((Chapter heading taken from a line out of Lonely by Deine Lakaien. Thanks, brain.))
Chapter 9
Strangling My Will
When Frank heard the car pull up outside, he tried to wait calmly until Adam came up. He managed for about as long as it took the other man to get out of the car. Cursing himself silently, Frank ran down the stairs and out of the door. He darted past and nearly into Fabian, muttered an apology, and halted outside. Adam approached, a minute smile tugging at his lips. When he was right in front of him, he retracted his eye-shields. 'Something the matter, Francis?'
The other man grabbed him by the shoulders. 'Where were you? You took ages!'
'I decided that while I could make it back here, I might as well buy myself my own proenergy bars on the way. So I don't have to steal yours, you know.'
'I thought … God, Adam. You make my heart race worse than the flu did.' He rubbed a hand over his face.
'You could have just asked,' Adam said.
'I didn't contact you because if you hadn't answered …' He fell silent, biting his lips.
Adam plucked his hands from his shoulders. 'Let's go inside, okay? You wanted to talk.'
Frank offered a curt nod. Adam followed him to the upstairs living room, where the hacker dropped on a chair and hid his face in his hands. 'Adam … look. It's like this. What happened yesterday … God, I'm bad at this.' He looked up at him. 'I enjoyed that. And I don't regret it, not for a second. But I'm worried that I will. I've tried this before and it … just never worked out. I suppose something's awfully wrong with me and you'll realise that eventually and walk away. And I really don't care to get burnt again.' He bit his lip.
'It's not like we've only just met, Francis. I know you already, I'm not going to wake up one day and be shocked to discover that you have flaws. I must be a sucker for punishment because that isn't putting me off in the slightest.' Adam sat next to him. 'So what is it you want?'
'I want you to listen, Jensen.' Frank stood and walked to the window. He needed to move, needed … he had no idea what. 'Here's what's going to happen. You'll run headfirst into this adventure, and after a few weeks you'll leave, and I'll collect the pieces of myself. Like always.' He heard the scraping of Adam's chair and the certainty that Adam walked away settled in his stomach like lead. Then he felt gentle hands on his upper arms, felt himself being turned around to face the other man.
Adam usually looked serious, but not like this. His voice was quiet when he spoke again, gentler than he had any right to sound, considering that he could punch through a solid wall. 'Francis, what exactly happened? Can I do something that'll help you trust me?'
Frank shook his head. A hurt expression flickered over Adam's face, but he had it under control quickly. He was treating him like a cornered animal, and Frank wanted to hit him or kiss him for it, he wasn't sure which. 'Believe it or not, I've had relationships, Jensen. I've tried this, as I just told you. And everyone runs away from me eventually, even a guy I'd known for a longer time than you before getting involved. So it's only logical that this has a lot more to do with me than with them. So, also logically, trust doesn't even enter into the equation.'
'Okay.' Adam's hands were still on him, travelling up and down his arms, soothing, or trying to. 'We can debate the logic of that statement eventually. Or if we should use mathematical terms for relationships at all. For now, I'll ask again: What do you want?'
'What I want? Don't you get it? I want a guarantee no-one can give me, Jensen.'
Adam let his hands fall at his side. 'Well. You're right, I can't do that. But I think we'd stand a better chance than Megan and I ever did. Because you're brutally honest for one thing. I can appreciate that, but I know not everyone does. I dig it. And there's a lot about you that I can imagine would put other people off. I like that you still snark at me, even though you don't hate my guts anymore. I like that you're levelling with me rather than pretending to be all right. Hell, I even like your goddamn AI, Pritchard. So no, I really don't think there's anything inherently wrong with you except maybe a tendency to surround yourself with people who'll use you and drop you once they had their fill. I can tell you a thing or two about that.' He stifled a yawn and shook himself. 'I'll need a bit of rest, Francis. Think about it. I really don't think you'd regret it. Neither of us will.'
Ϡ
The soft knock on Adam's door was enough to wake him from the light sleep he'd drifted into. Damn, he'd just wanted to close his eyes for a moment. 'Come in,' he called, sat up, and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
The door revealed Francis, looking rather anxious. 'Sorry, Adam. I … ah. Just got a call. Marcus … my missing person … he's back. As was to be expected, he has no memory, but with an aug. Hand. Right one.' Francis had walked towards him, taking him in. Self-consciously, Adam ran a hand over his hair and tugged the cover up to expose somewhat less flesh, since he'd dressed down to his briefs. Suddenly Francis's expression turned decisive, and he sat on Adam's bed. 'I suppose it's still a bad thing and all that, but if you'd rather go back to Prague to sulk in your dusty apartment all by yourself …' He swallowed. 'What I'm saying is, I hope you'll stay here, but I won't judge you if you take to your heels after … well, before.'
Adam reached out and took one of Francis's hands. He looked at the contrasting colours and wondered why the other man didn't flinch away from his touch. 'Maybe we can help your friend, Francis. We should go and see him.'
'You're making it rather hard to believe you're going to hurt me.'
'Good.'
'Thanks, Adam.' Francis's free hand reached for Adam, and after a moment of hesitation he placed his fingertips on his chest. 'Are you awake? Can I tell you what I found in those files you got us?'
Adam raised his eyebrows. 'You're dying to tell me, aren't you?'
'Well … yes.' The fingertips were trembling slightly against Adam's skin.
'Spill.' Adam hardly recognised his own voice. He wanted to pull Francis close to him, to kiss him, to … He pushed the thought far away. This wasn't the time.
'Well.' Francis licked over his lips. He removed his hand from Adam's chest with a visible effort and placed it on his arm instead, exerting gentle pressure on the polymer muscles. 'Do you even feel that, Adam? I suppose you have to, you couldn't use your arm if you didn't feel where it is in relation to yourself and the room.'
'I can feel all right, Francis. I feel you shaking. I feel that you're warm.'
'That's the next part. I worked for Sarif for so long and never touched an augmented hand. I'm not big on touching, you know.'
'Could've fooled me.'
Francis smiled. 'Usually, I mean. But you're all warm. Cooler than human skin, but not cold.' His mouth was slightly open as he felt his way along Adam's arm, up to his shoulder and to his collarbone.
'Pritchard. Focus. Files. Abductions.'
'Yes. Abductions.' The hacker withdrew his hand and Adam missed it instantly. At least Francis's other hand was still joined with Adam's. 'We have a list of all the related abductions, reaching back as far as 2028, and the fun part is, they didn't start here but in the States. They have been few and far between, but there's one guy who seems to remember being in Detroit of all places. I suppose we should chat with him. And I have found a former N-Pro Tech employee who might help us with Marcus. With his memories and some such. He's actually a medical doctor, worked for L.I.M.B. before he went into production rather than maintenance.'
'Okay,' Adam said. 'Who's first?'
'The doc, then my friend. I'm trying to contact the Detroit guy, I just hope he's ready to talk to me.'
'Make it a conference if he's willing. I'm part of this, Francis.'
The hacker stood, breaking their physical contact completely. 'I'll have to reach him first.' He walked to the door. 'Get dressed, I'm going to cook and I could use help.' He turned back to Adam, who'd already got out of bed. His gaze darted down for a moment before settling firmly on Adam's eyes again. A smile played around his lips. 'No need to advertise, Jensen. I'm starting to think I'm sold already. I just need to get used to it.'
Adam stretched ostentatiously, even though he wasn't sure he felt quite as confident. He wasn't smashing mirrors anymore, but he didn't find himself remotely attractive. Not by a long shot. He heard a chuckle from Francis and saw him shake his head as he walked out of Adam's bedroom. This could be going a lot worse.
