----Chapter 12

Lois rubbed at an eye, not wanting to admit the story had gotten to her. She didn't even know why it had gotten to her; she guessed it was pregnancy induced, but found it wasn't much more entertaining than the throwing up. But the way he told the story, he really had been defeated inside. Stupid farm boy and his way with words.

"You really thought you were going to end up all alone, didn't you? I mean, I rarely thought about my future beyond what was happening the next week back before my attack, but I never thought I'd be completely alone, even if the togetherness wasn't perfect. You had just given up hope."

Clark smiled sadly, pulling some grapes out of the fridge and set them down on the table to munch on. "I did. Hope is an abstract concept; you can't really grasp it very well without putting a long bit of thought into it. I couldn't know what my future held, just like everybody else, but I was absolutely convinced that it held loneliness. I lost my grasp on hope and dropped it for a little while.

"My track record with women was abysmal. Women I cared about seemed to be cuddling up to death. You'd been through so much already, and it just proved something I knew and didn't want to admit: I could not keep all my loved ones safe. It couldn't be done, so why bring you close to me and watch you get hurt or worse?

"Of course, you had less than no interest in a farm boy from Kansas at the time. For goodness sakes, you only like me for my body now."

"I do not!"

"I always knew you liked things about my personality." He paused a second and grinned at her. "Anyway, you were disinterested and I figured that you would find a man that could make you happy not named Clark Kent. It would hurt, but at least you would be safe. Well, as safe as you ever were anyway."

Lois leaned over and flicked him on the forehead. "That was it? That's what you determined? You thought, in your early twenties, that you were going to be alone for your entire life because you couldn't guarantee the safety of people you loved? That may be your dumbest decision ever, Smallville, which is saying a lot."

"I never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed, but then again who is when it comes to love? Like I said, I gave up hope. Hope was just a stupid dream I had in my naive farm boy mind. My heart belonged to another and she didn't know it, would never know it, and I had my potentially awful destiny ahead of me. All I had left was mom, and yeah, I could see her without much trouble, but she was in Washington DC doing important work and I didn't want to trouble her with my depressing thoughts when she should focus on helping the country.

"Basically, I had stripped myself down already. I was worried about what Jor-El was going to do to me in the training and there I was attempting to becoming the emotionless son I thought he'd always wanted without realizing it. I was so down in the dumps that I think Chloe once referred to me as Mope-El."

Lois smiled, grabbing a handful of grapes and quickly made them disappear. "Can always count on Chloe, ya know?"

Clark joined her in smiling. "Yeah, I know."

"So what happened after that?"

"You were mostly recovered, only using your cane for show and wearing the top hat I bought you just for the fun of it. Chloe was on the fast track on you were right behind her and gaining ground. Chloe told the both of us about her relationship with Bruce and how long it had been going on. My friends and family were happy, and I was happy for them.

"Then, Jor-El called me away to do my training. Everybody else, which I guess was just Chloe and mom, knew about my heritage, outside of Bruce, and knew why I had to leave. I told you that I was going to be traveling and try to find what my purpose in the world was, which wasn't far from the truth. After the actual training, I was sent out to travel the world, which wasn't difficult since I had learned to fly by that point."

Lois watched Clark down a glass of water and ate some more grapes. "So I traveled, helping people and trying to spread hope for a better world. Most of the time I would write about what I was seeing, getting articles published abroad and at home as a freelance, sometimes under a pen name but mostly just my own. Chloe even helped me get a few published at the Planet."

He stopped speaking for a moment, and she watched him stare into space, almost as if he were so deep in thought he'd forgotten what he was doing. He surprised her when he spoke again.

"I've always found it ironic that a guy that had lost all hope for himself was meant to be a symbol of hope, and was a symbol of hope to those he helped.

"And thus, I became a nameless helper to people across the world for just under four years. It was at the end of that time when I realized that it was my destiny to be a symbol to people, to show everyone hope always beats despair. I had just helped a man in Sub-Sahara Africa that was alone and stranded with a broken leg. I took him to the nearest functioning hospital, which was hundreds of miles away, and just knew that I was meant for things like that."

"And then like you said in the story about getting to Chloe's wedding, Jor-El told you your training was over. Must've been happy to go home." Lois reached into the bowl to get another handful of grapes and found it to be empty. She frowned and placed her hand in her lap where it wouldn't give her false hope of food anymore.

"I was ecstatic to go home. I flew there as pretty quickly, which took me not long. Then I went to the wedding, walked Chloe down the aisle, watched you from afar and then helped you to your guest room in Wayne Manor after you got very drunk and confessed you lost your memory to the reception in very slurred tones. To this day I think I was the only person that could understand your words by the end of the night."

Lois winced. "That's unfortunate, but at least I didn't end up dancing on the bar."

"Nope, danced on a table instead. Very well, I might add."

"Right, of course. My embarrassing night aside, which I expect to be told about eventually, you came back and..."

"And I got a job at the Daily Planet a few days later."

---

Clark watched the elevator doors open and let everybody else shuffle out of the thing before he finally made his way into the newsroom. It didn't seem to have changed much since he'd left. New computers and people he didn't recognize, but that seemed to be it. He pushed his glasses up on his nose and made his way through the bustle, excusing himself whenever he bumped into somebody. Nobody seemed to even notice he had done the bumping.

He finally made his way to Perry White's office and was about to knock on the door when a brunette with her head buried in some papers opened the door and walked right past him. She didn't even seem to have noticed that he was there.

"Chief, I'll have the fluff piece on your desk in time for the evening edition. I'm not sure when the piece on planted errors in bank code will be ready, though. My sources have dried up for the time being, but I won't let a little thing like no information stop me."

"Lois, I... Kent! Get in here!"

Clark had been staring at Lois when Perry had spoken up for him to enter and snapped him out of his wanton gaze. He hoped he wasn't blushing as he stepped into the office and closed the door behind him. He saw Lois turn away from her papers for the first time and affix him with a confused look.

"Smallville? What are you doing here?"

"He learned how to stop burying the lead, Lois, and I owe him one so he's getting a job. Not that he needs to cash in that favor, because his writing is damned good. Almost your level, I'd say. In fact, I'm glad you're here since it saves me a yell. He's going to be your new partner."

"He's what? Chief, I don't need a partner, especially not Smallville!"

Well, that was a nice shot of self esteem. Clark adjusted his glasses again before stuffing his hands in his pockets and slouching a little more. He decided his voice should be heard in the conversation. "Mr. White, that's really not necessary. I'm happy to work anywhere at the Planet. If Lois doesn't want me, I'm fine with being somewhere else."

"Nonsense, Kent. Your writing contains heart and feeling. Combined with Lane's edge it'll make our paper sell like hot cakes. Now, you heard her: her sources are dry. Go with her and find some wetness."

"Wetness, sir?"

"You heard me, now go! And stop calling me sir!"

Clark opened the door and watched Lois walk out, following her and closing the door behind himself. It wasn't difficult to tell that she was less than amused by this development, but she hadn't fought as hard as he would have expected her to against it.

He walked a step behind Lois until she stopped suddenly and he walked into her, causing her to drop her papers. "I see years of travel have done wonders for you, Smallville."

Clark bent down and picked up all the papers before she could do so and handed them to her, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry, I'm just happy to have a job here. I was worried Mr. White wouldn't have a place for me, and I wanted to work for the best."

"Well, I guess that's understandable." She paused a second, looking at the floor. "Look, we need to talk. Follow me, but how about two or three steps of space this time, ok?"

Clark smiled and followed her to an empty conference room. She closed the door as he walked in and faced him, frowning. "Look, Clark, I know I got very drunk and... talkative... at Chloe's reception. Even if my words were so slurred you barely understood, I figured I should clear things up before you start asking me a million questions.

"Yes, I lost my memory in April. No, I do not remember anything from after the attack. None of the waking up in the hospital, physio or anything. The last thing I remember is the same as when I woke up from my coma: watching Chloe get into a cab and drive off, then walking towards our old apartment. Next thing I know, I'm waking up in 2013 with these scars on my face." He watched her gesture with a hand to make sure he got the point.

Clark tried to think of something to say that would sound appropriate, but couldn't come up with anything helpful. "I wish I could have been there to help out when it happened. I know it wouldn't have made any difference, but at least you'd have had another familiar face. Maybe that would have lessened the jarring effect it had on you."

"It would have been unbelievably jarring no matter what happened, Clark. But thank you anyway." She pointed at his glasses. "So, when did you get the specs? Your vision go out on you during your travels?"

"These," Clark said, "are something that just kind of happened. I was passing through Morocco and found that I couldn't read the writing. The kicker was all the figures were blurry too, so I got my eyes checked and ended up with the only way to look any more geeky in your eyes." He was glad he'd thought of coming up with that story beforehand. No need to stumble on explanations.

Lois laughed, which automatically made Clark forget his lie and smile. "I guess they would be the last way for your inner geek to get out. I won't lie, you've always been easy on the eyes in your farm boyish way, and the glasses don't hurt things any. They give you a sophisticated look that goes well with the suit."

"I'll be sure to thank the lady that helped me pick them out, as well as my eyes for having the good sense to go bad."

"You do that. Now, if you can just stay mope and brood free you might just be able to land yourself a nice woman. You could live in the 'burbs and have your little Clark Jr's. I might actually know somebody down in legal that would be interested, if you are."

Clark mentally sighed, the small bit of hope she'd given him saying he and the glasses looked good dashed. She was picturing him with somebody else, living a life she had professed to not particularly wanting in the past. Ah well, it never hurt to ask about her since he was already being paired up with somebody from legal.

"What about you, Lois? Are you seeing anybody?"

"No. I'm told that I was before the whole mind reset thing happened, but he split pretty quickly once he got wind of that news. Chloe said he was a pretty good guy, too. He didn't mind the physical scars, obviously, and could accept me for me, which is always nice, but apparently he wanted to be remembered of all things. Pretty silly thing to want in a relationship if you ask me."

He smiled at her but didn't say anything for fear or letting loose a cheer instead of sounding sorry. Was it wrong that he wanted them to grow old and lonely together? No, not wrong, just very strange, he decided.

"Since they don't know what caused my mind thing and aren't sure if it will happen again, I think my future has pretty much been set. I have my job and I have Chloe's future children to spoil since potentially forgetting any boyfriend is probably a relationship breaker. No relationship is likely to make for no kids. I'd go to a sperm bank and do the female empowerment thing by having one on my own except me having kids is asking for problems, and that's without the prospect of forgetting them at random times.

"So, rambling aside, the answer is no, I'm not seeing anybody, and that's almost certainly how it will stay." She rolled her eyes and smirked. "Christ, I sound like you used to. I never knew self-pity was contagious. Come on Smallville, we've got some wetness, er, sources to find. Oh, and my name always comes first in the byline."

"Are you okay with me being your partner?"

"I could've been stuck with worse. Back in the days I remember you always seemed to turn up places you shouldn't have been, and if you still do that I'm taking advantage of it. You could be one hell of a reporter with a talent like that.

"And really, since my mental problems will probably happen again, it's best I do have a partner that can get me back to speed quickly. Plus, it's nice to have it be somebody familiar instead of some nobody off the street that can't write his way out of a paper bag. Most people would find this tedious, but I think you can handle it. And hey, you get to work with the best. How's that for you?"

He followed her out of the conference room, smiling to himself. Memory or not, she'd always be the Lois Lane he fell in love with. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

---

"I loved your attitude, your perseverance and you. Plus, you were still gorgeous, of course, and the dark hair just made you look even better. I never stood a chance."

"Neither did I, apparently," Lois murmured. They'd moved to the couch midway through the story and she was running a hand through Jordan's hair while the little girl was coloring. When she realized what she'd said, she blushed and looked at Clark who was grinning like a kid on Christmas.

"Don't worry, Smallville, you're still firmly outside my walls and will stay there, no matter how high you can fly."

Clark's grin turned to a smirk. "Thank goodness, it's scary in there."