Chapter 8: The Threat

After the five vagabonds leaped in and out of the magical hat, they landed on another strange planet. There was nothing but greenery around and behind them. But in front of them stood a tall, looming, golden wall that stretched for miles on both sides. They could see the tips of impressively huge and glittering, emerald green towers, which stood behind the wall. Footsteps could be heard, vaguely, on the other side. But other than that, it was eerily quiet, save for the sounds of the trees swaying in the breeze and the birds chirping and settling.

Wander put his hat back on and Sylvia whistled lowly. "Fortified little city, ain't it?" She said what everyone was thinking.

Draykor nodded. "Indeed. It must be soundproof."

"How can a wall be soundproof?" Peepers squinted up at the top of the wall and then looked left and right. "Well, I suppose there must be something invisible we're not seeing. Wizard's magic, I suppose. Anyway, there has to be some way in."

"There's a guard over there," Draykor spotted.

"Let's go!" Wander cried excitedly with a bounce in his step. The rest shrugged and followed the gregarious nomad. "Hi! Is this where the wizard lives?"

The guard, a grumpy looking sheep, who was about as tall as Lord Hater, growled at the unusual bunch. "Who's asking?"

"Us," Peepers quipped. "And we all wish to see the wizard."

Hater pushed Peepers aside and puffed out his chest. "We demand to see him -" The guard simply pointed her spear at him. "If, er, that's okay with you, of course... and I'll be over here!" He cowered behind Sylvia, who gave him the stink eye.

The guard sniggered at them. "No one can see the marvelous Major Threat! No one has ever seen him!"

"Then... How do you even know he exists?" Sylvia wondered aloud, cocking her head. This evidently stumped the sheep, as she quickly stuttered a pathetic response.

"W-Well - I - er..." Her baby blue eyes trailed upward. "H-He puts on an annual fireworks display!"

"Anyone can flarpin' do that!"

"You're all just wasting my time and yours!" The ram ignored her comeback and pointed her spear at them. "Now leave quietly or leave by force."

"Please!" Wander begged, approaching the guard. "You've gotta let us in! Princess Demura sent me!"

Sylvia perked up instantly and silently thanked Wander for his quick thinking. "Yeah! See the hat?" But the guard continued sniggering.

"Bah! That could be any old - " Sylvia took Wander's hat, giving him a wink, and pulled out his banjo, a deck of cards, and the picnic basket from the hat.

The ram scratched her chin, still unimpressed. "Well, aren't you special?"

Hater, Peepers, Draykor, and Sylvia then proceeded to pull out all kinds of things from the hat, including a teddy bear, a pair of headphones, a pack of juice boxes, and even several water balloons. One water balloon landed on the already grouchy guard.

"Oh, FINE!" The drenched, enraged sheep took one look at Wander and his hat, weighing her options. If she forced the newcomers to leave, then she could finally have some relief. And, she would possibly be preventing future turmoil. (Not everyone who wanted to see the wizard was a perfect little angel. That's what a taser and free Major t-shirts were for, perhaps.) Unfortunately, she also knew that the alternative was a much better choice. She could not deny that the star nomad was the owner of the hat, and disobeying Princess Demura was not the best idea.

"Fine," she grumbled, signaling the hidden gatekeeper on the other side to let them inside the city. "Go! Get away from me." A segment of the gigantic wall slid open, permitting their entrance.

"Thank you!" Wander sang. He stopped bouncing as soon as he saw the enclosed city. "Ooh... glittery..." He fished for a camera from his hat and snapped a few photos.

All of them marveled the small, sparkling city, with its emerald edifices taller than any buildings they have ever seen and the multiple, intersecting streets among them. Citizens scurried to their destinations, with raised chins and bright smiles, as if they were the happiest people alive. And from what the travelers could see, they had no reason to be unhappy. Business thrived in this large city, everyone was well-off, and, as shallow as it sounded, the townspeople looked absolutely gorgeous in their vivid green suits, jackets, dresses, shawls, and pencil skirts among other things and a variety of stylish accessories.

The wall's opened slot slid shut, and all the citizens stopped to stare inquisitively at the newcomers. Wander simply smiled and waved, while the rest of the four shifted their weight awkwardly. Whether to end the staring contest or to begin doing his job, a chubby brown boar marched up to the group and shook all their hands.

"Welcome! I'm Timmy. I'll be your tour guide, and I hope you enjoy your stay at the Major Metropolis."

Sylvia grinned a little uneasily. "Nice to meet you, but is this joint always kept under wraps like this?" Timmy nodded grimly.

"I'm afraid so. We are carefully chosen, loyal employees of Major Threat. There are only about five-hundred people living here. The wizard is very fastidious and rightfully so, you see, and he rewards us very generously for our work, as you can see."

"May we please see him?" Sylvia got straight to the point. The tour guide shifted a little but then smiled a little too nicely at them.

"Er... Sure! Yes! Yes, of course you may. But why don't you get a little spiffying done, eh?" He lead them to a huge salon, where hundreds of species were getting perms, manicures, pedicures, etc.

"That sounds deeelightul!" Wander squealed. "We all look kinda careworn. I mean, traveling across the galaxy will do that to you!"

Timmy nodded and went up to the receptionist. "I have five new customers, ma'am. Got anyone available?" The receptionist, a bright green space sow, nodded in reply.

"Sure. What can I do for all of you?"

Peepers scrutinized his appearance. "I could use some eye drops and maybe a nice bow." A female watchdog who worked at the salon walked up to him and tapped his shoulder.

"You've come to the right place! Follow me, sir." Peepers sighed dreamily and waved goodbye to his friends.

Draykor eyed his hairy limbs and checked his breath. "I could stand a bit of brushing and maybe... some dental care for the occasion?" A male space dragon came up to him.

"Sure thing! But you'll have to swing by the dentist's office later." Draykor nodded and followed him.

Pouting, Lord Hater struggled to think of something wickedly awesome, since he already looked really cool in his mind. But then, it hit him. "Show me your evilest looking capes, uh... please." He promptly smacked himself. "No! Uh... I demand a glittery cape... Please." Luckily, a female skeleton ushered him to a seat before he could further embarrass himself.

"Wow, Syl!" Wander beamed at Sylvia, who was looking at some of the several salon products on display. "This place has a spot for everyone! Isn't this great?"

"Well..." Sylvia wasn't so sure about this. She had been to several places that could not serve her; salons were no exception. "This is kind of a fancy schmancy place, Wander, and I haven't seen a zbornak yet, and I don't think they have any hair gel products or shampoos for me - "

"Over here!" Sylvia and Wander craned their necks and saw a bubbly, female, red zbornak with a silver mohawk and intricate rose tattoos on both of her shoulders. "We've got everything for us zbornaks, girl: hair gel, fur brushes, fist lotion, you name it!"

Sylvia gasped and ran over to her. "This is the real deal!" Wander nodded to himself. He, too, did not believe the salon was able to accommodate his needs. But to his surprise, he found a section for star nomads and quickly chatted with the friendly workers.

"Sylvia!" He called to her from his seat. "They have outfits in my size! And fur products I can use!" He didn't mind using the zbnornak products back at home, but they often made his fur really coarse and not as soft as it could've been. "And they can change my eye color! From blue to green to match my hat!"

"No!"

Wander pouted. She reminded him too much of his motherly sister. "Aw, Syl - "

"I said no!"

Luckily, that didn't damper Wander's spirit one bit, and one of the workers offered him a sundae while he was waiting for his hairdo to dry.

"This place is AMAZING!"


"This is sudden." Emperor Awesome grinned suavely at Lord Dominator. "So babe, is there any particular reason why we're alone on your ship? Is this your way of saying 'Ohhh Yes!' to my letter?"

Dominator blinked, finally processing what he was saying. She hadn't even been paying attention to him. She couldn't stop thinking about how much she loathed that fortunate wanderer all day. "What? Ew! No!" She turned from her computer to give him a death glare. "The day I date you is the day Lord Hater kisses that wandering weirdo."

"Who?" Awesome stared at her bemusedly before deciding to drop the topic. "Whatever. So what am I hear for?"

She hit one last button, and the screen showed an array of planets, temptingly unconquered. There weren't many planets, but it was enough to at least put Awesome on the top ten board.

"This delectable string of planets is all yours if you help me for today."

"Hmm..."

Dominator stifled a sigh. "And I'll go see one of your concerts."

"Hmm."

"Ugh! I'll see two, but that's it! So are you in or out?"

Awesome looked ready to reach a decision, but then he grinned condescendingly at her, which really, really irritated the villainess. "Why would you need my help?"

One of her gloved hands glowed with unleashed, bubbly lava, while the other bristled with barely constrained ice. Awesome shook and backed away from her, making Dominator smile.

"W-Wh-What... H-How..."

"Don't get cocky with me, shark. I only require your assistance for today."

"How do you have ice powers?!"

Dominator chuckled and raised both of her hands. "You like it? It's a little secret I've been keeping. After some idiots tried to destroy my ship's core with a frostonium ray..." She giggled and produced a flame on her right hand, and her left hand's ice snuffed it out. "They figured out that life's cold. Anyway, as for what you'll do, I'll let you know. For now, I need you to guard the fort while I pay a certain fool and his posse a visit."

"Who is this guy you hate so much?"

Dominator snarled. "Ever heard of the Legendary Hero?"

"Yeah, but why do you care about him? He killed Brad Starlight - "

"Who was my brother, you idiot!" She whipped around to sneer in his face and aim her hot hand at him.

"I... I don't see the resemblance?" Awesome offered weakly. Dominator just sneered and turned back to her computer. It showed Wander and his friends in Major Metropolis, prepared to see the wizard.

"You should know this as much as I do, but I'm going to say this just so we're clear. He has my hat, the hat, the most powerful object in the galaxy. With it, no one, nothing could surpass or even compare to me. Unfortunately, fate has a sick sense of humor." Dominator grinned sinisterly and shifted to her bigger, suited form. "Luckily, so do I." And with that, she flew off, leaving Awesome.


"Threatening threats, from morning till the red sun seeeets! I will be with you, my subjects, my friendsssss!"

The musical The Greatest ended, and the entire audience stood to applaud the talented actors wholeheartedly. Well, some applauded halfheartedly, such as the wandering nomad.

He truly enjoyed the musical about the wizard, but he couldn't help but think that the stage play was something that impeded their progress. Peepers, Draykor, and Hater needed to have their wishes granted, he had to get home asap, and Sylvia...

Wander stole a glance at his friend, who wore a very neutral expression throughout the musical. As he thought about it, Wander realized he had no idea why she was helping him. Perhaps it was because her Wander had disappeared, and by helping him, the nomad from another universe, she could find out what happened to her original best friend.

Wander wouldn't have blamed her if that was her incentive, because he knew that his Sylvia was waiting anxiously for him to return.

Don't you worry, Syl. And tell the others not to worry either. I'm coming.

As the audience milled out of the amphitheater after the standing ovation, Peepers spoke up first.

"Great show, huh?"

Draykor sniffed, wiping a stray tear from his eye. "Tear-jerker. And so romantic."

"Meh." Sylvia had seen better personally.

"I hated the singing," Hater complained.

Wander shrugged and stared almost sadly ahead of him. "I just hope we can see the wizard now." But just as they left the amphitheater, Wander began to realize that he might have hoped in vain. Outside in the streets, citizens were wailing and clamoring and flailing as a familiar ship flew over the city and landed near it.

"It's Lord Dominator!" A golden, male Binglebop squealed. "Why?!"

"It's up there! Coming here!" A petite, dark-haired bounty hunter in camouflage yelled.

"We are now doomed," an even smaller woman with short, dark turquoise hair announced nonchalantly. "And we will be subjected to torture and led to, quite possibly, our ultimate demise."

Sylvia instinctively shoved Wander behind her and gulped at the sight of the ship. "How did she find us?"

"Sh-She has spies everywhere!" Peepers stammered, his tiny body quivering and his eye widening. None one else showed as much fear, but when Sylvia felt Wander's hand grasp hers, she knew he was just as afraid, if not more.

I'll protect you, Sylvia swore to herself as she glared angrily at the ship and the figure coming out of it. Dominator flew, landed, and approached the crowd in her intimidating armor. As she drew closer, Sylvia made sure they were immersed in the crowd.

Unfortunately, that didn't prevent Hater from acting like a typical braggart.

"DOMINATOR!" Hater's skeletal hands glowed green as he forced the crowd to part for him. "YOU HAVE MET YOUR -" Dominator shifted to her unprotected form, and everyone could see that the skeleton lord immediately fell prey to her feminine charms.

"Lady?!... Hubba hubba..."

Dominator smirked and poked him in the chest. Hater fell as if he were nothing but cardboard, mumbling incoherent nonsense. She casually stepped over Hater and glared hatefully at Wander, who was still the midst of the throng.

"This is your final warning, Wander. Surrender the hat, or I'll bid you and your stupid friends bye bye!"

"You don't scare any of us!" Someone shouted bravely, if not stupidly, and this only elicited a cold laugh from the bitter woman.

"Maybe not you, ignorant loser. But look around you." She reduced some buildings to ashes and froze others with outstretched palms. "I am practically the epitome of fear!" She released one last chilling cackle and flew off, leaving the petrified citizens among the destruction.

"Who was she talking to?" Someone asked.

"The wizard will know!" Another voice cried desperately. "Let's go!" This incited mass hysteria as people shouted and fought to get to the wizard, who lived in the tallest tower in the middle of the city. No one got very far, however, because several guards blocked the entrance and did their best to calm everyone down.

"HEY!" One guard roared, gaining the attention of many. "Go home! The great wizard is reviewing this messy, disturbing situation himself... I think... So just calm down and go on home! All of you." Disheartened and worried, everyone, including the rest of the guards, trudged on home, save for the five wanderers.

"Did you not hear me?" The same guard snapped incredulously at them. "All of you go home!"

"I can't go home until I meet the wizard," Wander spoke truthfully, his hand still in Sylvia's. "Please! We've come all this way -"

"No one will see him!" The guard snapped impatiently.

Wander pouted. "But I got a perm -"

"NO ONE!"

"But he's Wander!" Sylvia pointed out, catching the guard off guard.

"The one that she..." He paused, thought it over, and finally reached a reluctant decision. "Fine. I'll see what he says." Once the guard left, Sylvia smiled at her excited friends, feeling pretty proud of herself.

"There. Problem solved."

"This is wonderful, isn't it?" Peepers smiled as much as an eye could smile. "Soon I'll be tall!"

"I'll have a queen," Draykor sighed dreamily.

"And I'll be home with my family." Wander finally released Sylvia's hand and gave her a quick hug.

"After this whole shebang, buddy, I can see how in some alternate universe you'd be my little bro." She returned the embrace and gave him an affectionate noogie. "You could make anyone go soft."

Hater gagged in disgust. "Whatever. What about me? In a few hours, Lord Dominator will be history and I, Lord Hater, will be the GREATEST VILLAIN IN THE UNIVERSE! THEME MUSIC!"

"On it, Hatey!" Wander yanked out an electric guitar from the hat. Then, he plugged it in and played a heavy metal rock song like a pro, while Hater danced around wildly.

Draykor turned to both Sylvia and Peepers. "How bizarre..."

"I know! Why is there a conveniently placed outlet outside, near the tower's entrance?"

"And how does he know his theme song? You know what, forget what I asked. It's Wander."

"What? No! I mean, are they always this showy?"

"You don't know the half of it," both eyeball and zbornak groaned in unison.

"Who is the universe's awesomest evildoer?"

"HATERRRRRRR!~ ALRIGHT!"

"Boo."

"AHHH!" Hater released a rather high-pitched squeal and landed on his bony rump. The guard had reappeared and hissed behind them, spooking Hater and causing Wander to drop his guitar.

"The wizard commands that you all leave at once," the guard huffed.

"What? NO!" Hater began crying a little and quickly turned so that his back was facing the emotionless guard. How am I going to regain my villainy status now?

"B-But... I was going to be...tall and strong." Peepers was practically speechless. Draykor draped his arm around Peeper's small shoulders sympathetically, looking at his feet forlornly.

"And I just want a companion. I want to be loved..."

Wander quickly noticed that Hater was the most distressed and gently took one of his large hands.

"Hater, it's okay." Unfortunately, the star nomad didn't sound so sure of himself, and he was just as upset as Hater, if not more.

"It'll be okay." Wander meant to sound encouraging and strong, but his assurances came out croaky and dismal.

Sylvia gave the guard a heated glare and slowly walked up to Wander. "Hey, Wander? Come here - "

"No." Sylvia stepped back as if she had been struck. Sylvia had never heard Tumbleweed or Wander sound so heartbroken. She didn't know whether to be worried about Tumbleweed or disappointed in herself for not being the family Wander needed.

The nomad hugged his slender form tightly and sunk to the floor, sniffling and sulking. "I want my sister," he confessed softly. "I want to go home. I... I was so happy."

Peepers timidly patted Wander's knee. He might have not been the warmest traveling companion of Wander's, but he knew how much crushed dreams stung.

"Don't worry, Wander. We'll get inside. Won't we?" He turned to the rest of the group and looked at them expectantly, but only Draykor felt confident enough to nod. The guard continued to watch them wordlessly, but this time he was slightly curious.

Wander looked at all his new friends and dabbed his eyes. "I'm sorry I dragged you all here for nothing. But... I wanted to help you all along the way, and I couldn't do this without Sylvia. I didn't think things would be so hard." He paused to get a handkerchief out of his hat and blow his nose. "My family is so precious to me. They're the only family I've ever known, and I took them for granted...A witch sent me here, to this galaxy, a witch who resembled Lord Dominator. She threatened to hurt my family, because I-I make a mess out of everything! They are in trouble. They need me, and it's all my f-fault!"

The guard, who had been listening attentively to Wander, began to tear up himself. He loved his family of six dearly, and the idea of being separated from them and banished to another galaxy made the ram regret everything to said to them.

Sylvia tried to hug Wander, but he quickly tensed up and lightly shoved her away, glaring at his reflection in the tower's shiny, glass double doors.

"I'll never forgive myself... Never." More hot, frustrated tears streamed down his furry cheeks. And when Draykor and Hater finally joined the huddle, Wander buried his face in Hater's chest, and Hater simply bowed his head and patted Wander's back.

"P-P-Please stop!" They all craned their necks to look at the guard, who was bawling a mile a minute. "J-Just st-stop crying, damn it! Get in! Get in! I'll - I'll let you in somehow!"

Wander rubbed his reddened eyes and stared at him hopefully. "Really?"

"Yes!" The guard banged the end of his spear, and the double doors opened. "Top floor. Say as little as possible." He scurried inside to alert his employer. Seeing the dark, empty hall inside, the five tentatively entered the lustrous, mysterious tower of Major Threat.