Things weren't going well, but then that was to be expected of course, although Sly had to admit that things were going perfectly fine for him, or as fine as they could be anyway, having already dealt with the whole 'murderer' thing quite neatly and people back to hating him just for being a pest as usual. So it was the usual routine of waking up cold and grouchy, smoking a few cigarettes as he splashed icy water down his face and went into his pathetic excuse for a food cupboard to grab something that wasn't covered in mould or on its way to being riddled with maggots. Then onto the streets and sometimes to work even in the daylight, knowing which shady alleys were ideal for finding the kind of scum who wouldn't care enough about getting caught and would just hand over a few crumpled notes and let him get to it.

He tried to get one decent meal every day, sometimes he had to steal it, but luck had befallen him a few nights before, having come across a guy so drunk he passed out in the middle of the street, easy pickings and Sly pinching his wallet without so much as a punch. So he went to the one place he knew would actually feed him, an oden stall where gang members and the rougher members of society went for a cheap bowl of something hot, picking up the stuff in a plastic container and a stick of takoyaki balls too.

His stomach would be grumbling like crazy by then, too late in the day to be either lunch or dinner, just heading home the safest way he could, not wanting to be bothered now he finally had food, avoiding everybody he saw and slinking home. So back to his mattress, disposable chopsticks clenched in his hand and slurping noodles into his mouth so fast he always felt sick after, not used to being so full and drinking down the broth slower, savouring the taste and the comfort a full stomach gave him.

He almost always napped then, not necessarily intentionally, but the days were beginning to get darker earlier and so his best times to work were increasing almost every day, his swollen stomach and temporary warmth always lulling him back to the abyss he so craved.


But on the other side of town, in a decent sized flat in a much nicer area, things weren't running as routinely as they should be, pristinely clean kitchen tiled in soft coffee and cream colours being entered a little abruptly, door banging in it's frame as it closed behind it's occupant. In fact far from things being peaceful, something akin to an argument was breaking out as Tio disagreed with the man on the other end of the phone line, frowning even as he hastily watered the pot plant on his windowsill.

"I'm not going."

"Seriously? Come on, Tio, you can't let this stop you seeing your friends."

"I'm not, I just don't want to go to the bar," he shrugged even though Kin couldn't see him, opening his fridge and finding a can of fanta easily, cracking it open and closing the door as he listened to him respond, picking up his coil and carrying it through to his living room. His argument lacked logic and he knew it, because seeing his friends involved going to the bar, so to not go was to actively avoid them, knowing Kin knew that and just hoping he'd drop it and leave him alone.

"It's Kouhaku's birthday, somebody has to look after him when he gets too drunk again."

"Yuu will be there."

"Tio," he sounded exasperated now and there was something amusing about his tone, speaking like you might to a petulant child, changing tactic a second later, voice earnest at first but growing increasingly self-pitying as he continued, Tio raising an incredulous eyebrow at the coil his voice filtered out of, a little tinny and distorted. "At least come to keep me company, I only know Kouhaku and Yuu, and not even that well, and they'll be celebrating, I won't have anybody to talk to."

"Are you blackmailing me?"

"Maybe," he sounded amused and Tio rolled his eyes, annoyance fading because he'd never really been that vehement about not going, how much Kin wanted him there was a surreal mixture of flattering and unnerving that he wasn't quite adjusted to yet. "But come on, you don't even have to talk to him, or look at him, everybody will miss you."

"Everybody, or just you?" He hadn't meant to verbalise that but Kin didn't so much as miss a beat, Tio sure he could hear the low hum of music in the background, wondering what he was doing even as he knew he'd cave and agree.

"Everybody, so, are you coming or not?"

He pretended to be debating it for a while, pausing and hesitating, humming noncommittally before he thought it through, thinking it would really be a far stronger statement to go and just blank Mizuki than it would be to hide away at home. "Fine, but I'm not arriving by myself."

"Yeah, yeah, I pass yours on my way anyway. I got a shift at the café, I'll see you later?" He didn't bother questioning how Kin had always somehow known where he lived, he had a valid reason now after all, having helped him all the way to his door due to his misbehaving ankle, bandaged foot mocking him as he propped it up on his coffee table.

"Mm, see you later." Then he hung up and Tio was left to regret his decision, because Kouhaku's birthday or not, he didn't want to be within a million miles of the bartender, let alone in his bar.


So he'd met him at his door as promised, a little later than Tio would have done but meaning that by the time they got to the bar, able to walk without crutches now but having taken them as a precautionary measure, it was so full and bustling they were barely noticed. In fact knowing Kin as well as he did now, he was positive he'd timed their arrival deliberately, Mizuki pleasingly distracted pouring a long row of shots, some horrific yellowish liquor from a bottle he didn't even recognise.

But still, he let Kin lead the way, following after him and smiling at those sober enough to greet him, noticing eyes on the crutches he half-leaned on, wondering what Mizuki had told them about his absence. But then he worked out where he was being led and froze in place, expression darkening and losing track of the guy who'd just patted him on the shoulder, "I'm not sitting there."

"Huh?" He seemed remarkably distracted with the automatic way he'd grabbed his hand at first, fingers twitching a little in his and Tio allowing the contact to linger a little too long because he knew Mizuki was watching now and he felt sick. It was like they were causing a scene and he didn't much like that, glancing up with anxiety building in his stomach and green eyes averting from his too fast. "How come?"

"I'm just not," and that was all the response he got, shrugging and letting Tio lead them to another couch instead, a smaller one this time, watching the twitch of his lip when the surface Kin had been leading them to became occupied by other people, eyes narrowing.

"Is- Is that where you caught them?" He kept his voice at a low murmur but Tio's nostrils still flared as he spoke, swallowing and just nodding once, tensely, Kin exhaling in understanding and moving a moment later, clapping him on the shoulder in such a friendly, casual way he jumped. "I'll go get us drinks, guard our couch."


"I know you're not going to like this," Kin began some time later, and Tio felt that familiar ice of nervousness creep slowly up his spine, looking away from his beer to his friend, regarding the others in the room quietly, knowing there'd been an odd tension in the group since they'd arrived, though copious shots and drinking games had dulled it a significant amount.

"Then maybe don't say it."

Blue eyes met his though and he knew he was going to anyway, turning into the couch they shared a little more so he could hear him over the noise better, deliberately ignoring where Mizuki was dishing out more shots at the bar. "You need to talk to him." He closed off instantly, going to turn away and refuse to listen to any more, but Kin had guessed that, gripping his wrist before he could so much as move an inch, just taking in the hard set of his jaw and the still lingering hurt in his eyes. "No, listen to me. You guys have been friends for a really long time, even if he is a shit one."

"He's not shit," but he didn't even quite believe his own words, frowning as he wondered why it had been so hard to deny what he'd said, glancing calmly at him where he sat on a barstool, watching a very enthusiastic arm wrestling competition and laughing along with the rest.

"Well whatever, not only that but he's your boss, you work with him, you need to at least get to a level where you can be civil." He was talking sense and not only Tio knew it, somebody he didn't recognise, a new initiate, walking past and accidentally overhearing, glancing from Mizuki to Tio with an understanding sort of expression. "Besides, didn't you say if he explained that maybe you wouldn't be so mad? Maybe you need to give him the chance to."

"I'll think about it." That was all he could offer and Kin just nodded, taking his empty beer a second later and crossing the room to retrieve new, the two of them losing their isolated bubble a little later as they were drawn into a rowdy game of ring of fire. He pretended he couldn't see people looking at him funny, having heard about his public breakdown a couple of weeks prior, making their own assumptions, thinking the events of the past had repeated themselves. He pretended he couldn't see Mizuki, lingering by the bar and excusing his lack of involvement with tiredness, making jokes about ensuring his bar didn't get trashed, pretended he didn't notice his eyes narrowing in confusion as a rule forced him to keep his armpit touching Kin somewhere for the rest of the game and he just questioned them with a laugh.

"My armpit?"

"Yeah, yeah, your armpit!" Yuu was drunk, swaying a little, but then it was his best friend's birthday so it could be excused, Tio turning to Kin with a frown and wondering how exactly he was meant to do that. Then somebody all but crashed into his back and he folded in half, nearly smashing his chin off the floor he was forced down so hard, turning the moment the weight disappeared and suitably horrified to see Kouhaku, the birthday boy himself, passed out on the ground behind him.

There were raucous calls from the others, "he's had too much to drink!" Generally laughing and amused, nobody too worried and Tio just adjusting his back, uninjured and somewhat glad he'd at least landed on something soft, even if that had meant landing on him.

"Well shit," Kin remarked with such serene calm Tio wondered if there was something going on he didn't know about, just sitting there and feeling bewildered as a couple of guys who weren't playing the game bodily dumped his unconscious form onto a couch, propping him up on his side and gesturing for them to continue.

He just pretended, but it wasn't hard, he was getting quite good at it.


"New rule! You have to drink with your left hand, drink with your right and it's a three drink penalty!"

The new rule didn't bother him, at least until it came his turn to drink and he rapidly realised his arm was still around Kin's shoulders, the only way he'd been able to devise to fill the constraints of the other rule placed on him. His left hand was somewhere over his shoulder, a long way away from his mouth and utterly unusable, pausing and realising they'd done this on purpose to fuck with him, Kin asking with genuine curiosity what would happen if somebody else held Tio's drink for him, resigning him to a night of being treated like a baby.

"You're all bastards," then they laughed and he kept his arm round Kin until the game was over and Hayato had vomited everywhere and the night had been deemed over, them all staggering into the street to make their way home through chilly night air their drunken skin couldn't quite feel.


Then he was home and in his quiet, cold apartment, and it was either the alcohol bravery, or maybe stupidity, that had him reaching for his coil and opening his messages to Mizuki, typing a new one with only a little trouble. Well that was a lie, he was sat on his toilet seat lid, for some reason he couldn't quite fathom, with one eye scrunched shut and his face inches from the holographic keypad on his coil, typing and re-typing to fix all his spelling mistakes.

'I need to talk to you.'

He replied so fast it was like he'd been waiting for it, but then maybe he had, he'd kept turning baleful, guilty green eyes onto him and Kin all night, and tiring as it had been to avoid looking, he still felt kinda bad for making him feel so pushed aside. 'I know. Tomorrow night, at mine?'

'Will you be alone?' The question was pointed, and he wondered how different the response would have been if it had been asked in person, the simple, one word response not showing any kind of emotion towards him.

'Yes.'

He hesitated before typing what he did next, but he knew he wouldn't be able to deal with the response in person, probably wouldn't even be able to get the words out, rubbing at stinging eyes and feeling horribly queasy, 'do you love him?'

He'd expected to have to wait, so he pottered around, leaning over the sink and wondering if he'd throw up, washing his face when he didn't and stripping down into boxers, falling into bed and unlocking the screen when it lit up, last words he'd hear, see, today not the ones he wanted to. 'I don't know. Maybe.'


The weather was too fitting, the pale sun had been blocked out by thick grey clouds, one sheet of them covering the sky and making his eyes hurt when he looked at them for too long, pupils bubbling with spots of dancing light. It was still strangely warm though, clammy with an oncoming thunder storm, rain collected for weeks threatening to throw down all at once and soak everything, it seemed as oppressive as he felt, weighing down on him as heavy as the knowledge of Mizuki's deception.

The streets were quiet and he was grateful for that, because he'd been seen too many times lately breaking down or angry or looking stupid and today of all days he didn't want to deal with that, he had enough on his plate. So it didn't seem that Kin was going to suddenly appear and throw a spanner in the works, and besides, he knew of his plan anyway, he'd texted him earlier in the day and let him know what was going on. He'd offered some stellar advice but he knew he'd never be able to follow it, staying calm and pretending he was uninvolved in the situation really wouldn't help when he was burning up with anger and betrayal.

But he supposed at least now he had somebody to fall back on if things did blow up in his face, as they had a habit to lately, he just wasn't too sure how he felt about it being Kin, because even with them some things went unspoken. He didn't mention it, the fact Kin was always slightly too close or how fast he'd move to touch him, to pick a grain of rice off his cheek or to grab his wrist or hand to get his attention, to ruffle his hair when he'd made him laugh or was being childish.

Sometimes it really scared him, because it reminded him of how he and Mizuki used to be, best friends who shared everything, a business, a friend group, widely had the same likes and dislikes in movies and food, who worked out together and spent nearly all their time together.

But they'd fucked up hugely and changed their entire dynamic, and sometimes when Kin did something that reminded him of Mizuki, for a moment his face would fall and he would grow cold, thinking of the day things would fall apart between them too. Kin's feelings would come between them, of course they would, and while he liked Kin, he didn't feel like that, not yet anyway, maybe one day he would, but he knew relying on maybes was always a terrible idea, thoughts petering out as he reached the bar.

He knew he could let himself in, he always did, unlatching the large double gate that led to the bin storage area and shutting it behind him, door up to the stairs left unlocked for him too and once he was up the stairs only the apartment door was left to conquer.


So he knocked, and heard what sounded like something being dropped from within, muffled curses in thankfully only one, familiar tone, then the door swung open and he was there looking tired but actually sober for once. He stepped aside silently to let him step in, lingering there awkwardly until Mizuki offered him a drink and he nodded more to have a second alone than anything else, heading to his usual spot on the couch, the corner nearest to the door, the one where it would be hard to escape from.

So Mizuki returned with a beer for him and a coke for himself, Tio wondering absently as he sipped at the already opened can if he'd added a splash of vodka for courage, sitting cross legged on the other end of the couch, facing him. But he supposed he wasn't too bothered about whether that was true or not, if Mizuki wanted to spiral into alcoholism he certainly wasn't in any mood to actively intervene, smell of his own beer making him feel sick even as he sipped it.

"I-" His words failed him and he stopped, chewing on his bottom lip and fingers playing with the ring pull on his can until it came off and there was nothing to distract him from speaking. "I should have told you."

"That would have been nice," he tried not to let anger, disappointment, hurt, touch his voice, but even if he sounded okay, logical and clear headed as Kin had told him to be, he knew his hunched in pose, his discomfort made it obvious he wasn't okay, they weren't okay.

"Mm, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should have known you wouldn't freak out or whatever. I jus- never mind," he shook his head and Tio was too nervous to even bother asking what he'd been about to say, curious as he'd been, just sipping from his beer, too cold, hurting his teeth on the way down. "Um, I don't really know what to say, d'you wanna ask anything? I mean you must have lots of questions."

"I don't understand." It wasn't a question, wasn't what he'd been asked for and it came out too quickly, the issue that had been swirling through his brain since he'd found out spilling out faster than he'd meant to, a little more desperate, lost.

"You wouldn't, neither would anybody. I- Maybe it would help if I told you how it happened?"

"Worth trying, I guess," he managed to smile then, small and encouraging, because he knew this must be hard for Mizuki too and he cursed his stupid empathy as he just smiled back, knowing he was trying so hard not to just freak out.

"That time you found him in my kitchen he really was just there to eat and stuff, that's how it started. He broke in one night when he was drunk, I didn't know who he was then, or not properly, so I made him breakfast and talked to him and stuff. He- I mean you've seen him, I felt sorry for him. He seemed okay, like any other street kid who causes trouble sometimes."

Tio just nodded, because he supposed that made sense, Sly was always a little too thin, looked dirty and tired and in bad shape, he guessed he might have done the same if he didn't know him, if he was sure he wouldn't cause trouble. "But I told you what he was like, why did you keep doing it after you knew?"

"Guess I didn't believe you, he never seemed like that to me, I mean he was only sixteen, and I know, I know, I'm disgusting, you don't have to tell me that," Tio hadn't spoken but he'd sensed the involuntary movement of his face into a grimace, because that was somehow the worst part, even though he knew Sly had probably taken part in every kind of sex act imaginable by the age of about fourteen, sixteen was still so young. "I thought it was just rumours, I still don't really believe he's that bad now, sure we argue sometimes but he's not all bad."

"So- I mean I don't really have a problem with that, that was just being nice. When did it- I mean, how did… I don't get it." He wanted to ask when Mizuki had decided it would be a great idea to fuck the street trash he'd been looking after, but his words failed him because for some reason it felt like saying it made it too real and he hated making it any more solid in his mind than it already was.

"That was entirely him, he'd been trying from the start, to repay me, he called it," his hands had tightened a little on his can and when he realised and released it the dull metallic thunk of aluminium returning to it's original shape was almost deafening in the tense silence. "I said no, he was too young, he didn't owe me anything, it freaked me out how he used to not understand I was just doing it to be nice."

"So when did it happen, the first time?" It was meant to be a question but damn it was basically a demand, he needed to know right now, he was sick of Mizuki edging around it, he suddenly wanted to know everything, what had it been like, had he enjoyed it, though he must have done to repeat it. He wanted to know if he'd felt dirty afterwards, felt bad, had to look away whenever anybody stared too closely, whether every time hickeys were mentioned if he felt sick to his stomach with the memory of who left them there.

"He was seventeen by then, I- Oh you're really going to hate me for this. It was," he swallowed nothing, mouth empty and drink forgotten, clenched in white knuckled hands, lowering his voice as if that would make his following words any less disgusting. "After Yasu's memorial."

Oh God, he could see every single inch of Tio react to that, his eyes widening, brow furrowing, lips parting and indignation, horror, filling him, body tensing and recoiling back, expression not staying that way for long, switching to disgusted, hurt, angry.

"You're joking, you're actually fucking joking."

"I'm not," and that was when he started yelling and he'd known it would come to this but he'd never thought it would this fast, knowing there was nothing he could say to defend himself and just letting the anger, the disgust, wash over him, guilt piled higher on his shoulders than before but knowing he deserved it, he was a monster.

"After Yasu's ceremony? You're serious? Did it mean nothing to you? Just something to fill the time before you could go home and get a fuck? Oh my god, Mizuki, I can't believe you! You of all people know how much Yasu's death meant to us all, I know you weren't that close to him but fucking hell at least show some respect!"

He hadn't meant to retort, he'd meant to let Tio get his anger out, to give him everything he deserved but no, he was still proud and stubborn and that was not how it had gone, he had showed respect, he fucking had and he wouldn't let that be doubted. "I got fucking stabbed for him, didn't I?! You think I haven't already done enough? It was my fault, Tio, and everybody knows that, what was I supposed to do?"

"Do you never listen to me? It was not your fault!" He'd knocked his empty beer off the coffee table, few tiny drops seeping into the carpet but too enraged, too annoyed and pushed aside and neglected to even care, trying to finally make Mizuki believe that nobody blamed him.

"Yes it was and everybody knows it! Why do you think Shin left? He couldn't stand to look at me knowing I let him die! I couldn't stop thinking about it, how it was my fault everybody was upset, what a shit leader I was, so I went home and Sly was there and I know it was a fucking stupid decision but I just wanted a distraction, I'm only fucking human!"

"Why didn't you just call me? Or ask me to stay after, you know I would have understood!"

"You weren't the right person," he saw the second that hit, open, earnest expression hardening and voice terse when he responded, a little callous and very, very offended, derision sharp and biting in his tone.

"And Sly was?"

"I don't have to pretend to be somebody else when I'm around him."

"And you do with me?"

"That's not what I said," he was getting angry now, he never liked being attacked like this, not with words, having his reputation ground into the dirt by the man who was meant to be his best friend, who was meant to have his back, to stand with him no matter how stupid his actions were. They were batting cruel, unfeeling words back and forwards too fast for either to react with anything but more anger, more hurt feelings and dented pride, neither stopping to calm down and think things through, just wanting to prove themselves right.

"That's what you meant." The bartender didn't reply, because he had nothing to say, because maybe it was what he had meant, maybe deep down inside he and Tio had never been as close as either of them had thought, maybe they had and that bond had been destroyed by idiotic decisions and too much tequila. "You can't keep this a secret forever, Mizuki." He knew the bartender was going to speak, to object and to say that he damn well could, and certainly would too if he got his way, so he spoke over him. "What if you're arguing when the bar's open and people hear you? Or somebody sees him going in?"

"They won't." How thin did Tio think the floors were? Besides, they didn't get many opportunities to argue normally, or rather Sly didn't leave him any time to even if he might want to, very blunt with what he wanted and shutting the bartender up very effectively, usually with his own lips on one area of his body or another.

"What if somebody else had caught you? You think they'd even try to understand?" He didn't know how it would end, would they react the same way he had, in startled shock and just stare until Mizuki noticed him and launched into his panicked, badly thought through excuses. Or would they drag Sly off him and beat him to a pulp for even daring to touch their leader, let alone for seducing him too, as they'd surely assume he had done, because who would believe Mizuki would go anywhere near Sly of his own free will? Most likely they'd run out in horrified shock and promptly tell everyone, and word spread fast not only within Dry Juice but also on the island, he'd be ruined before the day had ended.

"No, but nobody did! I'll be more careful I promise, please don't make a big deal out of this Tio." It wasn't a big deal, at least not to him, it wasn't like he was paying Sly or bribing him or anything unsavoury, they had an agreement, they were both adults, or Mizuki was anyway, but he tried to forget about that, and they both consented, so other than Sly's reputation, he couldn't see a problem. But then, he was biased.

"It is a big deal! It's a fucking huge deal, Mizuki!" Was he just being selfish, or was he looking out for his friend? He didn't know anymore but what was horrible was that he wasn't certain he even cared, because Mizuki had chosen Sly Blue over him, Sly fucking Blue, and it was like he'd ripped his heart out then stamped all over it. "You're my best friend, Mizuki, I'm not going to let you fuck everything up!"

He scoffed at that, teeth clenched and expression disbelieving as his friend offended him like this, tried to tell him how to live his life just because he'd made one decision he didn't much like. "Oh my God Tio, I'm not fucking anything up!"

"Yes you are! You're so fucking blind! He doesn't love you, Mizuki!" Not like I do, he added silently in his head, trying not to let the words slip out, to show how much he'd been seething with jealousy, with hurt, because if Mizuki just wanted somebody to fuck why wouldn't he just start their agreement again? Regardless of how much it might hurt him to not be loved back, he'd take anything he could to get close to the bartender again, even just letting him use him, he'd break his heart a million times more just for a fucking kiss. "He can't! He's not fucking capable of love!"

"I know, I don't even know if I-" his teeth were ground together, holding in his anger because he knew it was true but hearing it said so bluntly, so without concern for his feelings, hurt, and he didn't much like the fact that it was Tio of all people telling him this. He shook his head a little bitterly, expression softening but gaze icy as he looked across the wasteland like space between them, over the frosty atmosphere they'd created. "You've always supported me before."

"I'm not going to let you fall in love with somebody who's just using you." It would be different if Sly loved Mizuki too, but he wasn't capable of that and everybody knew it, sure, if Mizuki fell in love with somebody and they loved him back, Tio would stand back and support him one hundred percent, allow him to be happy. But Sly? No fucking way would he just sit back and allow it to happen, let Mizuki's heart get broken the way his had, because it ached, and he didn't want anybody else to ever go through that.

"It's probably too late for that!" He'd vainly tried not to, to not let Sly's occasional slips of character endear him, but his occasional acts of vulnerability had melted his heart before he could even register it was happening, in too deep already and miles away from the surface of the water. "It's not like I can fucking help it! I thought you of all people would understand that," because wasn't there some unrequited pining here? Why was Tio so insistent he should break it off? Just because it was Sly? Or because he was jealous that the bartender might have chosen somebody else, anybody else over him.

The blue eyes that met his were colder than the ocean whose colour they mirrored, expression almost offended because Mizuki knew better than to bring that up, they kept it buried and had done since he'd admitted his feelings and been knocked back. "Yeah well, things change," the lie stung on his tongue, because for him nothing had changed, it had been so long since he and Mizuki had broken off their arrangement, since the tattooist had told him that he was sorry, but he didn't love him back, and it still hurt as much to be without him every single day. Almost like self-inflicted torture to stay around him, to let himself be close enough to smell his irresistible scent and to accept the pats on the shoulder and the occasional hug that was never anything but friendly. "Just… Try to fall out of love with him, okay?"

"I can make my own decisions, Tio." His voice was hard and he didn't like it, didn't like the way Sly had infected every part of his life and wound his way around the one person who was closest to him, who always seemed to understand. Hated the way he was choking the life out of him without even being near, without even knowing the devastating effects he was having as he filled Mizuki's body, his very veins choked with Sly and his blue hair and golden eyes until he knew no amount of antibiotics could ever flush him out.

But being in love wasn't a decision, because if it was Mizuki would have chosen Tio, it would have been simple, and easy and it would have kept both of them happy, prevented him from having to break his best friends' heart and meaning this thing with Sly could never exist.

"I know," and his words and the accompanying sigh, were genuine, scratching his cheek nervously, as if realising he'd spoken too soon and too harshly, had judged without knowing. "I just… Sly, Mizuki. He's… I just don't get it."

"I'm not asking you to," he barely understood himself, somewhere in between how honest and forward with his intentions Sly could be, and how he hid his soft side under layers of insecurity masked by anger, fascinated him, and he'd gone from intrigued to infatuated too fast for him to even register it was happening until it was too late. "I just… I need to work some stuff out, yeah?"

"Yeah, I think you do. Just… Never mind, I gotta go," he didn't have to go anywhere, he didn't know where he intended on going, maybe to some café, to grab a coffee and sit in a corner with it quietly, to ignore the coil message he'd already felt buzz through, to think.

"Yeah, okay. I- Thank you, for not telling everybody," he still didn't quite understand that, but Tio had stood and was nodding his understanding, barely limping as he walked to the door, Mizuki following, watching as he turned back again, thinking something over before speaking quietly.

"Your hearts too big, Mizuki. That means it's easier to break."

"Huh," he laughed at that, at least until he turned to take in Tio's expression and realised he wasn't joking, brow crinkling as he spoke because he didn't even know if he loved Sly yet, let alone if his possible feelings would ever be returned, doubtful as that was. "I'm not going to get my heart broken."

"I hope that's true."


But the problem was that with Tio gone, there was nothing to do but think, and he knew he couldn't avoid this anymore, couldn't get drunk and pretend nothing was wrong, couldn't order pizza and laze in front of the TV and act like everything was good. He had to let himself think for once, to let the crazed mess of his mind try to straighten out, to work out if Tio was right, if he loved Sly even if that idea scared him less than it should already, he needed to know what was happening with him, but he'd never liked focusing on things that hurt when there were so many of them.

It wasn't quite as easy as just having a nice long think about it though, that wasn't entirely how love worked, he wasn't too sure he'd ever been in love before either, so he didn't really know how it would feel. Sure he'd felt affectionate towards people before, felt fond, but that was how he felt about Sly so maybe it really was love, in that case he was royally screwed and may as well abandon his idea of a nice, peaceful life now. Perhaps seeing Sly would help, and he resolved to spend tonight sober either way, taking a deep breath that he really needed and wondering what else might keep his thoughts at bay, glancing around the room and noticing how untidy it had gotten.

Cleaning then, a task he usually put off, turning on music and dragging out the vacuum cleaner and banning thoughts of Sly and Tio from his head, immersing himself in really focusing on the dirt on his carpet and the stickiness of the dining table. It sort of worked, well, for maybe half an hour anyway, but then his coil chimed with a message and he was too foolish to just ignore it, especially when he saw the sender, opening it and smiling to himself.

'Oi, dickhead, your friend better not fuckin interrupt us tomorrow or I'll actually tear your dick off'

'Oh? Planning a visit in advance, hm?'

'Fuck off' He just laughed at that, some movement in the corner of his eye startling him and letting out the most high pitched scream he probably ever had, ball of black legs meeting his gaze as his head jerked over. A spider, disrupted by his aggressive vacuum cleaning, promptly launching some kind of panicked technique which involved him leaping over it to get to the kitchen and retrieve a bowl to put over it, his usual way of dealing with them, which meant leaving them there then getting Tio to get rid of them. The fact that he and Tio weren't exactly best buddies right now didn't occur to him, just going back to his phone and actually not sure what to reply, knowing it didn't need a response, just feeling a little warm that Sly had even bothered to use his coil since he only ever had once and that was to send nudes.

So how did the unexpected message make him feel, a little happy he supposed, but any kind of effort on Sly's part always made him feel like that, he was just glad he was helping him to warm, to show some of the humanity he knew he had. So yeah he'd felt a little jolt in his stomach when he'd seen the sender, but that didn't mean anything really, and sure it was nice that he'd responded immediately, had shown some consideration in at least trying to plan their next rendezvous, for lack of a better word.

Besides, he'd never been in love before so he surely couldn't be now, ignoring the issue in favour of vacuuming around his unwelcome arachnid and deciding to actually retire to bed early and sober for the first time in over two weeks.


"I know your life is a complete mess, but why the fuck is there a bowl in the middle of your floor?"

"Huh?" He remarked intelligently, having been a little too distracted by staring at him and trying to figure out if it was love he felt, only realising what he'd said when he reached for the bowl, voice higher pitched than he'd like, "don't touch it!"

Sly didn't react more than to raise an eyebrow, rolling his eyes a second later and tapping ash onto his floor, much to his annoyance, just ignoring it with a shrug and heading to the coffee table where Mizuki had made them drinks of questionable strength. He dropped the topic then, drinking a somewhat ill-advisable amount of his drink in one go, promptly draining it as Mizuki took his first sip, Sly having not questioned his rare sobriety.

"There's a spider under it, I normally get Tio to take them out for me, but…"

"He hates you."

"Yeah, alright, thank you no need to rub it in. It's your fault anyway," he grumbled it out, sentence growing more whiney and childish as he continued, knowing Sly had caught on and was mocking him as he stood to regard the bowl again, glass left for the bartender to refill.

"Alright, how old are you, six? Do you need me to get rid of the big, bad spider for you?" he'd scooped up the bowl and grabbed the arachnid before Mizuki agreed as he of course would, because spiders weren't something Sly had ever bothered about, there were plenty in his warehouse of course, he just considered them as company. "Want it dead?"

"No, just, chuck it out the window or something," he of course had to open the window for him then, scrambling away from it and hearing Sly snort in amusement as he chucked the spider out and shut it again behind him, dumping the bowl on the table and Mizuki grimacing at it, wondering if throwing it away would be going too far. "Thanks, Sly."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, no need to get mushy about it," he sounded a little bothered by how very genuine his gratitude had been, just ruffling his hair a little mockingly before flopping onto the couch beside him, less sharp than he really should have been, just taking the new drink and grinning at him lazily. "Pussy."