OMG, I'm finally back! Hallelujah! SO sorry I didn't get this out any earlier! I hope it's good enough for the immense wait you've suffered through!
Beta Reader: But I'm a good lil beta n' returned this back to her the SAME day she gave it to me! So it's ALL her fault for the wait :P (don't worry..i still luv ya Kay-Kay)
*Warning* - There is ANGST, sadness, SERIOUS cursing, some yummy thoughts, some sap, and, duuhh, I dunno, other stuff. There you go ...
Disclaimer - I don't own Gundam Wing, or Duo, or Heero, or Quatre. What DO I own? Shit, hold on, I KNOW this one, dammit ...
Footsteps
Chapter 15
Duo knew Quatre was watching him, worried and a little frightened. He wanted to hit himself for this, but he just had to talk about it to someone, and Quatre had been his confidante for years, even during the war when he was sobbing out his unrequited love for the Perfect Soldier. He needed the comfort that Quatre was so damned good at.
"Qat ... it's about Heero."
"What about him? Has he hurt you?"
"No!" Duo was quick to assure. "At least ... no, not physically. It's just ..." He blew out a strangled breath and looked up from the sidewalk below his feet. Quatre's blonde hair shone in the lamplight and moonlight, making it look like he wore a halo. Had he really thought the boy capable of deceiving him with Heero? How stupid of him.
"You're scared," Quatre whispered, and the braided man nodded jerkily, looking down to hide the sheen in his eyes. The two continued their walk in silence, finding nothing to say. Quatre was waiting for him to say something, actually, but Duo didn't seem to be ready to say much. Quatre gave him time. Duo knew he'd wait as long as necessary, even if that meant ditching the meeting and the people he had to see. But that wasn't fair.
"God, I feel like such an asshole, leaving Heero like that," he started, rubbing a hand over his face. "God, what he must be thinking." He groaned and looked back to the sidewalk and walked on, forcing Quatre to do the same. They had hardly been aware of stopping in the first place, and they quickly fell back into an even rhythm with each other. "I just ... I had to talk to someone ... I just had to know that I wasn't ... that he really was here ... oh, God ..."
"Duo?" Duo found himself unable to go on. He just couldn't move his feet anymore.
"Quatre, just what is he ... I mean ... dammit, I don't know what I mean ..."
"Duo, when Trowa and I first got together, we didn't really know if the other really wanted us, or if he wanted a stress-relief, or what."
Duo looked at Quatre in shock, disbelieving that the curious, yet shy boy would be saying this. "But, we stuck it through, because, no matter how the other felt, we loved one another. It certainly wasn't easy, and not just because we were in the the middle of a war. But we *do* love each other. And I think ... I think Heero really does feel that way about you."
"But *why*?!" Duo wailed. "Why now? I've felt this way about him since ... since ... *forever*! Why hasn't he come to me before?!" Duo lapsed into silence. Why was he so depressed about the one thing he'd once fantasized about. Was the dream gone? Had Heero waited too long?
But even as he thought that, he knew it wasn't so. No, not at all. Even now, full of doubt and fear, he felt his heart screaming for Heero.
Full of doubt and fear... that was it! It had nothing to do with Heero. It was all in him. He didn't know. He couldn't see Heero's thoughts, his reasons, and he was afraid, though of what he wasn't so sure. That Heero would leave him all alone again?
Oh, he wished he could understand his emotions. Whenever he was with Heero, it was bittersweet. He was so afraid that he was dreaming, that it was just another fantasy, and he was going to find himself in the hospital again ...
He shivered. `Please, if that's to happen, don't ever let me wake up.'
"Duo, are you okay?"
He shook himself free from the enveloping cloud of depression and smiled for Quatre. "Yeah, I'm fine, Qat. Did you say something?"
"I was just saying that he might not have understood his feelings, or, if he did, that he couldn't let them be released, for fear of the mission and the war effort. He was trained to be the Perfect Soldier, we can't forget."
"Yeah. God, what was that bastard J thinking?" He shook his head, losing the grin as quickly as it came. "But it's not him, Qat. It's me. I'm just so fucked up ..."
"You are *not* ... messed up, Duo," Quatre argued, putting his hands on his hips. "You're just like everyone else in this world when it comes to love. You just love another man instead of a woman."
"So, that means I'm not like everyone else, doesn't it?" Duo kidded, but stopped at the sad look in Quatre's eyes. "Shit, Qat, you know I didn't mean that in a bad way. You and Tro ..."
"No, I know, Duo," Quatre sighed. "But, don't you see? You deserve as much as anybody else. You deserve more credit than you give yourself."
"Quatre, I'm a fucking street rat," Duo laughed sardonically. "I don't deserve a damn thing."
"Duo, dammit, knock it off! You *are* worth it, you *are* a good person! Why don't you see that?!"
"Because, Quatre my man," Duo started, knowing he was skating thin ice and too confused inside to care, "I'm depressed!" He laughed then, as if the fact was absolutely fucking hilarious. Wasn't it? Duo, the one who always laughed, who always joked and smiled and teased, was fucking suicidal. Ironic? Hell, yeah. Shouldn't it be Trowa, or Heero?
No! No one else deserved this except him. Or was that the depression talking? God, he needed Heero. When he was with him, he didn't think about his sadness, or his pain and depression. Sure, he thought of his grotesque scars, but Heero treated his body reverently. His heart soared in memory of Heero's touch. It had been lovemaking, no matter what he said. He needed Heero. He'd always needed Heero.
"Thanks, Qat," he said suddenly, and knew that his friend was getting just as confused as he'd been mere moments before. But that one thing made him sure of one thing: he wanted to be with Heero. For however long it lasted. Be it a day or a lifetime, he'd take the time he had with the one he loved. He'd make love with Heero, and this time they'd both see it for what it was: the mating of two souls in an embrace matched by no little hug. Soul mates. His soul was mated with Heero's. He'd take the pain when it came. For now, he'd take the love offered to him.
Heero ...
"What'd I do?" Quatre asked, but Duo was already turning around. "Hey, Qat, I don't want to be rude, but could you see yourself to your car? I gotta be with Heero right now."
He heard Quatre's enormous grin in his voice as he spoke. "Of course, Duo."
He broke out into a run then, needing to get to Heero. He wanted to be with him now, before he woke up to find that it had been another dream. Another hallucination of drugs or sadness or just his lonely heart. He wanted to see Heero's eyes glazed with passion one more time, taste his sweet taste upon his lips, feel his body move on his, his member trapped within him. One more time. A thousand more times. More than that. He wanted it until he couldn't breathe for the passions being released inside him, and then even more.
He wanted Heero like never before. Fuck his fear, his inhibitions. They could drown themselves for all he cared. Tonight, it was him and Heero. Just them. Nothing and no one else.
He raced up the stairs to his house and burst through the door. His eyes were immediately drawn to the sight of the man standing in the middle of the living room floor, staring at him with open cobalt eyes and trembling lips. "Heero," he gasped, and he rushed into the man's arms. "Oh, God, Heero," he sobbed, and found himself close to tears. Heero's arms came around him, and he snuggled within the warmth of his love's arms, feeling sheltered for the first time since he'd been with Sister Helen. He snuggled into Heero's chest, breathing in deep and trying stupidly to fight the sudden tears. "Don't leave me," he whispered.
"I can't, love," Heero rasped, and the arms around him tightened. "I can't leave you."
"I want you to stay with me. I want ... Heero ..." he pulled away, knowing that his eyes were rimmed with tears and not rightly giving a damn. His lover was looking at him tenderly, achingly strong. And that made him bold enough to speak his next words. "Make love to me, Heero. Please."
*
A/N: Bwahahahahahahah!!! I LEFT IT THERE, SUCKERS! Hahahahahah!!! Well, what do you think? Did it suck balls? Was it good? I found it strangely easy to do Duo. I guess I'd been doing him in my mind the whole time, and now I was just getting it down. Weird, huh? Oh, well! Tell me how it was in a review? Please? Peeese?
Beta Reader: But I'm a good lil beta n' returned this back to her the SAME day she gave it to me! So it's ALL her fault for the wait :P (don't worry..i still luv ya Kay-Kay)
*Warning* - There is ANGST, sadness, SERIOUS cursing, some yummy thoughts, some sap, and, duuhh, I dunno, other stuff. There you go ...
Disclaimer - I don't own Gundam Wing, or Duo, or Heero, or Quatre. What DO I own? Shit, hold on, I KNOW this one, dammit ...
Footsteps
Chapter 15
Duo knew Quatre was watching him, worried and a little frightened. He wanted to hit himself for this, but he just had to talk about it to someone, and Quatre had been his confidante for years, even during the war when he was sobbing out his unrequited love for the Perfect Soldier. He needed the comfort that Quatre was so damned good at.
"Qat ... it's about Heero."
"What about him? Has he hurt you?"
"No!" Duo was quick to assure. "At least ... no, not physically. It's just ..." He blew out a strangled breath and looked up from the sidewalk below his feet. Quatre's blonde hair shone in the lamplight and moonlight, making it look like he wore a halo. Had he really thought the boy capable of deceiving him with Heero? How stupid of him.
"You're scared," Quatre whispered, and the braided man nodded jerkily, looking down to hide the sheen in his eyes. The two continued their walk in silence, finding nothing to say. Quatre was waiting for him to say something, actually, but Duo didn't seem to be ready to say much. Quatre gave him time. Duo knew he'd wait as long as necessary, even if that meant ditching the meeting and the people he had to see. But that wasn't fair.
"God, I feel like such an asshole, leaving Heero like that," he started, rubbing a hand over his face. "God, what he must be thinking." He groaned and looked back to the sidewalk and walked on, forcing Quatre to do the same. They had hardly been aware of stopping in the first place, and they quickly fell back into an even rhythm with each other. "I just ... I had to talk to someone ... I just had to know that I wasn't ... that he really was here ... oh, God ..."
"Duo?" Duo found himself unable to go on. He just couldn't move his feet anymore.
"Quatre, just what is he ... I mean ... dammit, I don't know what I mean ..."
"Duo, when Trowa and I first got together, we didn't really know if the other really wanted us, or if he wanted a stress-relief, or what."
Duo looked at Quatre in shock, disbelieving that the curious, yet shy boy would be saying this. "But, we stuck it through, because, no matter how the other felt, we loved one another. It certainly wasn't easy, and not just because we were in the the middle of a war. But we *do* love each other. And I think ... I think Heero really does feel that way about you."
"But *why*?!" Duo wailed. "Why now? I've felt this way about him since ... since ... *forever*! Why hasn't he come to me before?!" Duo lapsed into silence. Why was he so depressed about the one thing he'd once fantasized about. Was the dream gone? Had Heero waited too long?
But even as he thought that, he knew it wasn't so. No, not at all. Even now, full of doubt and fear, he felt his heart screaming for Heero.
Full of doubt and fear... that was it! It had nothing to do with Heero. It was all in him. He didn't know. He couldn't see Heero's thoughts, his reasons, and he was afraid, though of what he wasn't so sure. That Heero would leave him all alone again?
Oh, he wished he could understand his emotions. Whenever he was with Heero, it was bittersweet. He was so afraid that he was dreaming, that it was just another fantasy, and he was going to find himself in the hospital again ...
He shivered. `Please, if that's to happen, don't ever let me wake up.'
"Duo, are you okay?"
He shook himself free from the enveloping cloud of depression and smiled for Quatre. "Yeah, I'm fine, Qat. Did you say something?"
"I was just saying that he might not have understood his feelings, or, if he did, that he couldn't let them be released, for fear of the mission and the war effort. He was trained to be the Perfect Soldier, we can't forget."
"Yeah. God, what was that bastard J thinking?" He shook his head, losing the grin as quickly as it came. "But it's not him, Qat. It's me. I'm just so fucked up ..."
"You are *not* ... messed up, Duo," Quatre argued, putting his hands on his hips. "You're just like everyone else in this world when it comes to love. You just love another man instead of a woman."
"So, that means I'm not like everyone else, doesn't it?" Duo kidded, but stopped at the sad look in Quatre's eyes. "Shit, Qat, you know I didn't mean that in a bad way. You and Tro ..."
"No, I know, Duo," Quatre sighed. "But, don't you see? You deserve as much as anybody else. You deserve more credit than you give yourself."
"Quatre, I'm a fucking street rat," Duo laughed sardonically. "I don't deserve a damn thing."
"Duo, dammit, knock it off! You *are* worth it, you *are* a good person! Why don't you see that?!"
"Because, Quatre my man," Duo started, knowing he was skating thin ice and too confused inside to care, "I'm depressed!" He laughed then, as if the fact was absolutely fucking hilarious. Wasn't it? Duo, the one who always laughed, who always joked and smiled and teased, was fucking suicidal. Ironic? Hell, yeah. Shouldn't it be Trowa, or Heero?
No! No one else deserved this except him. Or was that the depression talking? God, he needed Heero. When he was with him, he didn't think about his sadness, or his pain and depression. Sure, he thought of his grotesque scars, but Heero treated his body reverently. His heart soared in memory of Heero's touch. It had been lovemaking, no matter what he said. He needed Heero. He'd always needed Heero.
"Thanks, Qat," he said suddenly, and knew that his friend was getting just as confused as he'd been mere moments before. But that one thing made him sure of one thing: he wanted to be with Heero. For however long it lasted. Be it a day or a lifetime, he'd take the time he had with the one he loved. He'd make love with Heero, and this time they'd both see it for what it was: the mating of two souls in an embrace matched by no little hug. Soul mates. His soul was mated with Heero's. He'd take the pain when it came. For now, he'd take the love offered to him.
Heero ...
"What'd I do?" Quatre asked, but Duo was already turning around. "Hey, Qat, I don't want to be rude, but could you see yourself to your car? I gotta be with Heero right now."
He heard Quatre's enormous grin in his voice as he spoke. "Of course, Duo."
He broke out into a run then, needing to get to Heero. He wanted to be with him now, before he woke up to find that it had been another dream. Another hallucination of drugs or sadness or just his lonely heart. He wanted to see Heero's eyes glazed with passion one more time, taste his sweet taste upon his lips, feel his body move on his, his member trapped within him. One more time. A thousand more times. More than that. He wanted it until he couldn't breathe for the passions being released inside him, and then even more.
He wanted Heero like never before. Fuck his fear, his inhibitions. They could drown themselves for all he cared. Tonight, it was him and Heero. Just them. Nothing and no one else.
He raced up the stairs to his house and burst through the door. His eyes were immediately drawn to the sight of the man standing in the middle of the living room floor, staring at him with open cobalt eyes and trembling lips. "Heero," he gasped, and he rushed into the man's arms. "Oh, God, Heero," he sobbed, and found himself close to tears. Heero's arms came around him, and he snuggled within the warmth of his love's arms, feeling sheltered for the first time since he'd been with Sister Helen. He snuggled into Heero's chest, breathing in deep and trying stupidly to fight the sudden tears. "Don't leave me," he whispered.
"I can't, love," Heero rasped, and the arms around him tightened. "I can't leave you."
"I want you to stay with me. I want ... Heero ..." he pulled away, knowing that his eyes were rimmed with tears and not rightly giving a damn. His lover was looking at him tenderly, achingly strong. And that made him bold enough to speak his next words. "Make love to me, Heero. Please."
*
A/N: Bwahahahahahahah!!! I LEFT IT THERE, SUCKERS! Hahahahahah!!! Well, what do you think? Did it suck balls? Was it good? I found it strangely easy to do Duo. I guess I'd been doing him in my mind the whole time, and now I was just getting it down. Weird, huh? Oh, well! Tell me how it was in a review? Please? Peeese?
