---- Chapter 44

Clark took a deep breath in and breathed out through his nose, straightening his tie as he walked up to the apartment door...

---

"Wait a second. You already told that story."

"Which one are we on?"

"You proposing to me again, Smallville. You said it was the next major event after we became a couple again. Aren't I the one that's supposed to have pregnancy brain?"

"Oh come on, I have a lot of stories to tell. I was bound to start with the wrong one at some point. At least I started telling one you'd already heard instead of skipping ahead. Then there would have been a whole out of order thing that I would like to avoid. I think it's easier to remember all this in a linear fashion."

"I agree. Now, you proposing to me. Once more with feeling, Smallville."

"This could take a while."

"It's a Sunday with no plans. Is it going to take longer than, say, eight hours?"

"We'll see. Let me set this up by saying it takes place about six months after we got together, in mid-November of 2016. Actually, now that I think about it, it was five years to the day before you forgot earlier this year, November 13th. It ends six weeks after, though."

---

Clark leaned back against the balcony railing, looking through the glass doors into the bedroom as Lois brushed her hair out. It was about as serene as he'd ever seen her. She looked like she didn't have a care in the world for once, eyes closed as she got herself ready to go out to dinner.

"Earth to Kal-El!"

Blinking a couple times, he looked over to the small blonde woman standing next to him. "What are you calling me that for?"

"Because I was trying to talk to you and you zoned out!"

"Hey, like you're one to talk. When you told us you were with Bruce I could barely get in three words with you for the next month because you didn't have to hide it and just basically spent the entire time in bed with him. Then when you were in the real world, you were dreaming about being back in bed."

"Well... that was different. I'm female and allowed to zone out like that."

"What?"

"Yeah, I couldn't come up with a good reason so I just went the ridiculous route. What I was aiming for was to continue on the fact that I'm not sure you should ask her to marry you yet."

Clark frowned, keeping his eyes off the room so as not to get distracted again. "Ten months ago you were telling me that you thought I should have asked her to marry me after six months of being together when I waited a year and a half. Waiting may not be an option, because we don't know when she may forget again."

"If everything goes in a similar fashion you'll have already been engaged six months by that point. That would be one step closer than being engaged for a few hours."

"I don't want to be one step closer, Chloe. I want Lois to be my wife, and I think she's just as ready to take the next step this time as she was last time. It's not the same love, but it's just as strong. Is it odd that I've experienced two different kinds of love with the same woman?"

"No, it's certainly not weird, considering that she lost all of the experiences that made her the person she was and is now Lois Lane version four."

"Four?"

"Pre-coma Lois, post-coma Lois, first time forgetting Lois and now second time forgetting Lois."

"Ah."

"Once again, back to the point: this is not the same Lois Lane you originally fell in love, or fell in love with again when you returned from training. Every single time she forgets, you're going to have to adapt to a Lois that starts with a blank slate and grows as a person as she experiences new things. You, my friend, will never love the same woman twice. If her condition wasn't so crappy it would be kind of poetic."

Clark eyed Chloe for a second before looking back inside to find Lois was no longer in front of the dresser. Shrugging, he looked back to Chloe. "I know that I'm not going to have it easy, Chloe. Knowing Lois, the fact that I have to bring her around to loving me all over again every two to four years is not all that shocking, even if how it happens isn't her doing.

"I think we're there, though. I know that this isn't the same love we had last time, because that was a one-of-a-kind thing with as long as I didn't tell her I was Superman and the fact that she wanted to be with him instead of Clark Kent. I mean, that whole thing was just a mess that once we worked through it made us an amazingly strong couple. Sadly, we don't have that anymore.

"What we have now is the fact that we're in love, and despite the fact that she didn't think she was going to get to use her heart for anyone but your family and my mom..."

"She would have included you eventually."

"Thanks. Anyway, based on what you've told me and what she's said, she didn't think she was going to have something like this before the attack, let alone after. I love her so much I don't know what I would do if I truly lost her. I think she feels the same way about me, and that's why this is a good time to propose."

Chloe pushed herself off the railing, walking in front of Clark and looking him in the eye. She'd developed this way of looking into him and deciphering his feelings that was oddly reminiscent of his mother. Come to think of it, this was something that had happened since Jack was born... was this just something all mothers could do?

She sighed after a moment. "I'm not going to talk you out of this, am I Clark?"

"If anyone could, it would be you. But no, you're not. I love her too much, Chloe."

"Alright. Best of luck, Clark." She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. "Now, mind giving me a ride back to my hotel?"

"You never did tell me why you're in town. What does the Gazette have you doing here in Metropolis?"

She grinned and poked him in the chest lightly. "Research. They have me doing an article comparing Batman to Superman." Clark broke out into laughter and she followed him.

"Wow. Who even came up with that?"

"My editor. It's the first in a series of articles comparing Gotham's Dark Knight to various other heroes, including Superman, The Flash, Wonder Woman and Green Arrow, among others. Since he knows I'm quite familiar with Metropolis, having lived here and all, I got the Superman part of it all. It also doesn't hurt that he knows my cousin is the only journalist to score a one on ones with you. I told him I'd be happy to do all the pieces, but I could only finagle three in the end."

"Good use of finagle. Who else did you get?"

"Flash and Green Arrow. I'm sure the whole thing will get just as much of a laugh out of Bart and Ollie as it did you. By the way, any chance of me getting some quotes?"

"I think that can be arranged. It may be time I give something to somebody that isn't Lois. It's just blatant favoritism, really."

"What's blatant favoritism?"

Clark and Chloe both turned their heads and spotted Lois closing the balcony door behind her. She was adorned in a dress that hugged all the curves he loved so much. He knew he should say something instead of being struck dumb.

"Wow," he breathed out as his jaw dropped. Realizing it, he closed it and make a nice clacking sound. He very quickly felt like the smoothest guy in the world and smiled as she rolled her eyes at him.

"Thank you, but it's not necessary. Now, blatant favoritism?"

Chloe stepped in front of him while he was still trying to find words. "The fact that Superman does all his one on one stuff with you. He's thinking of branching out and giving yours truly some material for my comparative article on Batman and Superman. Hell, they're the only quotes I have a shot from a hero for this one, even if I am married to Batman."

Lois raised an eyebrow and looked at him, adorning something of a half-smirk and half-frown. "Is that so, Smallville? And here I thought I was special. Now I'm just going to be a notch on your journalist belt."

"Oh good lord."

"Come on, cuz, it's time to share."

"Fine, fine. If he must, I guess Superman should give a one on one to the cousin of the best."

"He already does, which is why he's now coming to the best."

Lois laughed, breaking out into a huge grin. "Oh, is that how it's going to be?"

Chloe returned the grin in turn before jumping into Clark's arms so he could fly her to the hotel. "That's how it is, Lois Lane, and don't you forget it. Now, away my caped carrier, away!"

After a quick trip to the hotel and back, Clark and Lois went downtown to a super fancy restaurant that Ollie had acquired at some point Clark was not aware of. What he was aware of was that he and Lois were on a VIP list that gave them access to a private dining area, courtesy of the owner, and he was grateful for it tonight. He fingered the ring box in his pocket as they walked to the table. Their private waiter took their drink orders and walked off, leaving them alone.

"It's nice to have connections, isn't it?"

"Sure is, Lo. This may not be my favorite place in the world, but you can't argue against the ambiance. The romance in the room is almost palpable."

Soon their drinks were out and they ordered their food. They talked about this and that while they waited, never failing to make each other smile. Clark just felt that it was a night to be remembered. He could feel the air buzzing around him with her love, and he wanted a symbol of his love for her on her left hand. He wanted the world to know that he was the luckiest man in the world.

They meal came and went, as did dessert. Everything was going as well as he could have ever hoped. He thought he may be dreaming how well this was going, and if she accepted, didn't ever want to wake up. He stood up and offered her his hand.

"Dance with me."

She smiled as she stood up. "We've never danced before. What's the occasion?"

Her took her in his arms, holding her close. "Is I love you enough?"

"As it just so happens, it is." She laid her head against his chest, and he couldn't hold it in any longer. He wondered if their eight seconds of dancing was the shortest one that had ever happened in a room where dancing was some thing couples did frequently.

"Marry me."

She stepped back, a look of shock on her face. He kneeled down in front of her, opening the ring box and feeling as traditional as he thought he ever would with Lois.

"Lois Lane, will you marry me?"

"I uh... what?"

"Marriage. You and I. That's what I'm proposing, anyway, unless you have something else in mind."

"No... just, no."

That wasn't good. Not good at all and definitely not the answer he was hoping for. She turned and walked away from him, but he caught her before she got to the door. "Apparently you did have something else in mind. Look, Lois, if you think I'm going too fast..."

"Clark, get out of my way." She looked him in the eye and she looked hurt. Why would she look hurt? He took a step back so she could go by, but he couldn't let her go silently. He at least needed to know she'd be safe tonight.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to Chloe's to see if she'll lend me one of the beds in her penthouse tonight. You... I can't. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

He watched her walk out and listened to her footsteps as she left the restaurant. Chloe's hotel was about half a block away, so he followed her with his x-ray vision, seeing her get safely into Chloe's room and stopping there.

Looking down at the ring, Clark closed the box with an audible snap that resonated through the room that had very recently made him hopeful for his future with Lois. Now he didn't know what was going to happen. Unable to think of anything else, he uttered a word he'd said only a handful of times before in his life.

"Fuck."

- - -

Lois frowned as Clark handed her a phone.

"What's this for?"

"You want to know what you and Chloe talked about, right? She's a much better source for that information."

She shrugged, unable to find a whole in his argument and dialed Chloe's phone. A couple rings went by before her cousin picked up. "Hey, Lo. What's up?"

"You're all by your lonesome now, right?"

"Right, and thanks for the sensitivity."

"My pleasure. Would you mind relating the story of what we talked about the night of November 13th, 2016?"

"Is that where you're at now? Sure, I guess I can pry myself away from these exciting crime statistics and give you the inside information."

---

Chloe was flipping channels, trying to find something that would last a couple hours and leave her tired enough to fall asleep at the end, if not knock her out part of the way through. She finally found something sappy and slow when there was a knock at the penthouse doors. She checked the time and wondered who the hell would be knocking. As far as she knew, Lois and Clark were the only ones that knew she was here.

She pushed herself up off the couch and walked over to the door, checking the peep hole to see who it was. She was surprised to find Lois on the other end. Quickly unlocking the door, she opened it up to find an angry yet teary Lois at her door.

"Can I stay with you tonight, Chlo?"

She stepped out of the way of the doorway, ushering Lois in. "Of course, Lo. What the hell happened?"

"The jackass proposed to me, that's what happened. You got anything to drink?"

Chloe sighed and kicked the door shut behind her. She walked over to the phone and picked it up, dialing room service.

"How may we help you, Mrs. Wayne?"

"Will you please bring up a bottle of champagne?"

"Of course. It will be to your room in just a moment."

"Thank you." She dropped the phone back down, walking to the couch and sitting down next to Lois, who had splayed herself over most of the piece of furniture. "I'm guessing you didn't say yes."

"We've been together six months, Chloe! Six damn months! I couldn't even say I love you for the first one because I couldn't decide if I was making a huge mistake falling in love with him when I knew I was going to forget it all again."

"Obvious question, but what changed your mind?"

"He's Clark..." Lois waved her hand as if that explained everything. Fortunately Chloe had been around both of them enough to know what she meant. When there was another knock at the door, Chloe moved to get up but Lois beat her to it, nearly running over to the door. Chloe watched as she flung it open, grabbed the champagne and closed the door again. The top was quickly popped and Lois started drinking straight from the bottle.

"Feel better?"

Lois shook her head, taking another gulp afterwards. She finally swallowed, taking a deep breath in. "Why is he doing this to me, Chloe? We are not ready for this! We've been together six months. That is not long enough to figure out if we're compatible enough for marriage!"

"It hasn't been just six months for him, Lo."

"Do you think I don't know that? Hell, that's another problem with all this. He still thinks of me as the Lois Lane I was this time last year. I know he says he understands that I'm not the same person I was, but I don't think the message that comes out of his mouth is the one that occupies his brain." She took another big gulp of the champagne, shaking her head as she swallowed.

"I love him. That's out there for the whole world to see, but he doesn't love me for who I am now, he loves me for the picture of me that he has in his head." She finished off her statement with another swig of the champagne.

"Lois, I know that your head and your heart are fighting on this, but let me present a rational argument, if you'll listen to it." Lois made a circling motion with her hand, which Chloe assumed was the go ahead. "Ok, so, you love him, right?"

"Right."

"And he loves you, correct?"

"Like a horny teen loves porn."

"And apparently we're on the odd metaphor portion of the night. I'll take that as a yes, though, which leads me to this question: is how you think Clark loves you and how Clark actually loves you the same thing?"

"Of course it isn't, Chloe! I think I would know how a man loves me, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, because he's the type of guy that tells you that sort of thing."

"He still loves me for who I was!"

"He loves you for who you are now as well as who you were. If you were in his shoes, would you love him for who he was now and completely forget the love you had not that long ago?"

"How the hell should I know? What I do know is that I want him to love me for who I am and not what he thinks I might be again. Is it so much to ask that he love me for me? It may seem pretty selfish, but it does kind of matter."

"Lois, he and I talked about this while you were getting ready. All he cares about is that he loves you and you love him. That's it. He's just a guy that loves you enough to want to marry you. Is that enough for you?"

In response, Lois took another drink of the champagne, then sighed when she tipped the bottle over and nothing came out of it. She took a few steps backwards before turning around and tossing the bottle in a garbage can as she walked to the unoccupied room, closing the door behind her. Chloe just sighed, turning off the television and tossing the remote on the couch.

Chloe was sitting on the couch, talking to Bruce on the phone when she heard a door open behind her. She'd been debating on whether or not she should wake her cousin up, finally settling on not doing it and calling in for her to Perry. Considering she'd downed a bottle of champagne in about twenty minutes, the over sleeping wasn't a surprise. She told Bruce she loved him before hanging up and watching Lois walk into the room.

"Morning, cuz. How'd you sleep?"

"Like a rock after the throwing up. Apparently I can't drink champagne that quickly anymore."

"You could never drink it that quickly, Lo. Every time you tried I ended up holding your hair back so that you wouldn't throw up in it."

"Good times."

"You bet."

Lois laid down on the couch, placing her head in Chloe's lap. Chloe ran a hand through Lois's hair like she would Jack's, figuring she needed the same kind of simple, unspoken reassurances.

"I overreacted, didn't I?"

"I think you were due for one. You'd been extremely understanding about things for months now, and that's just not you." She was going to stop talking there, but Lois might not get at that she was joking this morning. "That's a joke, by the way. The being due for one, not the extremely understanding."

"Did I screw everything up?"

"I doubt you could ever do that with Clark. The man loves you too much. He might be a little hurt that you ran out on him after he proposed instead of staying and talking things through, but I think that talking to him will solve that. If not now, sometime today."

"I need to call Perry and tell him I'm not coming in today."

"Taken care of. Called in for you an hour ago."

Lois smiled up at her. "Thank you. Despite the fact that you're my younger cousin, I enjoy the mothering I seem to be getting."

"What can I say? I guess I just don't mind taking care of the people I love."

"I appreciate it."

"Hey, did I tell you that Bruce and I are trying for another baby?"

Lois sat up slowly, rubbing a hand over her face. She turned so that she was facing the same direction as Chloe and turned her head to smile at her. "You want a little girl, don't you?"

"I wouldn't mind that, no. The thought of a little girl just like me scares the hell out of me, though. I remember myself as a kid from about the age of five on, and... well, you know."

"I do. You were adorable, and aside from being seriously inquisitive the perfect daughter."

"Ha! That's only what you saw of me. I could be a terror when I set my mind to it. Why do you think I was an only child?"

"I could answer that, but will abstain since my parents had a second child before they realized what a handful I was." Lois reached over and took Chloe's hand in hers. "I'm really happy for you, Chlo. You're a great mother and any children you may have will be lucky to have you."

Chloe pulled Lois into a hug, not knowing how else to express the feelings she felt. She blinked away a tear, smiling into her cousins shoulder. "Thank you. I know you'll make a great mother someday too."

"Ha! To quote John Wayne in The Searchers, 'That'll be the day.'"

Chloe didn't believe her, but she didn't bother to go forth with her opinion. Knowing Lois, pushing the subject would only send her further into denial. There was also the whole issue of trying to get Lois to accept that Clark wanted to marry her for her, and that this was not a bad thing.

"So, what are you going to do about Clark?"

Lois sighed and leaned over, resting her face in her hand. "Talk to him."

"When?"

"Tonight."

"Good decision."

Lois looked over at her, smirking. "Thanks, mom."

"It's what I'm here for."

- - -

"Champagne in twenty minutes?" Lois frowned and sighed. "I loved thinking I could pull that off."

"And yet you never could. Alright, now that you're informed, I'll leave you to Clark. I have a feeling I'll be hearing from you again, though. Love you."

"Love you too, Chlo." Lois hung up the phone, turning back to Clark. "Seems it's your turn again. What came next?"

"We talked."

"How... exciting?"

---

Clark landed on the balcony, slipping inside the bedroom. He looked around, and finding it still empty, sighed and did a quick change into jeans and a t-shirt. He walked out into the living room and plopped down on the couch, searching for the remote. He found it under a pillow and turned the TV on, flipping to the Monday Night Football. Steelers vs. Eagles seemed like it should be a good game.

He tossed the remote on the coffee table and pushed himself up off the couch, walking out into the kitchen and grabbing a beer out of the fridge. The alcohol didn't do anything to him, but he didn't mind the taste, and since it was Lois's he could think on the good times instead of the fact that he may have screwed everything up.

He was looking forward to when she was going to come into work, but then when Perry had told him that Chloe had called in for her, his heart had sank. It wasn't as bad as if she'd called in herself, since she hated doing that unless she was so sick she couldn't move, but it still wasn't good. He figured that there had been heavy drinking after she'd gotten to the room. He just hoped she wasn't feeling too bad when she woke up.

After that, the day had inched by. Every other minute was him second guessing his decision to propose so soon. He just wanted to talk to her, make sure that they were going to be ok. The saves he'd made hadn't been too intense, but he'd almost welcomed them to keep his mind off of Lois. After that, he'd felt like an ass for being glad that people needed to be saved.

Clark downed the beer, tossing the bottle into the recycling bin before grabbing another.

"I could use one of those too, ya know."

Clark spun around, finding Lois standing in the doorway. "Lois..." He walked over to her and pulled her into a hug, still holding the beer in one hand. "I've wanted to talk to you all day."

"I know. I wanted to talk, too, but I didn't know what to say. I spent most of the daylight hours walking around trying to figure that very thing out."

"It's been dark for two hours, Lois."

"I know. I spent all that time in the dive by the Planet eating half a dozen baskets of fries and a couple cheeseburgers."

"How'd that work out for you?"

"Ask me tomorrow." She fidgeted for a second before speaking again. "I want you to love me for who I am and not who I was. She's not coming back and that's not going to change, no matter how much you want it to."

"I know, Lo. I love you because you're you. Admittedly, I wish you remembered what we had, but I know you don't and I see you for who you are. If I didn't I'd be living in a dream world and there, you wouldn't have memory loss."

"It's not ever going to be the same as it was, Clark."

"If I wanted to have the same thing forever, I wouldn't want to marry you."

"Very funny." She reached over and took the beer out of his hand, opening it and taking a long drink. "That's better. So, are we going to be alright even though the marriage thing isn't happening?"

"We'll always be alright, Lo, so long as we're together."

"That's really cheesy, Smallville."

"I know."

They walked over and sat down on the couch, snuggling up close to each other as they watched the football game. After the Steelers won the game, they called it a night and headed to bed. They were laying down together when Clark felt he needed to ask her something.

"I hate to ask this..."

"Then you have good reason not to."

"Be that as it may, do you want to get married? Not in the sense of me proposing, but just as in... ever."

Lois sat up slowly, looking at him. "I've asked myself that question every minute since you proposed to me yesterday. Do you want the simple answer or the complicated answer?"

"I guess I'll venture the complicated."

"I don't know if it's fair to myself to marry you."

Clark scratched at his shoulder in a useless gesture then rubbed a hand up over his face and back through his hair. "That is complicated. I have no idea what it means."

"What it means is that I'm not making a decision like this just for me. I'm making this decision for any me that wakes up without her memory in the future. If I marry you, that won't change. I'll be married to you forever, or until one of us divorces you because it's too much to handle. I don't want to do that to myself, and I certainly don't want to do that to you.

"I know that I made the fact that you wanted to get married all about you not being able to differentiate between who I was and who I am, and that was heavily on my mind, but this is the real issue. That was, in essence, a stall, so I could think about this, and I still don't know where I stand on it. That would be something unbelievable to wake up to, literally meaning I wouldn't believe it. In 2008 you weren't even somebody I would have considered."

She stopped talking and covered her face with her hands. Clark placed a hand on her back, hoping to bring about some calm so that she wouldn't feel so overwhelmed by the decision. He shouldn't have pushed this on her.

"I'm sorry about all this, Lo. I should never have proposed. I wasn't thinking about what it would do to you in the future, just what it would do for us now. You'd think I'd be better at the forward thinking by now."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Clark. The reason I thought of it was because I HAVE to think of these things. I have to keep in mind that I am going to forget, and all my actions now will have to be explained in the future. You're seeing things from a different perspective, though. Where I want to take care of me in the future, you want to take care of me now. I love you for that.

"What it all comes down to, though, is that waking up and finding out I'm married to you is a whole hell of a lot different than waking up to find out we got engaged the night before. It makes everything I'm going through even more real and hard to believe at the same time. As much confidence as I have in myself to handle things, even I have my limit."

Clark laid back down. What he was hearing was starting to scare him. He wished he'd never asked the question, but now he had to take this all the way.

"That sounds a lot like a no to the ever wanting to get married."

"It's not about what I want." She laughed, and he could tell it was mirthless. "God, nothing has ever been about what I want." He watched her wipe away the tears that had started falling down her cheeks.

"What do you want, Lo?"

"I want to marry you. I love you so much, Clark, and I want to marry you, but I can't. It won't be fair to myself." She shook her head and laid back down, her head resting against Clark's arm. "Leave it to me to find a way to deny myself happiness."

Clark sighed, and then found himself speaking without even realizing he had anything to say.

"We're not going to be able to ever have kids, are we?"

"Is it even genetically possible?"

"I don't know. But if you won't allow yourself to get married, what happens if there's an accident, like say the pill doesn't work, and you do end up pregnant? What would happen then?"

"I hadn't ever thought about it. Children are not something that come into my mind all that often. I don't know what I would do, though. That would blow waking up married out of the water, and both would be huge."

Clark sat up, bringing Lois with him and hugging her close. How had this happened? Two days ago they'd been happy. Things had been comfortable. Why couldn't he have left them at comfortable? Why did he always have to want more?

"I should leave."

He looked down at her, not believing what he'd just heard. "What?"

"This isn't going to work. This can't work. You want a family, and I can't provide that for you. I can't be your wife, and I can't be a mother to any children. That is asking for a ton of trouble before you factor in my crazy brain damage."

She got up out of the bed and started changing her clothes. When she grabbed a bag out of the closet, Clark popped up out of the bed. "You don't have to do this, Lo. I know this sounds cheesy, but love will get us through this. My mom loves that saying, and I believe it."

"I know she does, and I know you do, but... sometimes love is strong but the people aren't. I can be strong in this, and I have to be. Otherwise I don't know what will happen to us. At least this way we can be friends again. Once I forget..."

"Are you serious?"

"Once I forget again, Clark, be my friend. You'll have a blank slate to work with, and whatever you may think of me now, however much I'm hurting you now, when that happens I'll need my friend."

Clark didn't know if he'd ever felt more pain in his life. It was like he could feel the pieces of his heart falling away as she tossed all her clothes into the bag. As he watched her toss the plaid shirt of his she'd taken to wearing to bed lately go into the bag, he'd have sworn he lost a ventricle.

He wanted to say something. He wanted to say anything that would stop her, but he didn't know what to say. 'Don't worry, everything will work itself out somehow.' If only. He heard her zip up her bag and looked at her face, her eyes teary but resolute.

"I'm sorry, Clark."

"I am too, Lo. Where are you going?"

"I'll stay with Chloe again tonight, and after that... who knows."

"Will I see you again?"

"Hopefully, before I forget. If not..." She walked up to him and pulled him down a little, planting a soft, wet kiss on him. "I love you, Smallville."

He just stood there as she shouldered her bag and walked out. Turning around, he walked out onto the balcony and sat down, his back to the railing. He looked up at the sky, staring at the stars visible through the ambient light of the city a second before bringing his gaze back down to stare at the wall. It used to have a chair in front of it, but now it was empty, just like him. Poor wall.

- - -

Lois grabbed the phone from Clark and started dialing Chloe's number again. "This would be a lot more suspenseful if I didn't know how we ended up, Smallville." Lois finished dialing and Chloe picked up after only one ring.

"My turn again, Lois?"

"Yup."

---

Again with the knocking! Who the hell was going to be at her door this time, and why were they going to be there after midnight? She pulled the hair back out of her face and looked through the peep hole, one again finding her cousin on the other end. Sighing, she opened the door, figuring Clark had proposed again and Lois had found something else to freak out about.

"What's going on... and why do you have a duffel bag with you?"

That was when she noticed just how red and puffy Lois's eyes were. She calmed down on and took the bag from her cousin, guiding her in to the room and over to the couch, dropping the duffel on the way there.

"What happened, Lo?"

"We're done. Clark and I can't be together anymore."

"What? Why?"

"It's not fair to him. I can't marry him, we can't have a family together... why are we going to be together if there's not going to be anything to it? I have to think of what's best for me when I wake up without my memory... I can't be selfish and marry the man I love." She paused a second, struggling with keeping her breathing steady. "God, only I could have to utter that sentence."

Chloe watched Lois struggle with her breathing again for a second before breaking out into sobs. Chloe scooted over and pulled her into a hug, knowing she couldn't make things any better for her but hoping that she'd calm down a bit. After a few minutes she did, wiping at her eyes and cheeks.

"I didn't.. I didn't know I could hurt this much, Chloe."

"I'm so sorry, Lo. I always thought you two would make it, no matter what."

"Of course we didn't, Chlo. Since when do I get to be happy?"

2 Weeks Later

"Lois! Hey, Lois!"

Chloe jogged through the newsroom, dodging a couple people before catching up to Lois. "Hey! How's the first day going?"

Lois smiled at her weakly, scratching at her neck while she flipped through some pages. "Not too bad. Got the 'Welcome to the team!' speech from George, but it seemed like he was a little too enthusiastic."

"You're Lois Lane; of course he was enthusiastic. When Bruce told him that you were going to be working here he gave everybody the day off. Then he remembered that doesn't work with a newspaper, so he bought lunch for everyone on the floor. Point is, he was happy about you coming to the paper. Probably thinks you'll score an interview with Batman."

"Yeah, well, he's in for a rude awakening." She paused a second before smiling much more genuinely. "Thank you, again, for convincing Bruce to let me work here."

"Convince? When I told him what had happened between you two, he was the one who thought of it. He had this wild idea that you would end up in Timbuktu if we didn't keep you nearby."

Lois cocked an eyebrow at her. "Was it also his idea to give me a wing of the Wayne Manor to myself? Because it's overkill and I'm no mooch. I have plenty of savings that I can use to get an apartment."

"And I don't want my de facto sister living alone in a new city. You don't have to pay the inflated amount a Gotham apartment would run, you don't have to buy food and you have me to ride to work with every morning. What more could you want?"

"To not be mooching off my cousin."

"Tough. Your cousin has a husband that is an old friend of yours with more money than he or his wife could find use for. Trust me when I say you're not mooching. We are both happy to help you get a fresh start."

"And I thank you for that. You could let me stand on my own two legs, though."

Chloe bit her lip, but realized that was a dead giveaway she was hiding something and stopped promptly. Unfortunately, it hadn't been promptly enough and she saw Lois was looking at her with a quizzical expression.

"What are you not telling me?"

She winced. "I have alternate reasons for wanting you at the manor."

Lois sat back in her chair, giving her a look that made Chloe feel sorry for all the people that were interviewed by Lois Lane. "Alternate reasons?"

"Uh, yeah. I want you to keep staying at the manor with us because... because we don't know when you'll lose your memory again and I don't want you waking up all alone in a strange apartment in a strange city."

Lois was silent a moment before responding. "You could have just told me that. It makes perfect sense."

"Really?"

"Really. I'm lucky to have family that cares enough about me to think of something like that. With as much consideration as I've put into my future lately, I'm kind of surprised I didn't think of it. Guess I've been too focused on other things."

When she sighed, Chloe just wanted to pull her into a hug and tell her that everything was going to be ok, despite the fact that she'd had to abandon the man the she loved and the city she called home. Why did it all seem to happen to Lois?

"Chloe!"

She blinked a couple times, recovering her senses and looking over to Lois. "Yeah, what?"

"Did you hear what I asked?"

She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, I kind of zoned out for a minute."

"Noticed that. I asked how Clark's doing."

"Really? You haven't asked about him since... well, since you left."

"I know, but I'm curious. No need for deep detail."

"He's lonely."

She sighed loudly. "I'm not surprised. He spent Thanksgiving alone in Metropolis." Chloe watched as Lois sat forward again, resting her face in her hands for a moment. "Tell me that I did the right thing, Chlo. Tell me that I left the most amazing man in the world, a man that loved me in spite of everything for the right reasons."

"You did what you had to do, Lo. You did what you thought was right for your future."

"Do you think I did the right thing?"

"I don't know if I'd have had the strength to do what you did were I in your position. It was... courageous."

"You didn't say if you thought it was the right thing to do."

"It doesn't matter what I think at this point, because it's already done."

Lois ran a hand through her hair and closed her eyes for a second. "I need to get moving on this article. I'll... I'll talk to you later." She leaned over and placed a kiss on Chloe's forehead and walked off. Chloe watched her go, feeling like she could burst into tears.

Three Weeks Later

"What? Why not?"

"Are you really asking that?"

"Oh."

Chloe watched Lois's face fall and immediately wished she'd made a better choice of words. They'd been discussing what the Christmas plans were with the holiday being six days away, and since Clark had only informed her that he wasn't going to be coming a couple days ago, she'd decided it was time to break the news to Lois.

"I can't believe I haven't seen him in over a month. God, what the hell happened? We were so happy... no, that road just leads to self-pity and brooding. I made a decision, and I have to deal with the consequences. Topic change: any luck making a sibling for Jack?"

"Not this month. It'll happen, though, I'm sure."

"Me too." Lois smiled and shook her head. "It's crazy what can happen in a year. I woke up without my memory, nearly left the Daily Planet, fell in love with Clark of all people, was really happy, turned thirty, was happy for a couple more months and had everything fall to shit. And now I'm spending Christmas with my cousin, her wonderful son and a husband that is trying to knock her up again."

Chloe rolled her eyes and pushed Lois lightly. "He is not trying to 'knock me up,' Lo. That sounds like two animals going at it. We are trying to conceive a child by expressing our love to one another." Pausing a second, she decided that didn't sound right either. "Ok, maybe we're somewhere in between the rutting animals and my cheesy romance novel attempt at a description."

"Whatever. That's as much as I want to know about how you two go about rutting, conceiving or whatever it is you're doing. I know my little cousin has a son, but I still like to think of you as the girl in pigtails that liked to investigate the weird stories. Jesus, I think back on that and I have no idea how we got where we are."

"Luck. Fate. Love. All of the above."

"I miss love. God, I miss Clark, and after being with him for six months I really miss the..."

"Rutting?"

"Well, yeah, but I was going to say comfort."

"Ha! You're still an awful liar."

Lois sighed. "I know. You'd think I could have acquired a poker face sometime in the last eight years. I mean, seriously, when I woke up without my memory, I had trouble falling asleep for the first few weeks. I couldn't ever figure out why until Clark and I got together. When I laid my head on his chest, it was like I had taken a sleeping pill. I was out.

"I had fallen asleep on him like that so often before I forgot that I had the muscle memory of it. It didn't matter that my head didn't remember it because my muscles did, and not having him there with me just wrought havoc on my ability to fall asleep. When I realized that after a few nights of falling asleep on him... God was I pissed.

"I realized that I had become dependent on him. And it wasn't just the fact that it was him, it was the fact that it was anybody. Lois Lane doesn't need anybody or anything. She's her own woman, the end. But Clark... he'd ripped down my walls and I'd been so into it, so in love with him that my body had become used to him being there with me. It was the norm. When I really thought about it, I realized just how big a thing that was for me. It wasn't something to rave about, it was something to enjoy.

"And so I did. I had six of the best months I can remember. And then it ended for reasons that I can't seem to cope with. They're good reasons, smart reasons, but they're tearing me apart, and they're taking Clark away from the people he loves, away from his family. How is that fair? If anybody should be alone, it's me. But nobody should have to be alone on Christmas. Hell, nobody should have to be alone period."

She was so close that Chloe could taste it. She desperately wanted to interrupt and yell 'Duh!' at her but knew that it would kind of ruin this whole revelation thing Lois had going on, so she held back.

"Why the fuck am I alone, Chloe? Clark is the greatest man I'll ever know and he loves me more than he loves pie. Not that I can blame him, really, since I'm tastier."

"That's naughty."

"Not what I meant, but also true. Christ, what the hell am I doing here?"

Chloe watched Lois jump up and look around the room a second before pausing and taking a deep breath. "Ok, I need a plan. Chloe, will you have the Wayne jet fueled up for me. I need to go to Metropolis. I'm going to get my things..."

"Why don't you just call for him to come here?"

"Because he would, Chloe, and I need to show him that I'm coming back to him, not saying he can be with me again. God, I hope he'll take me back." Chloe scoffed and Lois looked at her. "What?"

"I think my scoff was statement enough. Now grab your things and get your ass to Metropolis!"

Lois grinned and started walking towards the front door, then stopped and spun around to face Chloe again. "I'm sorry that I had to be so cliché in my big speech and realization."

"It happens to the best of us, now go!"

Lois grinned at her again and spun away, walking towards the door and exiting the manor. Chloe threw her arms up in the air and did a little dance. It was about damn time. She then realized what she was doing, stopped and walked off to find Bruce so she could give him a good rut... err, expression of love.

---

"Thanks, Chloe. Also, hearing you say rutting is strange."

"Anytime, Lo. Enjoy the rest of your story."

Lois shut the phone and looked to Clark. "Alright, Smallville, finish her up."

"Yes, ma'am."

---

Clark stared at the television, trying to decide what he would watch. The pathetic little Christmas tree next sitting next to the TV drew his eye, though, taunting him with its blinking lights and attempts at merriness. He hadn't been able to stop himself from buying a little tree, no matter how much he wanted to just forget that it was Christmas. Stupid hope always got the best of him.

He skimmed the channels the old fashioned way, actually running through them one by one. He liked that there was a channel guide but it didn't occupy him like channel surfing did. It wasn't about finding something to watch so much as giving himself something to kill time, even if it only took a couple minutes to find that there was nothing on any of the thousand channels or so. Apparently some things never changed, no matter how many channels were added.

When he stumbled upon 'A Charlie Brown Christmas,' though, he stopped. This had been a staple of his childhood, and was one of his first Christmas memories. He and his dad had sat down with cups of hot chocolate while his mom was shuffling between the living room and kitchen, checking on them and the food as much as she could. Dad had held him tight through the story, ruffling his hair and telling him to listen closely when Linus had spoken about the true meaning of Christmas.

Mom had joined them on the couch then, leaning over and resting her face against his. When Linus had finished his speech, she'd placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and told him that she loved him. Then his dad had taken the remnants of his hot chocolate and placed it on the coffee table before pushing it out of the way and telling him it was time for the final tree decoration.

They'd decorated the tree earlier when dad had come in from working for the day. The tree was a good two feet taller than his father had been, which had made it seem all the more huge to him when his dad seemed like the biggest thing possible. They'd done all the decorations but the angel that went on top, his dad telling him that was something that happened at a special time.

His dad had placed the angel in his hands and lifted him up high so that he could place the angel on top of the tree. When he did so, he was let down and mom had walked over from the kitchen and picked him up. Dad had leaned over and placed a kiss on th top of his head as his mom ran a hand across his back. They'd both told him they loved him more than anything, and in response he'd yawned. He remembered rubbing at his eye as mom had put him to bed, saying they would bake some cookies tomorrow.

God, that had been so long ago. Life had been so simple then.

Clark turned the television off and tossed the remote on the coffee table with a sigh, barely noticing when it clanged against the glass. He could remember being happy like it was yesterday... or more accurately, six weeks or so ago. It seemed such a foreign concept now. He'd barely realized that it was Thanksgiving after Lois left, telling Chloe that he was going to spend it in Metropolis the night before, when he was supposed to go to Gotham.

If he had seen her then, it would have been pouring salt on his open chest wound. A whole damn container of salt, slowly and painfully.

He hadn't planned on spending Christmas in Metropolis. He knew that Jack was going to be disappointed, and he hated doing that to his nephew, but even with the time that had passed he couldn't say he felt any better. After the way his heart had shattered, he still hadn't found one of his ventricles or the aorta.

Pushing himself up off the couch, Clark walked out onto the balcony, clad only in a pair of boxers and t-shirt. He hadn't had the inclination to change into anything else after saving a couple people right after work, then showering to wash some soot off himself. It was hard being Superman now when it had been so easy before. He never knew just how vital Lois had been to keeping him strong enough to help all the people that needed it.

Now, he just wanted to go to sleep at night and close his hearing off so that he could have some peace. He never did, but until Lois had left, he'd never wanted to either. He didn't know how he was going to make the appearances at a couple of orphanages on Christmas day and manage to look hopeful and confident... to look like Superman. Hopefully the children wouldn't notice his slumping shoulders and lack of a will to live.

Looking at the sky, Clark realized that it was a shade of gray that matched exactly how he felt. He was simply existing now, with nothing to drive him. Hope for the future had left him with Lois.

He'd really wanted to be angry at her. It would have been so easy, too, if she wasn't so damn lovable. He knew he would always love her and only her. And when she forgot again, he'd be her friend because she'd asked him to be. But he would always have the memories of how good they were together, of how they complimented each other in every fashion. Things like what they had didn't happen by chance. As much as he'd always hated the concept of fate, he'd thought they were fated.

But no, fate had finally smacked him upside the head as he'd always thought it would. The loneliness he'd always expected had finally caught up to him and embraced him like an old lover. He figured this was why normal people in the world lost contact with most of their old lovers. How he was going to be her friend and not try to strike up their relationship again, he didn't know, but it's what she wanted. That was enough.

Walking back inside, he shook a couple snow flakes out of his hair and collapsed back onto the couch. He let his head loll to the side as he stared at the wall instead of the ceiling, having already stared at it for the first few weeks after Lois had left.

He wished that there had been poor logic in her reasons for leaving, but there wasn't. She had to be mindful of what she was going to wake up to in the future, so to speak, and as much as he wanted to find a flaw in it, the cold, heartless logic was flawless. The cold, heartless logic had also been what caused his loss of heart pieces, but it was just logic. Being mad at it would have been illogical, though satisfying.

Clark let his eyelids slide shut for a second and was greeted by a vision of Lois, smiling at him as she stood up on her toes to give him a deep, sensual kiss. His eyes flew open, knowing that thinking about things like that would only lead to further... oh hell, he would call it what it was: brooding. But at least he had a good reason for it this time, so he wasn't counting it as such.

Clark took a deep breath in and released it, staring at the wall some more until there was a knock on the door. He sped into some pants and put his glasses on, wondering why anybody would bother him when all those closest to him were nowhere near. Yawning as he walked over to the door, he shook it off as he opened the door.

"Merry Christmas, Smallville."

His mouth, having just closed, sprung back open as he found Lois on the other side of the door. Shaking his head, he closed his mouth. He knew that she knew he'd been wallowing, but he could still act cool despite that. He wondered how long it would take her to see through it.

"Lois? What brings you to Metropolis?"

"Christmas. I thought that was inferred in my previous statement."

"Oh, yeah. Come on in."

She walked right past him, dropping her stuff where she always had. He figured that it was just force of habit after having lived there for most of the past year.

"So, uh, how have you been?"

"Ok. I got my own wing of the manor, which at first was weird but turned out to be kinda cool. How have you been? Anything interesting happen lately?"

"You know, just the usual. Go to work, save people, write story, save people, go home, save people, sleep, save people, lather, rinse and repeat." Why the hell had he just said lather, rinse and repeat?

"Lather, rinse and repeat?"

"Yeah, I was kind of wondering about that myself. It wasn't in my original statement."

"I guess we all say some crazy things we don't plan on saying."

"Happens to everyone, I'm sure."

"I realized it had happened to me, recently."

Did she just say what he thought she'd said? It seemed that way, but what if she'd been talking about something else? Dig a little deeper, maybe...

"You know what I mean, right? This whole break up thing... whole bunch of crazy I never planned or wanted to say that got out anyway. Was thinking with my head instead of my heart. Tendency I've had for a long time."

Good digging, even if he hadn't asked a question. "Yeah, I hoped that was what you meant, but you can be unpredictable sometimes."

She shed her coat and tossed it on the couch before walking over to him and standing barely a foot away. When she looked up into his eyes, he felt hope again. God, he'd missed hope.

"It's been tearing me up inside, Clark. I realized while flying over here that the best way to look out for my future is for that future to be with you. I could never have a better guardian in my life than the man I love more than I thought I was able to."

She paused a second and he just about fell over from happiness at what he was hearing.

"Can you trust me with your heart again?"

"Well, I've been missing a ventricle and my aorta since you left, but oddly enough I think I just found them again and my heart's started to beat for the first time in far too long. My heart may have been broken, but I couldn't fault you for the reasons you did it. Airtight logic."

"Funny how my airtight logic screwed everything up. C'est la vie."

"C'est la vie, indeed." Clark leaned down and kissed her, grinning the whole time he did so. It felt good. It felt really good. He really hoped this was going where he hadn't let his earlier daydream go. They broke apart so that each could breathe, and Lois spoke first.

"I want you to ask me again. Not now... surprise me."

"Like I could deny you anything. Consider yourself on surprise warning."

Six Days Later

Clark woke up to the feeling of gentle kisses across his bare shoulder. Smiling tiredly, he looked over to find a wide awake Lois working her way towards his collarbone. He peeked at the clock on the desk and groaned how early it was but realized they should head downstairs. As much as he wanted to continue where he thought they were headed, it was Christmas morning and there were things to do.

"We should get downstairs, Lo. Jack has probably shredded through his, his parents and our presents by now."

"Good, means we can stay here instead of having to go down and open presents."

"As much as I would like to repeat last night-oh wow..." His voice trailed off as Lois bit lightly on his nipple, then licked it in a soothing gesture. She pushed herself up and looked him in the eyes while grinning wickedly.

"I'm planning on wrapping one more thing today. Then there will be some bouncing for joy when the present is received, followed by cries of happiness and unwrapping. How's that sound?"

A couple hours later they walked downstairs hand in hand, neither able to erase the grin they'd brought to each other. Lois leaned into him a bit as they made they're way to the den where the tree and presents were.

"Where have you guys been?"

"We had some present exchanging we wanted to do in person," Lois said. Clark saw that Bruce just nodded and turned back to Jack, who was on a new bike. Chloe, on the other hand, was looking straight at him.

"What?"

She tapped her left hand against her leg before shrugging. "Nothing, just thought you two would have been down a while ago." He gave her a discrete nod, smiling as he looked down at Lois.

"So, wanna open presents, Lo?"

"Sounds like fun." They walked over to the tree, grabbing the presents each had bought in the final days of hectic shopping in the city. Clark took the present Lois handed him. "You first."

He smiled and tore the wrapping paper off, finding an upside down movie disc inside. He flipped it over and gaped at what he saw.

"I found it by chance. I had no idea what to get you, but Chloe told me what that meant to you recently..."

"I can't believe you found 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' for me, Lo."

"Like I said, happy accident." Clark just grinned a second before realizing what he was doing and handing her his present. He sat the movie down and watched as she smiled in recognition of what she was holding. "I had a feeling you might do this today, Smallville." She tore the wrapping paper off to uncover a ring box. She quickly flipped it open, but her face fell and she looked up at him.

"See, I wanted it to be a surprise, and what better day for a surprise than Christmas, right? But having you unwrap the ring just seemed too silly, even for me." He pulled the ring out of his pants pocket, and her eyes lit up. "Do you know how hard it was to find an empty ring box? Mom lost the one for this ring years ago, so I finally had to borrow one from Chloe."

Clark got down on one knee, smiling up at Lois. "Will you marry me, Lois?"

"Yes, yes, so many times yes."

He slid the ring on her finger and leaned down, kissing her as deeply as he could with Jack in the room, even if he was distracted.

"Finally."

Everyone looked over at Bruce, who looked at all of them in turn. "You two were meant for each other. I'm glad you finally get to experience the same joy Chloe and I have."

"Right, no exasperation in that finally at all."

"None. I'm sincerely happy for the both of you."

Lois answered before he could. "Thank you, Bruce."

A blonde blur jumped on and attached itself to them, hugging each with surprising power. "Let me reiterate his finally with a little more gusto: FINALLY!" She kissed each on the cheek, grinning like crazy. "So, when's the wedding?"

"Oh good lord. I'm going to have a maid of honor-zilla, aren't I?"

"Yes, and you'll love it."

"I always have been a glutton for punishment. Just look at who I'm marrying... holy crap, I'm getting married."

Clark looked over at Lois, one eyebrow raised. "I did just propose, Lo."

"I know, but it took a minute to sink in. Holy... hey, I'm marrying the man I love..." She broke out into a giant smile and jumped into his arms, kissing him like crazy. God, he loved this woman.

---

Lois was laying on the bed, tracing circles around her exposed navel while she looked at Clark, who was next to her. "You were right, that was really long. Took longer than eight hours to get though."

"I probably could have split it up into a couple parts so we could have gone to bed earlier, but when I did that last time I started in the wrong place and everything got muddled up in your head. It wasn't worth the trouble."

"And my head is muddled enough, so I appreciate the fact that you muddled it no more. Now, AJ and I say sleep." She slid herself over, laying her head in the crook of his shoulder and smiled. "Goodnight, Smallville."