Hi!!! Yes, I know these come out kinda short, but. . . they come out fast, too, which is the main idea. I want to get these out pretty quick, because I know how important that would be for me, to at least be able to get online and scream, "YES!!! They have another shapter out!" Plus, it keeps me motivated to write more. Reviews also help immensely **Hint, Hint** Anyway, let's get on with this sucker!!!

*Warning* - YAOI, though only in thoughts and entries for now. This is 1x2 and I don't even know if I'm gonna put in any other gundam pilots, let alone secondary couples. If you want me to get them altogether, then say so in a review (Psst! that's another hint!!) There is angst, subtley expressed *thoughts* (ahem) and cursing. A lot of cursing. Including the terrifying "F" word. Kiddies beware. For anyone left, have fun!

Disclaimer - Gundam Wing and its characters are not mine. Nor or they Ai's or Kanashii's. We're just playing with the poor guys' MINDS. And it's very, very fun. ^_^

Anyway, this is dedicated to Daphne ( ) for being the first to review to this story. Thank you so much!!! Thanx to all of you! You make me want to keep writing!

He had quickly finished checking the rest of the safe house, glad that there was nothin else to find. He had then caught a plane and found himself unable to sit still, which would normally be no problem at all. He found himself thinking of Duo, and couldn't stop the upswelling of tense, bitter emotion. He'd been a fool for leaving Duo. He was going to rectify that mistake. Now.

His hands reached for the journal without his knowledge, and he found himself holding it in his lap. Dare he open it again? Dare he venture into the boy's mind once more?

But the unexplainable urge to know about the real teenager and not just the baka he pretended to be tugged at him horribly. He'd been wrong in his calculations, and that just didn't happen with the Perfect Soldier. How had Duo managed to fake it so well?

He found himself opening the journal to find a specific date - April 29. The day the two of them had met. The day he'd been shot by Duo. The day he had tried to shoot him back.

And he found it. It was underlined a dozen times and started out saying, `Holy God, Journal.' Heero found himself reading it without another thought. `I feel like such an ass. I met this guy today, this man who had a gun pointed to a girl. He has dark blue eyes and wild brown hair and a body that. . . my GOD. Or at least I wish he were mine. . .

`I shouldn't have left him. I shouldn't have. I shot him, too. The first time I felt remourse for dong it. My heart aches just thinking about him. His green tank top and black, spandex shorts don't hide much, either.'

Heero found himself blushing from the comment. Apparently, all those insults Duo made about his fashion style didn't really bother him. That made him blush even harder.

Then he realised just what that meant.

Duo *liked* him. Or at least thought he was cute. His heart raced uncontrollably at the thought.

`I'm gonna dream of him tonight,' Duo continued. `All I can see is his hard blue gaze as he turned to me, the flash of pain that ripped through that emotionless wall when I shot him. . . and his still body lying in the water. Oh, God. What if he's dead? What if he drowned? It would be *my* fault. All my fault. I don't want to lose the guy, and I don't even know his name. He'd probably want to kill me if he ever found out what I was writing.'

Oh, how wrong he was. Heero couldn't think of doing that to Duo. Maybe he had before, but. . . no, he never really did. So why had he been such an ass?

`That is, if he's even alive. I know I've never believed in God, or ever prayed, and I'm sure as he. . . heck not a great guy, but please, PLEASE don't let him be dead. Don't let him be dead.'

Duo went on to say about how he had looked, kneeling on the ground, `actually fucking lying in his own fucking BLOOD,' and how Relens had `rushed up to save him, even after he had tried to kill her. How's that for devotion?'

Heero couldn't stop for his life. The next day, Duo had written, was `helluva boring, and I haven't been able to find anything out about. . . *him*.' It went on to say other things. Heero stopped at one part. He read it slowly, then read it once more. It made his body weak and his heart to fill with leaden fear.

`I want to die. If I had the courage, I would do do it this fucking minute. Every day of my life is torture. First I live my fucking childhood on the streets, then my only home gets fucking BURNED TO THE GROUND because of something *I* did. Then I'm trained for war, to kill mercilessly. Now this. I'm filled with shame and guilt. that guy. . . I serously don't know what I'd do if he died. . . because of me. Even though he's the dumbass that decided to jump onto those torpedoes and let them fly while he was ON THEM. Maybe I should've just let him kill the girl. I may not have been able to see his eyes, but at least. . . at least he'd still be. . . shit. I'll write in you later.'

That was all that was in there. Heero slumped in the seat, staring at the open page. His breathing was laborous. "I have to find him," he whispered, making the woman on his left look at him for a spell before turning back to her book. But he was determined. He had a mission, and that was to find Duo and let him see that he was worth too much to die. And that he'd be more than happy to prove it.

*

*Sniff* Okay, yeah, that wasn't too happy, but Ai still managed to get some sap into it, though I'm not quite sure how. Anyway, PLEASE, PLEASE review this for me; it'll make me so happy and it would inspire all of us. Thank you so much!!! I love all of you!!!