; he hadn't moved until he got a page that he was needed. With no sleep, Mark had come into the hospital and did his job in a daze, and now he was unsure what he should do.
Callie would tell him to go to Dessa; Dessa would need him by her side. If he knew her as well as he thought he did, he knew Dessa hadn't told Lucky. So Dessa was alone.
It was how he found his way to her room, needing to see her. He found himself running to her room, praying that she wasn't already in the OR, waiting for Addison to cut into her stomach and more than likely kill her.
When he finally reached Dessa's room, he found that it was empty except for one nurse - Tyler. "Where's Dessa?" Mark gasped his voice horse and fear running through his veins.
"She-Shepherd took her up 20 minutes ago. She'll be on the table and knocked out by now." Tyler informed Mark. "Why? She isn't your patient."
His world was falling down around him; Dessa was gone to the OR, gone to her death. "She's the love of my life and I didn't tell her." And then Mark was running to the OR.
It was like time had slowed down; Mark was running like his feet were on fire and he didn't care that almost ran into people; Dessa was alone and scared and had no idea that he loved her.
His lungs gasped for breath as he finally reached the OR, now desperately looking for the right one and when he did, looking into the window, he saw Addison running a scalpel down Dessa's stomach. "NO!" He screamed in agony because now the fate of his future rested in Addison's hands and God.
~x~
A few minutes earlier…
Addison watched from the scrub room as they put Dessa under; she felt compassionate towards the woman; she could never understand what it was like to be Dessa. Addison had aborted her child with Mark, but she would always have another chance for a baby - a baby with Derek hopefully.
Addison finished and walked into her OR, becoming the surgeon that she always was. She looked down at Dessa with a sad expression before silently promising her new found friend to do whatever she could to save her life.
"10' Blade," Addison held out her hand. A scalpel was placed in her hand and Addison then ran it down Dessa's stomach. She opened her patient up and held in her sigh. Dessa's body was a mess.
Her intern, Alex Karev, looked down at the body cavity and frowned under his mask. "So what's the plan?" Alex asked. "Close her back up and send her home?"
Addison shook her head. "The patient wants us to remove what we can and leave it up to her." Addison and Alex got to work on removing the cancer and began to try and save Dessa's life.
Alex helped while thinking about how this was wrong. "I don't understand why she wouldn't want to have the time she has to spend with her family." Alex said.
"She's fallen in love, and doesn't want him to stay with her because she's sick. She's fighting for him." Addison said as she worked.
It was a heartbreaking love story that wasn't written in the stars.
~x~
Mark needed to be there, he needed to be in that OR to ask Addison to stop; he couldn't lose Dessa. How could he be so stupid? How could he have let her leave his apartment? Why didn't he go after her?
And then the beeping started.
~x~
"We're losing her!" Alex called out when the beeping began.
Dessa's heart was stopping. Addison cursed as she tried to find the source; why was her patient bleeding out? Why was she dying?
~x~
Mark stared through the window, his heart racing and then he saw. Dessa was dying.
~x~
"Don't you dare die on me Dessa! You hear me? You have to live so you can grow old with your Mark!" Addison ordered her patient while trying to save her life.
~x~
Mark trashed the hallway as he waited to hear the news, to hear that Dessa was gone.
~x~
"Start compressions!" Addison ordered and Alex moved to start compressions on Dessa. "SOMEONE PAGE CARDIO! I WANT BURKE!"
Alex did compressions, his eyes glued to Dessa's peaceful face. "You can't die, you can't. Somehow Addison is counting on you to make her dreams come true - to prove good things happen to good people." Alex told the sleeping and dying woman.
Addison kept looking for the source, the reason why Dessa was dying.
~x~
Burke arrived and moved to assist. "How long?" He asked.
"20 minutes," Alex answered as he kept doing compressions.
Addison looked up at Burke and swallowed. "We have to save her life. Please."
Burke nodded and stepped up. Alex kept doing compressions as the Cardio surgeon opened Dessa's chest.
~x~
Derek found Mark outside of Dessa's OR, head cradled between his bent knees and tears rolling down his cheeks. Mark lifted his head when he heard Derek sit down beside him. Mark wasn't sure what to make of the act of kindness.
"Addison's working on her," Derek said, "She's an amazing surgeon. She'll be fine."
"I didn't tell her that I love her…" Mark sighed. Derek let the man put his head on his shoulder and Derek provided comfort for Mark.
~x~
"Time of death…18:03."
~x~
Up Next: Epilogue: Skyscraper: Unable to function after Dessa's death, Mark must now come to terms with his life now and rise from the ashes to become stronger. He must put Dessa to rest and keep going.
REVIEWS
TheSilverWolff: HEY! How are you? So glad to hear from you! I'm glad to hear from you, and I'm super glad that you like Chances Are. I wrote Lucky the way I did because you're not supposed to like her 100% but you have to understand that Dessa was trying to protect her. As for a ship name, nope, not yet. I'm thinking Dark, maybe? Messa? Marssa? Derk? DesMar? I think I like Dark or Marssa most to be honest. Anyway, enjoy Hidden Truths!
Guest: Glad to hear it! :D
Sloansballas: I'm glad you loved chapter 2. I hope you like this chapter. And yes, Mark and Dessa are good together….too bad she's now dead. :(
~x~
Hey everyone, welcome back! I had a snow day today so I decided to write. Yeah, the ending is depressing as hell, but I like it. Hope to see you all next chapter aka the epilogue! Let me know your thoughts!
Xoxo,
Nerdy ~
PLEASE REVIEW!
