Sadly, Petunia didn't have to wait overly long for even dimwitted Vernon to work things out. Not more than a couple of months after Harry started wearing his new glasses—and being teased for it by, Petunia was ashamed to say, Dudley among others—there had been a frantic call from the school. Harry had gotten onto the roof. No one knew how, but he'd done it.
Petunia didn't have the luxury of handling this by herself. Dudley would certainly tell Vernon if she didn't. Her only chance of not being punished herself was to put Vernon in charge from the outset.
She would have to call Vernon at the office. Just that alone was enough to get her punished. She had once called him to ask whether he would prefer beef or pork for dinner. She had never made that mistake again. Opening the phone book to the inside cover where all the important numbers had been written, Petunia steeled herself to make the call. Maybe, if she was vague enough, he would agree to let her handle it. Maybe, somehow, she could think of an explanation that would satisfy Vernon once Dudley had filled him in on the details.
As she heard the rings, she hoped he would be in a meeting. She would much rather leave a message with his secretary. He couldn't object to her being vague in a message—he would never want her to admit to the help that someone living in his home had apparently flown up to the roof of the school. And, he couldn't object to her going down to the school to handle it herself as long as she'd tried to let him handle it. Yes, that would be by far the best solution. Let him be in a meeting.
"Hello, yes, this is Mrs. Dursley, is my husband by chance available?"
Her heart sunk as she heard the secretaries cheerful "Why certainly Mrs. Dursley, let me put you through!".
Vernon didn't even bother to say Hello…clearly the secretary had told him who was calling.
"PETUNIA!"
"There's a problem at the boys' school." That seemed to have been a good approach because Vernon stopped screaming.
"What? Is it Dudley? It he alright?"
"No, not Dudley, Harry. Something about Harry. They say he's alright, but they want one of us to come. Shall I go then?"
She found she was crossing her fingers, trying to will Vernon to just say yes.
"What kind of problem? What did they say?"
"Well, it's a bit confusing, really…they say he got up on the roof somehow. I guess that's not allowed and they're sending him home. But someone has to pick him up, they won't release him on his own."
There, she hadn't lied but neither had she expressed the shock and confusion she'd heard in the Principal's voice when he called.
"Why the hell are they sending him home? Just for climbing up on the roof? That's ridiculous! I've half a mind to go down and talk to that school myself. Why burden you with the boy just because they can't keep him under control?"
"Oh, um…so, you don't want me to just nick over and get him then? I mean…your work is more important, don't you think?"
"What? My Dudley goes to that school too! I will not have my son going to a school run by idiots! I'll just wrap up here and go get him. Tell the school I'll be there in 30 minutes."
"Very well"
Petunia made the call. She felt sorry for Harry. When he heard that it was Vernon who was coming, he would be frightened. It would be best if Petunia wasn't caught looking worried about Harry, so she started work on this evening's dinner. It was to be an herb crusted rib roast. Vernon's favorite—though she only knew that because it was the one dish he ever suggested he make. She was busy chopping her freshly grown herbs when she heard the door slam announcing Vernon's return.
Holding her face carefully neutral, Petunia quickly wiped the knife and tucked it into the drawer. She'd never known Vernon to do anything truly dangerous, but over all, it was her policy to avoid providing opportunities.
She was tossing the various herbs with her fingers when the kitchen door opened.
"Everything go alright?" she asked.
"No, everything did not go alright!" Vernon was livid.
Petunia glanced over at Harry who looked a bit more disheveled than usual and who's right ear showed definite signs of having been twisted and pulled…
"Um…why not, dear, what was the problem?"
"The problem, Petunia, was there is no possible way this boy could have gotten onto that roof! They showed me where they found him. No ladder. No stairs. Not even a bloody drainpipe he could have climbed. They said he just popped up there!"
"Popped up there?" Petunia hoped her look conveyed confusion.
"Yeah" Vernon was positively growling now. "Popped up there. Some of the other boys were having a bit of fun with him, giving him a bit of a time about those new glasses of his and then POP! He was gone. Up on the roof! In the blink of an eye, they said!"
"Oh, dear" Petunia shot a quick glance at Harry but decided it was safer not to talk to him.
"What did Harry say?"
"WHAT?" Roared Vernon.
Petunia could see there was little hope of salvaging this conversation, but she had no choice but to press on.
"About what happened. What did Harry say when you asked him how he got on the roof?"
"Why would I ask him what happened? Isn't it obvious what happened? Isn't it obvious what he is?"
Petunia looked down and muttered softly "Yes, quite, I suppose. What should we do?"
"DO?" Vernon now had a bit of spittle frothing out of his mouth. "We bloody well teach him to STOP doing those things."
Harry, looking both frightened and confused, finally spoke up. "But I don't know how it happened! I didn't mean to get on the roof. I just thought I wanted to get away from them and then I was there. I don't know how."
"SHUT UP! Do NOT interrupt and do NOT try to explain!" Vernon grabbed the front of Harry's oversized shirt and pushed him back against the counter. Harry didn't make a sound, but Petunia knew that had hurt. The counter had sharp edges and just backing into it trying to get out of the way of a Vernon rampage hurt….actually being pushed into it usually left a bruise.
"Go to your cupboard NOW!" Vernon roared, his face purple. Harry didn't wait for a second command. He scurried quickly to his cupboard, closing the door.
Vernon was panting, calming down. Petunia poured him a glass of lemonade and held it out. "Are you alright? I hope you didn't upset yourself overly on his account." Petunia hadn't been able to decide how wide spread Vernon's anger was. Did he blame her? Did he suspect she'd already known?
As Vernon took the glass he gave her a grateful nod. Apparently he wasn't including her in his wrath. He also didn't seem to consider it was possible that she'd worked out what Harry was before he had.
"Vernon, do you really think we can teach him to NOT do something when he doesn't know what he's doing?" Petunia doubted this very much. She was convinced that awareness was essential to the learning process, but reminding Vernon that she'd studied education and had planned to go into teaching didn't seem like a good idea at the moment.
"Of course we can! Don't be stupid. Dog's don't know why you don't want them to piss in the house, but they can learn not to do it. Don't they? It just takes discipline. We just need to be firm with the boy. You watch! I bet we don't see anymore of this sort of thing from him again."
"I hope you're right, Vernon." Petunia's heart sank. She was sure that this wasn't over. "But, suppose something else does happen. What do we do?"
"Leave that to me."
