Fucking in the bar had always been a risky idea, but they only did it when it was closed, obvious as that seemed, and the chances of them being discovered were about the same as if they did it his apartment considering the fact Tio had keys to both. So he never tended to mind where Sly wanted it to 'go down', so to speak, the bar was fine and so was his apartment, just letting the other make his choice and going with it, not that he was given any chance to argue either way. But even though he said to himself after the incident where Tio had seen Sly in his apartment that they needed to be more careful, they weren't, like horny teenagers who just wanted to fuck and ignore the consequences. It was fine though, it was going okay, at least until it all crashed down around their heads, or just the bartenders anyway, it was incredibly obvious Sly couldn't care less.
They didn't even realise he was there at first, or Mizuki didn't anyway, but knowing how much of a crafty bastard Sly was he probably knew from the second he stepped into the room, just ignoring him and making things worse. And as they might have expected, given time to think about it, a good few seconds passed while he just registered what he was seeing and processed it in his mind, promptly dropping the bag that had been over his shoulder.
"I fucking knew it," his voice was already shaking and so hard it was like ice even as they broke apart, one in confusion that rapidly morphed into horror and the other clearly just wanting to see how this would go down, looking too pleased for Tio to feel anything but pissed off. "Are you serious?"
His mind was still hazy with rough kisses and a knee shoved between his legs, feeling a little dizzy and incredibly confused, snapping into reality fast and realising that this was the most compromising position he'd ever been caught in. Sly was lying under him, one leg in between his and bodies pressed close together, bartenders hands, oh god, one was low down on his back, in the waistband of his jeans and the other was holding the back of his neck, pulling him in so their bodies were flush. They'd been making out with such energy there was no denying that it was leading somewhere, bottle of lube on the floor making it all too obvious what they intended, only glad they weren't actually fucking when they were discovered, because nobody needed to see that. His neck was throbbing where Sly had bitten and sucked marks into it and he could see Tio's steely eyes focused on them, not looking him in the eye and nostrils flaring as he tried to control himself. He regretted removing his shirt now, feeling exposed but somehow only bothered by the fact that if they'd both been fully dressed then maybe he'd be able to lie and say he'd suddenly realised what a terrible mistake he was making, but oh no, he wasn't that intelligent.
Not to mention that Tio wasn't stupid, he'd added weeks' worth of scratches and hickeys together with this debauched scene and come up with the truth, that Mizuki had been fucking Sly this whole time and lying to his face about it, betrayed more than anything else.
"Not that serious, no," Sly remarked and oh his voice was so calm and utterly unfazed that for a second Mizuki was genuinely confused, then irritation set in, followed by fear and a sudden need to explain himself when he knew he couldn't do that, didn't even know how to begin. "Just a little arrangement."
"Mizuki, you got anything to say?"
"It's a onetime thing?" He suggested, but not only was it obvious that he was lying but it made everything worse, because Sly snorted form under him, fingernails still trailing over his back and making his skin prickle, being less than no help as was to be expected.
"Right, so you were going to fuck him today and then never again, was that the plan? Do you honestly expect me to believe that you haven't done this before?"
"Oh he has, he's fucked me lots of times," Sly supplied, smile not even mean, just genuine and so fucking pleased with himself that Mizuki wanted to strangle him, and probably would too if he didn't know he was into that.
"It's not what it sounds like!" He tried, God was he trying to diffuse this, but the situation was getting worse and he refused to acknowledge the disbelieving raised eyebrow of his friend, expression only getting colder as Mizuki continued to lie to his face.
"It's exactly what it sounds like. Your buddy here fucks me at least twice a week and has for like… A year now, it's great. But then you'd know that, wouldn't you?" That was a pointed barb and Mizuki could see the exact moment it hit, Tio's expression flickering for a second only to come back even angrier and his nostrils flaring wildly with rage and hurt.
Mizuki's face twisted into a glare as he turned to stare at Sly incredulously, because really, could he be more unhelpful? "I will fucking strangle you."
Sly raised one blue eyebrow, and it was then Mizuki knew he was well and truly, and depressingly metaphorically, fucked. "Damn, you know just what I like."
"Sly shut the fuck up or I'm banning you from the bar."
"Yeah right, as if you'd do that," he replied, confidence in his tone utterly exasperating.
"Don't test me," he hissed, trying to act like his face wasn't bright red with embarrassment and sheer terror that made his limbs feel a million pounds heavier at having been caught.
Sly's voice changed into something almost threatening and the nails on Mizuki's back turned vice-like, pressing into tanned skin hard and deliberately. "You know, it would be such a shame if somebody let slip that Dry Juice's esteemed leader had been fucking Sly Blue, disastrous actually." His smirk was cold and Mizuki knew he wouldn't even hesitate to destroy his reputation the minute the tattooist did anything not to his liking. "Though of course your lovely admirer here might do it and save me a job."
His cheeks were red and he felt nervous sweat break out on his forehead as he watched Tio's eyes narrow at Sly's words and oh Mizuki was so going to murder him later for even suggesting that he might tell everyone as revenge, even though he'd be more than justified in doing so.
"So you are fucking?"
"We're not fucking!" He exclaimed, horribly aware he was still straddling Sly and the erection in his jeans was probably painfully obvious, not able to bring himself to look down and check even though he could feel Sly's knee rubbing against it every now and again, no doubt deliberately.
"We are," Sly nodded calmly from under him, picking at his dirty nails absently and just smiling with false sweetness as Mizuki turned an expression of equal parts horror and disbelief onto him, more than a little tempted to just punch him.
He raised himself up so he was sitting, though still atop Sly who he deliberately elbowed in the chin on his way up, ignoring his curses as he turned towards Tio, who still lingered in the doorway as if uncertain of what to do.
"You know what, I knew he was scum, but you? I really thought you were better than that," his words hit hard and Mizuki froze, face faltering because Tio wasn't angry, he was hurt, and badly too, just grabbing his bag and storming out with a horribly loud slam as he almost kicked the door shut behind him. But still it took his muddled brain a moment to register what was happening, everything overwhelming him like being drowned in emotion, sweat turning cold on his body as he realised he had to go after him, he had no choice, he had to explain himself and to make sure he wouldn't tell. Climbing off Sly easily and ignoring the others calls that they may as well carry on where they'd left off, hearing them echoing down the hallway and knowing that Tio would still be able to hear them where he hobbled along only a few steps in front of him.
"Tio wait, please just listen to me!"
"I don't want to hear it Mizuki."
But he'd never been particularly fast, and his still healing sprained ankle didn't help him, Mizuki catching up to him before he even reached the back door, using a hand on his arm to spin him round and actually wincing as he took in the look of pure disgust on his face.
"Tio! Please, I know how bad it looks, just let me explain!"
"I don't want to hear your bullshit excuses, Mizuki! I don't want to hear any of it!" He shoved his arm off with such anger that it almost hurt, just ending up backed into a corner and boiling over with anger, swallowing hard because he felt like he was going to cry and he refused to do that. "You know what, I get it. Do you pay him too, like the others?"
"No!" He was taken aback, offended almost, did Tio really think he would be paying Sly for sex? The idea was one he had never even considered, "Fucking hell Tio, I wouldn't do that!"
"So what then, you just do it because you want to? Or because you… You actually like him or something, because fucking hell Mizuki, that's the kind of thing you tell your friends." His face was hard but oh god his words were like daggers, thinking Mizuki had been lying to him, having realised he'd been hiding this for so long and feeling betrayed.
Mizuki paused, because he did like Sly but not in the way Tio meant, he was like a friend but even that was stretching it. They weren't a couple, that was for sure, but he knew that Sly didn't go with other people as often anymore, so they may as well have been exclusive. But liking him? No, not the way Tio meant. "No, not like that… We just have an arrangement. Friends with benefits, kind of thing."
"Fuck buddies." His voice was hard and he sounded disapproving, Mizuki missing the irony there as he just focused on trying to fix things that were unfixable and had been for a long time now, wondering if all this had even been worth it.
"I… Yeah, something like that." He sighed long and deep, running a hand through his mussed up hair and cringing, he must look a fucking mess, he felt almost ashamed as he tried to smooth it into some sort of order. "Look, I didn't mean for it to happen. It just kinda… Did. And then it just didn't stop, I never thought about it. I… I didn't mean for anyone to find out."
Tio scoffed, and it was an ugly sound, turning to look away from Mizuki like the mere sight of him made him feel sick, and for all he knew, it well might. "God what is wrong with you?! You could get anybody, Mizuki. Anybody! But you're fucking him? HIM?"
He couldn't look at him, couldn't meet his intense stare, see the hurt and disgust and misunderstanding there, addressing his words to his chest. They'd had a thing, once, got too drunk and woken up the next day a tangle of naked limbs and sweat, tried to make the fuckbuddies thing work and failed miserably after a few months. They'd managed to keep their friendship, but sometimes Mizuki thought he saw a flicker of something more in Tio's stare, knew he still had the feelings and kept them hidden, but they sure as hell weren't there now. The worst thing was, he knew what he meant but wasn't saying, he meant that if Mizuki had wanted somebody to sleep with that he would have been right there, more than willing to start their arrangement again and try to ignore his feelings this time, to not spoil things. What he was really trying to show was his disgust, his displeasure, his pain at knowing he'd chosen Sly over him, because anybody else he'd be able to understand, but not Sly, never Sly, that was an insult he didn't appreciate.
"The only reason you're explaining is because you're scared I'll tell somebody. You do realise what this could do, right? This could destroy you. The bar, your parlour, you could lose everything. Even Dry Juice, how many do you think would stick around if they found out about this?"
His breath was caught somewhere in his lungs and he felt lightheaded, because he knew, he knew what he was risking, knew how incredibly fucking stupid this was. But he wouldn't stop, and that was the most fucked up thing of all. "I know, Tio. But nobody gives him a chance, he's a teenager not a fucking Yakuza boss."
"How old was he when this started? Seventeen, eighteen?" Mizuki knew what he was trying to say, he was breaking the law just by being with Sly, the age difference between them vast when he considered it was a fourth of Sly's life time.
"Sixteen," he almost whispered, because it was true, technically he was a paedophile, that was how the law would see it anyway, consent didn't matter in cases like this, neither would Sly's promiscuity.
"Jesus fucking Christ, Mizuki," Tio's noise of disgust hit Mizuki wrong and he bristled with anger because he wasn't even letting him explain himself, just focusing on his hatred for Sly and not on his friendship with Mizuki.
"I know! I know, alright!" But now he was shouting and this wasn't what he'd intended, he was meant to be making things better not getting angry and making everything spiral into a shit storm he couldn't explain his way out of.
"Then stop! Break off whatever this fucked up deal you have is! Find somebody else to fuck if you really have to!" It sounded easy enough, but a lump rose in Mizuki's throat at the thought of leaving Sly to go back to his old ways. Couldn't picture how empty his life would seem without the blue haired boy's visits to the bar and their snappy banter, knew, as fucked up as it was, that he would miss more than just the fucking.
"I…" and his words were barely audible, just reluctant breaths leaving his hollow lungs. "I can't do that."
"He can look after himself, everyone knows that! Jesus Christ, half the team would probably fuck you if you asked!"
But no, he was wrong, so wrong. Sly couldn't look after himself, he was too young, too hardened, too easy to exploit, to lure in with the promise of cigarettes and alcohol. He didn't know the meaning of looking after himself, let alone how to carry it out.
He was about to reply, anger bubbling in his veins, when he saw Tio's face harden, turning to look down the narrow corridor and glare at the footsteps that approached. It had to be Sly, and Mizuki cursed internally, because he had the worst timing and would no doubt only be here to make things worse to get kicks.
His breath hitched and his stupid, unruly heart did some kind of messy backflip in his chest as warmth covered his back and lips pressed against his cheek almost tenderly, eyes flickering to the right where Sly beamed, not quite able to hide the malice behind his actions.
"I gotta get going, sweetie." He turned a smug smirk towards Tio as he spoke the endearment, sounding wrong and biting on his tongue, obviously used just to piss him off, tone turning a little sharp as he addressed him. "Always nice to see you again."
He was stalking off and shoving the door open before either of them had time to speak, Mizuki still feeling star struck, because, act or not, that wasn't the first time Sly had kissed him like that but something inside him suddenly clicked into place and fuck.
Tio's glare faded as the unwelcome presence disappeared, door slamming shut behind him, turning his gaze back onto Mizuki, confusion clear in the way his brow furrowed and his mouth turned down at the corners, trying to blink away the wet in his eyes and expression faltering.
There was silence, and Mizuki couldn't breathe, because he knew, Tio knew, and he wasn't sure what he would do if he was questioned about it, because honestly? He didn't know what to do now realisation had sunk in, feeling sick to his stomach.
"Mizuki…" His voice was questioning, but the tattooist refused to look at him, eyes clouded with shame, because of all people, destiny had chosen Sly, it was like fate was fucking with him. An unsteady hitch of air accompanied his words, wetter than Mizuki would have liked and voice trembling like his world was falling apart. "Tell me you don't fucking love him!"
He couldn't help but feel dread when he used the word Mizuki had never dared apply to Sly, to put that word, that idea, out there in the world made it terrifyingly real and Mizuki's hands were already shaking because this wasn't fucking fair, why did this have to happen?
"Wow, you know I didn't think you could make me feel worse. Looks like I was wrong," ice wasn't cold enough to describe his voice, angry mask faltering and nostrils hitching as his eyes filled with too much moisture to blink away.
"Look, it's not like I can help it! You know that's not how it works!"
"As if you have the fucking nerve, to say that to me now."
"Tio, please just-"
"No! Mizuki, I'm not fucking listening! You know I came here today to apologise for yelling at you but I'm damn sure not sorry now! The only reason you're trying to explain is because you don't want me to tell, and you know what? I won't, but only because I know you deserve better. Now get out of my fucking way."
He moved, because what else could he do against so much emotion, so much negativity aimed at him from somebody who had never been anything but a perfect friend, force of his glare making him step back and cogs of his brain only lunging into action as he passed through the door. Following him out and grabbing his arm, because he didn't want to leave things like this, not even caring that they were in the street now and people were looking, that he was shirtless and a mess and Tio was seconds from crying.
"Tio wait, please just listen to me!"
"I don't want to fucking hear it! Get off me!" He wrenched his arm away with such force that a woman gasped from across the street, hands shoving him hard into the wall and not even registering that he wasn't fighting back as his eyes finally overflowed with angry tears. "Just stay the fuck away from me."
"Tio, look I made a mistake, alright? I'm sorry!"
"God, stop lying to me!" Everyone was watching now, the street had gone quiet except for them, arguing loud and with no concern for their neighbours, everybody was there to hear the sob in Tio's voice as he said his final, cutting sentence, voice hitching and breaking. "I fucking hate you."
It had been bad up to then, but suddenly everything shattered and he'd moved forwards to grab him but he'd moved too far now and there was a crowd separating them, people assuming things, wrong things. They were adding together his shirtless body, the scratches on his back, the newly forming bruising of his tender neck, and Tio's tears, his anger, and making assumptions he couldn't stand, he could see the confusion, the realisation in their eyes, the unnecessary anger.
"What the fuck are you all staring at? Show's over," he hadn't expected to sound that angry, because really he had no right to be, but he was, snapping out the words and a couple people actively flinching, watching a pillar of their community, a generous, helpful man fall apart in front of their eyes. But their stares were too much and there were annoyed murmurs rising and he didn't want to deal with any of it, to have to know Tio was out there somewhere, hurt and enraged and offended, to know all these people thought stupid things, thought they had some right to tell him how to live his life.
He'd run out of words, out of logical thoughts, not even wanting to defend himself, because if they were stupid enough to believe him and Tio were secretly dating and he'd been caught with somebody else he'd leave them to it, he was a bartender, not an educator. He just growled again, more of an annoyed yell if nothing else, kicking the metal back door open so hard his leg jarred painfully and the worn silver dented, crashing against the wall and bringing down chunks of paint and plaster with it.
"Well that went well," and those yellow eyes were on him again and rage had burst out his chest and he was pinned to the wall before he could do much as move, his eyes had widened but for once he actually looked scared for a second.
"I hope you're really fucking proud of yourself," he was growling, spitting into his face and if it wasn't worryingly arousing he might have realized he'd never seen the bartender this wild before, eyes blown wide and breathing hard like he'd been running, sweat beading across his forehead.
"Certainly am."
"Pride comes before a fall, Sly, you should remember that," he didn't even question why he'd left then come back, almost knowing it had been to see Tio's meltdown for himself then to return and gloat, to try and worm his way back into Mizuki's good books as if this wasn't entirely his fault.
"Yeah well, maybe I'm hoping the fall will kill me." His smile wasn't what the bartender had wanted to see, his calm words weren't what he wanted to hear and he knew it even as he let him go, dropping the few inches to the floor easily and so tempted to throw a kick at him but just managing to ignore the urge.
"You are ruining my life, I hope you know that."
"You haven't exactly stopped me," but that was the problem and both of them knew it, because Mizuki had been able to see this scenario from the moment their freakish friendship began, but the issue now had evolved from one four letter word to another. "Besides, he said he wouldn't tell anybody, what's the big issue?"
"He's my best fucking friend, that is the issue."
Sly just patted imaginary dust off himself as if his clothes weren't always pretty dirty, yellow eyes narrowing for a second before returning to normal, tucking a strand of blue hair behind one ear and revealing an angry red mark, "you're remarkably good at lying to yourself, bartender."
"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Work it out for yourself," and with that last, venomous remark, he was gone again, leaving Mizuki to stand, chest heaving with anger, in his bar where everything had gone so wrong, as always, leaving the second there were pieces to pick up.
This was rapidly turning into the worst day of his life, his chest felt like it was being crushed and he couldn't breathe, just limping away stupidly on his dumb fucking crutches, going too fast and stumbling too often, landing on his ankle and physical pain not enough to kill the emotional. All he could see were hands in blue hair and his best friend wrapped up in Sly Blue of all people, there was a repeating image of them kissing in his mind, he could see pale fingers running across tanned over and over and his eyes were wet. His breath was coming too fast, escaping his lips wetly and ragged, tearing out of his lungs and he knew there was moisture on his face even as he made his way through the streets with his head hung and his bag banging his back with every frantic step.
He knew if he'd been able to use both legs fully he'd be running, he wouldn't even know where to, but he'd just fucking run, until his lungs tore and shredded open and he coughed up warm blood, until all he could hear was his pulse in his ears. He'd run far away from asshole best friends and disgusting, street scum with pretty blue hair and swollen lips and that damned pleased smirk like he was a million times better than Tio.
But his ankle still hurt and he was making it worse with every step, unable to run somewhere far away from everything, he had to go home, to his apartment and the four walls that would drive him crazy, he wouldn't be able to be angry and throw things or scream even if he wanted to. He felt almost like he was having a panic attack, chest heaving and eyes blurring with more than just tears, electric spots dancing in front of his eyes and hands burning where they pressed into the hard plastic of his crutches.
How he even knew where he was going he wasn't sure, muscle memory he guessed, sudden flash of sound bursting into his brain, a moan that was more of a laugh, breathy and low and something that spoke of fondness. 'Don't tell me you love him,' but more than anything it was the resounding, condemning silence after that sentence that hurt, that made his brain scream with white noise so when somebody suddenly was in front of him he walked right into them.
He opened his mouth to apologise and his breath came out abruptly and hitching hysterically, and he knew it was obvious to whoever it was that he was nowhere near to being okay, wanting to say sorry and to leave, to not care about good manners.
But then they spoke and the noise of his mind quieted for just a second and he felt nothing at all, "Tio? What happened?"
But no, that voice, that person right now was more than he could deal with, suddenly, instantly overflowing with anger and bitterness and just the fucking unfairness of it all and he knew even before he turned that he was going to do something stupid. "God, why won't you just leave me the fuck alone? Do you not get it yet? I'm not fucking interested so stop trying and stay the hell away from me!"
He only stayed long enough to see his expression falter and die, horrified to see how naked it left him, always friendly smile and those caring blue eyes suddenly filled with hurt, laid bare for him to see. But all he could do was curse his stupid ankle because now he couldn't even run away from everything, he was doomed to shuffle away in the most undignified manner possible, knowing he'd reached for him in the second he stepped out of his reach, leaving him there, offering his help to somebody who didn't want it, couldn't accept it.
The last person he needed now was Kin, as much as he might know being alone was really stupid, Kin was weirdly involved in this, in him, and he needed everybody who had feelings for him or he'd ever had feelings for to be far, far away.
So he made it to his apartment and ignored the stares and pretended he didn't hear his nosy neighbour across the hall asking if he was okay with genuine concern in her elderly voice, he just slammed the door and sunk down onto the floor and burst into noisy, stupid tears and felt like a child.
Oh god, he wanted to die, and not just because of the awkwardness that filled the entire bar, even the customers noticing something was wrong and muttering among themselves about the fights they'd seen or heard about. No, he just felt like dying in general might make everything a damn sight better, then Kin could find somebody who wasn't a complete asshole, Mizuki and Sly could be happy together and they'd forget all about him soon enough.
Dark thoughts followed him the whole shift, trying to not notice how distant Kin was being, ensuring their fingers didn't touch when he handed over a bottle and making sure not to so much as brush against him when he slipped past him. But then the shift was over and everybody had gone and it was just their weird threesome left, like a bizarre love triangle where none of the arrows met up.
"Can you two close up? Please?" He tacked on the good manners as if he had any right to be anything but perfectly fucking lovely to Tio, just waiting til he nodded stiffly, not staring at him, Kin pretending he didn't notice the full bottle of vodka tucked into his palm as he headed upstairs.
But then his eyes were brought rapidly to the left, where Tio leaned against the counter heavily, as if it was the only thing keeping him upright, black eye bags dragging him down and cigarette smoke trying to suffocate him as he shoved the lit smoke between his lips.
He wanted to ask what had happened, with Mizuki, with them, with everything. Their growing friendship seemed to have shrivelled and died within minutes and as angry as he knew Tio had been, he couldn't help but wonder if the words he'd yelled had been his true thoughts.
Then the silence died and for the first time in what seemed like forever, blue eyes had met his own and held his gaze, not looking away in shame or anger or whatever was going on behind the pale mask of his face. But they had to break, Tio just sighing loudly and reaching into his pocket to proffer his box of cigarettes, knowing Kin didn't often smoke but doing the only thing he knew to try and show some kind of solidarity, or apology.
"I… I guess you want to know what happened."
He just shrugged, lighting the cigarette and exhaling smoke up into the air, watching it fade into nothing, as fragile and fading as everything seemed these days, "if you want to tell me."
Tio's breath stopped then, hitching for a second as he almost choked on smoke, because he was being nice again, almost too nice, considerate and cautious to not further hurt already dented feelings, Tio really felt he didn't deserve any of it. He was still acting like he hadn't been yelled at in the street, told to fuck off, accused of being some kind of creep who was only friends with Tio to try and eventually get into his pants when it was nothing like that. Acting as if they hadn't been doing great before that, like he hadn't sat on Tio's couch and watched him try to catch popcorn in his open mouth and miss almost every single piece, hadn't stayed behind to help pick it up off his carpet. Like they hadn't been doing just fine as friends.
"I don't think me wanting to has much to do with it, it's more like you deserve it after I yelled at you like that."
"You were angry, it happens," he sounded like he really believed it, beginning to put tops back onto their corresponding bottles, screwing them on neatly with one hand and careful not to get ash on the sticky counter where they'd mixed drinks.
"Not to me," Kin frowned then, opened his mouth to ask what exactly that meant, because he was sure he'd said exactly the same thing to him before, wondering why he didn't allow himself to get angry. "But, listen, I'm going to tell you everything, okay? You can't tell anyone," he opened his mouth to speak, presumably to agree, but Tio just shook his head and kept speaking. "I know, I know, you won't, but this is serious, you'll want to tell somebody. It's not what you're expecting. So you have to promise not to tell anybody, this could ruin everything for him."
"Okay, I won't tell. I swear."
"Good. I… You know he's been fucking someone?" He just nodded, because everybody knew, Tio himself wondering why he was still worried about the bartender's reputation when all he'd done was hurt him, his stupid decisions were on Tio's conscience now and as much as he hated it, he refused to ruin Mizuki over something this idiotic. "Well I caught him with them. I mean that's not really the bad bit. Well I mean it is, obviously. But it's who, he's been fucking."
"Is it somebody you know? A team member?" He looked concerned now, understandably, because if Mizuki had been sleeping with one of Tio's friends it would be a damn sight more painful than if it had been with some stranger as everybody had assumed. In fact now Tio thought about it he realised it could easily have been a Dry Juice guy, they would have just needed to stay quiet whenever they joked about it or to join in, and nobody would suspect a thing.
"No, I wish it had been. It's um…" His voice choked a little on the name and he had to cough, smoke catching in his lungs and the name slipping out easier than his own, the name, the face that had been swirling around his brain constantly, this secret, now shared with another and the weight halved. "Sly."
He paused, cigarette halfway to his lips and staying there, ash falling off and streaking down his jacket, frowning before turning with an incredulous expression to regard him, mouth open as if in complete befuddlement, obviously not believing him. "Sly?"
"Yes."
"As in, Sly Blue?" He just nodded, shrugging a little apologetically, because he had to admit that at first he thought he'd been having a bad hallucination when he'd seen the boy and the bartender wrapped up together, but it had been no mistake and he needed Kin to believe him. He laughed then, a small, uncertain huff of amusement that died as Tio just stared at him, worrying his lip between white teeth, not suddenly announcing it had been a joke or laughing at his stupidity to believe it, just watching him react silently, tensely. "You're not serious?"
"I wish I wasn't. I- It's been going on for a while, over a year apparently. I caught him in Mizuki's apartment once, he lied, told me he found him unconscious after breaking in and had looked after him, fed him and stuff. I just figured he was being too nice, I just told him not to do it again."
There was silence again, terse this time, Kin trying to work over this new information, this overload of facts that were so unbelievable yet which he believed, knowing now that Tio wouldn't have gone to these lengths for a prank, wouldn't look so worn down and exhausted. "So- I don't get it, why would he be sleeping with Sly?"
He smiled, ruefully, staring at his cigarette, not trusting his expression enough to let Kin see it, not this close up where he'd be able to see the unsteady flaring of his nostrils, "I think he loves him."
"Huh, what makes you think that?"
"I asked if he did, he didn't say yes, but he said I should know you can't help things like that, so it's as good as a yes."
"Mm, it must have sucked, seeing that," his voice was softer and suddenly that wetness was back in Tio's throat, because it had been worse than that, it had been horrible, like his lungs had been ripped out of his throat, like every synapse in his body was sparking with agonising pain. He just swallowed and nodded though, it didn't need to be spoken about and he wasn't sure he'd be able to speak about it even if he wanted to, Kin had moved a little closer but he didn't mind, he knew he was forgiven already and was just glad he was trying to understand, had surprisingly not judged or accused him of lying or freaked out. "Sly, huh? What an insult, you're way cuter than him."
"Creep," he muttered it out the side of his mouth, like he was reluctant to speak, but he was smiling then, Kin nudging his shoulder playfully, supportively, and handing him a damp rag, taking the brush himself and walking out to the other side of the bar, Tio a little surprised the conversation had ended there.
"Sure am, but um, I know a twenty four hour coffee place, if you wanna go after this? Talk about it, or not? You've been stuck in a while, I guess you haven't had anybody to talk to." He seemed reluctant for a moment, then Kin played his winning card and he nodded, stubbing out his cigarette and feeling warm as the embers. "They do amazing caramel hot chocolates, and mochi."
"Go sit down, I'll handle this, okay?" He was in no state of mood to object and he had a feeling that was why Kin had offered, pushing away thoughts that letting him pay was a little too date-like to be normal and just glad to have somebody willing to still spend time with him when he was so awful lately. So he left Kin to it and hobbled over to a secluded booth that couldn't quite be seen from the counter, sliding right into the corner and his crutches falling noisily onto the floor, no other customers to be bothered as he carefully put his feet up on the cushioned seat opposite.
His eyes were closed, head resting against the velvety back cushion of the booths when Kin returned, tray in hand and his furrowed brow of worry not quite dying before Tio opened his eyes to regard him, thanking him quietly and regarding the drink pushed his way. It was amusing, because with their matching drinks, topped with whipped cream and chocolate powder, this could almost be a date, only the context and the sheer exhaustion on Tio's face would prove an observer wrong.
But luckily there were no observers and nobody was there to see his nose crinkle and his eyes threaten to water again when Kin silently slid over a plate of strawberry mochi, just letting him remain in peaceful silence for a moment, spooning cream into his mouth and deliberately not staring.
It took him a minute to gather himself, to reach forward for a piece of the mochi, chewing thoughtfully and only realising then he hadn't eaten since breakfast, almost twenty four hours ago now and hadn't even finished his toast then. The hunger hit him suddenly and he squirmed up into his seat, Kin shifting to the side a little to allow his feet room to move into a comfortable position, scooping cream off his coffee and letting it dissolve on his tongue, cocoa powder bitter and gritty against the roof of his mouth.
"How's your ankle doing?"
"Mm, it's okay, should be alright to walk on again in a couple weeks I think," his answer took him a moment to think of, out of practice in speaking, having been silent for what felt like weeks, only talking when he really had to, existing in silence. He couldn't remember the last time somebody had asked about how he was doing, even before he injured himself, let alone the last time Mizuki did, too self-absorbed to care.
"That's good, I sorta assume you didn't get to work things out with Mizuki then?"
"Well I did plan to, but then I walked in and he was otherwise occupied, so I didn't quite manage it," he hadn't heard himself this way in a while, bitter, cold, speaking calmly but unbridled rage bubbling under his coolly spoken words, Kin's brow furrowing. "Not that I want to now."
"Are- Are you more upset that he didn't tell you, or that it's Sly? Or that he actually likes him?"
"Can I say all three?" He'd taken a mouthful of the hot chocolate, and despite how delicious and sweet it was, it burned all the way down and he coughed into his fist, tang of salted caramel lingering on his tongue once the raw sensation faded.
"Course, if that's the truth."
"He- I just don't get why he didn't tell me, I mean, it's not like I would really have freaked out if he'd just sat me down and explained, it's his fault I did. I had to walk in on them to find out, he never would have told me, he never tells me anything."
"He's not as perfect as he seems, huh?"
"Not even close," he'd laughed, but it wasn't funny, nothing was, well, maybe Kin's cream moustache was a little, deliberately not mentioning it and watching wit amusement as it remained for a good few more mouthfuls of his drink, talking in quiet voices about things that deserved to be screamed about.
He was drinking too much again, he was aware of that even as he poured a fresh drink, focused half-heartedly on the show playing on the TV, some marathon of a show he used to love but had lost time for, had let fall to the wayside like so many other things had. The images blurred and merged into one and he'd lost the ability to care about the story a long time ago, watching a character he'd once liked crack a joke and not even smiling, not sure he even understood it through the haze in his mind.
His recycling bin was getting full of empty cans and bottles, mainly of spirits though he'd started this downward spiral with beer and ciders, but the bubbles in them made him throw up and wine made him unbearably warm so he'd switched to something stronger. A bottle didn't last long now, he'd get through a litre bottle of vodka in two nights, sometimes less, it depended on how bad he felt and how exhausted he was, how long he'd lain in bed and tried to sleep.
It was like his brain just wouldn't get the message to shut the fuck up, rather like Sly, who kept turning up at his apartment like both of them hadn't suddenly had the reality of this shoved roughly into their faces, like Tio didn't know. Wasn't that just another problem? Tio. He hadn't spoken a single word to him since he'd stormed out the day he'd discovered them, he'd been quiet and awkward around Kin too and Mizuki wasn't stupid, or drunk, enough, to think those two things weren't related in some way.
So he either stewed in thoughts and didn't sleep at all and went to work grumpy and exhausted, or he drank from the moment he got in, passed out on the couch and woke up with a hangover he'd had enough times to be able to fix. It was a little ironic, because sometimes in his drunken states he half expected Tio to come barrelling through the door with a displeased smile and scold him for drinking so much, to put him to bed and frown at him like his mother. But of course Tio couldn't care less if he was on a steady slope to alcoholism and it just made Sly's job easier because he never had to get the bartender drunk when he arrived these days, he was already.
He knew how the night would end, he'd order pizza after a couple more drinks, ignore the delivery guys knowing expression as he took it and almost inevitably staggered a little as he removed a hand from the wall to wave his farewell. He'd only eat a couple of slices, he had the rest for breakfast and throughout the rest of the day usually, then he might just manage to shower though that was unlikely and usually came the next day too, then he'd flop into bed and dribble all over his pillow in the night.
It was depressing, how every day had become the same, and he realised it scared him a little, not even having the strength to be angry at Sly whenever he turned up, a couple of times a week as normal, if anything he was a little grateful that some routine had remained. Though he could hardly call fucking Sly routine with how different it was every time, sometimes he'd been so drunk the next day he only remembered as he traced over scratches on his chest or examined his stinging, bruised neck.
Sly was the closest thing he had to a friend now, and he'd known from the beginning that this could only end badly, but he hadn't quite estimated how badly, and now he sometimes, in horribly sober moments of lucidity, wondered if maybe he would have been happier to have been alone.
