Chapter 4

I don't own Inuyasha,)

"Inuyasha...Inuyash! Don't leave me. Where are you going? I don't understand what's going on right now. Where am I? Inuyasha. You idiot! Don't leave me. I need you, please don't die." Kagome chased Inuyasha with all her might, but he only got further and further away, fading into darkness. " Inuyasha! I love you! Come back! Please."

Kagome fell to her knees in tears. He didn't want her; he had never really loved her. Why is she trying so hard to get him back when she should just give up? Ill just forget him, he won't even exist to me anymore.

Crying harder into her hands, her breath came in ragged gasps. Kagome's heart ripped from her chest as she tried to wipe Inuyasha's imprints from the surface. If she just forgot him it wouldn't hurt this bad. She could go home and just pretend like this was a fairy tale she had read in a book. But she wanted the fairy tale to end differently than this. Just forget it! It never happened.

Why am I doing this to myself? I knew he didn't love me! But he promised he would always protect me and never leave me! I was such an idiot! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I just need to forget it. It's over and never happened.

Every time Kagome would come to the conclusion that she had to forget him, Inuyasha would appear before her. His eyes were orbs of amber and they smiled as they looked down at her crumpled form as if saying everything was going to be alright. His long silver hair cascaded down past his shoulders and shone with angelic intensity. He would always reach out and touch her cheek to wipe away the tears, and just like the time before, her skin would tingle from the caress of his fingertips. His lips would move as if they tried to tell her something, but Kagome could never understand what he was trying to say. The second Kagome would stand to embrace him, he would fade into the distance, and the nightmare would start anew.

Kagome was in her own version of Hell and it seemed that escape or savior would be far from near. Her heart was bound to be ripped from her chest over and over until she suppressed his memory so far into the depths of her heart that he would cease to exist. Otherwise she was going to die from a broken heart. Kagome definitely didn't want to be part of a tragic romance, how unfair would that be?


Seshomaru starred at Kagome's fitful body. She had been sleeping for days now and all she did was toss and turn from nightmares. Seshomaru had tried many times to wake her, but she just didn't respond to anything. If she didn't wake enough to eat something soon, she might not ever wake up and would soon die. This Miko was becoming quite the problem.

Seshomaru had escaped from Naraku. He wasn't quite sure how, he just kept slicing through tissue and eventually they were met with fresh air. Naraku didn't regenerate at the speed he originally did, Seshomaru still couldn't figure out why. It didn't really matter at this time anyway, as long as he and his girls were out. Now he just had to make sure his Miko lived.

If it wasn't for Inuyasha, none of this would be happening! I wouldn't be missing an arm, I would have Tetsiaga, and I wouldn't be the father-like figure to this human girl. I don't even understand these feelings I have for these humans! Every time I think I have accepted their loss, I come up with a reason why I cannot lose them! It's absolutely absurd! Why does my heart feel like this when all I want is to live my own life, carefree from others?

Seshomaru let out a sigh as he gazed upon a peacefully sleeping Rin and his Miko. He wished there was some way he could comfort her, but she seemed only to get worse. And what could he do anyway?

Letting his eyes wonder over her body, Seshomaru memorized every curve of his Miko. She had finally stopped sweating and her face wasn't in a screwed up frown. Her nightmares must be letting her rest a bit; her body was relaxing and her facial features were beginning to calm. Crouching over her form, Seshomaru brushed Kagome's hair from her face and caught a runaway tear as it rolled down her cheek bone. The thought of her crying caused a knot to form in Seshomaru's throat. She was not the type to cry from what he had seen, she was very strong and determined; annoyingly stubborn as well.

Seshomaru hadn't looked at a woman the way he viewed Kagome in centuries. Women only caused heart ache and they would die before Seshomaru anyway, so there was no reason that made any sense to knowingly set yourself up for heart ache. He still kicked himself when he thought of how fond he was of Rin. She had asked him once if he would ever forget her when she died and he had his kingdom, his only response was to quit asking silly questions. But he would never forget Rin, they had a special bond. He was like a father to her and because of his weird way of love; she would be forever screwed up. But that was ok, because he liked her the way she was.

Rin would follow Seshomaru without question or fear and she never seemed to be sad unless separated from him. In all honesty, Seshomaru would never forget Rin, ever. In fact, when she died after hopefully living a long life by his side, he would find her reincarnation so that he could be with her again. Rin might be different when reincarnated, but she would still be Seshomaru's Rin. But Seshomaru knew that he could never have a sexual relationship with her, it would ruin their already perfect relationship. What they considered perfect anyway. Anybody else who would peak at it from a distance would find it odd. Those people can rot in Hell.

Turning his head to peer at Rin, he noticed that she was still sleeping peacefully. She was quite a beautiful child; she would grow up into quite the woman. Seshomaru would kill any man that attempted to lay a finger on her, unless he was who she wanted when she grew up. Even then he wasn't sure if anybody could have her.

Bringing his attention back to Kagome, he knelt into a more comfortable position. Being on the hard ground wasn't really what you would call comfortable, but at least Rin cleared the twigs and leaves away before making camp. Seshomaru believed that his Miko would wake soon and he wanted to be near her in case there was something wrong with her that she couldn't tell while she was sleeping.

Just as Seshomaru had thought it, Kagome's almond eyes peaked out from under her eyelids. Her expression was blank and the life in her eyes was dim. She looked at him without seeming to understand who he was. Something was clearly wrong, she always had the look of defiance in her eyes while around Seshomaru, yet right now, there was nothing. No hint of defiance, knowing, or life. She was awake, but quite dead.

"Where am I?" she whispered as if scared to really know, or maybe care.

"You are with me, Miko. Are you feeling well? You have been asleep for days."

"I don't know who you are, or who I am for that matter.." sighing, Kagome closed her eyes trying to remember why this man was familiar to her. "I don't seem to remember anything. Can you tell me anything about myself? And who you are?"

"I am Seshomaru, a demon lord, and I only know that your first name is Kagome. You are my Miko." Seshomaru stated matter of fact and with zero emotion.

"Kagome." she seemed to let the word roll around her mouth to get the feel of what she was called. "That sounds right."

Pushing herself into an upright position, she was within touching distance of Seshomaru. Reaching out to touch his hand, he slightly jerked but controlled himself long enough to let her feel him. There was no need to frighten the wits out of someone who apparently lost her memory from the shock of the event. This was either going to be a pain in the ass, or work to his advantage. Seshomaru just hadn't decided yet.

"What do you mean I am your Miko? What is a Miko?" Kagome couldn't quite figure out how she was someone's property. She could remember basic things but anything specific pertaining to her was at a loss.

"Yes, you are my priestess. You have the ability to purify things. You are quite good with arrows and our current mission is to find the Shikon no tama." Seshomaru decided to bend the story a little, but really he wasn't lying. She was now his Miko and she could do all the things that he just said.

Kagome nodded her head, not in agreement, but with acceptance. She would have to believe anything that was said to her right now because she could not remember anything.

"You must be in shock or something from our last fight with Naraku. You were fine and after being knocked out, you were asleep for days and now you seem to have lost your memory. It's quite odd. I will help you with what I can." Seshomaru would help her if she needed it, but it would always be in his favor.

"Are we together? Is that our child?" Kagome pointed at Rin and looked hurt that she might actually have forgotten her very own child.

"In a sense we are what you call 'together.' No, Rin is not our child. She is like my child, but more of a friend than anything. I saved her life and now she follows me without question wherever we go." Seshomaru was walking on ice trying to not actually blatantly lie to his Miko, because if she recovered her memory she would be furious and leave him.

Why was he worrying so much over this Miko? He couldn't figure out why he wanted her to stay so badly. He really didn't need her to find the jewel because he could sense Naraku. Every time he pictured her leaving, his heart would skip a beat and he would think of a hundred reasons why he needed her as his Miko and denying every reason why he wanted her as his woman.

"Dammit!" Kagome punched the ground frustrated that she couldn't remember anything! "I just don't understand! This just doesn't seem right. You do feel familiar, but I don't know what kind of familiar. When I think your name, I feel like I should be nervous. Why would I feel nervous around somebody that I should be with?"

Seshomaru reached over and hooked her hair behind her ears to keep it from falling over her eyes. Kagome jumped at his touch, but it was comforting in a world of nothing. She was in a void with a beautiful demon lord. Isn't this kind of like a fairy tale? To show that she accepted his touch, she in turn ran her fingers through his long white hair.

A small growl escaped his lips at her touch. The growl was familiar to her, not his in particular, but the growl none the less. She needed comfort in a world of confusion and right now he was offering so she would take it.

His hand came to the side of her face and she felt goose bumps all the way to her spine. The warmth of his hand was inviting and she wanted nothing more than to be held. Starring at him with pleading eyes not to stop, he ran his fingers through her hair and ended at the nape of her neck. She noticed that he was missing an arm but for some reason this seemed normal and it didn't bother her in the least. Kagome caught her breath as Seshomaru leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her collar bone.

"Sesh...Seshomaru... is this how it normally is?" Kagome managed to let a breathy sentence escape her lips while trying to overcome dizziness and the warm feeling that seemed to creep between her legs.

Ignoring Kagome's question, Seshomaru traced her lips with his fingers indicating that she didn't need to talk right now. Placing his lips in place of his fingers, he nibbled her bottom lip while enjoying the feeling of her trembling. Pressing his weight against her, he pushed her back down onto her pallet.

His eyes were intense amber and full of passion as they skimmed over her body. His hair fell around her face leaving her only the direct view of his eyes and his lips. She didn't want him to stop, but it just didn't feel right. But this must be how it is supposed to be, so giving in was the only thing she could think of doing. Maybe it would help her remember.

A single tear fell down her face because of her frustration at not knowing this man who seemed to be comforting her the only way he knew how. Confused, Seshomaru leaned back to get a better view of Kagome's eyes. He smelled the salt of tears, but they were passionately tangled, why would she cry? Wrapping her arms around his neck, she tugged him into a position where he was half on top of her. Continuing to run her fingers through his hair seemed to comfort her and take her mind off of her frustration.

Seshomaru was also comforted by her embrace. This was unlike him; his passionate side rarely overcame his sensible side. Pushing his nose into the crevice of her neck, Kagome could feel his warm breath as it brushed against her skin. Tangling her legs around his, she adjusted into a more comfortable position against his body.

Before Seshomaru was able to say anything to comfort her, he could feel the rhythm of her breathing and she was sound asleep. Caressing her cheek, he hoped that she would sleep better than the night before. He didn't have the heart to untangle their bodies, so instead he fell asleep against her and absorbed the warmth that radiated from her being. She really was one of the most beautiful people inside and out that he had ever met. Hopefully she would choose to stay with him like Rin.


"Do you think he will wake up soon Miroku?" Sango was getting more and more worried about Inuyasha. He had been asleep for days and he was obviously having nightmares.

"I forced him to drink herbal tea that should help him. I don't know what has happened; I know that he must have killed Naraku though because my wind tunnel is gone!" Miroku was thrilled that his family curse was overcome, but he was also worried about his friend.

"Do you think we should look for Kagome again? You would think that we would have found her with Inuyasha. Didn't he say he was going to find her Shippo?" Sango was hoping that Shippo would tell them more than they knew since he was the last one to talk with Inuyasha.

Shippo only shrugged and said that he had told them all he knew. Inuyasha had told him that he had lost her and was going to find her before he made a way for them to escape.

Sighing, Sango was worried about her friends. She and Miroku woke up in the forest to Shippo and Kirara taking care of them. A day after the escaped and recovered from the miasma poisoning Miroku's wind tunnel disappeared and while skimming the area, they found Inuyasha sprawled out in a ditch. He had wounds and gashes all over his body that were in bad shape when they found him. It doesn't take long for hanyou's to heal because they have demon coursing through their veins, so Inuyasha's physical wounds had healed within a few days. But they just couldn't get him to wake up.

Miroku walked over to the worried Sango and embraced her in a comforting hug.

"Now that I am well and Naraku is dead, will you continue to marry me?" Miroku asked, his eyes never leaving Sango's face.

"Of course I will Miroku, but we need to help our friends. I can't stand the thought of Kagome missing our wedding. We have to find her." Sango's eyes watered at the possibility that Kagome may be dead. She had already lost her brother in the process of fighting Naraku.

Shippo bounced into Sango's arms the moment she and Miroku ended their embrace.

"What do you think we should do!? We can't just sit here, while Kagome could be out there in trouble!" Shippo couldn't get Kagome out of his head.

"You don't need to look for her." Everybody jumped when they heard Inuyasha's voice. He had finally woken up and a huge burden seemed to lift from around the group of friends.

"What do you mean we don't need to look for her blockhead!? Do you know where she is?" Sango's voice screeched as she glared in Inuyasha's direction.

"She is dead." Inuyasha whispered as he placed his hands over his face wishing that he was dead with her. "In fact, I tried to kill myself when I killed Naraku, but apparently I'm still here."

Sango's heart beat sped to an incredible rate as she began crying and consoling Shippo. Miroku looked like he had aged ten years within the time Inuyasha came awake and then followed that with bad news.

Inuyasha could barely look at any of them in the face. Kagome was important to each and every one of them. She had left imprints on their hearts. "I'm sorry. I couldn't tell you Shippo when I said goodbye to you in Naraku. I killed her. Naraku turned me into a full demon and I killed her. I'm...sorry...I tried to go with her into the after life. I...did.." Inuyasha rolled onto his stomach to hide his face in his arms. How could he do such a thing!? There was no end to his agony, he didn't think he would ever have to explain it out loud and now that he had to tell his friends, he would rather be dead.

He felt a hand on his back, and Sango hugged him tight letting him know it would be alright. Miroku had Shippo in his arms now and all he could do was stare at the ground. He knew how much Kagome meant to Inuyasha, but how could he do it? How could he kill the woman he so obviously loved?

"Where is the Shikon jewel Inuyasha?" Sango knew that Naraku was dead but who knows how many demons wanted the jewel. With Kagome dead, there was no one to purify it; they had to find a way to destroy it. Sango was tired and all she wanted was to rest and trying to defeat another demon with the whole jewel was not something that was on her to-do list.

"I sent it and Naraku into the void that leads to the afterlife. We don't have to worry about it anymore. Have any of you seen Seshomaru? He was in Naraku, but I didn't see him go into the void." Inuyasha was slowly recovering from his tears. It was hard to show weakness in front of his friends, but losing Kagome was by far the worst tragedy of his life. He had secretly planned to let Kagome use the jewel to turn him into a human and he then wanted to go back to her time and live together for the rest of their days. This was definitely not part of his plan.

What would he do now? There was nothing left to do. He thought he would die. The only thing he had left from her was a gold heart locket with their picture in it. He never told anybody that he had it, and he definitely didn't tell Kagome that he had kept it. Pulling it out from under his jacket, he opened and gazed at her picture for a few minutes and then he gently unhooked it from his neck and passed it around to each one of them.

Silently they all accepted her loss when each had the locket in their hands. Sango kissed the picture, Shippo made a wish, and Miroku only traced her face with his finger. This was all they could do without her body. Suddenly breaking the silence Miroku looked at Inuyasha with hope.

"Inuyasha, where is Kagome's body? Did you actually see her die and if so tell me where her body is!" Miroku sprang to life at the thought that maybe Inuyasha was wrong.

"I didn't actually see her die or find her body. When I came back to myself, her blood was on my hands! What the Hell does that matter Miroku!? What's wrong with you!?" Inuyasha was becoming irritated with the thought of Miroku giving them hope when the situation was more than hopeless. He had seen and smelled her blood on his hands. That must mean she is dead right? Even Naraku said that Inuyasha had murdered her.

"If you didn't see her die, then she could be alive!" Sango's eyes brightened at the idea and her lips turned into an excited smile. Maybe they were all wrong.

Shippo looked like he clung on to the idea of her being alive for dear life. Kagome was like a mother to him.

"Even Naraku told me that I killed her. It was his plan from the beginning. The bastard!" Inuyasha glared at his hands like they were Naraku in Inuyasha's flesh. "Don't go wishing on something that can't be. It will only make her loss that much worse."

"Well I will look for her without you then. When I find her I will just tell her that you didn't have the heart to find her so you gave up before even starting! You asshole!" Miroku looked at Inuyasha with a stone cold glare.

"Kirara and I are going to. Shippo will you come with us or stay with this pig headed fool?" Sango scratched the kitsune behind his ear while giving an equally cold stare to Inuyasha.

Shippo nodded and glared at Inuyasha in a manner befitting a grown up.

"Dammit! Why are you all looking at me like that! How do you think I already feel!? I love her okay! I loved her, is what I should have said," looking back to the ground Inuyasha wanted so much to give up, "I just don't think I can handle my heart breaking again."

"Then you can stay right here and do nothing. If you decide to catch up, we will be glad for your company." Miroku stood up and grabbed his things, implying that it was time for them all to go.

"You will leave even though it is close to dark? You are all idiots." Inuyasha laid back down on his pallet and rolled over.

"'It's whatever you think Inuyasha." Miroku made his last statement before turning away and walking off into the woods with Sango, Kirara, and Shippo in tow.


"Kagome...Kagome...Why did you have to leave me?" Kagome stood before Inuyasha. She was as beautiful as she ever could have been. Her eyes danced over Inuyasha as he kneeled before her trying to wrap his arms around her legs. He could not let her go, he just couldn't.

Kagome softly pulled his chin up so that he could see into her almond eyes. Her hair was floating behind her and her skin glowed like a good spirit. Her lips began to move and surprisingly Inuyasha could hear her. He had had this dream multiple times, but he had never actually heard the words that she was speaking. He could only pretend to trace her lips with understanding.

"Inuyasha, do not give up on life. You will find that there is power with your passion. You will find what you seek; I promised I will always stay with you. Close your eyes and I am here, give up and I will slowly disappear."

"How can I not give up on life when you are the reason that I live. Without you, I don't know what to do anymore."

"Find me. I am more than just in your heart."

Inyasha didn't know what that meant, but he knew that he could live forever in this moment right now. Grasping her for dear life, he never wanted to wake from this dream. She began to fade right before his eyes and then she was gone. It always happened this way in the end and it was like clock work that his heart would bleed as she faded.

"Kagome...Kagome..."

So that was chapter 4! Please let me know what you think. The next chapter should get pretty interesting.