SPECTATOR

By MargaritaDaemonelix

Chapter 5

Life goes on in Velder where it couldn't in Altera.

You've taken every caution possible to ensure that Raven doesn't know about your years in Altera, that Velder has no clue about your experiences. Even with your interview with Vanessa, you lied so many times to ensure that no one could put the puzzle of your past together.

So when you pull up your Alteran badge one day while Raven's at work, you wonder why the hell you're even looking at it.

Missing a chunk of your memories is painful. Your earliest recallable memory is waking up one day in an Alteran hospital, surrounded by concerned women. When you couldn't recall who they were, all of them burst into tears.

You were told you had a concussion from an accident, when you fell off a balcony. Doctors swarmed you and took brain tests, gave you medications, tried to help you remember.

Once they deemed you able to think, but not able to remember, you were released from the infirmary and you spent the next few months training to become a maid. Again, they said.

Were you once a maid? You don't know.

As you kneel by the bed with your little bag of possessions open at your feet, your head begins to swim. You drop the badges back into the bag, pulling the drawstrings to tighten it as you shove it back under the bed and rest your head on the mattress. You go through a series of questions that the doctors told you to ask yourself, to see if any memories have resurfaced.

What is your name? Your name is Rena Lire.

How old are you? You're twenty-eight according to your ID card, though you only have conscious memories of the past five years since you awoke. It's like you're a five year old child, only just learning to grasp the strings of the world.

What is the earliest memory you can recall? Waking up in the hospital, five years ago. You can remember scraps of your previous life, like deja vu-a faint whiff of bread, a man with a white puppy, and a more recent moment from Raven's graduation t-shirt.

He's out. You might as well look at it.

Raven only wore the shirt for a short time before changing back into his work clothes. You tiptoe over to his drawer and open the middle layer, pulling out the black shirt and laying it out on the bed. The familiar crow printed in fading white adorns the front, but you're really looking for the back.

On the reverse side, a list of the graduates' names is printed. Some of the names you know-Raven, Noel, Praus. Your fingers linger at the name Seris. From the moment you arrived in Velder, the name stuck to you like a ghost. No one told you how Seris was, but you get the idea that she was close to Raven, and that she passed on.

There was a day, a few months back, when you were trying to sleep. Raven was coming home from having a drink at either Noel or Praus' place. You know he had a little something to drink, because he was yelling at his two best friends. As hostile as he may appear, Raven is not the type to be yelling.

Rena's not Seris, you two dumb fucks, she'll never be Seris, Seris didn't look like that, you didn't know Seris as well as I did…

You shake the memory out of your head. "Where are the good memories when I need them?" You sigh, folding the shirt back up and tucking it back into Raven's drawer. Sure, most of your experiences have been fairly good since you awoke, but it's still splattered with pain and experiences that haunt you.

The best memory you can conjure up at the moment is only faint. It's mid July, and you're sitting outside in the grass, braiding flowers into hair and tying back your own as a delicate hand tucks a lily blossom behind your ear. The scent of fresh bread and open sky fills the apartment as you let yourself relax on the bed, sprawled out in the nonexistent breeze.

You may not have many memories, but you can manipulate the few that you have to your will. As you nibble your dried lips and lie back, you close your eyes for a moment and try to see the blue skies over Altera once more.

Blue skies...

You blink. You're fairly certain you just fell asleep. For how long, you're not entirely sure; the sunlight in your eyes tells you it's at least noon. You try to stifle a yawn as you force yourself to sit up, despite your back complaining that the bed is too hard.

You suppose it's your own fault for sleeping in such soft beds for so long. You're still not entirely accustomed to this one. Slowly, you get up and stretch your arms out as you walk into the kitchen.

The clock on the stove tells you it's just a little past one, which means you took a two hour catnap. There's not much in the kitchen, which is little more than a stove, a sink and a small fridge. The shelf where you keep the dishes and pans is roughly built from wooden planks, likely something that Raven himself threw together.

Unlike your old home in Altera, the fridge is too small to tack up any notes. Nonetheless, you check its barren surface. There's an old magnet that might have once said "Wednesday" on it in neon orange, but the surface has been rubbed down to the point that it's just a rectangle of dirty pink.

You open the fridge, which is nearly as empty as always. There's a glass bottle of yogurt, which you assume Raven brought home because he's the only person you know who actually likes this particular brand. You close the door gently, leaving the kitchen behind.

It's about time you get going. Raven's going to come home tonight to an empty table, and as much as you know he hates you, at the same time you feel obligated to have something for him. Maybe it's because you're living with him in this hell called Velder, maybe it's because you cause him so much pain, but you know that it's only right for you to provide what you can for him.

You head back to your bag of possessions, opening it up and retrieving two hundred dollars in twenties and tens. The Alterans hardly ever used small bills, so it was quite a hassle to get them converted from the thousands. Thankfully, nothing in Velder actually costs that much-a fresh baked bun here costs twenty tops, whereas a similar bun in Altera costs up to five hundred.

The people up there are loaded, though. Your paycheck was about five hundred thousand a year. Raven's earnings per year total about ten thousand, barely enough to cover the bills and definitely not enough for groceries and other foods. Maybe it's just because you're adding a burden on him…

You still have so much money that you haven't even shown him, because you know he'll instantly retaliate, and you want to tell him about your past in Altera on your own terms. Raven is strong, but you get the feeling that he's been broken many times.

Your cardigan is still hung up on the hook on the wall. You take it off, running your hands over it to make sure the thread hasn't caught on anything. Before you came to Velder, you had to unstitch by hand the badges that were sewn to your shoulders, which are now tucked into your bag along with all your other things. There are twelve little puncture holes in the sleeve where the badge was sewn to it, from the twelve points of the mechanical star that defines you as an Alteran.

Gently, you slip into the cardigan and take a moment to relax in its familiar warmth. You fold up the bills and put them into the pocket of your dress. Raven doesn't bring the keys with him; you just lock the door after he leaves, so you grab the keys from the nail on the wall and a cloth tote bag.

The coast seems to be clear when you open the door. You lock up before hurrying down the seven flights of stairs to the lobby. As always, it's empty, but you ignore the eerie silence as you leave the building behind.

The skies are clear today. It's pretty warm for April, but then again Velder is always pretty warm compared to Altera. That's why you're always wearing your cardigan, no matter what the weather calls for. As you tread down the rubble path, people greet you casually, and you can't help but notice how they pause a little before they speak.

Just how much did Velder love Seris? And just how much do they all resent you for not being her?

You stop by Praus' shop. He's trying to sell a bracelet to a young woman, who is wavering between her choices. "This is hand-carved mahogany, miss," he assures her.

"It doesn't smell like mahogany," she says, like she's some expert in fine wood carvings. You can tell from her tone alone that she's probably from one of the higher ranks, likely somewhere in Sander. Her clothes are just as extravagant, with layers of vibrant blues and purples layered with fiery reds and pinks. "And the colour is off."

"Miss, if I may," you interject, stepping beside her. "I can assure you that Praus' goods are all a hundred percent genuine mahogany. The craft has been passed down through his family. Many of these were carved by Praus' grandmother, which is why the scent and colour have faded over time."

Praus looks like he's about to cry.

The woman sniffs again. "Antique, you say…" She looks through the trinkets. "How much are you asking for this one?" She holds up a chain of beads.

"A hundred and thirty five," says Praus, his voice trembling.

She scoffs. "If it's mahogany as you say it is, things like this could be worth thousands where I'm from. I'll take these four," she says, picking out a bracelet and two large pendants. "A thousand."

She hands the bill over to Praus. He's shaking all over. "Thank you for your p-patronage, miss," he says. "Would you like me to wrap those up for you?"

As he takes the pieces off her, he grabs your shoulder and drags you into the house, where he immediately breaks down. "Thank you, Rena," he manages, his face buried in your shoulder. "Thank you."

"It's my duty to help you," you respond softly, catching yourself before you can say "serve you". The words are alien to you, even though you've repeated them a million times. "I had to do something, didn't I? I couldn't just leave you hanging."

You help him wrap up the jewelry in individual paper packages, slipping them into a small plastic bag and handing it back to the woman. She snatches it away and walks off wordlessly, opening each package as she turns a corner and disappears from your sight.

Behind you, Praus sighs. "Thank you." He fishes a pendant out of his pocket and presses it into your hand. It's a little bow and arrow on a black leather cord. "A little something for your trouble."

You turn around to thank him, but he's already gone back into his house, shielding his face. He's probably going to cry with his mother about the sale. She's slipping away, but she hangs on to see her son happy.

Someday, you're going to bring them somewhere better. You're going to buy the entirety of Velder all the food they need and give it all to them. You're going to do whatever you can to end the misery in the town that took you in.

Rena, they see you as a monster… An oppressor…

You force yourself to ignore the voices and walk on.

As you enter the town square, though, you have to bite a curse under your breath. Noon is never a good time to visit town, because it's lunch hour and there's a mess of a struggle to buy a hot sandwich before they sell out. You try to cross the void, but eventually you're swallowed in as well.

Hands slip past your back as feet trample across yours. Hair is blown into your face as you wade through the crowd. The back of someone's head is in front of your, and a few times you nearly run face-first into people.

You spend what feels like an eternity in that mess before you finally make your way to the stand you wanted to visit. "Three potatoes, please," you ask politely.

The vendor grunts and drops three small potatoes in a plastic bag. "Twenty-four," he says. You give him a twenty and a handful of change, trying not to look so desperately at the larger potatoes in his baskets.

Your next stop is Kaeli's stand. Out of all the people in the city, Kaeli seems to be one of the few who loves you for who you are… If love is a word that can describe her. The old woman treats everyone in this city like her own child; she scolds Raven sometimes for not bagging up the loose herbs but still pampers him with freebies. Your stomach twists into a knot at the thought of her granddaughter, though. Chloe is nothing like her grandmother, after all, and couldn't care less about the city…

Today the stand is maintained by the elder Camdyn, though. "Hello, Rena," she chortles, celery in one hand and a stack of bills in the other. "You here to bring me anything new?"

"Not right now, Kaeli," you shout over the roar of the crowd. "Our new harvest hasn't finished growing yet. Do you have anything good today?"

"I got three eggplants," she yells back as she swaps goods with a young boy, "Fifty-five apiece. Someone brought in celery this morning too. Twenty five a stalk, forty for two." She pauses to wrestle a bunch of carrots out of someone's hands. "Drop the produce before I have a problem with you!"

You decide to buy an eggplant and some celery. You count out the bills in your pocket before taking them out, yelling your requests at Kaeli. She takes the money and hands you the measly groceries, which you cram into your bag as you leave the stand behind.

Thankfully, by the time you try to leave the market, the midday surge has died down a little. You're still attempting to navigate the mess, but this time you can do it without getting smacked by an errant hand. It takes you just over fifteen minutes to return to the apartment, where you climb the seven flights of stairs back to the apartment.

It takes you a moment to process it, but there are a few dark figures outside your door. When you begin to move down the hallway, one of them notices you. "Guys, she's coming," he whispers.

"Let her come," replies the one picking your lock. "I'm not afraid of her."

"Boys," you say, keeping your voice as level and as steady as possible. "I'm sure you're all great at picking locks. Could you please step aside? I need to put my groceries away and water my plants now."

"Bitch, you can stand aside and wait for us to finish," laughs one of them. "Because you sure as hell don't own this flat, so why should you care? Stand aside and we'll have some fun later."

You're not sure whether it's the beginning of his mocking statement or the end that gets on your nerves, but you snap. You gave them a warning already. They didn't heed it.

You march right into the little gang and put your foot up between the gang leader's legs. He squeaks and falls to the floor, writhing in pain.

Immediately, the group retaliates. The three remaining boys charge at you, but your instinct takes over. You swing your bag of groceries at one boy's head and spin around to knee another in the chest. Both of them stumble into the wall.

The last one stands in the hallway, looking terrified. "Get lost," you say, as cheerfully as you can. He takes off like a bullet as his friends scramble to their feet and run after him, screaming and hooting. A few of your neighbours come out of their apartments to see what's going on, but you just wave at them casually as you unlock the door and step back in.

The house is, thankfully, untouched. You were a little scared that the boys were trying to lock your door instead of unlock it, but it seems you'd returned just in time to catch them in the act. You drop the bag of groceries on the table and hang your cardigan and the keys back up.

As you sit back down on the bed, you can't help but put your head in your hands. It's only noon, and you already feel like shit.

You don't know if your day can get any worse, but it does. The phone buzzes in its holder, prompting you to get up and cross the room again to reach it.

The user ID displayed on the phone screen already disturbs you as you press the TALK button.

"This is a message from the Alteran Core," dictates the pre-recorded part of the message. The signal is so bad that you can barely tell what it's saying, though. "Please have a writing utensil and some paper at the ready, in the event that you should need to record this message. Please press one for your message. For more options press 2."

The voice is familiar but faraway. You haven't heard the automated message since you left Altera. You grab a pencil and a napkin just lying around the kitchen to scribble on as you listen. "... To replay this message, press nine."

You remove the phone from your ear and press the one button. Immediately, you are directed to your caller. "Hello?" You ask.

"Moon One, this is Sun One. Do you copy. Do you copy."

You're left gaping at the phone as you try to record the words and fail at the first word. The voice is reminiscent of a text-to-speech converter, a feminine, robotic voice that has been autotuned to reverberate with every consonant. Only one person you know can and would try to contact you in this fashion, and you don't like the sound of it.

"Sun One, this is Moon One. I copy. I copy," you respond, as agreed upon.

"Good. We have received word that you are waning," the voice says. "You must abscond immediately. Have a good day."

And just like that, the call ends. "To replay the entirety of this message, press one. To end the call and delete the voice file, press END…"

You hit the END button just to get the damned thing to shut up.

You know that none of the files are actually deleted. They all get sent to the archives in Sander, where unfortunate interns listen to each one and track down those dumb enough to start a revolt by phone. That's why you use code words.

The concept of waning is a play on the whole idea of your code name being Moon One. If Sun One really says you're in danger, then you have no qualms about what you're going to do.

You look around the kitchen until you find the business card of the timber lot pinned to the bulletin board. You dial the number and wait.

It takes a whole minute and a half for the receptionist to pick up. "Velder Woodworking, how may I help you," sighs the receptionist.

"Hello!" You try to sound cheerful, despite the drowsy receptionist. "My name is Rena Lire. I'd like to speak to the worker Raven Corvus, if that's not a bother!"

"... I will have him called down shortly to speak to you, Miss Lire."

In a few minutes, Raven is at the phone. "This had better be urgent," he growls. "I can't just leave right now unless it's an absolute emergency."

"Raven, I swear this is an absolute emergency," you whisper, suddenly dropping to your knees like you don't want to be seen in the window. "My past is catching up to me. People are coming for me. You need to come back, I need to explain everything, I don't want to put you in danger-"

"Woah, woah, woah, slow down. Your past is catching up to you? Rena, I don't understand-"

"You don't." You take a moment to breathe. "Raven, you need to come home right this instant. Altera is coming for me."

Raven is silent for a moment. "Twenty minutes."

He hangs up before you can even open your mouth again. "Thank you," you sigh as you drop the phone at your side and wait.


Velder City, 2:43 pm

When the door knob start rattling, you're a little paranoid. Still, you get up off the floor to let Raven in.

He looks like he ran all the way back home, which makes sense. Walking from the woodlot can take an hour during a bad day. When he walks through the door, you're instantly tempted to towel him off with your cardigan, but you know you're going to need it clean and salvageable.

As you close the door and lock it, Raven immediately rushes over to the window and draws the curtains. The entire room goes dark.

He grabs your hand as you reach for the light switch. "Don't," he warns. "There are Alteran police outside."

You weren't prepared for the Alterans to find you so soon after the message, but you wrestle your hand out of Raven's grip and drop it. "I need to show you something," you tell him quietly, leaving the door behind and turning to the bed, where you pull the bag of your things out again.

Raven only watches intently as you open the bag and rifle through it. The purse of your money you toss to him as you dig deeper in. "Take what you need," you tell him, continuing to pull out your things. You don't face him as he cracks open the patent leather and doubtlessly ogles at the thousands you've stored in it.

You empty out your entire bag, but your badges aren't there. "Why aren't they in my bag?" You ask yourself, panic beginning to set in. "Where are my badges?"

In a moment of sheer panic, you turn the entire bag upside down and shake it. The badges fall out of a side pocket, right into your lap. The twelve-pointed mechanism that once adorned your cardigan shines in the rosy gold that it always has. "Can you believe me when I say that I'm from Altera?" You ask.

"Rena, I believe you." Raven's voice is hollow with fear. "Please, just tell me why you're in danger, what you need me to do."

"Don't treat me any differently because where I came from!" You snap, turning around to face him. His face is ashen. "Raven, I woke up in an Alteran hospital five years ago with no memories."

"What did they make you?" He asks.

"A maid," you reply. "Not just any maid… I served a very high ranking Alteran young lady living in the Core. She was very kind to me… One of the few that were. My fellow maids were angels to me, but I could hear them whispering behind my back all the time."

"Why did you leave?" Blurts Raven suddenly. "You could have had everything, but you chose to come to the lowliest city in Elrios. The filth of the land. The trashpile. Why?"

You grimace. "Because I wasn't wanted. Because they made me feel less than human. My lady's family was very… Taxing on me. I couldn't take it."

The two of you sit in silence as you press your badges back to your shoulders. "The young Lady and her friend helped me escape Altera," you recall. "I ran for two days straight between the cities until I got here. And now Altera has found me, and they're bringing me back."

His pokerface has turned into a steely grimace. "Is that bag the entirety of your possessions?" He asks.

"Yeah, I think," you offer.

He opens his drawer and sifts through the few clothes he does own. "We're leaving for Feita," he says, grabbing a few shirts and tossing them onto the bed. "I have an old friend who lives there. It's a sanctuary we can trust… For now."

His words wash over you, calming your jittery nerves down. "Thank you, Raven," you murmur, putting a hand on his mechanical shoulder.

He simply shrugs it off, letting you drop back into the tides of your thoughts.


Velder City, 8:29

Six hours. It's been six hours since you and Raven packed what little possessions you had and left Velder.

Raven left some specific messages for Noel and Praus, in the event that the Alteran police should actually search his apartment. One of the final contingency plans, handed over to the slightly more sensible Praus, is to actually just burn down the entire building. It wouldn't be as incriminating as finding your DNA in the room, but Raven's voice shuddered when he spoke those words.

It actually only took a little while to actually leave Velder. You were expecting the police to hunt you down, but for the most part Velder carries on with its everyday happenings as the two of you travel. Raven only has an old map for navigation, but there's only really one way to go.

As the two of you travel, Raven begins to talk of the past. You suppose it's your fault for dragging him into this hell with you, but as the two of you find an old tree to rest against, he begins to speak.

"I had a classmate who left Velder during her twenties," he recalls. "They say she fell in love with a man from Altera. Apparently the two of them live outside the cities now."

You wince. If there's anything worse than living in the trashpile of Elrios, as Velder is often called, it's being a Wanderer. In Altera, Wanderers are looked down upon, as animals and outcasts. To think that an Alteran had sacrificed everything to be with a Velderian…

As you ponder the events of today, a blur in retrospect, you're suddenly aware that Raven's breathing has slowed down next to you. He's already fast asleep, exhausted by his work at the woodlot and having to run home.

You're not sure why you do it, but as he peacefully slumbers, you gently kiss his forehead. "Sleep well," you murmur, stretching out your legs as you try to relax against the tree.

In the sky above you, the stars twinkle with mischief.


A/N: Here is your newest update, guys and gals and non-binary pals. With this update comes a few milestones.

- We've hit 20,000 words, which is 40% of the requirement for Nanowrimo.

- I'M HALFWAY THROUGH NOVEMBER I HAVE 16 DAYS LEFT TO COMPLETE THE REMAINING 60-ODD PERCENT OF SPECTATOR GOD SAVE MY SOUL

Also, it's my friend's birthday! Plz go wish him a happy birthday on tumblr, he goes by garden-variety-pessimist

Special thanks to user EternaPhoenix for reviewing literally every chapter so far, and users Amy Valikie and Scientist Zimmena for following/faving! Y'all have no clue how happy I am when you guys review/follow/fave like seriously I love y'all thenk you

~MargaritaDaemonelix