--- Chapter 45

Staring at her computer screen, Lois tilted her head to the side a bit to see if that helped out her thought process any. When it didn't, she titled it over to the other side, hoping to find inspiration in a view of her monitor slightly askew the other way. It worked just as well as the first attempt did.

Nothing had happened all day. It was disgusting. It may have been the most boring Monday she could remember. Clark had been needed once, which was why she was currently alone at work at 4:30 in the afternoon, and the save wasn't even in Metropolis. The League had called and asked for Superman's help out west somewhere. Whatever it was, she wasn't privy to it and it wasn't making major headlines.

Perry had given them a puff piece to type up for the Tuesday morning edition, but she just could not find the words to describe the heroism of a cat that had chased off a burglar. It wouldn't happen. Much the way nothing would happen in the world, nothing useful would happen in her head. It was deflating, to say the least, but she had to get the nonsense done. She couldn't even bug Chloe because she'd sequestered herself in her office to finish up her stats.

Lois and Clark had moved into their new office today. It was great, offering a view of the city that most places couldn't match. When they'd arrived they'd had to move their stuff in, and bam, it was all theirs. They'd christened it with a good long kiss, though Lois had wanted to take it further. Unfortunately, Clark had been reasonable, arguing that the office folk didn't need a show.

On a day like this, they really did.

Lois gave an obligatory knuckle crack before she set her fingers to the keyboard, typing out about how Whiskey the cat had been brave in the face of danger, despite having a gun pulled on him. The fact that a cat couldn't recognize a gun apparently was not important. She closed her eyes, thinking only about the facts of the article as she let her fingers do the talking.

When she let her eyes slide open again, she found an article worth printing on her computer screen. The 'ol type something and hope it works routine never failed her. Lois didn't bother to check her spelling, figuring Perry needed something to do, and grabbed her purse. Enough was too much, even for her. Nothing was going to happen today, and that meant she wasn't needed.

The phone rang once and Lois grumbled before picking it up. "Lois Lane, Daily Planet."

Silence. "Hello?" There was a click on the other end and Lois just set the phone down, wondering who it was. If it was important, the caller could talk to her tomorrow.

After yelling to Perry she was taking off for the day, Lois walked the three feet to Chloe's door and knocked a couple times before entering.

"You don't knock on Perry's door but you do mine? I'm honored, Lo," Chloe said as she stood up. "What brings you to my humble office?"

"Cutting out. It's been as slow a day as I can remember for news, so I'm heading home. Wanted to see if you were heading out soon too, or if you were going to keep yourself buried in the numbers."

"It's numbers for me. I want this part of it over with. Also, I'm kind of relishing the fact that I can sit for long periods of time still. Give me a few months and I'll be up every fifteen or twenty minutes to empty my bladder, which I assume will be getting very compressed by then."

"Sounds like a party."

"Yeah, it'll be a one baby conga line in my stomach with every kick not hitting my ribs hitting my bladder. You're going to love it when Almond Joy has his own dance going."

Lois rolled her eyes, but grinned anyway. "I'm sure I will. You going to do dinner with us later tonight?"

"Ummm... sure, sound like a plan. Want me to call you when I'm leaving so you can order then, or just want me to bring something with?"

"Call. We'll discuss what sounds good to everybody and then just get whatever you, Jordan and I want."

"The usual. I like it. Talk to you later."

Lois gave a wave goodbye as she left Chloe's office and headed for the elevator. Forty five minutes later, she was dropping her coat on the back of a chair and her purse in it, heading for the bedroom. Damn traffic jams.

Now, though, was as good a time as any for the diary. Grabbing it out of the drawer, she walked back out to the living room before opening it.

When she did find the next entry, she frowned when she read that date. Had she forgotten about the diary or something? Figuring the only way to figure it out was to read the thing, she settled back a little bit and started in on it.

June 14th, 2018

Beware the Ides of March.

No, seriously.

Looking in here, it strikes me as strangely poetic that the day after I profess to looking forward to motherhood in this diary, I lose my memory. That's the reason I didn't write in April or May; I lost my memory for the third time on March 15th, 2018.

I was not amused to wake up and find that my stomach was distended. I had no idea what could have happened in the span of one night, which of course turned out to be the span of ten years, nine months and eight days from the last day I remembered. That's a ridiculous amount of time to go by from when you thought you were waking up to when you are actually waking up. I assume that if it's happened again when you are reading this, it seems even more ridiculous.

So, what were the factors pertaining to the day before my memory loss?

It was a Monday. According to Clark, we woke up at normal time and made our way to work after having sex (he is really good at that, by the way). He actually talked about the sex without blushing, which gave me a good indication something had changed when I woke up that morning. Well, that and the fact that I was fifteen weeks pregnant and looked further along than that, even.

Anyway, once we got into work Perry sent us out pretty quick to cover an unplanned Lexcorp press conference. He was announcing plans on some new technical stuff he's doing with the city. It was being touted as the next big thing by the Star, but Clark and I took a more skeptical approach in our article I'm told. Lex had the mayor in his pocket then, much as he does now, so we figure this was just him making sure it stayed that way.

After that, Clark had to make a few saves as Superman, one of which was in the city and I got to cover. A tour bus rolled over after getting side swiped by a semi and he got people to the hospital ASAP. I got my quotes, one from him, some of the mildly injured passengers and the cops that had checked out the truck the driver. Turned out he'd been on amphetamines to stay awake on a long drive so his cargo would be on time. Tough luck for him.

After that, I had lunch in the office, according to Perry (Clark had gone to make saves outside that city at this time). He thinks it was Chinese but wasn't paying much attention to what I was eating, not that I can blame him. The man had a paper to run and didn't need to spend all his time watching a pregnant woman with brain damage. How could he have known what was going to happen?

He says I headed home about six. The next couple hours are a blank spot because Clark didn't get back until around eight after having a meeting with the Justice League. He says that when he got home, I had already downed the better part of a pizza, and he joined me in eating another.

We discussed his Superman stuff, saves and League, etc., before I apparently felt the need to eat some more in preparation for bed. I ate, we got into pajamas and went to sleep.

Now to the part I do remember.

I woke up to breakfast in bed. This is usually a great thing! I mean, what could be bad about having somebody bring you food in bed while pregnant? Trouble is, I had no idea what was going on. I turned over to see who had food in my room and when it Clark, with glasses on, I sat up. After a quick Q&A about what he was doing there, he asked me the date and I told him it was June 8th and to leave the food. No use in it going to waste, after all.

I got out of bed so as to usher him out of my room when I felt... heavy. I was definitely off balance from what I was expecting (pardon the pun). If there's a better way to describe waking up while pregnant and showing, I don't know what it is. I looked down, saw my baby encompassing stomach and then the confusion really began.

There was cursing, there was disbelief and there was questioning of sobriety (his, not mine). And then there was the kiss of death for my will fight: he had me look in the mirror, and I saw my scarred face. That was not a pleasant experience. I checked to see if it was a make-up job, but they didn't tear off.

After that, I sat down and Clark called Chloe to let her know what was going on. And then, they explained.

The attack. The coma. The first time I forgot. The Cinco de Mayo incident. The first proposal. The second time I forgot (the day after the proposal; how's that for timing). When I almost left the Planet, when we got together, when we ended and I did leave the Planet. When we subsequently got back together, the wedding, the twin's birth, telling Clark I was (am) pregnant... and now I've forgotten again.

Of course, him telling me all this took weeks on end, and somehow he ended up doing it all out of order. He told me about the first time he proposed before having Chloe tell me about the first time I forgot. I heard the story of our wedding before I heard about the Cinco de Mayo incident, for goodness sake!

It was a mess. Had me all sorts of confused until a couple weeks ago when I finally made a time line of everything to happen so far. I figured that, in case he has me all kinds of confused again and I've found this thing a lot sooner than I did this time, I would write it down to help you out:

- I'm attacked on June 7, 2008

- I wake up December 23, 2008

- Clark leaves for training with Jor-El August 30, 2009

- I forget the first time April 4, 2013 (4yrs, 4mos & 13 days since waking up)

- Clark returns/Chloe's wedding September 14, 2013

- The infamous first date October 5, 2013

- Jack born February 6, 2014

- Clark comes clean about his heritage/Cinco de Mayo incident May 5, 2014

- I forget the second time January 3, 2016 (2yrs, 8mos, 30 days since forgetting)

- Our wedding October 18, 2017

- Aly & Liz born December 1, 2017

- I tell Clark I'm pregnant February 7, 2018

- I forget for third time March 15, 2018 (2yrs, 2mos, 12 days since forgetting)

Feel free to update that as you want to. Hell, some of that may be news to you, really, because I doubt it took you as long to find this diary as it did me. As you can tell by today's date, it hasn't quite been three months since I forgot. I found this diary three days ago, I think. I've been reading when Clark isn't around because I like the idea of this being just for me, by me.

It's so nice to be able to see things with my own eyes. I love Clark more than I knew I could love anybody, and Chloe is an amazing cousin/sister (writing that makes it seem like there was incest, but you know what I mean) but not being able to know what happened in my own words, my own thoughts... it sucked and still sucks.

You get this, of course. You're probably reading this for the first time, zooming through the entries whenever you have some free time.

I assume the baby has been born. My baby girl... it's amazing how things can change, how things have to change in two and a half months. I never would have thought I could love something that exists solely inside me before I was attacked. I never thought I would be pregnant before I was attacked. Time has a funny way of making all our personal predictions look silly, I find.

Yet again, I find myself writing something that you probably figured out very quickly. I don't have the hang of this yet like I did before I forgot. It seems like it flowed for me then, but it had been a year and a half since I'd forgotten and I had probably been able to deal with all my disbelief by then.

I can't imagine how amazing my daughter must be. I just wish I could think of a good name. So far Clark has come up with the winner in Lainey, based upon Lane, of course, but it just seems too much of a nickname to me. I suggested Ella, after mom, but realized I didn't want to put that on her. She needs her own name so that she can be her own person.

Other names under consideration so far are Jamie, which has a nice feel to it without the nickname stigma like Lainey. Madeline, because it has a classical feel to it that I think goes well with the last name Kent. Darla, which was Clark's suggestion, and I'm fairly certain isn't happening. And finally, Jordana. I really like Jordana because it flows well with Kent for a last name, but something about it doesn't sit quite right.

Jordana Kent.

Jordana Sullivan Kent.

Jordan Sullivan Kent?

Ooh, that's good. That's real good. I'll have to talk to Clark about that.

And now that I have talked to him, I do believe that our daughter has a name: Jordan Sullivan Kent.

If you're wondering why we've decided to go with Sullivan as her middle name, it's because I love Chloe too much not to include her somehow. Clark already get his name in it, so I'm including our amazing cousin, too, because she's taken care of me almost as much as my husband has. We're not telling her until she's born, though. And reading that sentence, I mean we aren't telling Chloe, though the other interpretation is kind of silly. Despite that, I've already spoken to the baby about its middle name being Sullivan, and she agreed with a kick to my ribs. Feisty little thing.

On the topic of Clark, we really caught a break in the love department, didn't we? The man is amazing. He loves us for us, which is a feat unto itself considering how hot we are. Too many times it was guys staring at the boobs instead of looking us in the eye. You can insert your own seeing the nipples in a cold room joke here, because I know you're thinking of one.

Anyway, Clark is awesome. End of story. I could go into pages of elaboration, but you know it all by now or will figure it out soon enough. Enjoy it. I am.

She couldn't help but look back at the time line she now found she access to. It was a major help. She'd been able to keep track of what had happened in relation to other events, but she hadn't been able to keep the dates straight so she hadn't bothered learning them. Now, she could reference this when her memory was naturally shoddy as well as defective.

She hated to see that she had forgotten again, but she knew it had happened at some point. Lois had hoped to read about it, but she didn't know if she would get to, until now. Beware the Ides of March indeed.

She stretched out a little bit, flexing her toes as she yawned. Looking up at the clock, she saw that it would probably still be a little while before Clark brought Jordan home for the night. Looking at the television, she considered turning on a show but then looked back down at the diary. She hadn't yet read multiple entries at once, but now was as good a time as any.

She flipped the page and saw that a month had been skipped. Apparently losing her memory had meant that she was no longer going to be good about keeping the thing updated once a month.

August 15th, 2018

I have never been more uncomfortable in my life. I'm sure that when I was doing physical therapy after I woke up from the coma that I felt much worse in terms of pain, but this... this is the worst general discomfort that I can remember.

The major pain in all of this is my back. Sometimes it's not so bad, others it feels like I'm carrying an extra forty pounds, most of which is being held in front of me by my back muscles. Oh yeah, that's exactly what's going on, and it sucks. I have to use heating pads and have Clark give me massages daily just to avoid becoming super bitch.

I don't like being super bitch. It annoys me, which just make it all worse. I don't like targeting Clark with it, either, but when I feel like I need an outlet for my frustration he's always there. He just listens to the crazy, angry pregnant woman whine about her current state of being and then offers comforting words. He is far too patient with me after I tell him that all my discomfort is his fault for not taking a minute to find a condom.

He's been good enough in all my ranting and raving to not point out the fact that I got off the pill for who knows what reason. I really should ask him about that because I don't know why I would have stopped using it. He's told me that we weren't actively trying to get pregnant, but I'm starting to wonder if stopping the use of it was a move towards this very thing by my forgotten self.

Whatever the reason, I really wish I could remember so that I could have a little more mental comfort during all this physical discomfort. What exactly am I experiencing with who knows how long until I deliver?

Let's see...

The most common symptom these days is the fact that I am exhausted at all times. It's all kinds of fun to find myself ready to go to bed at seven in evening.

This is of course compounded by the fact that I cannot sleep through the night for the life of me. Between insomnia and having to get up every half hour to pee, I do not get near enough sleep. It's a strange concept in my mind. One would think that the body would be able to rest a little bit so that it does not get over fatigued before the birth. But no, for whatever reason, nature has it so that the end of pregnancy is the most exhausting. Way to go evolution.

With all the not sleeping, though, Clark has once again been great. He stays up with me when I can't get to sleep, and if I wake up to pee and then can't get back to sleep, he gets up too. I know that between being up with me, running errands for me, working at home and saving people Clark is stretched as thin as anybody, but somehow he manages. The guy is a dream.

Back on my discomfort, next up is being short on breath. According to the books, my diaphragm is being pushed up somewhere between one and two inches, which apparently makes all this shortness of breath possible. Oddly, though, there's also a hormone that makes me breathe more deeply so the baby gets plenty of oxygen. The weirdest things go on during pregnancy.

Swelling in my feet has been great. Heartburn every time I eat is dandy. Oh, and bleeding gums is just about the most attractive thing I could have imagined to go along with being giant. It made me look like some kind of blood sucking monster.

And there's my personal favorite, the awesome sneeze and leak urine trick that I can pull off. Yes, you read that right: whenever I sneeze, if I haven't peed in more than twenty minutes, I freaking pee my pants. Not full on loss control, but it's not always a small amount either. The first time that happened I about had a conniption fit.

I am miserable. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter. She is going to be the best thing I've ever done, especially if Clark does most of the parenting when she gets to about twelve years old and we start butting heads (it's inevitable). But right now, I just want her out. I want to hold her in my arms, not in my stomach.

Of course, I really am looking forward to holding Jordan. Despite the fact that I'm, with my luck, probably going to have to go through a long labor and multiple hours of pushing, I look forward to her truly being in my life instead of truly just being in me. I want to see with my own eyes that she's got ten toes an fingers, two eyes, a nose, and all other features a half-human, half-kryptonian should have.

And that, of course, brings up another interesting point. What can I expect out of my daughter? Is she going to get sick? Will she be able to get hurt? I know that I've had some crazy healing powers while pregnant, so I can only imagine what Jordan may or may not have in that area.

Will she develop powers? If I have a three year old that can fly... oh, who am I kidding? That sounds like just the type of thing that could happen to me. I mean, isn't that the risk you take when you marry and procreate with an intergalactic traveler? (In case you didn't know, Clark prefers that to alien and extra terrestrial, though I don't see a problem with the latter.)

What kind of mother can I be to my baby girl? I'm not going to know what to do in these situations! Not even Martha will have a clue about what to expect from a kryptonian baby, because she and Jonathan didn't find Clark until he was about three. I have to be pioneer mom, leading the way in mothering children that are only half human.

I'm not... it's just, anxiety has been creeping up on me more and more recently. Clark, Chloe, Bruce and Martha all assure me that I can do this just as well as any other first time mom, better even. I just can't find it in myself, though. I don't even know what I'm trying to find when I think about it, but I just feel like I'm lacking something... maybe the maternal instincts I feel I should have beyond loving my daughter.

Like I said, anxiety. I've never relied on instinct before, so why should I start now?

Well, that's a lie, but it makes me feel better.

For now, I think I just need to stop worrying. Jordan could decided to start her potentially long but hopefully short hello to the world any day now, though I'm not due just yet. The doc says she'll probably be a big baby, too. Figures. It would help if we could know how big Clark was when he was born, or know if big babies run in his family. One of those things, though.

And with that said, I find it's time for a back massage. Clark's so good at it, though, that it invariably leads to sex, and that's quite an adventure of movement and different positions these days. But, you do what you have to, don't ya?

Lois flipped the diary shut, eyes wide as she did so. That was what she had to look forward to? Heartburn, bleeding gums, shortness of breath, exhaustion and peeing herself when she sneezed? How had she wanted to go through that again?

She hadn't lost her memory since 2018 until it had happened this time, which meant she remembered all that stuff, probably in vivid detail. Would having a baby really make all that worth it? She knew that she would do anything for Jordan...

As she thought about Jordan, Lois resolutely set her mind to something: she was not going to let her baby girl see her that frustrated with being pregnant. She didn't want to give her the impression that mommy didn't want her brother. She was also going to do her best no to be crazy, angry pregnant woman. Some bitching about things was probably inevitable, especially if she pissed herself., but it would all be worth it.

It all had to be worth it. She wanted to hold her little boy.

Shaking her head, Lois pushed the worst case scenario thoughts of what was going to happen to her and her body out of her mind, focusing instead on the fact that she was going to have a son. She was going to have a little boy that the General was just going to spoil rotten with military everything. Lane's had been in the army for generations, and she bet as far as her son went he would be no different in the General's mind.

If he decided he wanted to go that route, Lois would support his decision, but she was going to have to make sure that it was his decision and not her father meddling in things. She wouldn't impose any decisions on him, nor would anybody else. That would probably be a good note to leave in the diary if she left some entries in there.

Lois worked her way up off the couch and walked back into the bedroom, placing the diary back in its drawer and closing it as she heard the door opening up. Peeking her head out, she saw Clark walk into the apartment with Jordan perched on his shoulders. Grinning, Lois spotted a camera on the dresser and grabbed it. She discretely focused it in on them and snapped the picture, the flash catching each by surprise.

"You two are adorable, and now shall be for all time in this picture."

"Yay!"

Lois sat the camera down and walked over, gently pulling Jordan down off Clark's shoulders so she could get a hug. "Yay indeed, baby girl. How was the farm?"

"Good. How was work?"

"Slow. Apparently news didn't want to happen today."

"May I go with you tomorrow instead of going to the farm?"

Lois looked up at Clark, who just shrugged. Looking at Jordan again, Lois hugged her a little tighter. "Sure thing. You'll be the cutest thing that newsroom has ever seen. Maybe you'll even get to write a story."

"Will Uncle Perry be there?"

"Yes he will."

"Yay! I miss him. I used to see him all the time, but not anymore."

"He misses you too, Jordan."

Lois wondered what exactly having Jordan at the Planet was going to entail. Yet another learn by doing situation upon her, Lois shrugged it off and walked into the kitchen to find something to snack on with her daughter.

A few minutes later, the phone rang and Lois picked it up, finding that Chloe was calling.

"Hey, cuz."

"So, what's the plan for dinner?"

"Hungry, are we?"

"Yes."

Lois waited for more of an answer, but when there was still silence a second later, she figured that was all she was getting. "Alright then. What sounds good?"

"I'm having a hankering for breakfast food today. Pancakes, sausage, the works. I know Clark is a great breakfast maker, so any chance you can convince him?"

That did sound good. "I doubt it'll take more than a request, but hold on a second." Lois lowered the phone and turned to Clark, who had swooped up Jordan and was reading something with her on the couch. "Hey, Smallville."

He head swung up after a second, looking back at her. "What's up?"

"How do you feel doing some pancakes, sausage and basically the works when it comes to breakfast for dinner? Chloe's having a hankering, and that is causing me to have a hankering."

"Your hanker is my command. Jordan and I will get the ball rolling once we finish Green Eggs And Ham."

"We have that?"

"Mom saved it from when I was a kid. It was one of the first books they read to me."

"Fair enough." Lois raised the phone back up to her mouth. "Clark says it's a go. I have a request, though, if you haven't left the Planet yet."

"Just shutting off my computer now. Shoot."

"You mind stopping by Dirty's and picking up a few orders of hash browns?"

"Ok, you obviously are in the spirit of breakfast food, because that sounds like fourteen kinds of tasty, especially paired with Clark's omelette making skills."

"Exactly."

"Consider it done. See ya soon."

"Bye, Chlo."

Lois sat the phone down, smiling. Having just been told about the proposal, she really wanted to hear about the wedding, and this was going to be a perfect opportunity for captive story tellers. Not that she needed them to be captive, but it was nice to have anyway. Hopefully, it wouldn't take as long to tell with both of them there to relate it.