Chapter 5: The Single Guy
Several guards appeared and surrounded the trio. Peepers instantly took out his gun and aimed it at them.
"Stay back!" He warned in a shrill, tiny voice. "I - I'm armed - " The gun was, once more, flicked away with a flick of the wrist.
"You could seriously use another weapon, dude." Sylvia muttered, cracking her knuckles and preparing herself for a melee.
Peepers ignored her and bowed before the sinuous entity, who was slithering around Wander. "We're just nomads! Please spare us!"
The spirit just cackled and shook its head. "Fools, all of you! Grab them all, but keep the one in the hat near me." The guards did as they were told, and the demon grinned wolfishly at them all.
"This old, frail vessel is dead." He nodded to the queen, whose corpse had indeed slumped to the ground. "My time has come to transition. I need to inhabit a fresher, lithe one, and who is a better candidate than the legendary hero with the hat?"
Wander gasped and froze in shock. "You mean..."
Sylvia bit her lip. Who knew trouble would reach them so quickly?
"Wander, I know it's scary, but I promise we'll - "
"Peepers!" Wander squealed excitably and gawked at the eyeball as if he had just noticed him. "Why didn't you tell us you were a legendary hero with a hat?" Peepers responded with a facepalm.
"Thankfully, I'll own your body, not your tiny mind." The demon uttered before cackling evilly again. "Bye, bye, sonny!" But before the entity could slink into Wander's mouth, a mighty, deafening roar shook the castle grounds.
The demon growled at its guards. "That better be one of your stomachs!"
"RAWWWWR!" A massive dragon king with bronze skin, cherry red eyes, and a maroon tail and wings flew from the tallest tower of the castle and landed with a reverberating thud. A small, but noticeably shiny and yellow crown was perched on his head. More smaller dragons, presumably his guards, followed him and surrounded the demon's guards, outnumbering them tremendously.
"I am the rightful king of this planet," the dragon king snarled at the entity, who was trembling in fear. "And I demand that you LEAVE! You have overstayed your WELCOME!" He snapped his fingers, and one of the dragons breathed a warning fireball at the demon and its guards. It landed on the queen's dead body, and Peepers barely avoided its path.
"Ah! My beautiful vessel!"
The king's guards tried to grab the demon, but that only caused the demon to get sucked into a pair of handcuffs, which one of the guards was conveniently holding.
"Grop. These are my good cuffs."
The king just stared at them like they all were morons and dismissed them with a wave. "Take them away." He turned to Wander, Peepers, and Sylvia. "And you three! Leave!"
Wander smiled amicably at the king. "Golly, thanks, mister! She was about to take Peeper's soul!"
"I don't care!" The king snapped grumpily. "Now leave and never come back!"
Wander looked up at the enraged monarch. "Why are you so angry, pal?"
"I AM NOT ANGRY! I AM A STRESSED KING SURROUNDED BY WORTHLESS GUARDS!"
As he took in a breath, Wander grabbed one of his beefy hands.
"Are you okay?"
"I AM PERFECTLY FINE! I -" Wander patted the dragon's snout, and the king's eyes began to water. "No..." He lowered his callous, monstrous voice to a mousy squeak. "I'm not." Then, before the speechless travelers, the king balled his fists, flopped down on his belly, and wailed until his voice grew hoarse.
"Weeelll... This is terribly awkward." Sylvia observed after a few tense moments passed. She grabbed Wander and Peepers and placed them on her back. "Let's go."
"Couldn't agree more!" Peepers chirped happily, but Wander just shook his head.
"No. Wait." He hopped off of Sylvia and genuflected before the mewling monarch. "Your majesty, please tell me what ails you."
The king sized Wander up before confessing. "I have an army, a wonderful and prosperous kingdom albeit on a very tiny planet. I have loyal subjects, friends, and family. I have everything..." He sniffed. "But a queen, a lover, a wife... He gazed up at the stars above them longingly. "A best friend!"
Wander found himself tearing up a bit as well, but he quickly rubbed his eyes before consoling the king. "You're highness, I'm so, so sorry." The same idea Wander had earlier hit him at full force. "May I suggest something?"
The king rolled his eyes and buried his wet face in his arms. "Why not? Amuse me."
Wander hopped energetically and pulled Sylvia and Peepers over to him. "Why don't you come with us? Folks call me Wander. This is Sylvia and Peepers."
Sylvia shrugged, deciding that they might as well help one more person. "We're going to see a wizard," Sylvia added. "He can get you a lucky gal or guy."
"He's going to make me taller and stronger!" Peepers announced, earning chuckles from the king's guards. This, however, only irritated their king.
"SILENCE! LEAVE!" His guards left, and he turned to Wander and lowered his voice. "I don't believe you."
"But Princess Demura said the wizard Major Threat would!" Wander insisted.
The king's eyes suddenly brightened, for he had just then noticed something indicative. "You do wear the hat, I see. Hmm..." He turned from the group and began pacing. Then, after a minute of mumbling to himself, he returned his gaze to Wander. "Alright, say that I do join you on this journey to see this wizard. What would I do about my kingdom? I can't just leave it!"
"Uh, yeah you can!" One of the guards interrupted from inside the castle. "What about your cousin? You could, like, see his planet from here."
"But I can't stand my cousin!" The king whined. "Can't someone else do it?" When no one responded, his shoulders sagged. "Fine, and I am King Draykor, FYI."
"Yay!" Wander pulled a picnic basket from his hat. "Who wants lunch? 'Cuz I do!"
Peepers marveled at the hat. "How... How did you do that?"
"Oh! This? Well this hat is just full of super duper good ol' goodies! There's orbble juice and pickle juice and gumdrops and a banjo like the one I have at home and -"
"It's the hat," Draykor answered for Peepers as Wander continued babbling. "It has everything and yet knows not what you want, but what you need. Such power... Not even I, a king, can imagine wearing such a treasure. It's truly incredible." He gave Wander his friendliest grin. "You really are lucky, my caring friend."
Wander beamed. He loved making new friends. "Why, thank you! I guess I am..." But all I really want is my old galaxy back.
"Not very lucky for long!" A familiar voice sang. Lord Dominator emerged and posed, sneering at all four.
Her eyes finally rested on the main target. "Hello, Wander."
Wander gulped audibly. He was not prepared to face her again. Although he saw some good in her like he saw good in everyone, he could tell it was deeply buried goodness.
"H-How do you know my name?"
Dominator feigned a gasp. "Oh, don't you know? You're becoming quite a name in this vast galaxy. You're the legendary hero... Pft! As -"
"Achoo!"
Dominator twitched. "As -"
"Achoo! Excuse me." Wander grinned sheepishly.
Smoke almost poured out of her ears. "AS -"
"Achoo! Sorry."
"Bless you." Sylvia, Peepers, and Draykor told him politely.
"Thanks, guys."
"AS IF!" The villainess bellowed, knocking Peepers and Wander off their feet. "You're just an infuriating, banjo-playing hobo!"
Sylvia helped Wander up and glared at Dominator. "Watch it, missy!" She cracked her knuckles and jabbed the smirking conqueror in the chest. "Too bad your precious army of mindless bots ain't here to protect you, Dominator! 'Cuz I'm about to wipe that smirk off your stupid face!"
The green-skinned woman just chuckled and patted Sylvia, who looked ready to pound her, on the head. "How adorably deplorable!" She pushed Sylvia aside and sized up the others. "And look who you else you've roped into your pathetic team... A peeping Tom and a dragon king who smells like aftershave and wet dog." Peepers glared, while Draykor subtly sniffed himself.
Dominator grabbed the pair and looked them dead in the eyes. "I'm warning you. Stop helping these thieves, or I'll tie you to a tree, mutt!" Draykor slumped in her grasp. "And you!" She grabbed a can of galactic pepper spray, which had been in her hidden, black fanny pack the whole time, and sprayed some in his defenseless eye.
"AAAH!" Dominator dropped them, and Peepers thrashed on the ground once more. "MY EYE! MY POOR EYE!"
Dominator giggled as he suffered. "Eye've got my eye on you." She snickered. "Did I hit an optic nerve? Watch out! I'm SEErious!"
"Enough puns!" Peepers begged. Wander and Sylvia thankfully helped the little guy get back up on his feet.
"We're not afraid of you," Sylvia declared proudly for the four of them. "And Wander's the rightful owner of the hat whether you like it or not."
"I mean... I would give it to you if I could, but I kinda need it to return home -"
"And we'll protect him!" Draykor asserted courageously. "Right, Peepers?"
"OW! RIGHT! OW!"
Dominator just grinned slyly. "Ooh! How terrifying!" She then grabbed the four travelers. But this time, she was in her full armor and two were in each humongous hand. "Well good luck reaching your home after this!" She stepped back and threw them into outer space.
